Hello all,
Name's Jack, 20 years old from the Netherlands. I've recently started meditating... I got the idea from studying electric cirquits, my mind wandered and came to the point where I considered myself a battery of some sort. This seems like a genuine forum to learn so I registered.
Let me write up the experiences that led me here... I thank the people that take the time to read this.
I've had very little guidance in the ways of meditating, there isn't anyone practicing this in my family so.. I just tried for myself. The first time wasn't intentional.BTW I'm a very introverted person.. and am always thinking, questioning my own reasoning and logic at every step. It happened when I was smoking herb. Other then the general effects I felt a thick flow going through my body. I tried to move it around by flexing muscles, and bending to certain postures. This was a few years back.
A few weeks back I tried intentionally and there were some very strange effects. Needed to say I wasn't taking care of myself very well, mainly too much smoking and too little sleep. I experimented with whatever info I could find on the web.. I focussed most on chakra's. Tightening muscles in my gut.. making them shake, then relaxing my mind. The 'buzz' would stay there.. strenghtening as I breathed in and out. I tried it on most parts of my body.. slowly at first, but later I could get a similar flow as the MJ based one. Soon after I had the weirdest hallucinations. Thought I was God, and everything seemed to correspond to that. My reality was the apartment I was living. I saw the same plane flying in different directions only seconds apart. I saw hawks and other big birds flying through the air outside my balcony. There's a plant standing in the living room.. with a brightly collored paper bird... the bird flew outside for a few seconds, like a reflection of the paper one. At this point I was freaking out.. and felt my mind slipping. The television would correspond with my mind it seemed, changing images as I altered the 'buzz' in my head.
Exhausted I thought to go to bed when my brother called, asking me to help him with some work. I promised I'd do so I went there. We did our work and I continued meditating.. here it became very scary. I tried directing the flow to my head. Moving my arms in different ways. I felt it building but at the same time draining me. Television looked like a demon's tool to me.. screwing with my mind, I watched family guy and got scared.. when ordinarily I'd laugh my ass off. Later that night alone I sat.. smoked some herb and continued. The buzzing focussed in my mind and lost most of my ability to think straight. It felt like something was draining my head could swear I heared a voice saying 'your the last.. everyone's here' while images of monkeys going up a tree flashed before my eyes.. and disturbing thoughts popped into my mind like a volcano erupting. Thoughts of guilt, shame even violent thoughts of having to murder my brother, father and even my mother. I kept yelling 'no, no, no in my mind' It went on and I praid.. I'm not religious in the biblical/holybook sense but I praid non the less.. and just at the point I thought I'd lost it my brother and his girl apeared. Came out running.. yelling I had to go see our father ( 3 am in the morning) I had to apoligize to him ( personal reasons). My brother calmed me down.. I'd gone all cold. They gave me some tea to calm down.. but for some reason I was scared to death to sleep. I couldn't sleep and asked my brother to wrestle me, felt like I needed to get some of that buzz out of me by moving. I ran around outside to tire me out.. till I finally slept for a couple of hours.
Next day I felt better... and tried again, couldn't stop it seemed. More focussing on the mind.. at that point I was convinced my hair ( I had a padawan tail) was a beacon receiving messages. I took some scissors and cut my hair right there... and it stopped. I grew tails before.. and one was lying on a plant in my house. At the time it felt like the plant was trying to manipulate me.
The days after I felt like a kid... super naive, believing EVERYTHING and being easily spooked.. even lame cartoons had a profound meaning to me. The days after I slowly returned back to normal. But my head felt kinda empty. Only a buzzing sound remained.
I've had exremely clear dreams the last few days.. not the usual scraps of random weirdness. Dreams of a girl I was/am crazy about.. I can talk to her very clearly and act and feel in similar ways as in day to day life. I remember these dreams just as well as I remember the things I've done in day to day life. One day even popped through different scenario's like a riding a stream. Through the streets I flew.. I saw my cousin, then popped again to a very odd place. People there all looked like twins. I was clinging to a landpost, and people were laughing at me pointing at me and saying I was tripping. I was shaking all over. I asked them what this was... they said 'character building' A familiar face asked me where I was from.. I said I was dreaming. He asked 'How do you do that?' Not knowing what to say I closed my eyes, and awoke in my bed.
It's been a very impressive experience... and I've lately felt very positive and upbeat. I've shared this info with my mother and brother. Needless to say they're worried.. I've had allot of experience with Marijuna.. and tried a mild dose of shrooms years back ( it didn't affect me allot at the time) my brother has done way more mind-affecting drugs then I.. and he couldn't tell me anything.
Hah, ever since that experience... I've changed to be a vegitarian.. went cold turkey with the ganja and trying to quit smoking alltogether. Feel centered now.. but I sense a frequency inside my mind.
