Listener

Vivaldi is as good as it gets for me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6fXyIjpxQ0

I think I might need to change my avatar. On this and several other forums people have assumed it was me. I'm 28 and my hair is not gray. Yes, I have a lot of internal issues to work on. I know that. I'm starting to. But I know the inner and outer worlds go together, they influence one another. I don't expect all my problems to be solved by moving to a new place, or by having a relationship, but I believe they would help me. I'm not sure exactly what I'm looking for here. Understanding perhaps. Advice from someone who has gone through something similar. I just felt the need to write out my frustration and this seemed like the place to do it. I live in the US and I have tremendous sense of dread about what is coming. I've spent a lot of time reading and studying this, and have a good understanding of the situation, and now it's time for me to act. From what I see the situation will be so bad I don't know if it's wise to even stay here. I mean by a place I belong a place I believe in and support. American society on the whole is not that place. It's bad and getting worse. I want to contribute, to help build something, to make a difference, but I can't commit to something if I don't believe in it. I know I'm probably asking too much. Only I can find my own path. I'm just plagued by self doubt and fear, which is something I have to work on.

I just want to find a place where I feel I belong. I've never had that at school, at church, or at any jobs I've had. I don't know if a commune is right for me, it's just something I've considered. I need to do something, move on with my life. But I cannot function in a corporate work environment. That's just out of the question. In any case the economic system is coming apart and trying to go up the career ladder now is an exercise in futility. I've thought a bit about going to a monastery but not specifically about ordination. I really don't know much about that.

I'm not sure when I first started visiting this site. Several years ago. Probably as part of a search to find out how to deal with my stress/anxiety/tension and specifically the sexual problems it was causing. More recently I joined the site as part of a bigger attempt to deal with my regrets that had become overwhelming and I was a complete emotional mess. My stress and anxiety issues are still not resolved. And also the very uncomfortable limbo state my religious/spiritual views have been in since I left Christianity. I made a determination to finally really deal with these issues, until they are resolved.

I'm not sure what to think of what's going on in Egypt. Maybe it's a genuine revolution, or maybe people like Webster Tarpley are right and it's merely a CIA plot. Still hoping for a better world either way.

I'm 28 and a virgin. I think one of the hardest things is not feeling there's anyone you can talk to, someone you can trust to talk about your feelings. The need to hide your shame. Talking to a therapist may help. But I've also heard of a man who went to see a therapist, who refused to believe him when he said he had no sexual experience. The people here at taobums are far more wise and understanding than most. I think Non is correct when he talks about the poor state of male/female relations. At the same time, I don't think that is what is most important. The intense shame I felt for many years for my sexual desires, led eventually to intense self loathing that is still with me. I'm a failure, I'm not good enough, etc. You have to let go of these negative thoughts. No matter what the overall cultural situation is, if you don't change your thinking, nothing good is going to happen. I know how frustrating it can be reading advice. It's easy for me to imagine that these people have never had a hard day in their life and everything has been handed to them on a silver platter. But I know that's not true. Everyone has their own burdens. I've been blessed in many ways and have not had to go through what I know many have. Being a virgin/perpetually dissatisfied and frustrated can become part of your identity, something you hold onto and are scared to let go of. I know that happened to me. You have to let go. Things can change. You can change. I sometimes feel ridiculous giving advice, but I really do believe what I've written here. This advice is for myself as much as anyone else.

I'm curious to know how much of the situation in Japan is caused by long term culture, how much by industrialization and modern business and how much by the intersection of those two things. As mentioned in the original article there is not just a lower frequency, but also seems to be a higher percentage of those who have no sexual experience at all. Japan has special words like otaku and hikikomori for these types of people. Japan seems to be the most extreme, but I think many of its problems are mirrored to a lesser degree in many other societies. The explosion of pornography I think is one of the strongest indications of lack of sexual satisfaction. It was that lack of satisfaction, not new technology or relaxed standards that allowed its growth. Still, even 17 times a year would be an absolutely tremendous increase for me. My own upbringing was a sort of puritan inspired, emphasis on absolutely no sex outside of marriage, to the point where I saw it as perhaps the greatest sin imaginable, but without an emphasis on getting married, indeed with no guidance whatsoever with regard to attracting women.

I'm hoping it's only greed that motivates corporations like Monsanto to do what they do, but I feel in many cases it is an active malevolence.

The problem I find is that when I try to meditate, all the tension and stress, which I'm normally distracted from to a certain degree, I become acutely aware of, and it's extremely uncomfortable, and when I try to wait it out, or pass through it, it sometimes only seems to get worse. I know I have to let go of this tension, and the longer it stays and the more it builds up, the more difficult it will be to deal with.

About 8 years ago due to stress and anxiety I had increasing tension in my body, especially in my pelvic area. It got so bad that I was having difficulty urinating, and I developed the condition that I was almost unable to experience sexual pleasure. I would ejaculate, but there would be little or no associated feeling. I began to research this issue online, and in doing some came across some new ideas about sexuality. After reading about Jack Johnson's ideas, I was able to approximate the 'key sound' and experienced some success. From there I mostly experimented on my own, not following any set pattern or rule, and learned how to spread and intensify the sexual energy, and experience it at varying intensities at times for several hours. Had I had the greater understanding I have now, this probably could have been done without ejaculation, but at the time it would nearly always end in ejaculation. However, during all of this time I was still under great stress. In order to get into a place where I could feel this sexual energy I had to really make an effort to relax and let myself go. Over time, as my stress got worse, getting into this relaxed state became more and more difficult. And eventually I was no longer able to relax enough to feel this energy, then as my stress worsened further, I returned to my earlier state, which I've now been in with few exceptions for several years. This has been incredibly frustrating, but it's my own fault for allowing this situation to continue for so long. Over the past year I'm trying to deal with the issues that have caused me stress and anxiety for years, and am making some progress, but I have a long way to go.

This subject has become increasingly interesting to me as of late. I especially enjoyed several interviews and talks of Graham Hancock on youtube. Unfortunately separating the wheat from the a chaff in the ancient civilizations/ufo/conspiracy theory world is far from easy.

I developed intense shame about sexuality during my teen years due to my religious upbringing. Even today, I always have a little feeling of guilt thinking about it, though fortunately not nearly as bad. Unfortunately, those years of guilt took quite a toll on my self esteem. I think the resulting self loathing is the main reason I've never had a relationship. Some people seem to get into relationship as an attempt to fix the problems in their life, I seem to think that I need to solve all my problems before I deserve to have a relationship. But often my problems only seem to be getting worse.