Ryan Randolph

Understandable to think that. It's a confusion about the individual divinity vs the unitive divinity. As Caroline Myss says, Divinity works in paradoxes. In Taoist philosophy, anything driven to excess becomes its opposite. So in this case, the paradox is that by honoring the individual divinity with you, you simultaneously honor the global divinity in the world around you. In Christianity, this shows up as a major spiritual error that is very common: It's the mistaken belief that by denying the self, and sacrificing your own wants and needs, that you come closer to God. While it may assist us in realizing God as Transcendant (God as up in the sky overlooking us), it blocks us from realizing God as Immenant (God as within us). It stems from seeing God as a parent (a projection from the unconscious), and therefore, to stay in God's good Graces you make yourself less to lift them up. This is just false humility; humility for the sake of a hidden payoff of specialness and God's approval. Nothing honors God more than honoring the divine spark within you, in fact, that is the only way you become capable of honoring the divine spark in others and in the world. That is why they call the ultimate reality "The Self" with a capital S. Your self dissolves into your Self. So most of our spiritual work is clearing that little self that is unaware of its own divinity, which simply originated from being in a human body. We are just bringing light into this creation called human. We are creating in a creation.

Yeah Bruce Lipton is great. I downloaded his audio program "wisdom of your cells", its an 8 hour program where he goes in depth into his discoveries and what they mean for us in taking control of our health and life. If you want to see more, there are 2 more videos, an hour each, that contain a full lecture Bruce did on "Biology of Belief": http://www.yangtown.com/energy-science-quantum-physics/why-your-beliefs-are-more-important-than-your-genes-understanding-bruce-liptons-new-biology/ Cheers, Ryan

Haha, yeah I know what you mean about the excess masturbating draining qi but it usually isn't just the physical action that is draining, it is also what is going on within the mental/emotion body of the person. If the intention is to "get", then the person is affirming a lack reality, and that action will create lack by draining the person of energy in that aspect of their life. For example, a person who steals is affirming that they don't have the power to buy, and are locking themselves into poverty. That is one of the reasons why I stopped downloading pirated warez, since it affirmed my powerlessness. I even have a sneaking suspicion that excessive pirated downloads leads to impotence...but I am going a bit off topic. As for "sex with my girlfriend", for a while now I have been focusing on individuating my energy. Basically, I let go of the women I was dating and have been focusing on feeling my energy, figuring out where I end and others start. Sex is such a powerful merging process, that if you aren't individuated well, then as a man, you can feel as if you are emotionally swallowed up by a woman. We have all seen (or have been) the guy that gets a girlfriend and then suddenly ditches his friends, his work, his family, and just does whatever she wants. When you ask this guy what he wants, he will not know, he will have to "consult with the wife." The reason for this, as I understand it, is that he has not individuated his emotional/feeling center (heart) and so any woman in his life simply plugs herself in to this center and then runs the show. Usually its mother first, then when he gets a girlfriend, she takes over. The same process happens for women, when they get in a relationship with a man. If they haven't individuated well, then their outer life will be taken over by the man, where he wants to live, their sex life, etc. So anyway, I have been going through same crazy energetic experiences, and I am still integrating all these changes, especially the sexual ones. For me, the process that is helping me grow the most is developing sexual self-sufficiency. For a man, so much of his self-esteem rests in his sex life, and proving he is worthy and cool through sexual performance, "yeah man, she is hot and I f*cked her", etc. Basically, its about connecting your heart center with your sexual center. When you do this, you look at relationships and sex from a whole new vantage point. I am still letting the new reality sink in, and I am starting to integrate it down on the physical level. It's pretty incredible, how I see women is totally different. I no longer get aroused by porn, or by images of women, but I can get totally aroused by a woman in person. Also, its not just her sexual parts that arouse, but other things about her can arouse also, like her legs, or her neck, etc. At random times, and with random women, I will feel this incredibly powerful sexual charge where I feel like I want to just ravish her, yet at the same time, I am not attached to the outcome and don't feel any frustration or neediness. Also, my erection strength has come back in a way that I get spontaneous erections very frequently, and when I do orgasm, it feels more and more like the first time; like a pure sexual pleasure, without guilt or remorse. I think too many of us men feel the pressure from our friends, parents, and society, to "get a girlfriend" just to be normal. Many men don't allow themselves a time to be alone and get to know their own energy, to really dive deep into themselves and figure out what they want, to discover their core self. It's like, when I got my first girlfriend, it was almost like "whew, I'm glad I got that done, now I can relax"...wrong. If you get a girlfriend just to check that off your life, shit will hit the fan. As I've dived into sexuality more and more, I am discovering the sacredness of it all and am honoring the process, and myself, much more. Anyway, that is the transition stage I am at, I am now moving back into the dating realm. Now that I have the tools and the capability to relate with women sexually and emotionally, and still maintain my power and direction, I can enjoy every step along the way.

Couldn't have said it better myself. You are speaking from wisdom (knowledge + experience) and it shows through. The one thing is that I use the term "lust" as in the context of an unhealthy craving that leads to imbalance. Pure desire is not only normal, it is the basis of all life and growth so yes we definitely do not want to deny or repress any of our sexual instincts, we just want to direct them consciously. I really enjoy hearing perspectives like these because it helps to refine our discussion and clarify all the meanings behind the words. Thanks.

Haha, this is discussion is cracking me up. So I guess if I am masturbating and I am stroking my own dick, does that mean that I like to stroke dicks? That I am gay? hehe, I am playing with you a little. You are right, it is a feminine approach, but it a male feminine approach. Feminine does not mean female, each male has a feminine pole within him; it is in his heart. If he does not balance this part of him, there is mainly only one other source for this type of sensual feminine energy: Women. For a boy, this source of feminine emotional nourishment is Mother. As he transitions to manhood, this source transfers over to a Woman sexual partner. He will seek out an emotional/energetic "food" source through sex. Because he is operating out of the illusion that this source of "food" is out there (in women), he will experience Lust. What is lust, exactly? Lust = Desire + Belief in not getting that desire So we want something but don't believe its possible to get it, that is lust at its core. So you can either reduce the desire (which I don't recommend because desire is part of life and healthy, and leads us to create and grow and enjoy life), or we can change our own belief or perception of lack. How do we change this belief? We discover the source of feminine "food" within our own heart. By opening our heart, we unlock our feminine core. By connecting this energy center to the sexual center, our craving is dissolved and sex takes on a whole new meaning. It's no longer about feeding ourself and getting our needs met, it's about something much different. Mainly, about sharing our companionship, growing, sharing our gifts of physical/emotional/mental/spiritual energy. Sex becomes a means to create a new energy field that is the combination of both person's energy. This creates a living orb of energy that both partners operate in (you can call this the relationship, but when sex is involved it is much more). As far as masturbating or not, either way is ok (as I see it). It's really about coming into more self love and honoring of self. Will excessive masturbating drain your energy, probably in most cases. Can masturbating give us energy and balance us, sure. My current thinking about masturbation is that in most cases, it is a product of not fulling being "initiated" by an older male. By receiving the "blessing" of an older man who shows you the male world, the male mode of feeling, the male way of interacting with the world; your cells receive a energetic food from the man. Its as if each of the initiate man's cells are being "tuned" to the male frequency, and his entire sexual energy centers are transformed. I have begun to receive this initiation experience from many men (as is probably true of everyone participating in this forum), but none were as powerful as from Eben Pagen when I was at one of his training seminars. I had struggled with trying to not masturbate or use my sexual energy and then masturbating, back and forth for some time. After going to his 2 day seminar, I did no ejaculate for 6 months, and it was not hard to do at all. I felt as if I was being rejuvenated from within. When I finally did end up ejaculating, the feeling was so incredible and exquisite, it was unlike anything I ever experienced before. It was like an orgasm that lasted for an hour, showering down from my head into a relaxation of bliss. I sense that this was not simply from "avoiding masturbation" but from utilizing the sexual energy and bringing it up to the higher centers. As useful as these books, and trainings are, I believe there must be a body element in the training in which one receives the presence of the teacher, and comes in contact with their energy field. Anyway, that is my unique experience and perspective so far, and each man will have his own path to discover.

Yeah absolutely, anything held in mind shows up in the body and creates a physical momentum of addiction. When I use the term psychological, I mainly referred to both thoughts (within mind) and emotions (that show up as chemical imbalances in the body). I don't mean that it is only mental, as anything mental will eventually show up in the physical. However, if it is in the body, then it MUST be in the mind as well. It may not be in the conscious mind (it may be in the unconscious), but it will be in mind IF it is occuring in the body. The body is an expression of our subconscious mind. Any thought that occurs outside of our awareness shows up in our emotions. Thoughts are the language of the conscious mind whereas emotions are the language of the subconscious mind. If you really want to gain leverage on yourself for any area of your life, address all the emotions that are blocking you, and eventually it will become effortless, like the next natural step. Thanks for bringing that up though, as I can see how it can be confusing.

I feel so warmly greeted, I think I'll have to hang out here more often Hey Sean, yeah man it's great to hear from you and glad that your doing well. Thanks for showing me and my buddies around in Costa Rica, that was a lot of fun. If you ever come to southern California, give me a ring and we can chill. Mattwads and RyanO, thanks for the welcome and good feedback. Glad I could help. --- The Psychological Aspect of Lust (and how to overcome it) As far as sex drive goes (in my experience), it's not so much that we want to eliminate it but simply transmute it into a higher form. That feeling that we call lust, the feeling of unquenchable sexual desire, is amplified by porn in any form (especially internet porn). Why does this happen? Because we are perceiving what appears to be a real sexual encounter, and our body mobilizes its sexual hormones, energy, and semen as if it were a real encounter....but it's not real. What's missing in the experience of Porn? What's missing is the human element, the body element. Touch. When we remove the body element of human touch, we create an imbalance in our brain in which we get extreme highs and lows of dopamine (the craving chemical that accounts for states of depression and anxiety) and we lose out on a chemical called Oxytocin which soothes craving and relaxes the body (also called the cuddle hormone). Oxytocin is what we get when we pet a cat, hug a friend, or caress a lover in bed. When we watch porn, we get blasted with dopamine (which amps up desire), but we fall flat later because we don't generate any oxytocin in our brain. Then, since there is no oxytocin to balance us out, we get depressed, which leads us to porn again, and the cycle becomes more progressive. There is one key trick to getting out of this trap. To stop this cycle, we have to obviously unhook ourselves from porn, but we have to also do one other thing. Anytime we are sexual pleasuring ourselves (aka masturbating), we must consciously let go of using the image of a woman (or a woman's body) to get turned on. Well how the hell are we supposed to get turned on? Frankly, we must refocus our mind onto the sensations in our body. Focus on every touch, every caress, we can speak to ourself, basically have foreplay with ourself. As we do this, our mind is focused on the here and now reality (not some made up fantasy that leads us to be stuck in our head and mental ungrounded). What we may find when we do this technique is that we have very little ability to arouse ourself in this way. This is because our neural wiring has been cut from all the porn use. We must practice it to re-establish all the brain connections to physical-sexual touch. As we are doing this, we are becoming more present in our body and more loving of physical self instead of going into our head and living in a fantasy (which is a subtle form of self-rejection). The irony, of course, is that as we do this, when we actually get in bed with a woman after practicing this type of conscious self love and physical presence, we will act this way with her and be more present and loving to her. It's amazing. Plus all sorts of other sensations will be available to us; things will taste better, our smell will be better, things will feel better. We will be more physically integrated and connected and grounded. Anyway, so there's a second technique and mindset shift to help you as you progress down this path. Let me know any challenges you are facing and I will be happy to respond with something to help you. Ryan

Wow, this is an incredible post, and I have to commend hajimesaito (and all other who posted) for having the awareness to realize the dynamic that is taking place with regards to porn and mind/body connection. I have been contemplating this for the past several years and have made some great discoveries and found some powerful concepts and techniques to transform lust into sexual drive and sexual love. The most powerful technique that I have used specifically for lust is called the Releasing Technique, and its similar to what a few others here have recommended. The Releasing Technique Do this technique whenever you feel a "gut-level" pull to watch porn, an unpleasant hunger to have sex, or feel frustrated about not getting sex. Step 1. Set aside 20 minute alone, and sit in a comfortable chair Step 2. Close your eyes, place your hands on you legs with palms up (or whatever is comfortable) Step 3. Focus on the feeling of lust in your body. Become extremely curious about it: Where do you feel it? What is it doing? How would you describe it. For example, when I did this for the issue of lust for money, I felt a pulling sensation in my solar plexus/stomach area. It felt like I was trying to "get" or "suck in", as if I was flexing my stomach to try to get fed. Step 4. Let go of all thoughts that arise, just let them pass by. Continually re-focus on the feeling and sensation of this particular issue. Also, continually bypass the descriptive wording and go straight to the experience. For example, "I feel neediness", ok so what is neediness, "it feels like pulling", ok what is pulling, "well its a tensing in my stomach", ok what is a tensing in my stomach "well its this tight sensation"...keep doing this until you have no more words and are instead directly focused on the experience. Step 5. Maintain this relaxed focus for as long as you can, until all the emotion is dissipated. All emotion is limited. It is energy that is stuck in the body. By feeling it consciously, we are processing it. What most of us do is, as soon as we feel a negative emotion is we freak out and try to ignore it, suppress it, or distract ourself. The emotion just gets lodged into one or more of our organs and causes problems later. Step 6. Allow all feelings/sensations/emotions related to this to arise. If you are up to it, you can even say "Bring it on! Give me all you got! I want to feel it all." Don't get stuck on any thoughts, just keep re-focusing on the feelings in your body. It may feel stupid "Oh I am just feeling this damn feeling and nothing is happening, this is pointless". No, you are processing all the energy, and as you do it is being re-distributed to the rest of your body and re-establishing balance. It may take 20 minutes, it may take 90 minutes, but it will work. You may have to repeat this process a couple of times to fully release it all. It will release lust. Not only that, it will free up that energy for you to do other things, productive things like repairing other organs, digesting food, producing sexual hormones, etc. There are so many other techniques, ideas, concepts that I could really write about much more (I already have 6 hours of video that I am recording for an upcoming training course called "Sexual Mind Mastery"). Basically, habitually masturbating to porn is a psychological addiction. (This is one expression of lust). It splits the mind and body, and severs the neural-wiring between the brain and the genitals, resulting in a "desensitization" effect in which: more porn = harder to get aroused + increased craving for porn. Eventually, you could have a hot naked woman dancing on your lap and have ZERO arousal (this is what happened to me). I could go much more in depth but this should help for now. Practice the exercise and let me know how it goes. I can give you a second exercise if you want. Also, let me know what is your biggest sticking point/challenge. Just the other day, I was at a halloween party and saw this young woman in a very hot costume. I felt a tingling sexual arousal jolting me in my genitals and I felt very aroused (yet I did not feel any neediness, I felt fulfilled at the same time, it was a beautiful and amazing feeling). It was a feeling that I had not felt since being a teenager, and in that moment I could see how all the practice had been successful at restoring my mind to a healthy sexual balance. Hope this helps, Ryan Oh and P.S. I have written a free eBook based on Taoist principles that helps you accomplish this mind/body restoration process relating to porn. It's called Revive Your Sex Drive: The Yang Man's Guide to Increased Sexual Energy, Power, & Confidence. You can download it here http://www.ReviveYourSexDrive.com (it does require a name an email to access).

Cool, it works now, thanks

Hi, I have been checking out this forum here and there over the past few years. I really enjoy Taoist philosophy (stephen chang, mantak chia, etc), and I write a spiritual blog for men with an emphasis on Taoist philosophy and sexual practices: http://www.yangtown.com I saw a post that I would love to contribute to but an unable to post. What do I need to do next? Thanks, Ryan