Cat Pillar

Could be, that's an option I'll look into. Thanks for the suggestion! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Everything, It would be lovely to be able to sleep for 10 hours...generally, I don't have that much time to allow for sleep. I'm lucky if I get 8, only five or six of which I actually sleep (again, if I'm lucky). Also, my sleeping hours are during the day because I work from 10 pm to 8 am, which is the primary reason it's so hard for me to sleep. (I'd find I have noticed that I tend to remember dreams much more readily at the end of my sleep period. Especially if I wake up and go back to sleep, it's much easier to slip into a dream and remember it. Perhaps it's time to dust off some of those lucidity practices and see if I can make use of that last period of sleep.

I've had that feeling before. Very unpleasant, nasty feeling.

Yeah, Aleister Crowley was a much different animal than the Church of Satan group. Also, I've never heard anyone say before that LaVey was involved with the CIA. I do know that he played calliope in carnivals, though.

Is that invitation open to anyone?

I don't have the hang of lucid dreaming yet, so it's a bit difficult to implement techniques based around it. But that does sound like something worth trying once I DO get the hang of it. Hopefully I'll start getting somewhere once I'm out of my current apartment. That place is everything a cultivation environment shouldn't be.

Thanks for the replies, everyone! Interesting discussion about timelines there (thanks for the book recommendation Taomeow, I'll try to get my hands on a copy soon.) I've had a lot of dreams that were terrifying, that I would label "nightmares," but taken outside of the emotional context of the experience they seemed to lack anything worth being terrified about. I don't have nightmares much anymore...the last one I had was many months ago. I don't remember much about it, I just remember waking up screaming. I have this feeling that some of my fears and triggers are related to dream experiences. It seems like understanding the connection(s) could be useful and informative.

I had not heard before this thread that wind was ill-regarded by TCM. I LOVE the wind. One of my favorite experiences in Minnesota was to stand outside in the evening, watching as a big storm rolled in, and feeling the wind against my body. A cool, clean wind is just one of the best feelings for me. Add to that a light show and beautiful cloud formations...bliss.

Nice! I'd love to play around on something like that. Getting bored with my Line 6...solid state is no fun. Less nerve-wracking to gig with, though. Hehe.

Luck! May her loss open the door to greater gain!

I miss learning classical guitar. Hard to keep the nails the right length and everything. Not to mention I'd bleed every time I scratched an itch. >.<

This seems odd to me. How is an animal supposed to feel when it hunts?

Interesting...makes sense, though. Thanks, Xabir! Guess I'll just have to explore it more. Still so many mysteries to play with.

I'm in the same boat as you, Mahberry. I caught a glimpse of not-self (insert preferred descriptor if so described) while observing the experience of riding the bus home. I also started recognizing the "state" from past experiences of getting "lost" in music. Where is the "I" when totally absorbed in something? The thing I'm having difficulty understanding now is the relationship with creativity, will, and intent. Intent obviously exists, creativity obviously exists, and choices are obviously made...but without being able to attribute those to an "I" it kind of leaves a big question mark as to their source.

That's how they get ya! They lure you in with promises of discovery and ice cream, but when you get there it's nothing but a guy with a dusty napkin and a bowl full of ice cubes. =\

I've been thinking a lot about what exactly it is I'm looking for from a "spiritual experience," why I want one so badly. It's not so much the experience itself, but what I imagine the result would be. It boils down to emotional release. I'm seeking something that can relieve the burden of everything I'm carrying inside. There's a phantom sensation that I can call up in my mind, a memory or idea of what I'm looking for feels like. The sensation is like that of a sudden release of pressure, followed by a cool wave rushing from head to toe, enveloping the body in a sense of lightness and freedom. It comes with a peace and contentment that is unmatched, and it's full of gratitude and joy. In this state, everything is beautiful and precious, and there is no desire to do anything other than be. It's like I've experienced it before, but can't quite recall when or how. Its shadow appears when I think about what contentment would feel like, or when I daydream about being someone and somewhere else. It is so far from what I currently experience and feel, that it's difficult to track or hold for more than a fraction of a second. A similar phantom sensation is evoked when I think about what it would be like to accept an imminent death. To know death is coming, and to completely accept it...not dwelling upon life and what's left undone, but rather to shrug off the yoke of obligations and regret and look brightly forward to the approaching mystery. The sense of complete freedom... I wonder what's really keeping me from it...what's really holding me back from that sensation. Do I need a metaphysical experience to induce it? Somehow I think it's so much closer than I imagine. Where is the key? And...maybe more importantly...where is the door?

Yeah, I expect it should yield some interesting results. Thanks for the link, I'm enjoying reading through the site. I have a feeling I'll be working through the math for awhile, but I have to say I feel less identified with suffering already. I look forward to practicing the kind of self-inquiry suggested by Ramana Maharshi.

I also came across another insight while surfing the interwebs. I came across this site: http://users.aristotle.net/~diogenes/meaning1.htm In the section about being unhappy, they essentially say it comes down to deciding whether or not you'll be happy. My immediate knee-jerk reaction to that is "you can't just DECIDE something like that!" The true reason for resistance to that concept is that in order to be able to simply decide to be happy, I would first have to drop all preconceptions of what it means to be happy. These preconditions for happiness I have in my head are like sacred cows...for some reason their importance is paramount. I think it's likely that much of my sense of self is based around these preconditions...a threat to the conditioning is a threat to my sense of "self" and therefore receives an immediate survival response of rejection. So, an experiment to try would be to consciously challenge the preconditions and literally just decide to experience happiness.

Funny...I was about to mentally masturbate all over this. I just now paused and thought for a second, and took a look at experience. All I can say is that there's an experience of reality. I can't say anything about what/who is experiencing without introducing assumptions.

That would be an interesting topic for an interview. I'll bet there's some out there where artists explain how they came up with their systems...but that's more research than I have time to devote to.

Chuang Tzu comes highly recommended. The I Ching would be a good read too. Try not to worry about what you believe yourself to be, or where you perceive your place is on the journey. Any hierarchy is a purely mental construct - just enjoy the journey for what it is. You'll never stop learning, so there's no rush to finish. Just my opinion, of course.

I always feel really good after a martial arts class.

I've noticed that too, especially in video games and fantasy novels. Although I tend to think that novelists especially are probably more likely to do research into already existing systems when creating their own. For instance the metaphysical system in The Wheel of Time series reeks strongly of Hermeticism with a mish-mash of other things thrown in. I think sometimes video games get close because of the necessity of creating balance and challenge - you usually have to come up with some limits and trade-offs in order to keep things from being "broken" (when referenced to video games, the term "broken" usually refers to something that is unbalanced to the point of unfairness). I saw the movie, and the closest thing to a correlation to "real metaphysics" that I saw was that the green energy was essentially concentrated will, and will was required to manifest that energy into any given form. If you interpret will as "intent" you could probably make a shaky connection to some real practices. I don't think there was anything practical or useful you could take away from it, though.

I will eventually reply in full to this thread, but bluefront has actually given me a lot to chew on and I'm trying to give an honest go at his suggestions before making a full reply. That and I'm stupid busy.

I've been very curious about entheogens for awhile. I'd like to know everyone's opinions on them as far as their value for spiritual development, and which ones are most useful for that kind of work. I have my reservations about using them, but it is an avenue I'd like to explore in case it might offer some benefit to my journey.

I took LSA once long before I was interested in spirituality and consciousness, and had a really bad trip. However, there were a lot of things I did wrong concerning atmosphere and company. I learned a lot from that experience, and had I done it in the correct context (which, if I were to take them I would look for some kind of shamanic/therapeutic context which includes a guide) I think it may have served as a useful tool of development. Seems like it would be kind of like riding a firecracker though, and a lot of hassle to organize. It will probably remain a curiosity until my life calms down a little.