Cat Pillar

Thanks, Shaktimama! I'm all about promoting peace, so I'll PM you with any further questions.

Thanks for the explanation! Focus on the space between, eh? I'll have to give that a try in my next meditation. --------------------------------- Chanting out loud is something that I haven't really tried yet. I've enjoyed the few guided meditations I've done, but I'm not sure they're quite what I'm looking for. --------------------------------- I was doing counting for awhile, but in some ways it seems to impede me from going deeper into the meditation...almost like it acts like an anchor. I think I might try adding a suspension of breath between inhales and exhales though, just to see what it's like since many have recommended it. --------------------------------- Basically, with my sitting practice I'd like to open myself up to more subtle forms of experiencing, as well as get in touch with the deeper aspects of myself. Eventually I would also like to begin practicing inner alchemy.

Approaching it as a psychological game sounds like a very viable method for me. Something I had actually thought about as far as the sub-personality or archetype topic is concerned. I'm all about action over belief. Faith has never done much for me, my best results have definitely come from action. Hmm, guess that means I should practice it more, hehehe. I'm thinking of taking some time and calling a general meeting, where "everyone" can get a chance to have their say and see if we can't all get on the same page. ----------------------- goldisheavy, That's certainly true! I'm definitely not a hard-core survivalist, and would probably get eaten by gophers out in the wild. (Don't question how, I'm sure I'd find a way, lol). I think that depends a lot on the context. In some situations group think can considerably lessen your intelligence and rational thinking; y'know, mobs, riots, that kind of situation. Cooperative teamwork is where the strength of standing together really shines, but it requires full application of each individual's personal skills - which I agree is sympathetic, and good results are multiplied by working with good people. Also, I would argue that while they certainly do owe some things to their environment (without which they wouldn't have a context to work in) geniuses like Albert Einstein are a good example of strong individual intelligence contributing greatly to the whole. I wouldn't say I ignore my surrounding environment...I just tend to gravitate more towards the idea that changing and cultivating myself is one of the most effective methods of transforming my surroundings (as The Observer alludes to in his post). ---------------------------------

Cool deal. Good luck with the site! I like your approach with the donations.

So, since I meditate generally once a day...try making it twice? And generally it's for half an hour...so, maybe try going for forty-five minutes? I like the idea of trying it with standing and slow walking...standing would probably be safer for me to start with! Also...it can be really hard to meditate without expectations! I don't think I've completely gotten the hang of it...but I do notice that the more I'm able to separate myself from the results, the easier it is to focus on the practice...and, interestingly, the more motivated I am to do it!

That book changed my life.

Constructive criticism intended in a friendly manner below! I think expanding your descriptions would be a good idea. Something about how the services will actually be delivered would definitely be good to see! The more content your site has, the better. People will want to know why they should send their money to you instead of someone else, after all. How ARE the transmissions delivered? Skype session or something like that? Or are you like energy ninja...the unsuspecting recipient goes about their day unawares, when suddenly...holy chakras, batman! WHAMMO!

G'day! Edit: 4 replies and 0 views...this is truly a magic thread!

Wow, that's cool! I remember when I was little, my parents used to give me this old chalkboard with a brush and some water to keep me entertained. Always loved playing with the way the water would run down the board and make paths of clean black across the surface...

Essentially, it's all in the context? (Or maybe, because there's a context in the first place?) I see what you mean about discussing morality and subjectivity. Thanks for the answer!

wtm, I've known another person who took this kind of approach to self-inquiry and it worked very well for them as well. I can definitely see some of these subpersonalities in myself, but I'm not sure if I'd be able to dialogue very well with them. I have trouble with perceiving them as discrete identities I could objectively find answers from...unless the whole idea IS simply to assign answers to the questions that I feel best fit the subpersonality in question. In any case, I think this probably WOULD be a helpful avenue of inquiry for me, and I'll look more into it. I think you're right in that my problem is probably more psychological than anything else. ---------------------------- 5ET (...you're an alien!!!), I like the sound of that shamanic approach. Unfortunately, meditations of that type are a problem for me. I'm realizing that I still have very strong belief barriers to effectively pursuing that methodology. There's still a strong part of me that doesn't really believe in guides or things like that. Or rather, the skeptic inside whispers that such experiences would likely consist of me "making shit up" as I go, and thus would not have any kind of reliable basis for acceptance. Hmm...how interesting. A unique puzzle...and the primary reason why for so long I pursued mystical experience, something to confirm the validity of things like guides. I think it's a trust issue mostly...again, something that will probably be tremendously helped by cultivating love and compassion for myself. -------------------------------- devoid, Affirmations almost always sound cheesy, but I know lots of people who swear by them. I can see how especially in cultivating self love and respect they can be very powerful, because you have to actually say the words to yourself. If nothing else, it can help bring the fore exactly why you don't believe the words coming out of your mouth, and thus offer you a new insight into the source of the negative self image. I need me a soul food buffet. The spirit be hungry! ------------------------------------- Shaktimama, I have been consistently impressed with the quality and character of responses I have gotten in my threads. The idea of saving a draft is a good one, I'll have to remember that for future "outbursts," hehe. I do tend to feel better after I vent, most of the time. Except when that little voice gets loud enough and I drop my guard enough to start feeling bad/beating myself up. Most of the time I don't need anyone else to whup my ass, I'm pretty good at doing that kind of thing myself. I'm very serious about cultivation, refining my character, and as you put it developing my Inner Adult. I've done too much beating around the bush and rationalizing in my life...time to put my effort where my mouth is! As an aside, I'm very interested in your KAP program. I wonder if you could give your professional opinion on its suitability for me as a practice based on the (admittedly very limited) knowledge you have of me from my posts? ------------------------------------- XieJia, Best wishes to you too! I'm not entirely sure I understand your meaning in this part "Take it at the present and since these feeling should be long time gone. Don't worry too much about them." I assume you mean these feelings should have arisen and passed through me naturally by now, so I shouldn't concern myself with them by obsessing over them? Or something along those lines... -------------------------------- The Observer, I'm still working on the "not putting myself down" part. Again, that whole self-love thing I need to work on and develop... --------------------------------- CowTao (by the way, I love your handle ), Thank you for your wishes! Same to you! I checked out the link, although I haven't ready any sample pages. To be honest, I'm not sure I can fit another book into my already long list. But, it does look like a good book based on the description and reviews. I'll certainly keep it in consideration, and thank you for the recommendation. --------------------------- Okay, all caught up! This obsessive need to respond to everyone individually might cause me some problems, hehehe.

Curious about something... Isn't "acceptability" a subjective assessment of an action/event? From an enlightened point of view, is there any such thing as "unacceptable?" (I ask because I wouldn't know...my posts should point pretty clearly to that, hehe ) If "evil" is necessary for good to exist, than how can any evil act be considered unacceptable?

I wound up here due to an existential crisis. I started with fundamentalist Christianity. After learning about some of the shady things going on behind the scenes at churches I was going to, I was really disillusioned. It seemed like no one was taking this spirituality stuff seriously. This, in combination with severe clinical depression and an enjoyment of black and death metal pretty much turned me from Christianity for good. I spent a long time as a nihilist, and then was given a book called "Illusions" by Richard Bach. This book really struck a cord with me, and it made me begin to question my hard materialist view on the world (I was stoned off my rocker when I read it too, so I had a really open mind ). After looking up more information about the book, I got led to a site detailing studies of NDEs. That led to sites on astral projection and dreaming (I spent a lot of time over at Robert Bruce's forum, some really nice people over there!). I never got into any serious practice of anything though, I was mostly just reading anything I could get my hands on. Eventually I came across Taoism, and I think my initial introduction planted a seed. Recently I'd taken a hard look at my life and decided it was time to start taking responsibility, and also time to look for a path I could dedicate myself to. All signs pointed to Taoism (including a Tarot reading by a gypsy friend at the renaissance festival, interestingly enough ), and having been familiar with these forums from both Half Past Human and J.J. Semple's Golden Flower Meditation site...well, it just seemed a natural place to come to as I started my journey.

Marblehead, I agree we can't take responsibility for things we can't control...but we are still 100% responsible for how we to react to those things. I couldn't ask anyone else to carry my baggage, I just don't feel right about that. I'd be willing to ask for advice on how to better carry it so it's not so hard...but I would feel guilty asking someone else to share the load. I tend to keep my issues close unless it's an anonymous setting like this. ------------------------------- Jetsun, Yes, much easier said than done. ------------------------------- joeblast, I see a bunny with a burning eye in your avatar. That's pretty frickin' cool. _/\_ ------------------------------- Kate, I can't find it in me to blame anyone else for my situation. I understand what you're saying, and I think we can agree to the point where adding judgments about yourself as a result of the situations is what seals in and intensifies, propagates the trauma. Thanks for the grats, and I have definitely found the people here to be very helpful. Haven't tried many of the practices yet, since I'm still testing out the ones I've got. -------------------------------- thelerner (or Michael, if you prefer), I think playing the cards you're dealt regardless of the hand is the same as taking full responsibility. I cannot control the world, but I CAN control how I react to it. Not to say that's an easy job, of course. ---------------------------- Once again, I'm out of time, but I'll finish up my replies tomorrow. Be well, wherever you are!

Astral_Anima, I've never had much luck using intent to do anything...at least as far as attracting anything like mystical experience. It's been helpful in more mundane aspects of my life, though. Your questions to me are turning out to be very useful exercises in introspection, so thanks for asking! The question is asked because I can't see the answer in myself. I tend to have very little patience with myself. I always assumed that impatient and judgmental voice was my intuition; but most spiritual and psychological sources seem to say that I'm being too harsh on myself. This confuses me, since I now question what I assumed was my intuition. I can't tell what IS my intuition, so I look for outside perspectives in the hope that my way might somehow be illuminated. This is precisely the issue. Are these judgmental views based in intuition or in some "sub personality" built around early psychological imprints from my environment? If this isn't my intuition, why do I have such an easy time believing it? I have this belief that I should be trying harder. I have this belief that I'm not doing my best right now, and I could be doing a lot better if I just got my damn act together. This belief is largely inherited from my father, because that is how I perceived his reactions towards my behaviors. And, perhaps I have simply internalized these views and assumed them to be my own. But still, it's very easy to believe them. My interpretation of a lot of the spiritual concepts I've read about seem to reinforce this voice, that I should be doing a lot better than I am. Although again, perhaps it's just that those internalized views are coloring my understanding of the concepts. Hmm...I think for the first time I can actually pin down this view. The truth of the matter is that I'm disappointed in myself. I always felt that I was a disappointment to my father, and I now have taken that position as my own. I have had a rocky relationship with my dad growing up, but in recent years it has actually been very good. He has told me numerous times that he's proud of me. However, even if he's proud of me...I'm still not. I constantly feel as if I'm in a "failure" state. Nothing I do is ever good enough to constitute a "success" state. There's always another area I am failing in, another area where I'm not doing the right thing, not taking responsibility. I do not permit myself to feel accomplishment, and that is actually for two reasons. One, the sense that I should be doing better, and two, because I see myself as prideful and arrogant for thinking that I should be doing better (because it assumes that "I'm better than my current circumstances"). Huh. How convoluted is that? It seems that this may also be impeding any sense of self-love. Perhaps because I have associated "love" as something that's a reward for behaving in a certain way, and since I am not behaving in the way that I feel I should be I have no desire to reward myself. So, a reframing of my view of love into a more unconditional state would be a beneficial paradigm shift, and likely begin the process of freeing up the other blockages up the chain. Ah, self-inquiry. What a fascinating tool. Thanks again for the fuel! I'll have to get to the other replies later.

I know exactly how you feel. Try focusing on the practice in a new light. Pay attention to your work, and try to notice the subtle ways it's different every time you do it. You will find new insights into what it is you are doing, and this process of discovery might help fuel motivation to continue doing the work.

Thanks everyone for your replies! This post is going to be a doozy, my apologies! ----------------- pennyofheaven, Even that which may have been created unconsciously, I still feel a responsibility for. If nothing else, it is my responsibility to realize it and if necessary, take action to alter whatever unconscious programming may have contributed. I often have the feeling of being very alone on my journey. The source of this feeling I think leads to another dark place inside I have been avoiding. You're right, I don't have to go it alone, but I think I may have been unconsciously choosing to. I second guess myself a lot. I'm getting better at listening to my intuition, but I'm still a long ways from being on familiar terms with it. "You are the magic bullet." I like that. -------------------- zerostao, The different light phenomena has been true in other threads I have made...the variety of perspectives on various topics has led to a wider view, and helps in keeping from being too narrow and rigid in my understanding. ------------------- Tao Apprentice, Peace to you too! I agree, by taking responsibility it is no longer a defensive situation, and I think it allows for a clearer view of what must be done. After all, if you own it you become invested in it, and you are more likely to take a serious interest in doing something about it. Those voices aren't always right, y'know. ------------------------ fiveelementtao, I see what you mean about there not being invalid feelings and desires, this is something I often lose sight of. I am definitely looking to take action. I spent a long time in the other camp, always asking for help and shying away from acting on any that was offered. I had such helpful viewpoints like "they just don't understand my situation" or "that may work for someone else, but my situation is special, it couldn't possibly work for me!". I've come to view these thoughts as a kind of arrogance. There are many I respect, but one of my biggest issues is certainly trust. A surface level of trust is easy for me to maintain, but when it comes to opening up to someone...I avoid making myself vulnerable, and do so at almost cost. This is also something I'm conscious of and working on, although that work has been slow going. ---------------------- devoid, I've often heard the advice to view our hurdles as blessings in disguise or challenges to be faced with enthusiasm...but I've never actually tried it. I think in some ways I'm attached to my adversity. Perhaps it would be helpful to isolate a particular issue and practice facing it as a challenge. A little gratitude thrown in for the gift of a learning opportunity would probably top it off nicely. My counselor had me get a book, "Learning to Love Yourself Workbook." The third activity sounds pretty similar to the inner smile, except not directed at organs - you basically focus on the feeling of love, so you know what it feels like...and then project that feeling towards yourself. Haven't gotten to that one yet, but it might be time to jump in. A note about counseling...while I have sought help in that sense, and I benefit from it...psychological help isn't the only kind I need. I've sought counseling for my mind...I'm taking martial arts for my body...but my spirit still feels hurt. -------------------- Well, I'm out of time for now, I'll finish replying to everyone later tonight. Thanks again for your responses!

I must admit I often fall prey to abusing myself, but it is something I'm conscious of and am working to correct. I do want help, but I question whether that want is valid instead of just a result of unwillingness to face and take responsibility for my situation. In many ways I feel I already know what's wrong, and this continual search for "help" is just stalling for time or searching for a "magic bullet" to make it quick and painless, or maybe laziness and a desire to have someone "fix it for me."

Your first paragraph is essentially what I was trying to convey. I have never been very comfortable with giving myself credit, so you may be right.

If I give absolutely no thought to my future, it is unlikely I will be able to keep up with my responsibilities. If I have no consideration for the past, it is likely I will make the same mistakes over and over again. I doubt I've grasped much at all. I have this belief that my life would be much more pleasant if I had a good grasp on The Way Things Are.

What a wonderful gift! You had an excellent forge to be shaped in.

I think I'm going to use this in contemplation...gratitude is one of the things I seek to cultivate, and that is a very good base from which to work. Thanks for your replies!

That sounds like a great approach to life. I get where you're coming from on this, and can't say I disagree. I like this. Although, I'm curious how this leads into understanding who we are and what our true identity is. That is the part I do not understand. Does it attract an awakening experience of some kind? That question of course reveals an assumption, which is understanding comes as a result of what I would term a "realization event."

I agree, for practical reasons we can't completely ignore the past and the future. But I'm sure you would agree that we should not dwell in the past or future either. Well, I still don't grasp what eternal natural law is, so it's hard for me to make comparisons to it from my experience. Maybe once I've been cultivating for awhile I'll have a better grasp of these concepts.

Excellent post, Twinner! I got a lot out of it. I've had my share of battles with magical thinking, although I've never gone through the psychic attack thing. Well, that's not entirely true...I thought I was being attacked once, but it was just the symptoms of severe depression. I think you hit the nail on the head right there. That was/is certainly true in my situation. I think, in addition to control, there's also an aspect of trying to make sense of events. Magical thinking gives you a cause-and-effect scenario, rather than a spontaneous and unpredictable world that changes "randomly." Suddenly, everything has a reason that can be labeled and sorted neatly into our perceptual access lists. Now, I'm not going to say that people never get attacked psychically or magically. My experience is too limited to make any kind of determination, and I remain open to the possibility that such attacks happen and cause real harm to individuals. But I do agree that belief makes one more susceptible, and certainly opens someone up to a lot of psychological pitfalls that wouldn't otherwise exist. This is precisely why most (reputable) adepts and magicians warn about the dangers of practicing magic - most acknowledge that madness is a real risk. I think your advice to heaven chi is good, and I would personally second it.