Romie

I've dropped off the face of the earth last June :b Life is life and things got kinda busy. Some death (literal, unfortunately), some marriages and school work have kept me from socializing offline, let alone on! I'm back to lurking at the moment. I want to thank everyone who responded to my posts. Even though I didn't get to read them at the time, I appreciate the thoughts and input.

First off, sorry for my speedy response and thank you everyone for your replies. I appreciate them greatly. I probably am having a stronger reaction to them than is normal, haha. It makes me feel like crying but not in a bad way. They're a relief and they're helpful. 1. The physical health is fairly well from what I can tell. I have phantom side pains in my lower abdomen, but thus far testing hasn't revealed anything abnormal. The consensus is that it's psychosomatic from, surprise, stress. Mental health... better than it has been. The official diagnosis is PTSD. 2. I was lying down and doing head to toe relaxation/dissolving outlined in your typical Bruce Frantzis book. (I don't usually lay down, but the boyfriend wanted me to come to bed and he finds it creepy if I do it sitting :\) 3. The anger I experienced in my meditation? I couldn't tell where the anger started and I began or vic versa. It felt like the only thing in me that was real and everything else was a lie. I can elaborate more if needed. 4. Being expected to shoulder the blame for the indiscretions of others against myself seems to be a reoccurring theme.

So as I was driving today and thinking I re-re-re-re-rerealized that I have a lot of anger and frustration. What kind of lead to that was I was thinking about something weird that happened when I was meditating a few days ago. It wasn't quite a visual hallucination as I didn't actually see it, and it wasn't a tactile hallucination as I didn't feel it, but for a few seconds the skin on the front of my torso "appeared" and "felt" to have been severely burned and/or scarred and I "was" anger and pain. It felt like that was all there was to me and like everything else is just a mask for this badness. After this happened I, as the kids say these days, "noped" and stopped what I was doing. Yes I am an angry person. No, I do not express it in my day to day life as it usually only leads to people reacting in a way that will either victimize me and/or anger me further. No, it is not an option to express this anger. Comments/critiques/etc appreciated but not expected. Thanks! <3

Thank you all greatly for the replies I can't really think of anything pertinent to add (at the moment, at least), but I enjoyed reading the responses and found them helpful.

Just simply living and reacting to the world in a way you feel beneficial is just as effective, if not more so, than any ministry.

So I've been going back and forth with a friend on to topic of Taoism. A summary of our on going banter is that they feel there is too much emphasis on gender when it comes to energy practices. My response to that is there is only an emphasis if you want there to be, but they're pretty insistent that there's no middle ground in some areas, that your body dictates what you are told to do, even if you are genderqueer or transgendered and don't identify with your biological sex. I guess my question is, is perception of gender really that big a deal when it comes to energy practices/cultivation of chi? And if so, in what areas? Are you perceived as doing yourself a disservice by not perceiving yourself as having the traditional energies ascribed to a body by its physical attributes?

Interesting post. I've never really thought of sexual urges as something other than a side effect of physical existence. I've heard of harnessing and cultivating energy created by sexual desire, but it kind of strikes me along the same lines as harnessing and cultivating energy created by hunger. I am rather unread about the topic, so I acknowledge I may be under informed. Redirecting energy generated by sexual urges seems to be a cultural norm, or at least it is perceived to be. When ever someone spends a lot of time and energy on an endeavor the most common response it seems is "Wow, this person needs to get laid."

Starhawk, because you are reacting in the way you are, I am going to react the way I did with Non. You are looking to use me to fuel your negativity. So I will not reply to you or acknowledge you on these boards unless I feel you are acting in a way that is not destructive. I don't wish to invalidate you, but like with Non, I can't lend my energy to hostility. I hope you find peace as well PS- My handle is "Romie" not "Ronie"

Starhawk - I have a name (or at least a handle) and yet I am addressed as "the female reader". While it may seem egocentric of me to assume it's just me you're addressing, your post encompassed a response to mine and at the time I was the only one who indicated their gender as female. If you sincerely were addressing all members with XX chromosomes, and not acting passive-aggressively, it's a non-issue. I think you've already been eloquently replied to otherwise by other members, so I'll leave my reply at that Non, I am replying to you to tell you I'm not going to reply to you. This may seem backwards, but I don't think you're going to get anything out of conversing but fuel for your hatred, and I thought you should know that. I don't want you to think I'm ignoring you or invalidating you, but your reactions make me feel it's something I don't want to lend my energy to.

It's been my experience that some people who complain that nice guys don't get anywhere, identifying themselves as the nice guy, are generally assholes and can't identify when they're not being all that nice. The rampant misogyny in the posts that ask this question are a good example of this. PS- when this question is asked, I don't get the feeling that the people asking are looking for a partner or an equal (especially when "beauty" and hotness are mentioned), but that could just be my past experiences clouding my judgment.

Uh... medieval alchemy? Which evolved into chemistry

Ok, I'll bite. Mercola: Just look at any of them and you will see they clearly state that the mechanism of action is unknown. As an example, from the package insert of Cymbalta: "Although the exact mechanisms of the antidepressant, central pain inhibitory and anxiolytic actions of duloxetine in humans are unknown, these actions are believed to be related to its potentiation of serotonergic and noradrenergic activity in the CNS." When you test on an animal, you can cut it open and look at its brain. Not so much with humans. The statement comes down to testing and what companies are allowed to do. They get an effect in an animal, they theorize it happens in people. This is why animal testing leaves a lot to be desired when it comes to human medicine. It's possibly just something that's been fed to my aforementioned cohorts to keep them compliant, but in the past they had made it sound like there are physical conditions that lead to low serotonin levels. Mayhaps the wool hath been pulled o'er mine eyes. I trust Mercola as much as I trust big pharma, frankly. While a great portion of the information there is useful, the sites main purpose seems to be using that information as fear tactics to advertise the goods and services offered by that site. Hence why I trust blogs (like Jane's or "Beyond Meds") more.

I know people that work for a rather large pharmaceutical company. One of the unofficial company motto's is "We make treatments, not cures". According to them this mentality isn't unique to their current employer but is indicative of the corporate community as well. That said, some medications can work for some people. For example, according to Wikipedia, SSRI's "are believed to increase the extracellular level of the neurotransmitter serotonin by inhibiting its reuptake into the presynaptic cell, increasing the level of serotonin in the synaptic cleft available to bind to the postsynaptic receptor." SSRI's are great if your depression is caused by a chemical imbalance. But if your depression is caused by other issues it's probably not going to do anything or possibly make things worse. There is no "cure all" for mental unrest. Things like depression can be caused by many things. SSRI's won't help with your depression if it's caused by trauma, healing practices won't cure your depression if it's caused by diet, improved diet won't cure it if it's caused by a chemical imbalance, etc. Each person needs to sort themselves out and try to find why, if they can at all. Sometimes you just never know (or are afraid to let yourself know) and it just doesn't go away. That was a wordy way of saying, I think it depends on the person. SFJane? Holla! Her youtube videos introduced me to Taoism and meditation.

Mewtwo, have you ever read any interviews with Temple Grandin? She's very inspiring and has similar views of Autism. I don't recall her relating to it spiritually, but she looks at it as an advantage.

Thank you