InfinityTruth

Can any mods assist me?

Thank you Mal! You're an awesome guy.

Thank television and the secret programming they put in it as well as everywhere else. These people don't know better. They're just doing what they were taught. Being a man is strongly discouraged. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rkl_oLSKQc 3:51 look at those dumb c*nts who laugh at him getting his dick chopped off. Absolutely sickening to the core. I hate it with every bone in my body. Feminism is NOT about equality, feminists are famous for double standards. Favoring women over men all the time. Equality is certainly not feminism. Feminism is anti feminine.

HOLY FUCKIN SHIT...EXCUSE MY ECSTACY! I'VE BEEN SUBCONSCIOUSLY LOOKING FOR THIS SONG FOREVER! OMG! FUCKIN THANK YOU! SHIT! THIS REALLY IS THE HAPPINESS THREAD!

Sure, I'll bite

If you think of how long you didn't exist before you were born, you will feel better. You've already experienced nonexistance, if that's what happens. Only the dead really know.

Excellent post! Very helpful. I too, have been studying the philosophy/knowledge WAY too much. To the point the other day I completely lost interest in the subject. I'm still so pissed don't want to study it. Time to start practicing more.

You forgot 'all of the above' depends on the subject.

A realization I had the other day while out in the woods. One of the things I've battled with for the last 4 years (Only realizing this now after looking up the symptoms) has been schizophrenia. To what degree...I don't know. The voices have come in the last 2 years. I've battled with voices as well as delusions (Delusions for at least 4 years...I know my delusions are false, but it's so hard to drop them) (I've never had visual hallucinations yet so far). I noticed that the voices came when I first smoked weed and progressively got worse with time. They liked to disturb my mental states and would happen all the time at night. They had me crying at one point (Very low point in my life) because they wouldn't stop coming at me. Eventually they slowly reduced on their own accord after I quit allowing them to disturb my mental states. I had months of freedom from the voices (I still had delusions when around people). Then I got invited to a party and got completely hammered. The next day BOOOOOM the voices and weird noise hallucinations were back and stronger than ever. Slowly though it began reducing again after weeks of this shit tormenting my head. About 3 weeks now. Then I went into the woods the other day and was meditating(The voices were still there).... I got an insight into what schizophrenia really is...it wasn't actually an insight. More of a feeling. I could FEEL what schizophrenia was like inside my brain. As I was meditating I went inside my brain and I realized that it was a really uncontrolled/injured part of my brain that was causing these voices. I could FEEL the area that was causing this place. I lost that control of that part of my brain after drinking alcohol because my brain/body was not used to it and it caused my brain to lose its function. I had realized that the alcohol had caused my schizo to come back, I knew that much(It was VERY strong at first), but I wasn't really sure at the time why it had come back. After going inside my brain I realized that it was caused because my body/mind was not used to the dosage which was what was causing my schizo or loss of control over my mind. I had the exact same problem when I had first started smoking pot. Which I have given up recently so my meditation can progress and so I don't have to worry about drug tests for jobs. Really a win-win situation. As time passed and my tolerance built up it stopped making me schizo. Anyway, since I went inside my head I have not had any problems with hearing voices that are not there. I had a full day today without hearing any voices. Meditation truly can heal schizophrenia, or at least that is my experience. I was NOT looking for an answer to the voices it just popped up on me randomly. I couldn't settle down after that.

Sounds like a very cool dream. I love symbolic dreams.

My new catch phrase/mantra, 'That's what is.' I was feeling extremely suicidal today crying much of the afternoon (I'm feeling so much better now...I had to have that to get a life changing breakthrough). Anyway, I was out in my woods for the second day in a row, so I decided to go to the devil's throne (Bigass rock) to try and shake the suicidal thoughts/depression. It didn't work while I was there, but when I got back to my car, I came upon the most life changing insight. The answer to all of my problems. I realized that it was comforting to consider killing myself. Which was somewhat disturbing to me to be 100% honest. So I asked myself why is it comforting to feel that way? I realized that it was comforting to say that because it was a form of surrendering to everything. I was giving up. No more fighting any of it. Total acceptance to what is. Actually now I remember how I discovered it, I was so low I was thinking of if a bear mauled me in an encounter, I was totally going to just let him kill me. No fight with him whatsoever, what's the point, he's too powerful. I felt like I would not be fearful, but just let him slaughter me if he wanted, but I would not suffer from him slaughtering me because I've already given up. I was done with the struggle of life, and I still am. I'm here to enjoy myself from now on. Fuck struggling. I'm surrending all of that stuff. As the sun sets and the moon rises, nobody sheds a tear to what is. Your circumstances don't care whether you suffer, rejoice, or stay neutral. Your circumstances are your circumstances whether you choose to suffer from them or not. $150,000 in debt? That's what is. What's the worst that can happen? Bankruptcy gets rid of that anyway. You parents were killed? That's what is, no bringing them back. You get in a car wreck and are paralyzed or blind? As tragic as this is(Not making light of it)... that's what is. I can cry about it, but I can't change what is. Circumstance doesn't care what I think. I'm neither blind nor paralyzed, but I don't want to fear it either. Get mauled by a bear? That's what is. Most people would have a hard time fighting a bear. No one could overpower it. Just by the grace of the bear not wanting to eat you, that you would survive such an encounter. Might as well surrender (Fight back, but fight back without fear...better chance of surviving and by fighting back without fear you will feel no pain) and let it do what it wants. At least you will not live your last moments in psychological terror. Let nothing defeat you but death. Not even death has to defeat you. I have found in my experience that suffering comes from not surrendering/or fighting your circumstance. Trying to fight your way out of a top max security prison is more of a struggle than what it's worth. Pretty hard to break the system. Surrender to the flow. The samurai once said, "Go into battle like you will die and die you will not. Go into battle like you will lose and lose you will." What that saying means is to surrender to what is. Don't fear it. It will give you a calmer mind in battle. I noticed that this insight got me naturally high and VERY free(If you can't tell from my writing). I decided I would walk naked through the woods. If I got caught...that's what is. Not the slightest bit of apprehension about being caught(Very unusual for me)(The area is also very secluded so I really had nothing to fear anyway). This is my life to live not someone elses. I went back and put my clothes on though because the misquitoes and horseflies were just too much (Making it unenjoyable) and I felt like I was just doing it to fight fear. Maybe next time though when the bugs die off it will be enjoyable. Though I surrendered my fears it just was not worth it. I feel like surrendering can make you a bit of a daredevil, but don't be stupid with it. I was also no longer depressed soon after I came upon this insight. Surrendering frees the burden of your mind/and or of suffering. It calms your mind and allows you to see options that a distressed mind is unable to spot. This is the best practice I've ever come across. I found some zen koans (Discovered the other meaning to them is surrender) that are in complete agreement, but at the risk of making this post any longer, I surrender my desire to post them. And now I surrender this insight, so I can listen to the birds, and other forest creatures. I was in the woods when I wrote this...but I wanted to put that in here.

Very nice post. I liked this a lot. Helped me to understand the practice of surrender better, something clicked while I was reading it.

It comes and goes as it pleases lately. At least I'm learning what it's about. The way I understand it as is 'surrender' or 'that's what is'. I try to think of it any other way, and it is not the way I first understood it or the same understanding. I notice it comes back to me especially when I do meditation. Specifically longer meditations. I had it blast me nice and strong today. I'm going to start working more with longer meditations. I usually only do long meditations out in the woods, but I can usually lose my mind in that way.

I met a very similar christian (A Demello type). He was actually the guy that gave me my first akashic record reading(A licensed minister who believes in past lives and doesn't deny truth of other religions ...first time I have ever encountered such a christian). I used to despise all christian beliefs, and anything about christianity until I met this guy. Ever since I haven't really hated any of them. I still have a lot of anger and too many negative experiences with it to ever get too much into it. Up until recently I didn't even realize some christians meditate.

I hear jesus was a taoist.

I think he was a daoist priest for a couple of years if I'm not mistaken. I haven't worked with any of his stuff though. This actually just reminded me that I was going to read up on some of his stuff.

Oh shit, that's where that came from.

Here's what I'm listening today. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvP0uwl3Q6A&feature=autoplay&list=FLRwhLDDruDA8&index=8&playnext=2

I feel like this type of mindframe is almost exactly what I experienced. Thank you. I think I can pinpoint it better now what I experienced. Like at that time, if I got my hand cut off. That's what is. My like or dislike of that has no root in truth. In fact it has very little point. If I dislike it, I will suffer, but I can't change it, so no matter what I'm forced to suffer from this event unless I rid myself of dislikes and while I'm at it I might as well rid myself of likes so that I'm not bound to my dislikes. I think the problem was that I still had a slant for things that I liked, and that probably threw off the whole practice. I will practice having no preference and no dislike.

Hmmmmm, looking at it from the state of impermanence. I could give it a try. I will continue to work with it and see what I discover, and post my findings as I get them. This is only the beginning. There was something very special about that place I was in. I don't have too much aversion to buddhist teachings. I actually find that zen teachings help me better than what I've been able to do with Taoism(Zen seems more organized to me and that helps big time). Still I stay on the forum because I really enjoy this place. The only thing I completely disagree with in buddhism is refering to the dalai lama as a holy man or 'his holiness'. I cringed so bad when I heard that. I will not nor will I ever worship any man as holy and above everyone else. For such a 'compassionate' being he has a lot of arrogance to allow people to call him that.

Wow, I did not realize the attachment in that post.

Yeah, I noticed that when I was writing one of my posts. I used the word 'trying'. I deleted that shit the moment I saw it. I still didn't let go of the need to try though. EDIT: Yep, in one of my post I caught it and used 'seeing' instead of try. I just replaced that devil's word thinking it would mean something different like that. My subconscious is a tricky little devil.

Pretty much surrender to everything that pisses you off in life or makes you feel out of control. Give up all of the struggle if possible. If you can't, don't force it. Then you give up the desire to force it. EDIT: Surrender to the whole.

Haha, very good insight. Thank you. EDIT: I forgot to surrender the fact that I'm out of control of emotional stuff too. I basically forgot to surrender to the whole. I fragmented the surrender to certain stuff.