InfinityTruth

It was such an amazing feeling. So freeing. I would agree the problem comes from 'trying' to control. Good advice at the end and a nice warning. I was definitely high off of the feeling. I came down and I feel like I lost it completely yesterday, but now I'm just feeling normal. I guess I will just have to agree to live life on life's terms instead of my own. Those words in itself make me feel like I'm surrendering my need to control my circumstances.

Very good idea. I freakin lost it yesterday completely. It was like the insight was just more of a high, but I don't think so. I'll keep seeing if I can find it. It was too amazing to just give up.

Well, yesterday I lost it. Pretty depressing towards the end of the day. Today just feels pretty much like a normal day. Not bad, not great. Don't think it's with me right now though. God I was so care-free 2 days ago. How do I truly give up? It was so easy now it seems harder not to interfere.

If it helps even one person then the mission of this thread has been accomplished. Plus I just like sharing my insights.

Just lived an entire day of surrender. For the rest of my life this will be my practice. My life shifted so quickly, and I had what seemed like a TON of problems. I went from extremely stressed out all the time to completely care-free. I'm totally okay with joking/smiling (I surrendered my fear and just don't care what anyone thinks anymore...I'm free at last! ) again with random strangers. I haven't done that since at least 6 years ago. I locked my keys in my car (Really needed to surrender here). It was a 10 mile walk (I have no cell phone). Thankfully I just barely left my window open. I stayed calm and schemed, I took my shoelace and knotted a lasso. Then I picked up a piece of grass and used it to guide it onto the lock doohickey. Took about an hour of staying diligent(Pretty hard to rope), but I finally unlocked the lock. OMG I was so happy when I unlocked it, and a little bit shocked. If I had not had a calm mind, no way I would've thought of that. I don't want to toot my own horn, but that was freakin ingenius! Whenever I'd start losing my calm I'd just state, 'That's what is.' At points I actually felt like I was stoned I was doing so good I think I briefly lost it maybe 3 times total and I got back and balanced very quickly. I notice too when I exhale I'm oftentimes letting go of tension and I can feel it releasing. Feels good.

It's a zen quote from the book 'Beginner's Mind.' From my understanding, meaning that when you do something, do it fully and until it has completely reached the end of its life. Live your life as fully as you can. Leave nothing left unburnt. For me what that meant today, was taking the adventure as far as I possibly could. I went out into the woods with a bottle of pop, notebook(For insight and writing), pen, and myself. Looking for insights and a good time. I journeyed through the greenest tree covered hills by barefoot(Painful at points, but full of out of the normal sensations), got a million prickly shit stuck to my shorts, spent an hour in my boxers picking that stuff off (Made it a meditation), danced and meditated on the devil's throne (One bigass rock), got some insights on the rock, got scared shitless at 'unknown' noises/voices, seen a couple of deer, heard a moose, seen two bald eagles, smelled a TON of flowers in a field, and came back to mainbase at about sunset and meditated the rest of the time. When I first tried to adventure there, I notice that fear tried holding me back and did briefly. I get the feeling that happens a lot without me realizing it. When I first went into the woods I left and went back to mainbase because I 'heard' a spooky cat noise. Also I was scared to see snakes or possibly bears, wolves(I hate snakes). Anyway, if I hadn't taken that as far as I could I would not have experienced all of that, and it would've sucked to have missed all that. I played that out exactly how I wanted too. I suppose, I could have went to the furthest end of the woods (The dirtier/scarier part of the woods) to take my adventure a little further, but that's pretty minor. I go back there tomorrow though and maybe that will be my next adventure. All in all, fulfilling day. I expressed myself exactly how I wanted. No wood left.

Thank you!

I only wish I had discovered it sooner, but better late than never. I've heard of it before(In taoist stories), but I never really KNEW/understood what it was saying like I do now. Other words for surrender - Let it be(Beautiful song...I'm listening to it now! ), go with the flow, surrender, give up, throwing in the towel. I think it's the remedy to suffering. At least it is to my suffering. EDIT: This metaphor keeps coming up in my mind. It's like surrendering to the bear(Or the circumstance of life/the force). If the bear wants to eat you it will eat you whether you let it or not. It's too powerful to overcome. Might as well surrender and enjoy the ride.

I saw that documentary on the science channel a couple of years ago. A scottish chap. It didn't help that he had hordes of grizzlies swarming the area. Can't have any peace of mind that way, and combined with being alone it's the perfect storm. No need to wait to go camping though(Unless you really want too), just go spend a day sitting out in the wilderness. Getting tons of insights and meditating. I go out there once a week and spend the entire day out there. The woods is my church, but a million times better.

Minnesota, no grizzlies thankfully. Black bears, but there's videos on youtube of them running away from cats. Still I wouldn't want to encounter one. Not too much for poisonus snakes around here, but I just dislike snakes. We do have wolves and the rare mountain lion(I did see one of those). As for protection, I can pick up a stick mighty quick. Nature's not too scary around here. Thankfully. Just misquitoes, ticks, and horseflies.

Hhahaha. Good idea.

Fast forward to 4:58-end. I just thought that last bit had a lot of wisdom. That and I agree with the part where he says that the word 'love' is so abused that it has no meaning anymore. I know the majority(This being an eastern philosophy forum... ) here probably have no concept of an afterlife 'hell' (Me either), but something that he said struck a chord with me. I could easily be a satanist if the last bit of this video is satanic philosophy.

I'm so sick of seeing movie downloads, and commercials for buying things on this site. It is really ruining this site. Anyway, thank you. Just my 2 cents.

Yeah, christians from my perspective, the ones I've always seemed to get direct contact (irl...the ones I've met online can be cool though) with have been INCREDIBLY ignorant. They know nothing about other belief systems and yet they talk about them and condemn them without any knowledge of the beliefs. When I was forced to go to church they were having missions at colleges trying to convert wiccans and labelled them as satanists. The fucken nerve of these guys. When I got older I briefly (2 months?) experimented with that belief system(Mostly out of rebellion...that's when I started refusing to put up with church anymore). I learned the majority of what the churches were saying about wicca was completely untrue. Wicca is a religion of peace. They would never worship satan because they don't even believe in satan. Plus the 3 fold rule anything they do would comeback to them 3 fold. They wouldn't want that kind of negative energy around them. I still like the nature aspect of wicca to this day.

Feelings, actions, or very quiet thoughts. Sometimes they just aren't as loud as usual thoughts when you pay attention. I'll get to a point where I think there's no thoughts coming up, but I'll feel more like shit than with thoughts. There's no inner peace. I'm guessing it's because I'm suppressing thoughts.

I have that exact same problem sometimes. They suddenly become really subtle and quiet and not said in words. They go ninja when they don't want to be spotted.

'Go up to the add reply, yeah up there! TYPE TYPE TYPE TYPE TYPE TYPE TYPE TYPE TYPE TYPE TYPE!! I make a lot of noise typing. Damn I need to take this bowl into the kitchen.'

LOL, what a funny thread that I have accidentally stumbled myself upon! Just my 1/2 cent, no truth offered whatsoever!

It won't take long and you'll have it stuck in your head in no time!

Wow, very informative! I KNEW there was something hindu about her appearance. My intuition was telling me earlier that she had something to do with jupiter(Don't ask...I have no idea...lol), so it's cool that that was mentioned also. I think I have a connection to her in a past life, but I'm not sure.

Very positive song. I'm studying the lyrics in this gold nugget.

Guilt for your family, fear of coming back and reliving the life over. Shame of what others will say. Those are the main reasons. All I can say is I've hit an extremely low mood(As well as I kind of got an insight...all suicide prevention is based on fear, shame or guilt). And I've been thinking about it. I honestly don't see suicide prevention based on anything other than fear, shame, and guilt control methods. All the reasons are based on fear, shame or guilt. Give me one example that is not. Why should i live for my family's happiness when being alive is putting me through hell? Wjy is my family's happiness based on me being alive in the first place? I just can't think of any actual reason to go on anymore. I want to quit playing this character. Maybe, it's just this sad mood I'm in. I'm going to give it plenty of time to think about this before doing anything. I just want to know one genuine reason that is not based on fear, shame or guilt to keep going on as a sad drone. What is the honor in that? And what do you really get from honor? Nothing. Think it through before you give an answer. Make sure that it is not based on fear, shame, or guilt. Not everyone is strong enough to overcome their obstacles. Or drag through the mud with their obstacles. I find that kind of funny since I used to be anti-suicide. I understand their perspective now.

Very good post. I felt a lot of peace while reading it. Dying in due time and such. Nothing to fear because anything life can throw at you can and will be handled. Whether you have to persevere it, or you can solve it. Good post.

I'm unstable at this point. Not really suicidal but if these circumstances change too much for the worse I don't know if I will be able to handle them. Change is coming and I don't know if it will be for the best. That night, I got to thinking and I realized that the only reason I'm living is out of fear, shame and guilt. I would've killed myself a long time ago otherwise. That's seems to be the reason that many people push on. But in exchange for their livelyhood because they have never found an actual reason to be alive. Fear that I will come back and relive this life. Shame that people will laugh at my death. And guilt at what I will put my family through. If I'm going to live I want to have an actual reason to live. A reason for suffering. Not just for the sake of suffering.