三江源

I got to 140 grains and failed on 'agamous' which I guessed to mean 'without marriage'... maybe it actually means a mouse in a joanna trollop novel.

I burn tibetan incense every day on an altar, I light it in the morning and give thanks. I like it during practice but isnt essential or habitual.

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Zhendi Wu is a powerful, wonderful and deeply feminine taoist master who has a visible presence in the world. So many of them dont wish to have that, of course. http://www.dao-hua-qigong.com/en/school.html

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I do sympathise, mwight. It is isolating, isnt it. funny really, because on one level I am actually isolated in that a lot of the time I am communicating with people it is *entirely on their terms.. and so this creates a gap.. a disparity in awareness. at the same time because I have this felt knowledge that we are all one, I dont feel the disparity, I feel close. And I know parts of me are unconscious and in denial and unevolved, too. * it feels this way to me.. but I know from the amount of feedback that I get, that actually, people are appreciating the 'difference' of my way, even if they arent conscious about what it actually is. So maybe you are planting seeds. Or having an effect on the rock, as the sea does.

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Yes, I do think the Kwan Yin meditation would do something for you, because it is lunar and feminine and compassionate. I hope you can find it and practise it. The exchanges that I practised were a sharing of energies in the style you hear of monks and nuns in tibet doing.. but raunchier. I also have had times of experiencing intense craving for the energy of the opposite sex. Sometimes it was excruciating. It was a very palpable and particular need. As I saw it, not meeting that need was me being well and truly sealed in the alchemical vessel and getting utterly cooked. No balance coming from the outside... on and on and on and on, it not coming from the outside.. I craved the balance more and more as it continued to not come. And it didnt come, because I held back, not wanting to get into any 'sticky' situations, not wanting to be overheated and draw anyone into my own heightened drama, I instinctively kept away from everyone but the most competent, charged, and contained. And they are a rare find. As I currently see it, being sealed in that heat allowed a great strength to emerge and a very evolved innner opposite, in other words, a less polarised self. I think it is a blessing to go through the desert alone. Really I do. Though I know it hurts.

uh-oh. not me. never felt a pull toward Egypt, never even been, dont wear that kind of eyeliner, got blonde hair, nooooooooo.......

Smile - quite, why wouldnt you. you arent wrong at all. So I meant it when I said thanks.I hadnt seen it that way.. I was thinking simply along the lines of a disembodied teacher from atlantis looking for people whose karma he can accelerate coming to visit me in the night and jhuzzing up my energy field. But I know I can say vamoose. So it's okay. Fact is I feel really frazzled today in that chi -hangover way, and just want to huddle by the fire and drink tea. It is sooo cold here in London and I feel like I was at a nightclub way too late last night. I have yet to finish the book, so will report back if any further developments. If you want it, Smile, I'll post it on to you..

thanks for the positive re - frame.

Smile, I'm glad she's fine now. I spent yesterday afternoon reading the emerald covenant. It is easy to read but mightily pedestrian prose. I've just reached the initiation in egypt part. I dont know why they are going for the initiation or what for.. just that it is happening. Feels like a lot has been left out, at least so far. The spooky thing is, that I had a very very weird night, waking up wide awake at 12.45 am, lots of vivid bliss in my body, buzzing as if I had just gotten a transmission. I tried to place my consciousness in my body: lower dt active - check. middle dt also - check. 3rd eye - check and kapow into a space of hyper lucidity in which I could hear my neighbour having an orgasm.. (it was her voice,definitely. but I cant, never have, hear/d her through the walls.) I heard people in the street moving, their feet, their clothes moving on their bodies, wasnt sure if it was their thoughts I was hearing or people's dreams.. or what. It went on and on.. Then I felt something in the room and I began a spontaneous chant in my head about light and love and God. I dont know what sort of altered state I was in. I'm going to finish reading the book. But I cant say I want to keep it.

my vision shows me that what we call 'karma' is the movement of our part of the kalaidoscope ( I cant spell that word today... ?) because we are not separate, every shift we make has repercussions. look down into an actual kaleidoscope, or into a sacred geometry image and imagine it moving. you are in there. every movement creates a shift in the pattern. that is karma. it is inevitable.

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Cal - Mag at bedtime. Great in camomile tea, for a heartburn free sleep. A good green powder, daily. Slippery elm tablets, as and when needed. Chia seeds eaten as they come absorb acid, and as a gel, make a nice soothing mucilage for the gut. Aloe vera. Fennel seeds chewed after meals. Drop or two of pure peppermint oil on the tongue. Eat more slowly!