Ming

I second what one said earlier: Why put everything in boxes? Talking about "isms" or methods only limits you. Buddhism or Taoism, who cares? Differences are only a matter of perceptions and perceptions limit your vision. Go beyond that. You all are more than that.

Someone once said meditating is like watching a sky full of crows (thoughts) hiding a blue sky (Tao or whatever you call it). You cannot chase the birds (you may lessen their numbers as being sat down, you calm your body then your thoughts), you can only develop your (in)sight to see between them and see what's beyond. Personally, it's also the way I feel. When I meditate, I just unwind until I feel (or see it, for the metaphor) it and it comes to me. In a way, to think of nothing, you don't have to think. Just feel. A good way to be present in the present (because when we think, we're not) is to try to feel all that your 5 sense feel at the same time every second!.

I would like to develop on the very good topic “IS VIOLENCE JUSTIFIED?” One day, I was in the street with a friend, sat on the ground near a high school when a kind of drug dealer came around, asking if we wanted to get some stuff …etc… The guy kept harassing us and it pissed me off since he started to kind of ask for trouble with my friend and my friend let him do so. The more my friend tried to stop the conversation the more the other guy came back to him, insulting him and so forth. Since I couldn’t put up with him (it was humiliating and almost like a racket in front of me!), I talked back to him to stir things up to avoid my friend any more pain in the neck. The guy took it badly, I answered. Shit got escalated… I was on the brink of fighting in the street, to defend a friend. I was looking straight to the eye like “If you try to punch me, you’re dead (I would have seriously killed him, cause it felt like it was me or him)”. The guy saw I was not a big mouth but kept going. Right at that point though, right before I lose control and go wild (which I hardly do and try not to), I realised something. Losing it all, life etc (the dealer got a knife on him, unlike me, and I realized that later, but I wouldn’t have cared back then since I would have given my all to smash his face) for a simple fight on the street (and to help out a friend…which to me, is a good reason) was not what I wanted/expected for me and IS VERY SILLY. But I felt that I had to do it for my friend out of bravery… I felt that if I didn’t help him out, I would face myself in the mirror saying to myself “Coward, you don’t even help your friend and call yourself a man”. Hopefully, a friend of the dealer split us just at the right moment but in hindsight, it could have gone VERY far and I could or he could have been dead by now. Then after that, to calm things down, I finally apologized (after my realization, my heart was not in the mood but it got the dealer to stop showing off and not bully us now…that’s what they call respect? ^^) and feelings weren’t running high any more… and we got away. It’s very silly. I try to be peaceful the most I can. I’m Taoist and preach non-violence. I wanna turn the other cheek. But if someone hurt the ones you love, or kill them…etc.. will not acting be an act of Cowardice or is acting an excuse for violence you got inside you (I’m not proud of that either). For those of you who lived or live in dangerous places and know what it’s like, maybe you’ll understand. I, for one, often act like a dare devil to protect my friends but to what end? This is not a simple argument with a workmate, this is street fight and can result way worse and faster. It’s a matter of life and death. This kind of situation can happen anytime. That’s why it’s serious. Therefore, I have some practical questions : In the face of danger for you and your family, would you put your taoist ideals aside and strike back for some “so-called” good reason (which is saddening because you’re still too much attached to people or feelings…and peace of mind seems far away haha), or would you be strong enough to turn the other cheek and face your karma without feeling like a coward hiding behind some Taoist excuses because you are afraid to die like a hero? How do you deal with muggers? They say Hell is paved with good reasons. Defending oneself is violent but is lying to oneself worse? If your country were at war, would dying for honesty worth it, even for a stupid fight? I count on you to let me know what you think about it. Thanks for having had the patience to read my story. Peace. Ming

So many answers, thank you all for that. I truly appreciate all your feedback. For the ego, I acknowledge I’ve got some (some of you may say way too much haha probably so) and I’m not proud of that. I’m here to learn. I would say that is a lesson for me (and my friend maybe also), reminding me that my ego is still big and it’s good for me to keep working on that a lot. I’d sum up by using some very interesting thoughts of yours: “Know why to fight, when to fight, when to stop the fight and when to walk away” “Choose your battles wisely, otherwise you get scarred too often and weaken spirit” “The key resides in effective ways to interject and catalyze the better turn of events..” Anyway, it helps to have different opinions. It allowed me to have a more comprehensive view of it. Thanks again for all. Ming

To answer that : Not helping a friend who's being almost attacked in front of me. A friend in need is a friend indeed. In hindsight, stirring it up might not have been the best way to solve the issue. Leaving would have been better.. But that's all I found, at that time, to get the attention from my friend to me though. Violence was more a last resort thing, which hopefully I didn't resort to. I do not like fights either, nobody does. Confrontration had this effect in that the guy, which clearly didn't wanna move, took me seriously. In street codes, so many people call it a bluff with their big mouths and you gotta make yourself heard to make sure it's gonna be alright. Not too weak, not too strong. So I guess it was rather instinctive. I'd say none of us need choice c which implied fighting, cause it's worse than confrontation. Confrontation and argument is a test before it and the situation can improve through it. Fights need more time and more efforts. Anyway, thanks for the feedback. I appreciate it.

Sorry for the message that appeared twice. Problem of connexion.

Hi, Thanks for the answer. I agree with you on the fact that going away or running is a good option. Back then, I didn’t think of it since the guy would keep coming back at us but it could have been an option, it’s true. I often wonder how high-spirited people would react if they were being mugged: would they convince their aggressors to drop it, or give them everything they got and bless them, or beat the shit out of them and bless them then? It may idealistic but I don’t see the point of Taoism (or any religion if any) if it’s not practical. Because here is the real mirror: Dealing with our own dark sides when we are in danger. Others’ dark sides are a representation of our own’s. We see our real selves. That’s when we learn the most. It is in the hardest storm that we see the most brilliant captains. I think you summed it up with this sentence on Violence: “ You have to face the challenge on one level. And you can decide whether that's going to be the psychological level (risk of feeling like a coward), or the physical level (risk of injury).” Indeed, I don’t think there’s any other way. So, thanks again a lot for your feedback. It proved helpful. I guess it’s one thing we all have to deal with, in one way or another someday. And that’s for each one of us to make the right call. Cheers. Ming

Hi, Thanks for the answer. I agree with you on the fact that going away or running is a good option. Back then, I didn’t think of it since the guy would keep coming back at us but it could have been an option, it’s true. I often wonder how high-spirited people would react if they were being mugged: would they convince their aggressors to drop it, or give them everything they got and bless them, or beat the shit out of them and bless them then? It may idealistic but I don’t see the point of Taoism (or any religion if any) if it’s not practical. Because here is the real mirror: Dealing with our own dark sides when we are in danger. Others’ dark sides are a representation of our own’s. We see our real selves. That’s when we learn the most. It is in the hardest storm that we see the most brilliant captains. I think you summed it up with this sentence on Violence: “ You have to face the challenge on one level. And you can decide whether that's going to be the psychological level (risk of feeling like a coward), or the physical level (risk of injury).” Indeed, I don’t think there’s any other way. So, thanks again a lot for your feedback. It proved helpful. I guess it’s one thing we all have to deal with, in one way or another someday. And that’s for each one of us to make the right call. Cheers. Ming