resonant111

i wanna update my situation. despite my best intentions, aaron's advice and predictions have turned out to be correct. i'm giving up on my "no ejaculation" vow because it's done nothing but complicate my life (ironically enough). i feel like perhaps, i have brainwashed myself into thinking that "building energy" is necessary for personal liberation. in my experience, it has only caused more suffering. i mean, it's literally gotten to the point where my main focus in life is not ejaculating. that worry, in and of itself, has been more emotionally draining than any ejaculation ever could be. my "final try" i went two weeks, and it felt so completely and totally unnatural during the second week. felt like i had far more energy than my being could even hope to express. i felt like every action i made, especially in social situations, was giving off an almost creepy sexual vibe. i felt like my natural being was totally and completely repressed, and was manifesting itself in a very awkward ways. around males, i felt i was inadvertently giving off sexual cues and i seemed they thought i was "hitting on them" even though i wasn't. as a result, i started to block off my emotional center almost completely around guys. it's like i had all this energy boiling in me and i couldn't express ANYTHING without people thinking i was gay or hitting on them or something. i couldn't express myself around women either, cuz' i didn't want them to think i was some horny creep. in short, i had WAY too much sex energy boiling in me, causing what trunk would refer to as "psychological stagnation." i felt like my non-ejaculation was doing nothing but repressing my natural sexual self and amplifying my own emotional issues. props to seth ananda for his success with this, but i'm done. i think i'm just going to masturbate 3-4x a week at this point and go back to being a "normal" guy. it seems like i undertook this process out of fear and fear alone...and that's no way to live life.

I just wanted to bump this because this always comes up with me. I don't enjoy the effects of alcohol...at all...but i'm sometimes invited to gatherings that revolve around the ritual consumption of alcohol. Not drinking isn't hard at all...like you said, it's just tough to feel comfortable when everyone else is heavily imbibing. Just disappoints me that so many social gatherings revolve around this substance. I've seen people literally get offended when I turn down a drink or bring something besides booze. That dynamic makes it difficult so i rarely go to these types of social events anymore... Wish people could just hang out without drinking this stuff...my high school reunion is coming up this summer and guess what...it's at a bar! Lol...i just don't see what the big deal is with drinking.

I appreciate your response, it's good to see other viewpoints on this. I entered this process out of curiousity. I didn't flat out "believe" the teachings when i first came across them...I was pretty skeptical about it at first, but i gave it a shot and the difference was highly noticeable. When i maintain/circulate the energy for a decent period of time i start running on a natural high vibration from moment to moment. When i ejaculate i don't feel different because i "believe" in some teaching...my personal "vibration" is noticeably altered and i no longer run on that natural high i mentioned. i can't deny that the sense of "loss" i experience after ejaculation DOES contribute somewhat to these negative feelings, but so does the ejaculation itself. I used to be a guy who wanked every single day of my life, so i've seen both sides of this coin. I've tried moderate ejaculation too, as mentioned, but at this point i feel that stopping ejaculation entirely is best for my own situation. I'm going all in, if you will... Even if i don't reach my goals it's not a big deal...worst that happens is i keep repeating the same cycle over and over again. The potential benefits outweigh the risks so i might as well try.

i feel a noticeable difference any time i ejaculate. in fact, the longer i go without ejaculating the more noticeable the difference is. when i build up and sublimate energy i gain confidence, energy, focus, have greater control over my emotions and can enter a relaxed meditative state much easier. right now i'm trying to stop willful ejaculation completely, as it does nothing for me. if the energy TRULY has to come out, it will happen in a wet dream eventually.

I agree. Everytime i try the "occasional ejaculation" route or whatever it just feels like a waste. One ejaculation and it feels like i'm right back at square one...have to totally build the energy up again. It's like rolling a boulder up a hill just to push it back down. I'm going to get there. It's been my goal this entire year to "not go back" but i keep slipping up. I know i can do it though, just gotta keep pushing forward till' i get it right. Lot of it is just clearing out my old, stale patterns which has been a process, no doubt. Ok, I'm going to bump this thread the next time i get those urges to use porn. The advice has been helpful and it's nice to get input other than "it's totally natural and good for your prostate...just jerk off!"

It's plausible that it might be more about this "pleasure pattern" than the porn itself. It's just strange that the pattern is always triggered by the latent porn images blazed into my mind. This is true. If i sit here and try "not to think about porn" i always end up thinking about it, lol. Like you said, i think the most effective way to deal with it is to just focus my energy on something else, although it's not always easy. Sweet, thanks for the input. I think part of the reason i've been getting such a strong negative reaction after using porn is because i've started to really notice the subtle energetic difference from sublimating the energy. i take it as a wake-up call. my bodymind is telling me "c'mon now, evolve. there's nothing in this ejaculation business, it's time for you to take the next step here." my periods of no ejaculation have always brought me a sense of peace, greater awareness etc. and the noticeable empty feeling after an orgasm is like proof that sublimation is the path i need to take up. i'm glad you support my intentions here. sometimes i wonder if i get too obsessive about the non-ejaculation, transmutation stuff so it's nice to see someone with a similar viewpoint. oh and you mentioned something about vivid dreams...that is something i definitely notice after a few weeks of working with the energy...my dreams are practically lucid, i remember patterns/things from my childhood i forgot about etc.

what do you mean by "corrected and deleted"? That'd definitely be helpful

yes, the symptoms are especially strong right after ejaculation and persist for 2-3 days. i still feel a bit off on days 4-6 but after that i start to feel normal again. in contrast, when i go over a week without ejaculating i start to feel really good...confident, full of energy, easier to socialize, easier to meditate, etc. this "good vibe" is always ruined if i mb to porn... Good advice, aversion never works but at the same time it's difficult to just "accept" these images as they flood into my consciousness. I've tried letting the thoughts run their course but like i said, the images/fantasies just keep flooding in until the point where i just watch the videos so i don't have to think about it anymore. I feel like certain porn images are emblazoned into my mind...on a deep subconscious level i'm highly "turned on" by them, yet on the conscious level i'm trying to deny their existence. certainly a dilemma.

well i usually go two weeks before i "give in" and masturbate but i always feel terrible afterwards. not in a guilt sense, so much as my entire being just feels like crap. i express almost all the symptoms of post-orgasmic illness syndrome: irritability, anxiety, depressed mood, difficulty socializing, not feeling any empathy for anyone. for physical symptoms i get incredibly painful headaches which last up to 5 days after i ejaculate and feel very lethargic and tired. that's why i want to take the path of "no willful ejaculation." it just ruins me. i feel like if i truly "need to release" my body should do it in it's sleep. the horrible symptoms never seem to happen after wet dreams, so i'm thinking it is a much more natural release than masturbating at this point. porn is the ONLY thing that gives me an urge to masturbate, so i was just wondering how i can overcome that i guess.

i got into the practice of sexual transmutation about a year ago but i still don't know if i'm doing this right. seems like there's a lot of experts on this board so hopefully i can get some feedback. HISTORY: a year ago i started to realize that watching porn and ejaculating nearly every day was leading me into a legitimately depressed and apathetic state of mind. i was always told, even by my parents that masturbation was "totally healthy" and nothing to be shameful of. Last year I started reading tons of taoist, and tantric texts which explained the concept of sex transmutation...that storing and circulating sexual energy brings benefits such as increased willpower, energy, spiritual awareness, etc. I experimented with "retaining the seed" for an indefinite period of time (two weeks-a month typically) and then ejaculating to porn in order to gauge the difference. The results were absolutely obvious...after ejaculation, I felt much less inspired, and very moody...almost like I was on a "man-period" of sorts. WHERE I'M AT NOW: I'm at the point where I want to COMPLETELY eliminate willful ejaculation from my life, and practice solely the tantric circulation of sex energy but it has proven difficult. My only main "practice" is alternative nostril pranayama breathing, and meditations where I consciously "focus" on the breath. Is this enough though? Despite my disillusionment with porn, I still get the occasional urge to watch it, which pretty much ends any progress I had made up to that point. This usually occurs a few weeks into the practice when the energy gets really intense (sometimes I can feel my second chakra/dantien heavily PULSING and this is when the urge gets tough to handle). I'm also curious about male multiple orgasms. I completely AVOID masturbation of all types when transmuting...is this a mistake? I've experienced heightened states of sensitivity and energy but nothing really comparable to an orgasm itself. Is there such thing as a solo "tantric masturbation" practice where one builds up energy, orgasms, but does not ejaculate? I guess I'd just like some advice on my practice in general...sometimes I feel like I'm just repressing this energy...I guess i'm just looking for other techniques to work with the energy besides breathing exercises. Long read, thanks for all who got this far! -resonant111

I don't just feel guilty about masturbating though...I literally DESPISE the feeling post-ejaculation. It's not just guilt, but a literal sense of "loss." I always feel as if I have squandered something very precious. Overall my entire being just feels empty, and my creativity generally plummets. Whenever i retain and circulate the energy with pranayama i feel completely alive, my inner vibration is noticeably higher. I know you wish me the best, but I feel that the path of "non-ejaculation" is the only one I can take at this point. All of my experiences in life have led me to this point...i can't turn back now. I was just wondering if people knew of any other practices to help me retain and circulate the energy. I do not plan on freely masturbating and ejaculating, because i simply don't believe it produces ANY spiritual fruit whatsoever.

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i feel you on this man. it seems like every path one can go down (occupation wise) is marred by dollar signs and greed. people with liberal arts degrees are resigned to working for corporations, helping them sell more useless products while simultaneously polluting the earth and our collective unconsciousness. C T has some good advice though...you gotta put everything you have into even the most seemingly mundane things. Put yourself into everything you must do in life, even if you don't fully "agree" with society or whatever.

i'm not gonna lie, that's an incredibly interesting hypothesis. anyone who's familiar with the bardo states KNOWS that visions of mating couples are part of that experience. let me quote the english version of the tibetan book of the dead for those not familiar: INSTRUCTIONS FOR SEXUAL VISIONS O (name), At this time you may see visions of mating couples. You are convinced that an orgy is about to take place. Desire and anticipation seize you, You wonder what sexual performance is expected of you. When these visions occur, Remember to withhold yourself from action or attachment. Humbly exercise your faith. Float with the stream. Trust the process with great fervency. Meditation and trust in the unity of life are the keys. If you attempt to enter into your old personality because you are attracted or repulsed, If you try to join the orgy you are hallucinating, You will be reborn on an animal level. You will experience possessive desire and jealousy, You will suffer stupidity and misery. If you wish to avoid these miseries Listen and recognize. Reject the feelings of attraction or repulsion. Remember the downward pull opposing enlightenment is strong in you. Meditate upon unity with your fellow voyagers. Abandon jealousy, be neither attracted nor repulsed by your sexual hallucinations. If you are you will wander in misery a long time. Repeat these words to yourself. And meditate on them. *** So perhaps by watching porn in a meditative state, one can practice the idea of being "neither attracted nor repulsed by the sexual hallucinations." in that case, watching porn COULD indeed prove beneficial. if one is using it simply to get off on their egoic sexual fantasy however, well that wouldn't exactly be spiritual use of the medium. everytime i've ever used porn to "just get off" it has been a completely shallow sexual experience, devoid of any love or awareness whatsoever. interesting post though therion!

This site helped me come to the realization in the past year or so that I was literally wasting my sexual energy on a daily basis. I've been trying to stay established on the path of sublimation, but I have had many regressions along the way. I figure these forums will help me stay motivated in my efforts. -resonant111