oildrops

I've always had an iffy relationship with money. In recent time I have placed an unwavering value on my time and labor. If that value is not there, my time goes to other sources of value, and isn't wasted on projects or employment that aren't mutually beneficial. Frugality, lack of status symbol mentality buying everything second hand, and food stamps allow me to live with some freedom to escape servitude. Working for corporate America or serving the yuppies that make real money from it is bad energy in the bank.

home sweet home sweet home not a true name to be cried the owl goes to hunt

I don't know about any of you, but the more honest I am with myself the less I can live the way modern man lives. Have you reached a level of honesty and enlightenment and still live in the damaging and horrible way that most people live? Is it true, or it is a selective form of morality, that is blissful ignorance by virtue of clever mental rewiring? I almost feel like asking this question on the internet is ironic in itself. I have not given up my ideals, but they are on hold right now, because life has been too painful being homeless and solitary. Where does the earth goddess live in your heart when you start your car engine?

I have been fueling the fire a bit too much lately, and I do give energy to the problems I see. The problems I am concerned with are outside of myself. I figure someday I will settle, but I haven't expelled all of my energy yet that wants to go toward a subversive life. I think this is a time for us all to use our free will and our energy to target the issues at hand, not to ignore them any longer. It's a catch 22, and it's a sacrifice, but we are not going to be comfortable forever. We need to bolster the natural citizen, and we need to confront the demons of our civilization, That is where my idealism comes in, I am not worried about myself getting drunk every few days, or smoking some of gods green herb. If anything, it makes me more intolerant to the current human condition, which I believe is the correct way to feel. For the record, I have never been dependent on an intoxicant, which is how I can make a choice when when are clearly going to cause more pain than give me a lesson. I have this conversation often with friends of mine, the line between giving energy to the problems and letting it corrupt your own mental clarity, which in turn makes one less able to positively affect change outwardly- and sticking ones head in the proverbial sand. I see a lot of blissed out facade, and folks who do care enough to live in a way that to me is a half hearted effort to live by ones ideals. I want more people to see the non-linear effects of their consumption and to feel guilt for their actions, in order to help them transition to a new way of life. That's asking a lot, and I don't have high expectations, but another one of my ideals.

I have reduced my consumption of intoxicants as the result of losing my girlfriend. They were vices that made things feel okay, even though I know they are not. Without them, the waves are more intense but they don't last, and I ride them out. I already feel the universe coalescing in a positive way, and I am finding my situation better every day. Warm beds, adoptive families. At the same time, I know things are not okay, and the anger comes from everyone walking around acting like it is all fine, and feeling the expectations of my youth, to succeed at money, and to marry a girl who succeeds at money. Too many suburbs, too many shopping malls, too many unconscious consumers, too much energy use, too little love, not enough listening to one another, not enough knowledge being passes down. At times though, when I am able to smile at a stranger and make it through a day without feeling helpless, I feel lucky, and grateful. I am inspired by the responses here so far. The word craft resonates with me, and the idea that I might have a purpose though I want to reject the notion for reasons I can't get into now. This brought my eyes to water.

Do not use poison, you will end up with a dead bloated animal in your wall stinking for a weeks. What I can say is this. You have already given these mice by letting them into your house (you did not seal your house up properly) and feeding them (you did not seal your food up properly). You are going to now either cause their death in some way, or allow them to thrive and reproduce by changing nothing about the situation. Using a humane trap is just a way to make yourself feel better about killing the mouse (out of sight out of mind). I have trapped mice for a living, not for an exterminator. Mice are very territorial and being away from their claim for even a few hours fucks them over. Kill them with a normal trap and throw them in the compost. If you use a humane trap, then put them far enough away from your house or they will come right back in. If you don't seal up your house then new mice will move in. Or just let them be, and keep your food out of reach. They will move on, starve to death, or vanish into the energy cosmos and then haunt your dreams for the rest of your life until you die from accidentally ingesting rat poison, when they will rematerialize and eat your brains.

Thank you. I am going to need to read this a few times because I feel truth here. I have been in and out of homelessness and solitary living for years. It's not so much a choice as it is an inability to bend and to knowingly harm others. I have a highly abstract mind and every choice I make ripples out. I need to work on making choices from a better place, because I have become angry, and feel the desire to make others uncomfortable. I had found myself in a manipulative situation with a predatory and energy draining overtones for 3 or so months...and old friend. I recently have gotten free (kicked out), and I finally feel life moving forward. I have been learning to love myself again. I also recently expressed my desire to live free of money and society to my girlfriend and she left me because she can't think about that lifestyle. Painful, but that energy is now free to reach forward. I don't ever want a house that is warm at other living things and the earths expense. I have been taken in during these cold months on and off by friends whos love I do not take for granted. When it becomes warmer I plan to live outdoors once more. I see humanity with wide open eyes and I truly feel hate at times. I am able to play the game, I have the social and work skills. I'm hoping to play for only as long as I need to in order to live as a natural citizen. Privileged, yes, ungrateful, yes, but I have lost faith, and I want a new way. I have lost track of this. Maintenance. I will fold my clothing and rearrange my backpack tonight.

I have a very strong pulse in my crown at random times. When focusing there it becomes more intense and if I close my eyes there appears a beautiful colorful tunnel with kaleidoscopic sides and I begin traveling at very high speeds. After a few moments this usually becomes too intense and I move around the orbit a few times to come back to reality. I have woken to light beings checking me out hundreds of times. Wide awake, they slowly fade and I am left with a strange sickly feeling in my third eye area.

" she could tell it was going to be a rough time for me, I think, given my history " Not to be hard on your friend, but she is bringing a problem to you as a seed, knowing that you will grow that seed. I have had plenty of friends who do things like this. They mostly happen to be female. I am sure they mean well, but somewhere in their subconscious they manifest situations to help people suffer as much as they do. Ultimately we are thrown into a world that that is out of control. We can choose to not participate in the evil that surrounds us, as much as possible.

Good point. I am curious what other beings in the universe think about all of the bombing and drilling of the earth that we have done. I wonder if there is peace anywhere in all of space.

If these Incubus/Succubus energies actually exist for us then they are at least a part of us. If my arm was dangerous to the rest of my body, I would cut the arm off. We function at a scale that is required for survival. Other species function as a hive or colony. Our minds seek independence. The planet earth is an organism functioning in the solar system the way your organs function in your body. The galaxy is an organ of the universe, operating at such a scale that we can barely perceive the changes, as our perception of time is merely the speed at which we can function. The life of a fly may feel like 100 years to the fly. Yes. All is one. One Love, One Heart. Let's get together and feel alright. As it was in the beginning. So shall it be in the end.

Orgasms for everyone!

I don't believe the world is going to end, but I have accepted that our species is past the carrying capacity of the environment, that our climate is changing and becoming more violent, and that lucky is the person who thinks they live in a world where their neighbor won't kill them. The human race is on a suicidal path to destroy itself with greed of "first world" lifestyles and energy production (earth raping) disasters. I don't believe the entire world will see catastrophe all at once. I also don't see any event as independent. Natural disasters influence war and disease. Our technology has only been postponing the inevitable. So to answer your questions (even though you weren't asking me, your posts made me think a lot about my own mental health), thinking about these certainly things affects my long term plans, but I am not sure I have ever really had a plan for the future. The notion of things going to shit rapidly pushes me to think about how I really want to live, if I only have 20 years left. I am not going to have children, and I don't think people should be having more than one child. There are barely any parts of the earth left that are not crawling with people and an electrical grid. I am predisposed toward depression, and I am sure the constant thought of losing my health and my family are damaging, because I find it increasingly difficult to participate in society, to have faith in humanity and our longevity, and to strive to build on my life in a corporate-approved manner. I would like to A. Not contribute to the war machine, earth destroying, greed machine B. Live off the grid in a small homestead community C. Enjoy the life I have by not validating the USA, FDA, USDA, EPA, CIA... etc. Freedom and poverty. That said, I just want friendly aliens to come. S.O.S.

Melatonin makes me irritable and puts me into a very trippy half sleep with frightening dreams. I wonder what an entire bottle would do to me... I have found that for myself it's more about what I don't do or consume a certain amount of time before bed. For example if I drink caffeinated tea at all during the day I don't sleep well. Alcohol keeps me awake as well. I want to try that whiskey on the pillow thing, but I just can't waste good bourbon. If I am really having trouble I get out of bed and eat some cheese. That does the trick for me.

There is something funny about asking that question "for your girlfriends sake"....is it that you don't like going down there? Give her an orgasm and then ask her if she thinks it's good for her.

Is this thread a joke?

We need to a mass sovereign citizen movement. Once we are actually free then we can start "not doing" as we please. As it stands we have the bayonet at our backs and all we can do is march forward and pretend we don't see the horror show our race has become. One real act of civil disobedience and that bayonet goes straight through the heart.

I'm not going to read through all the responses, but I think I can help. I had a very similar thing last year, it turned out it was an IT band thing. I did some stretches for IT band and it really helped. I was also doing a lot of yoga and hiking, and after a 10 mile hike my knee started hurting. I am not sure full lotus and intense hiking can really co-exists anymore. Anyway, the knee pain lasted months until I started stretching my upper hip on that side. The hipbones connected to the... knee bone!

I think it's about time the government gets it's lazers out of our spines!

This sounds really complicated. I think I'll stick to naked ladies.

Hey man, the early-mid 20s were hard years for me too. There are a lot of societies expectations weighing down on you during this time. I lost myself for a few years during that time, and it took me a while to get back. I sounds like you are on your way back. As a few more years pass you will probably accept deeper parts of yourself and chill out a bit.

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I do yoga, pull-ups, run, hike, climb mountains, and walk about 5 miles a day at work.

Is there really part of you that is saying "I sure think I should keep getting punched in the guts. That'll be real good." ? Maybe it's good for certain goals, but if you don't like being punched at all and think it might kill you or cause serious injury, then maybe you should stop.

lol You're getting some good advice on this forum. I wish I got some of it when I was our age. Unfortunately I had to make a lot of mistakes before I found out who I was. Everyone always says to learn from others mistakes, but there is no substitution for making your own and integrating...