Flolfolil

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Just relax away the need to debate self/no self. The experience of having a self arises spontaneously from the reality of no self. "I" just don't want to alter my typing to include stuff like "there is a spontaneous desire arising that feels like the need to teach in this non self's perception". This age-old argument is holding you [me] back. It's really easier to identify with the ego when trying to communicate with other people. Yes, I slip back into ego identification occasionally. Hell, most of the day I straight up abide in it. Abiding in ego consciousness does not change the fundamental reality of no self. No attacker, no attacked, no attack. The ego is a tool. There is no wielder. Ego consciousness is a part of the One just like everything else. You cannot possibly be out of oneness no matter how flawed you think your views are, no matter how flawed others think your views are, no matter if you do actions that are good or evil etc etc etc etc

Woah boy. Okay. I debated whether or not to post this here. I weighed the positive and the negative potentials and decided to just go for it. So, as far as I can tell, I've done it. Pretty much anything I have ever read about freedom being like, I now experience it on a constant basis. I could put it into a nice flowery story, but I have always been partial to a good bullet list. Here is said list, a collection of things I now experience. I now fully recognize and visually see that the world around me, including my ego, is an illusion. A picture. Consciousness in my perception, arises spontaneously and is neither divine nor mundane I [?] have been to the place of non perception. The total emptiness where I didn't even perceive going there until I got out and realized it was terrifying and I'd rather not die. I can slip into this at any moment, with barely any meditative effort. I find it difficult to want to sleep because it feels so similar to dying. In and out of this place, consciousness feels like a slider where existence has to construct the idea of consciousness and you are half conscious as you crawl your way out of the singularity, painstakingly. When "I" go here and eventually come out, I am usually greeted by whomever I am around shaking me and the realization I have stopped breathing and was beginning to suffocate. I frequently now have non dual experience and can go into my idea of samadhi whenever I choose. I sometimes find it difficult to differentiate between my hand and an object I am holding. Since the awakening I have been throwing knives in this state with laser like accuracy even though I wasn't even close to being an expert. I understand and experience the spontaneous arising of compassion. This is huge for me because I have always been a sociopathic sadist. Seeing everything as illusion experientially has lead me to strong feelings of just wanting to see a happy picture in front of my material face. I want nothing more than to make people smile and feel love I have dropped all need to be insertive/assertive. Recognizing the other as myself I no longer wish to attack because I don't believe in the attacker, the attacked, or the attack. However, I fluctuate between the desire to teach and the desire to just kick back and be happy with the attainment. My moment to moment experience is constantly nodding to the "Trimurti". I'm witnessing the creation, maintenance, and destruction of the universe so intensely it is hard to keep my job at times. Talking incessantly about my attainment is the only thing I can do to make myself feel like a functioning human being. I understand how guru types seem like they are full of it, because they are stuck on wanting to teach and that is preventing them from fully blissing out. Going into the nothingness, you awaken to the moment to moment choice to be the doer. Currently "I" am choosing to construct an I, so that I may be the doer Right action as far as I'm concerned is flowing like water. The only thing I am forcing now is opening my mouth to talk or type People I used to not get along with at work are all good friends. I said nothing to them and as soon as our eyes met all conflict was resolved. Months and months of ill feelings evaporated on both ends. I'm creating false memories. Consensus reality is half gone to me. I'm picking things up in stores and forgetting to pay for them because I created a false memory of standing in line, handing them the money, etc etc My magical ability is higher than ever, but speaking of it at all kills it completely. It takes about a day to recover after I mention it. The specifics aren't important but basically, the only thing I don't have control over yet is the ability to transcend time and space. If anyone has any heady philosophy that can get me there I'm open to hearing it. All of the people that know me well knew that I was this way all along, even non spiritually inclined friends Pretty sure there is more that will come to me once people start commenting and asking questions but those are the things I can remember right now. Maybe consider ignoring everything in between these lines, because while it lead me to awakening, it isn't necessary for it: /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// [Also, at one last ditch effort to be the teacher/doer, I have discovered a physical system of yoga that makes all of hatha yoga obsolete. You just learn how to walk correctly with every muscle of the body and they are all maintained without the need for practice or exercise. The main point is to immobilize the spine to end mind noise, and in using every muscle to accomplish this goal, you experience the body as One. This is how human beings are inherently meant to walk and I have searched for a year trying to find someone even hinting at this knowledge and found no one. If you want to learn this from me, shoot me a PM.] /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// After I answer questions and potentially teach my system of movement to someone on here, I intend to just kick back and enjoy life. I will give up teaching and write no books. I will cease from telling anyone about how I see and feel. I will drop out of the spiritual community and just work on the commune I have started. Thanks for reading everyone, and for all the guidance Flo

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just avoid spiritual practices for a while and remember to drink water and breathe deep bro [deep inhale AND deep exhale]

Learn all the muscles of the head/neck and exercise them by clenching and releasing them fully about 25-50 times per muscle per day. The ones that raise the ears, draw the ears back, lift the forehead skin, the neck one that pulls your chest skin and face into a grossed out face[this one really rubs your lymph nodes so dont worry if it makes your neck swollen for a little while, it eventually stops and then I believe the lymph nodes start to work better. Imagine that, a muscle that makes a grossed out face while purging nasties from the system!]. The ones that flare your nostrils both wide and constricted. The ones that make you smile gently, and the ones that make you smile wide. Get something like a piece of rubber and work out your jaw muscles. There are two different muscles that produce a high pitched and low pitched vocal sound, so go after those too. There's the tongue...that's a strange little fellow. The muscle that produces a swallowing action doesn't feel like its a good one to strength train. Practice drawing your lips over your teeth into an "o" face. And super important is the muscle that clenches your chin towards the very top of your chest. One that seems to produce a 3rd eye activity/feeling is clenching your eyelids shut as tight as you can - be sure not to make angry eyebrows during this action though. All the muscles of the body are important but I think people have more than enough practice making distressed faces. Work all of these out, then take giant handfuls of your hair and gently tug them. Try to wear your hair down as much as possible, as wearing it up creates a lot of scalp tension. Take nattokinase for a couple months to improve your overall circulation. Can't recommend it enough. Also practice doing as many of these actions at once as you can possibly do in front of a mirror for a nice laugh

That is what I tried my first shot at it and it didn't really work. The aphids just kept attacking all the flowers of my fruiting plants until they fell off.

Yeah I'm in AZ I live in a cheap apartment with hardly any window light. I snuck in a quail farm a couple years ago but the plants in the closet didn't do so well I hate relying on the government. I don't feel entitled to it, or like its really hurting anyone because the country is screwed anyways and everyone is sucking the system dry just as bad as I am...its just the principle of the matter. I'd like to be more self sustaining. Also, yeah they let you buy plants on EBT so there is that. I am pretty good at manifesting the little things I need though. Met someone in the past year that says he can teach me to make LED lights so that is why I am starting to invest more thought in this project.