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i already have a problem of getting strong crushes really easily on pretty women who show signs of attraction to me.. without even going on a date with them. just falling heads over heels in a very short period of time. i'd rather not make that personality flaw of mine even stronger lol.

I just tried a session for the first time in weeks. During those weeks that i took a break from the aneros, i was practicing my mindfulness and meditation throughout my everyday life. It's extremely hard to "let go" when dealing with feelings of sexual sensations. I would start feeling some pleasure, and no matter how much i try to be mindful of the present, i would always find myself longing and craving for the pleasure to be stronger. I think if i could successfully let go of my cravings and stay in the present despite feeling such strong sexual feelings, my mindfulness muscle would be a lot stronger and i'd be closer to true enlightenment. you guys agree? also, C T, i've given up ejaculating for now because i'm trying to practice my mindfulness. sexual cravings aren't that tempting anymore now that i'm more skilled at staying in the present moment. But i find myself being a LOT nicer to pretty girls lol. like, i would just start smiling like crazy and want to talk to them and it's not even lust. I'd feel this lovey dovey mushy feeling.. i think it's the beginning of infatuation and crushes. probably a bad thing.. i don't like that side effect, i might give it up and start having orgasms again. but gonna try it for another week or two and see what happens.

i do know of the aneros forums, but like someone said, i'm skeptical on how much people there are just hyping it up. I've personally never come close to experiencing anything as intense as some of them claim. orgasms that last for several minutes that are so intense that they make you laugh and cry with pure ecstasy... not even close to that. i figured orgasms of that nature are getting pretty close into a meditative trance territory. and also, it takes a lot of mental discipline of "letting go" in order to have those orgasms, supposedly.. so i figure maybe this all goes hand in hand with some type of enlightenment?

i've been reading a lot of ebooks. They talk a lot about "supernatural" abilities like telekinesis/mind reading.... come on, really? I can believe in "energy" at this point, but if that energy can actually be manipulated towards the outside world, there would be scientific proof of it by now... I feel like i'm going on this journey to learn more about all this new information, coming from a perspective of someone who only sees the world materialistically. But all this talk about superpowers is making me roll my eyes a bit... And makes me question if my original view that this is all a bunch of placebo induced superstition was right all along. And i hope no one says that a true guru/master wouldn't want to show his abilities to the world... by showing his abilities to the world, he could change so many lives of people like myself who thought this was all bs, and show us there's a whole other world out there.

i fully accept that everything i know could be false, and i will easily believe anything when i am confronted with undeniable evidence. i don't have the money to set up a research with a couple thousand or more people to test what is placebo and what isn't, so the best way for me to seek truth is to read up on actual studies and seeing the results of those studies. The reason i'm posting this isn't to attack anyone's beliefs or to feed my ego, but because i'm trying to see if there's something that i'm missing. There's so much superstition in this world.. beliefs in gods and ghosts and demons and magical trinkets and energy healing, many of which have been disproved in scientific studies. So you see why i side with the scientific method... to only believe something when it has been proven, otherwise, who's to say it's not just more superstition that so many people believe in, but have been proven to be false? but like i said, i will continue my meditation processes. i recently bought this book http://www.amazon.com/Chakra-Kundalini-Workbook-Psycho-Spiritual-ebook/dp/B00272MBBK/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1348264813&sr=1-1&keywords=kundalini+workbook, and i'll see where it takes me. I do expect results of heightened mood, increased awareness of my body's sensations, but i certainly don't expect anything beyond that.

too many questions... look at acupuncture for instance. it's supposed to be about redirecting or unblocking qi, but look at actual scientific researches on acupuncture... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acupuncture#Effectiveness_research so placing needles in specific qi points has the same effect as placing needles randomly.. i dunno.. the more i read up on what science has uncovered about eastern practices, the more skeptical i become. i really wish that some type of qi or chakra or energy flow actually does exist, but now i am becoming doubtful and i've lost a lot of my motivation to continue. I'll continue to meditate and train my attention because that makes logical sense, but i'm very skeptical on the existance of qi.

My mind is burdened by anxiety and expectations, impatience and frustration. I have a very skeptical and guarded mind that's full of doubt. What can I do? I just can't help it. I can't live in the present and just experience, I'm always thinking of the future and craving for something more. i want constant, full body, orgasmic bliss. I read about the kundalini awakening, which is basically the awareness of the energy that's flowing through me, i think. and I read about sahaja yoga, which can easily awaken kundalini. I am considering giving that a try. Does anyone else have any other suggestions? I also read the multi orgasmic man book, and I will give those practices another chance.. I have already tried them and when they didn't work, i just got impatient and gave up. If I could just have a taste of bliss, maybe i will be more motivated to keep trying. Right now i'm thinking that sahaja is the key to my journey..

it just bothers me a LOT to believe in something that's not true. you mentioned something about Randi rationalizing because they don't want to admit the truth of the existance of the supernatural... that's ridiculous. a man of science will never ever run from the truth. The truth is all that matters in science, and anything that passes scientific tests is true until proven otherwise. the people most likely to do rationalizations tend to be the people who dismiss science. i want to believe. but sh*t doesn't make sense, you know what i'm saying... the placebo effect is so strong too, and people who follow their "heart" instead of listening to reason and logic will end up like the delusional people in the yellow bamboo video i posted who think they have dragonballz powers to kill people with their chi just by shouting at them...

yellow bamboo? here you go. surviving without food by obtaining nutrition through breathing? yeah, that one will be incredibly easy to test, but it'll also probably kill the person or cause him grave physical harm... come on man. can you imagine all the negotiating that people will do to try to pull a fast one? Randi probably said you have to lock yourself in a room with camera and no one entering and no clothing except the ones we provide you, and they didn't agree to that and wanted to bring their own clothes or wanted bathroom breaks or something to sneak food in...

proof would be going under the tests of science and passing them.. anecdotal evidence is not enough. There has not been a single instance of telekinesis or telepathy that passed the scrutiny of science... look... i already explained how much there is to gain to enlighten the world, namely the skeptical and the scientific minded, that there is more to this world than materialism. If they prove themselves, they're not doing it for personal gain, but to show the world how much they are missing and how much there is to gain spiritually.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Randi_Educational_Foundation#The_One_Million_Dollar_Paranormal_Challenge million dollar challenge for anyone who can show proof of the supernatural... look.. i know you guys will say that anyone who has attained true abilities won't care about materialistic gains.But it's more than just that. You say people who has attained true abilities will be endangering their lives to show their abilities as well. Are you saying they're afraid to do something just because it's dangerous, even if it's for the greater good? You are saying that there's nothing to gain from showing the world INDISPUTABLE proof of the existance of things of heightened abilities. There is SO much to gain... you'll be opening the eyes of so many people who were skeptical before. And no, a person with a truly scientific mind will never remain skeptical if you pass all the tests and scrutiny of science... and if these abilities exist, passing those tests should be a breeze..

won't destroy my computer... but an "internet fast" sounds like a good idea... it'll also sound like one of the hardest things i've ever done. turtle shell: i just got to the attention training part, actually. I will do the exercises. The concept of novelty reasonated with me when I read that part. It reminded me of when i'm on psychedelics and I would look at the world through the eyes of a child. So I already have experiences doing that, I just need to tap into it so i can do it while sober.. I doubt i can return the book, but it's only $10 and anyway, I kind of like it so far, i think i can genuinely say I learned a couple things that i didn't know before. okay... okay, i will limit myself to an hour of internet starting today... well, i've already had like 9 hours today, so i'll cut it off once i make this post..

hi again. I'd like everyone to know how my past couple days went. I spent my entire day in front of the computer aimlessly browsing the internet. I would almost obsessively switch between 4 sites/forums, for HOURS, and I would throw in a couple naps and playing with my cats in between my sessions. pure sick indulgence. I have my ebook that's telling me about attention training minimized, and would read about 2 pages every hour, then go back to surfing internet or video games or sleeping or my cats. That's how i spend my free time. please help me. i'm starting to realize i'm actually impulsive and addicted to this lifestyle even though it's making me so miserable. please just recommend me something extreme and i will seriously consider it. Simply suggesting that i meditate isn't enough, because i'll just meditate for 20 minutes then go back to my normal routine of doing nothing. water fasting. that doesn't sound productive. How will this help me?

i did skim through this yoga book that someone in this thread also linked me that emphasized the importance of a healthy body. I was thinking of yoga classes as well, but i don't know which ones to take. Is there a specific type of class that I should be looking for if my goal isn't merely physical fitness, but something deeper than that? I'm getting a sense that a lot of yoga classes are just being taught to stretch you out and not for the purpose of a deeper spiritual enlightenment. but that's just a random guess, i have no clue how yoga classes actually are as i've never been to one and I am quite socially withdrawn so i just don't have a clue. i wish i knew where to go to meet up with people like all you guys in this thread. right now, everyone i know is very materialistic and only care about the superficial parts of life.. working, family, kids, dating, partying... which is all well and good, but they're not really interested in meditation or harnessing inner energy or any of that stuff. anyway... thats kind of random i know.. maybe ill try meetup groups, whatever. Either way, you guys rock.. much appreciated. i'm starting small with the meditation, and there's a lot of things distracting me but that's ok..

um...you're so sisterly/motherly and it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside... Well. things aren't looking that great from my perspective, i'm feeling lots of negative emotions and a lot of hopelessness about whether my life will actually improve. But i'll try my best to push through it, and think of my reward at the end... i think my plan is to get my discipline and attention and awareness at a higher level, and then after that i'll move on to feeling my energy.. thanks again to everyone who helped me

i've already had therapy and drugs. therapy is expensive, and i don't like taking drugs everyday just to function. It's not like i have severe mental problems, so when I go to therapy it's just about working through some irrational thoughts that i've developed towards life and turning my mentality more towards the positive. At the end i told her I felt I could do this on my own and the sessions aren't justifying $75 for an hour when i'm making $13/hour at my own job. so here i am, looking for a way to fix myself. i think i'm close to giving up on kundalini and harnessing my sexual energy.. sad to say. but I don't see myself getting there any time soon, so i'm losing motivation.. i guess i'll just finish reading this book about cultivating my awareness and see where that leads me.

thanks... for the record, im very serious, not joking at all, my life is just a trainwreck and i want to get better. i live a life of constant regret and anxiety and loneliness and depression.. this thread has been quite helpful, along with all the suggestions for books that you guys have given me. so really, thanks everyone.

24... why..? i think i'm under control now.. it comes and goes. when my mind is idle i get insanely horny, but if i'm occupied, like i'm reading something, it goes away. there's merit to retaining your sexual energy, right? maybe it'll be a test of my self control.

i guess at this point, logically i would just have to start with working on my personality flaws of having no patience and no discipline first before i can do anything else...

yeah. you're probably right, I'm just not at the stage where i can move energy and when I read how i'm supposed to "move" this energy into my spine i get frustrated. should i call this whole sexual energy thing a bust and just go wack it right now?

i've been reading the book you recommended btw, i like it so far more than the other books i've been reading because there's no mystical-talk that i have to be skeptical about. only at the attention/interpretation part but it's good so far, i'm interested and that's what matters. i've been doing a lot of reading, either buying or downloading or googling anything i think can help me reach my goal. i have a lot of time on my hand you see.. but it's also hard because i'm pretty sure i have a bit of ADD and i have a hard time focusing.

eh i don't know what to do. I don't know how much longer i could keep up with this no ejaculation thing, and i figure that's my best shot at awakening kundalini. I tried to do the microcosmit orbit but i can't keep my mind focused on any sensation of energy... i just don't feel energy. I do feel the sexual energy from feeling so pent up because i've been "edging", masturbating without ejaculation basically, but i'm not able to move it up my spine like they say i'm supposed to. All of this is making me incredibly, incredibly frustrated right now.

well, i don't quite know what to say. You're not wrong, i understand that's a flaw of mine, but it's how I am. It's not fun being a person with this much desire but this little patience and discipline. Especially now that I decided i shouldn't ever ejaculate again, i'm sure that's going to lead to some interesting emotional states down the road. I will try to work on it, someone else in this thread recommended me a book that I plan on following that basically tells me how to live in the present. But why are all the websites you guys link me to get some lessons or talk to a guru so expensive?

I just got back from the sahaja meditation. Can't say I really felt anything, but i did have a hard time focusing on what they told me to do and i was constantly skeptical. I did learn their meditation method of awakening kundalini. It's on their website as well, http://www.freemeditation.com/online-meditation/self-realization-workshop-kundalini-awakening/. Then they had a more experienced teacher/instructor stand behind the newcomers and do some type of hand motion as a way to raise the energy up. I did feel something subtle, but now i'm home and there's nothing lasting. Tibetan_Ice, thanks for that detailed post. You say you don't like feeling on the verge of orgasm all the time. That's what I want. I also read in this book that one way that people unintentionally awaken kundalini is through lots of foreplay without orgasm. I assume this means pent up sexual energy will lead to kundalini. So if anyone has read the multi orgasmic man, i'm going to follow those methods. No ejaculation, trying to feel/visualize the sexual energy, and draw it up my spine... this seems like a brute force way to get what I want. I am considering KAP too, but they cost $600 for one course...... ?? Can anyone really justify spending that much money on online lessons that aren't guaranteed to work? Don't get me wrong, I crave a quick path, but this is $600 for a CHANCE to awaken kundalini... no guarantee.

the pain would be a gift.. because i am a materialistic minded person. You don't know what it'll mean to me to have proof that spirituality is real and not just placebo. I highly doubt i will feel anything at all, but if I do, i will be grateful to be so lucky. If i do feel pain, i'm confident, from what i've read, that I can train myself so that the pain will go away. well, thanks for the responses everyone. I know i appear stubborn to you, but I know myself quite well. And i know my patience has a very limited reserve, there's no why i can't persevere at something for years at a time. I'll give up within a month, even if I tell myself at this moment that i won't, within a month i would have moved on to something else or just go back to a materialistic driven mindset. I need something quick and fast to fuel my fire. Even if it's not pleasurable, I want something that'll at least give me proof that my goal is reachable and not just a bunch of mystical placebo crap. So i take it that shakitipat is the only known way to get quick results. Those guys live quite far away from me, i won't be able to go there anytime soon. I live in cali bay area, if anyone else has any more suggestions.. I really really really hope i can see some results from sahaja meditation. I'll go to one tomorrow.