DreamBliss

I have been talking to someone for a little while. It seems as if she is somewhat sensitive, I guess is the best word for it. She told me, in her final email to me (long story, not going into it) that if I go to California I should do so by bus. One that has a bike rack on it. Go to Ouija, CA, Bike around there. If I do not do this, if I bike all the way down, I will, "...not live past this year..." OK, before you tell me to take the predictions of mediums with a grain of salt, and go into the infinite and unknown nature of the future, let's play a game. Just for informative purposes. Let's just say that her prediction is correct. In so far as my current circumstances and responses will lead down this most likely path, and unless something life changing happens, this is the most likely outcome for me. still with me? This is telling me two things: 1. I am currently vibrating at a frequency that is drawing this event to me. 2. If I think, "OH MY F-ING GOD I AM GOING TO DIE!!!" I will bring it even quicker, because I will be vibrating even more at that frequency. Here is the problem... For a variety of reasons I don't care about my life. I have no reason to live that is stronger than that. I should be scared. I should be running around like a chicken with my head cut off. But if I were to do any running, how I currently feel, it would be on bike, as quickly as possible, to this outcome. I have dealt with feelings of loneliness, shame, unworthiness, etc. for the last two decades. I feel I have little value, little to offer. I know, intellectually, differently. But my feelings do not match my thoughts. At least not consciously. Somewhere in the record player of my mind there is a scratched section that keeps repeating. I have hinted and downright mentioned all this before. I won't go into it more now. As I have said before, I don't believe in destiny, fate, karma, imperfection or sin. I think there are an unknown and unknowable variety of paths that stem from this moment. The idea of some path that is set in stone for me is ludicrous to my mind. I also feel that both death and life are illusions. Death is just a transition. So there is nothing to fear here. Yet despite how I feel about my life, at this moment I am not exactly in a rush to end it. Also, while I can take a lot of physical discomfort, I don't like it. So slicing my wrists or walking in front of traffic doesn't appeal to me. Same for jumping off of high places or hanging myself. Same for drowning, although that would probably be the least painful. Ideally I will go out in some really cool way, like during an Ayahuasca trip in the South American jungle somehwere... Here is some really trippy music for you: No, I kinda want to continue on. Even though I have no justification or reason for it. It is not that I am attached to this physical life or resisting pain. It's just that there are some things I would like to experience and see. So what is my best course of action here, presuming this prediction is 100% accurate and will happen, barring some life-changing/course changing event? How do I find a reason to live that is stronger than all the things I am feeling that leave me not caring about my life? What would you do if you were in my shoes? Would you face this head on? Change course around it in some way? Run away from it? Please detail why you would take your chosen course of action or inaction. How can I find what essentially, for me amounts to, a super-strong reason to live? Especially considering I don't have one now, and obviously I have to deal with that, or I will draw the termination of my physical life through me, if not from others than from myself.

Oooo! Nikolai1! It's our first argument! Excellent! OK, so the difference between when I locked myself away in front of a computer screen to play games and now, when I just need to let the little child inside have some fun... The original way I played video games was to escape. It was chasing a high, in a sense. Also it wasn't. The only highs I ever got were when I beat a game, or won a Deathmatch. That's as far as chasing a high in video game playing went. No, I started to create levels, then later make my own models and textures. This made me feel like I had a purpose, that I had something to contribute. If people liked what I made, that made me feel good. That is the way it used to be for me. Now I play video games just to play them. Just to have adventure, something to explore. To get lost in the fantasy of another. To have fun. I am not chasing any sort of high here. I am simply enjoying myself. Otherwise there is little in my life I could do that I enjoy. Maybe writing now, but had to work to get to that place. Maybe drawing. Maybe going to a movie. There's just not much for the child in me. It is important, I think, to keep that inner child alive, not starve him to death with adultism. Thing is I don't play games as much now. Interests have changed. Also don't make levels or model anymore, with the exception of a brief stint for Myst Online Uru Live. I am changing. You may call it maturing. Be careful here. Not allowing yourself to do the things you love because they seem childish to you is the surest way to slowly kill yourself inside. The Source, that which you Truly are, is ageless. Just as capable of being a boy, lying on the ground, looking at clouds, as it can be a man, sitting down and getting lost in a video game. It does not criticize or judge. Age, maturity, responsibility, etc. are exactly like death, destiny, dualistic states, fate, karma and sin. These all exist solely in the perception of human beings. None of this shit (and that is ultimately what it is) exists in Source. My apologies to anyone offended by these very strong words. But from time to time I like to get a little rough to get your attention. Have fun with your life, and if fun for you is playing video games, then play video games. Do not criticize or judge yourself. Do your best to just play them, being in the moment with that, Allow yourself to face whatever you feel, you know, deep down inside, that you need to face. Be authentic and honest. Admit, Allow and Accept. Because Nikoali1 is right in this regard. Once you are done playing the video game, the real world awaits. I can tell you from personal experience you don't want to miss out on that while you are isolated in front of your computer screen. But yes, video games can be a spiritual experience, and they can aid you in your spiritual growth. It is all about your why for playing them. If you are just enjoying yourself and having fun, you will take that high vibration with you when game time is over. But if you are escaping to chasing a high, the high frequency will leave when you leave the game. And please, for the love of god, stop criticizing and judging yourself and others, placing worthless labels like maturity and responsibility on things! Throw that garbage your parents drilled into your head out with the trash. Seriously! All maturity and responsibility are good for is making nice compliant little cogs in the machinery of society. If that makes you happy, go for it. But if you want to be yourself and live the life you came her to experience, you may find rather quickly that it doesn't fit anywhere within the model of modern society. Row to the drumming of society, as a slave behind the oars, or march to the beat of your own drum. The choice is yours. Oooo! New signature!

Sure, why not? Add the old and new Tron movies to the Spiritual Movies list...

Nikolai1 LOL! Also

I can sum it up in one word... FUN!!! If you can play a game, any game, video or otherwise, and just be in the moment, enjoying yourself, win or loose, you will be vibrating at a very high frequency. You will be, as Abraham says, on a High Flying disc! The quickest way to not get enlightened? Get all serious, take a vow of silence the rest of your life and lock yourself into some ultra disciplined monastic order somewhere. Life is meant to be enjoyed, and if you can take it to the next step, and see life as a game, if you can play at the living of your life, you will have your ass securely on the rocket slide to enlightenment! Get these Buddhists around here (the ones who will acknowledge it) to tell you about Buddha's flower talk, and who, out of all the students, he gave the flower to. The beginnings of Zen. Spirituality is not serious business, and you should have figured that out by now with characters like Nungali here, who (even though they would probably never admit it) is probably very spiritual. Is it any wonder he is also humorous? And if that isn't enough you probably should check out some of the things Alan Watts said. Talk about someone who had fun with all this stuff! I guarantee you that if he had lived through the 90s he would be playing video games right with guys half his age... To quote myself, again (man am I conceited!) "Life is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured."

All I have to say to that is... Well whether or not anyone comes and drags me out of the house, I am leaving in late August, early September. That is the plan. Unrealistic. Probably stupid. But that is the plan. Video games immature? Please don't tell me you have been drinking the Kool Aid of society regarding what is considered mature. Please god no!

Actually it kinda reminds me of this: Sorry, I couldn't help myself... I retreated into video games back in 1999 and have only recently started to come out. I have never been able to travel anywhere. If I want to travel I have to make it happen myself, and all I can do there is apply those LoA teachings you don't seem to be too hip about. But I have my Book of Dreams, and I am adding New Zealand to it. Could you tell me the name of the place where this tree and the fern forest are located? I looked at Google Images for some High Res pics (1920x1080 or bigger) to add to my BoD but found very little. If I have the name of the places where these are I can look up the place itself. Thank you. Oh and BTW, BRING IT ON!

Just what I said. I had a strong desire to go to this retreat. But I figured out I would have to leave in early July to get there, by bicycle, by the 22nd. It didn't feel right, felt too early. Not sure how to explain that. So I did what I referred to as consulting the Voice Inside. I have detailed this process elsewhere. Basically, after reading Voice for Love I learned I could tune into my heart area, have questions written down, and receive answers. I guess some would call this channeling. I never thought of myself as an automatic writer, channeler or medium. But it's like I see words in my head, I just tune into this and type those words, and as I do so other words join them. It is beyond the scope of this thread to discuss this. I suppose for anyone interested you can request I start another thread about it and I can do that. Or you can start a thread and I will share my experiences. The point is I wanted to make sure I should go, what route I should take, when I should leave, etc. I would have to start packing things away and getting ready this month. Working very hard to leave the hows alone. But at the same time wanting to take action, in the natural flow of my life, towards this. I was told that it was not for me to go at this time. That I am to travel to Carmel By The Sea and work my way down the coastline from there. Leaving in late August or early September. Which is when I thought I would be leaving originally, so that verified it. Destination. Route. Time. AKA Clear Guidance, which I have been wanting all along. I am just tired of not being able to do the few things I care enough about doing. I have harbored a hidden desire to sing for a very long time. I would like to open to my fullest in that and drawing, among other things. I would also love to travel, but have never been able to do so. Never had the money to do so. All I can do is hop on a bike ad pedal as far as it can take me. So I am disappointed more then anything else. Kinda down about this. I asked for help and invested my energy into this, but it is a dead end. I am sick and tired of dead ends! Hopefully I have clarified things. I will bounce back, eventually. Just want to lick my wounds, so to speak, for now. Still requesting any help in any form anyone wishes to send to me. In this case directed towards my traveling.

I am quoting myself, from my "dark" blog: "A bomb went off, In the middle of my just found dreams, Blowing them all to smithereens." I consulted the voice inside, learned that I am not to go to this retreat at this time. So back to having no real purpose. But thanks to Nungali, I have more to add to my Book of dreams, and from this consultation I also know where to go, the route to take and when to leave. It either doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would, to have something I truly desired ripped away from me. Either that or this is like when you cut yourself really bad. It takes a while for the throbbing pain to begin. I just need to be patient and have faith. That's what it comes down to. Now excuse me while I sit over here and bleed for a while...

WOW that is... Intense... And rubbing my nose with one of those guys? OK, I'm game. Looks like my body type would fit right in there too... Hairy tall and with a big belly... Maybe I was a Maori in a previous incarnation? That fern forest... I still remember playing Elder Scrolls Morrowind and enjoying the large mushrooms: Makes me wonder if places like that might exist somewhere in the "real" world. But just those large ferns would be worth a visit. I may have to add New Zealand to my Book of Dreams... Oh and the lake? If it wouldn't risk offending anyone, I would rip off all my clothes and jump right in. That is the only proper response to a crystal clear deep lake.

This sounds like it is spoken in anger, which makes it seem likely that you are still depressed? That is OK. I love and accept you as you are, depressed or not, and do not require you to behave in any particular manner. If you are depressed, you may also feel powerless. You are not. You can choose how you respond to this time in your life. You can choose to dwell upon it or not. The choice is, and will always be, yours. Believe it or not, you actually chose to be depressed! Nobody made you that way, even if you don't agree with me, when you are ready you will see the truth of what I am saying. I have said before that if we are constantly looking back as we walk the path of our life we can't see where we are going and will fall flat on our faces. The same if we stare straight ahead. Better to deal with this moment, right now. What is happening in this moment, right now? Is there anything in this moment, right now, to be depressed about? To be angry about? What are you feeling right now? Bring your awareness to it. Just gently be aware of whatever it is you are feeling, right now, in this moment, without criticism or judgment. Whenever your feelings begin to overwhelm you, just come back to this simple exercise. Bring awareness to what you are feeling. Maybe write down what you are feeling and anything else that comes to mind. If you need someone to listen, I am here and you can PM me. You will get through this. If you have already gotten through this, awesome! There is still anger, maybe some bitterness about it, which is understandable. But there will come a time, when you are ready, when you will glance back and see the value in your experiences. But just a glance mind you. I look back at when I was depressed, and I have a lot of regrets. I wish I had done more, experienced more. I seem to have arrived ta this time in my life without accomplishing anything of any real meaning or value. I still struggle with figuring out my dream. Only recently found a purpose for myself. Thoughts of its too late, I waited too long or I missed out keep wanting to play over and over in my mind. I contemplate ending my life, although not recently. But if I had not gotten depressed and began to doubt my Christian faith I would still be trapped in it. My former faith was making me depressed. It must have been my dissatisfaction with it and the way my parents chose to live that brought my depression on. It is what caused me to glance at that shelf at the library and try that first book on a subject I knew nothing about at the time, Lucid Dreaming. It is what allowed me to say, "To hell with it!" and try shrooms. Everything that happened to me brought me to this point in my life, was necessary for me to arrive here. So I have no anger or bitterness about my time of depression. I have forgiven my former religion and my parents, who converted me to it and did things that hurt me without being aware of the damage they caused. I have come to see that they did not know any better. They still don't. I can't change them, and shouldn't try. I need to love them unconditionally, that is the practice, this is how I am to be with others, To love and accept them as they are. No conditions. You will find your way, if you haven't already. Even if you don't, that is perfectly OK. There is no right or wrong choice. There are only actions and consequences, the choices we make and what happens as a result. You will receive no criticism or judgment from me. But I did notice your anger and so pointed it out. You will get awareness and noticing out of me...

My guess is that the depressed people, not having learned to love unconditionally (and not knowing how because they have not been shown unconditional love) want to control the behavior of others, in order to make themselves feel happy, and making others laugh is one way to do so. I know I did this a lot when I was depressed or sad. I wanted to feel happy, and it made me feel happy to have others around me laughing. I also wanted to hide how I really felt, so I did it behind a smile.

This is at the heart of the problem. If someone is feeling depressed and we respond in fear, wanting them to behave differently so we feel better, that is conditional love. The true measure of unconditional love is if you are ready to help them kill themselves, if they ask for your help. Can you love and support them no matter what they do or are thinking of doing? I don't think it is not common for anyone to say this. To fly in the face of everything, including the law, and love someone no matter what, to be there no matter what, that is a true friend. To offer to at least hold them during their final moments, if they choose to go through with terminating their life, that is true unconditional love. If you can offer that, you may find out that the depressed person will change their mind. In fact, your ability to be there, no matter what, and furthermore, to see past the mask and role to who they really are, if you can do that, may just be that glimpse of light they need to emerge from this depression. It is best to think of it like the one you care about is in an egg. They are in that darkness, alone, and you can not reach them directly. If you try to break them out of the shell, they will emerge weak. This is probably what happens when a depressed person kills themselves. Well-meaning loved ones, who only loved conditionally, tried to "cure" the person of the depression (the undesirable state), instead of loving and accept them as they are, and so ultimately harmed them. No, we have to leave them in the egg. They have to punch their own way out to emerge strong. All we can do is hold them lovingly, without conditions, as they go through this process. Oh and you could think of shrooms as something like the embryonic yolk that they can draw from to grow stronger. But be aware that some will not accept shrooms, and you have to be OK with that. They may not accept them especially if you offer it to them to "fix" them. Get rid of any idea of fixing anything before you go anywhere near a depressed person!

You have done rightly by them. Medication only addresses the symptom, seen by society as somehow bad, undesirable or wrong. It would not address the root cause and worse, medication only perpetuates depression. It just draws it out and makes it last longer. I could be wrong on this, but I don't think anyone has ever been healed from depression using medication. What helped me were psilocybin mushrooms. It is the only "medication" I would ever "prescribe" to someone depressed. The best form is ground up in a gel cap pill and taken with a tall glass of orange juice. The person taking it should be in a comfortable, familiar, safe environment, outside or with outside access if possible. It is probably better if someone takes the shrooms with them, someone they like to be around and trust. The experience can turn ugly otherwise. But even if it does, the day after is what, to my mind, is important. Something will have changed inside them. Everything will be bright and colorful. They will find themselves truly happy and joyful, appreciative and thankful, just looking around. It will last for a few days, there is no sudden down, and as something changed inside, they will find that their depression just isn't as deep as it used to be. After they have had the shrooms casually make available some transformative spiritual texts available to them, or take them to the library to look at the 133, 154 - 158 sections, among others. There will be some subject they probably weren't aware of that will fascinate them when they discover it, and reading it will begin their spiritual journey, taking them out of the depression they were in. Some books you could try are Pam Grout's E-Squared, A Course In Miracles, Eckhart Tolle's, "Power of Now" or maybe one of the Abraham books. Don't force anything on them, they have to find what draws them, what interests them, what speaks to them. That would be my advice as to how to help these people you care about. Most of all though work on how you perceive them. See them as happy, healthy and well - enjoying their life. Stop seeing them as the label depressed. See them as they really are inside, a unique manifestation of Source, the same energy that is in you. See the truth of them, not the mask the present or the role they are playing. The root cause of depression is dissatisfaction with one's circumstances or situation. You find your life undesirable, you do not know how to make it desirable. You feel powerless to change your life. You may try but if you fail, you feel even worse. It saps your energy and drains you of your reason to live. But assuming Nikolai1 is correct, and right now, in this moment, I believe he is, there is a deeper level where depression really is looking for meaning in one's life, but not finding it in, to coin a phrase, the world of things. So then depression seems more like it is the start of a spiritual waking up process. Not sure if I have said this quite right. It feels OK and accurate to when I was extremely angry and depressed.

I don't usually share links to posts on my site, but I feel this is important and that I need to share it: https://blisswriter.wordpress.com/2015/06/05/it-is-time-to-open/

Feel free to comment, if you feel so compelled, on anything I say at my blog. Or here for that matter. Thank you Nikolai1.

No, not illegal, but I would like the official, rough experience. Not the tourist experience, if I can help it. Of course both the $3,000 and $400.00 experiences are probably touristy. But more real than some Americanized version. Am I explaining this very well? I will try another way... Sure you could go to your friendly local drug dealer and buy some peyote buttons. That is one way to try peyote. But another, far superior way (to my mind at least) would be to go to a Native American settlement, where the people still practice the old ways, and experience the peyote in one of their ceremonies. That's kinda what I would like to experience with the Ayahuasca. It is native to South America, and used by indigenous peoples in their ceremonies. I would like to experience it that way, if I can. Or at least in South America. Nungali Thank you for all the information. Also that is one massive grandaddy of a tree! Now I have yet another reason to visit New Zealand, Hobbitown being at the top of my list...

I have taken shrooms a couple of times. No talking plants. But it did change me, my mind, my way of thinking. I just couldn't be as depressed as I was before I took them. I still remember, even now, how bright the colors were, how alive everything seemed to be, the day after I took them. The effect lasted for a few days as I recall. I recommend psilocin shrooms to everyone, especially anyone depressed or suicidal. I can't speak for the muscimol. shrooms such as amanita muscaria, although I am determined to try these at least once too.

This is one of the experiences I wish to have in my Book of Dreams. Just found a $3,000 retreat I think at or around Machu Picchu where you take this. It is in one of Pam Grout's vacation books. There is also this one, detailed here: http://aidanjreid.com/2014/05/03/ayahuasca/ Either that, or I will just hike my way deep into the South American jungle and find a shaman.

I think I will have to think about that one... Serious though, I get what you are saying. Don't let the thinking keep me from acting. Sometimes you have to shut the brain off and just act. In other words, I could spend all day thinking about whether or not I want I want to smoke some weed when it is offered. Meanwhile, those who offered it are all getting high and enjoying themselves. Better to turn the brain off, be in the moment and make like a Nike commercial, "Just Do It!" Don't worry (not that I assume you are or would.) I am very good at jumping off cliffs and worrying about if there is any water below on the way down... I mean what else would you call biking to California without any maps, money or plan? I am only waiting at this point for the Universe to provide a few things to make my journey a little more comfortable and easier. For example, I would like to take a hammock with me, one with a mosquito net and rain tarp. It would also be nice if I could be extra safe and just pay for a bus or train ticket down. I also want to allow my dad to have a chance to hike. Once I leave there is nobody else to drive my mother and grandmother around. I will have to sit down with him and let him know he will have to take his trip either this month or early next month. Thank you for the advice.

Mindless action VS mindful inaction? I think I prefer inspired action, in the natural flow of one's life...

So Nungali, would you recommend his book? I have heard of Findhorn. They have a bursar there, unlike the other spiritual communities I have heard about. I think I would like to visit there one day. Always wanted to see Ireland and Scotland anyway, and then I have a certain friend over in that direction too... I would like to hear more about this commune where you live. Is there any information about it out there? Is this it: http://www.communities.org.au/projects/homeland-community Thank you for all the info! All Else I will do as you have suggested. I have sat under a tree, not sure what kind it is, but I love the sound of its leaves in the slightest breeze. It is one of my meditation spaces. Maybe, instead of tuning into the sound of the wind in the leaves or my breath I should tune it to the tree, in the same way you tune in when you are going to listen to a person who is talking to you. Just have that assumption, that the tree will speak and I just need to listen. Think that will work? I used to have a silver leaf maple. I loved that tree, transplanted it where we used to live. Not even sure if it is still alive. Always intended to go back there and get another seedling. I have an ancient silver leaf living outside of what I call my special place, a mental place I had in my mind. This one was my Dream Tree, per Robert Moss's instructions. I wonder if I would have a greater connection with one of these trees?

I will practice more openness and receptivity towards talking to a mental health professional. If it flows in my life to talk to such a person, then obviously I should do so. I will set no intentions for this however, and will not pursue this. It will have to find me if it is meant to be. An update... I started to listening to Silvia Nakkach's, "Inner Massage" tonight. From the moment this started, reminding me of when I played the game Myst, then hearing her ethereal voice, which I got a taste of in her book, "Free Your Voice", I made a decision. First, here is that track: Here is her site, for those interested: http://voxmundiproject.com/ I have decided, I have asked Source, and I have set the intention, to attend one of her workshops. She has one in Santa Cruz, CA on July 22-28. I have actually had this in the back of my mind for some time now. It is earlier than I intended to leave, but it is good for numerous reasons: 1. As I am leaving earlier and headed to a different destination, this should neutralize any prediction. 2. I did not have a clear purpose that I felt strongly about. But I feel very strongly that I want this lady to be my guide/teacher. This has become my purpose. 3. As I did not have a clear purpose, a clear idea I felt strongly about as to what I wanted to do, I didn't feel I had any reason to live. I actually felt a little lost. I had the dreams in my Book of Dreams. But they seemed somehow more distant. This feels more immediate. I now have a reason to live, and am not at a frequency that should draw my death to me. Are you enjoying that music? It's really something, isn't it? I have no idea to the how. But that is not my work anyway. I have asked, the Universe will sort out the details, now I just need to receive. If you want to pray for me or send energy my way so that I can do this, please do so. I am also open to receiving money... If you feel like you want to help in this way, just PM me... I am shaking off the energy or vibe or whatever it was I was getting from this lady's communication. I see now that her words, while some rang true, did not feel good. They did not feel right. I kind of feel like some sort of gunk was dumped on me, but the moment I heard that track I shared with you, it just washed off. I feel clearer now, almost like I woke up. I was really in a fog about all this. But I have clarity and purpose now. Same approach I used for Wayne Dyer, going to I Am Light, without the baggage of the earning belief systems. I have sent an email asking for details and if there are any alternative ways to pay for the training. I will go (whether or not I am signed up and have paid for it) then see what happens when I get there. This really feels right to me. This and learning how to communicate with the earth and plants. Started another thread about that. Found some books on Druidsm and the Green Path I put a hold on at my library. I guess this will be one of my last courses of study before I turn everything in and head out. Thank you everyone for responses and especially your support! Spotless I deeply appreciate all your insights. It will take me some time to absorb it all. But your words and her words... I think I can see the glaring difference. Your words don't drag me down. The give me insight and understanding. They point solidly to the truths that you wish to share. They leave me feeling empowered, not diminished. Thank you. Michael and Nikolai1 I appreciate your support all through this thread. You are true friends. Nungali Very interesting suggestions, and lots of humor that gave me the laughs I desperately needed. Thank you. Rara I think I understand your suggestion a little better now. I think I am doing as you suggested with the work I do around the house and grounds for my grandmother. Thank you for addressing those three points of mine so clearly. Thank you for your candid opinion.

I think she said she had a good discussion with Goldenrod. I need to double check that. I found this, any thoughts? http://www.amazon.com/Talking-Nature-Journey-into/dp/1932073051/ Agomelatine?

I am so getting tired of people essentially telling me to get my head examined... I do not need some "professional" telling me what "reality" is, they only know one definition, the same accepted by modern society. And I wouldn't trust one enough to share my feelings with them. They would, for the most part, be solidly set in their egos and what they have been trained, and teach others, is the "real world." They are mot spiritual, and woudl look at spirituality the same way they look at the universe of Harry Potter. No, such people are not for me. They are too wrapped up in the illusion of life and this world to be able to help me with what they would see as the fantasy of my own version of reality. Yes, I know I am being critical and judgmental here. And yes, I have never met or talked to one of these people, so I admit I don't have a leg to stand on. But I simply have no interest in pretty much any professional help. On thing I should clear up... I did not ask for a reading from this person. She just said these things, volunteered them, in her last email. Along with a lot of other hurful stuff. I have resisted replying because who needs to reply? My ego. What purpose would it serve? None. I have no interest in "friends" like this person. Among other things a friend should be loving and supportive. I just don't see either of these attributes in anything she said to me. Here is a partial quote, for a clearer picture: "Just couple of more things your spirit asked me to convey to you, otherwise I would not consider talking about it. If you're going to to California, use the long-distance bus, "greyhound" type that can accommodate your bike on a special rack. If you go by bike all the way, you would not live past this year. I can't go into more details. Go straight to Ojai California, it's 100 miles north of Los Angeles or so. It's a beautiful secluded and spiritually oriented community in a valley high in a mountains. You might like it there. Just prepare to make your living by yourself, without codependent relationships. Otherwise you will find hardship. And one last thing from you spirit. You won't have children in this life, it's not your purpose, so you might just focus your attention on other things, spirituality is high on the list among them. Your spirit wants you to learn how to "give", expressing its unique creative character, that's the ultimate goal." I think I am OK with sharing this much of what she said, at the end of her email. Hopefully it grants a clearer picture.