WillingToListen

And no cons! Great for you! I'm glad you are finding your way and getting a bit of relaxation Enjoy life- it is such an amazing adventure we're here to experience and it sounds like you're off to a wonderful start I'm glad you and your family are spiritually enlightened, a beautiful long life to you all. So happy that you're happy

But you don't understand. I don't want to fix it anymore. It always breaks and needs fixing- there are no masters. I simply don't want to live any longer. I'm not stupid, I know of nothing else under the sun which I wish to experience. As much senseless killing goes on, whenever there's an a legitimate reason it's never present. Euthanasia is an option aswell, I was just waiting for enough $ to afford to ticket to europe. Stay for what songtsang. I just want to die. Sorry I can't be as content as you and others are with illusion and suffering.

^__^. Cool.

I once saw some buddha at the gaspump video or something on youtube and the guy on there had gone through a full awakening, and one of the points he pressed throughout the duration of the interview was that "a full-awakening" is in no shape or form compatible with modern society ^__^ Everything's a lie, I want to die.

Maybe not caring is a bad choice of wording. I just want to die because everything here bores me, that should be more direct.

If you were going to do it you wouldn't have told anyone in real life, especially anyone who could impede the process. Been cutting for years. Cool. I loved it dearly at a time around the beginning/middle of this spiritual experience, then people/my environment helped change that.I don't know why it's so hard for someone to understand how one simply doesn't see any worth in anything here. I'm sick of this world of illusion, its up and downs, lies and few truths- I just don't care anymore. Freedom doesn't exist anymore, peace will never come, people will never stop killing/discriminating/hating. I don't want to live any longer it hurts, I just exist to have people talk bad about me and keep my mother from thinking im dead. I wish I never wake up tomorrow.

I'm glad you care. One less thing I have in common with you or anyone else it seems. What's taking me so long to become a serial killer hahaa ^__^

Hhahaha all this energy cultivation and manipulation, isn't theere a way to blow up my dantien or something? Or a way I can make K fry my brain again, maybe even some permanent retardation this time? I'll take retardation if it's the closest I can get to death- it's like being elightened anyway ^__^

Did you ever know?

Some of those are funny ^__^. It's obvious you weren't going to do it. I would've gotten it right already if they didn't find me bleeding. Heroin's my best idea so far, the guy is like an hour out though and it's hard to get a ride. The only ride hahaha

Your feelings aren't real.

It's funny you should think that. Working with drugs and razors beautiful.

Cool. Good to know I have "your blessing", I don't know what I would've done without it.

I'm trying to get there soon. I don't believe it's exactly something you can work up to though. I could pay you if you'd do me the honor. The one person who agreed to do it faked I waited 24 years for some semblance of a "life" until I figured out I really didn't want one to begin with, I'd say I was fairly patient. I am a virgin, never had a girlfriend. I am 24. I only cared about music and writing, "shakti" took those. I don't have a car. I don't have any friends, just a few acquaintances. I don't have any other hobbies/interests besides those I lost. I don't care for anything anymore, I work for no reason. I just spend my money on weed/drugs, since it's the only way I have to get away from here. My family is falling apart. I am poor, no bank account. No schooling beyond high school. I don't care for any more relationships with people, or any more suffering. I no longer care to experience/know anything more. I am living when I rather not be. Songtsan get your bullshit out of here, maybe a lot of people don't know what they want/wanted from life, I'm not one of those people.