manitou

I don't understand it either, lol.

Orion, I woke up with you fresh on my mind this morning, so I must have had a dream about your situation that I'm not remembering. But I did receive clarity. Please realize that nobody is really "doing" anything to you. We all act out of self interest, including the person you think is torturing you. They are not torturing you because they are thinking of you first, as though their sole purpose in life is to torture you. They are acting out of a dynamic that they can't help, a dynamic of an old imprint of theirs. They are acting out of self interest from their past conditioning, and there is no other way they can be because of this. We are not victims. We are volunteers for all these things that we think are happening to us in life. You know that rich inner life that you have? Please recognize that your counterpart has an equally rich inner life, and they are acting out of some old fear and behavior pattern. They are acting from their own needs. The answer here, as horrible as it may seem, is to pray for them. I don't say this in a godly sense, other than you speaking to your own higher self. What you want to do is clear your heart of resentment, of separation, of fear. In some contorted way, you are seeing this pattern as a requirement for Love, which no doubt stems from your background. The answer is to Forgive It. Pray for the other person. Pray for the very best for them, and really mean it. Pray until you feel actual empathy for them, until tears run down your face. This is for two reasons: it will give you empathy into their situation, therefore releasing your need to remain in the situation; it will remove your victimhood and this tendency in your heart to be a victim and place yourself in situations where you are badly treated. And it will change your own heart to the tendency to love without conditions, to give without any expectation of anything in return. The hardest person for us to love is ourselves. There is a child within you that is hurt badly - not from this particular situation, but from an old situation, and it is creating the illusion that there must be pain with love. This must be reversed, so that you can truly find an equal partner in the future. But right now you are in an unfortunate jigsaw-piece type of love, where you are both hooked into each other because of a particular symbiotic configuration. That's not love. That's a lesson, for both parties to work out so they can continue on to true loving capability. And until we learn to love ourselves first, we are unable to truly love another. Such a Catch-22 life puts us in. But this is our condition, and this is truly your opportunity. It takes much courage to confront inner demons and come out the other side. But you can do it, and you must do it. But do it through much forgiveness - of the other person, of your parents (if that's the onset of the dynamic), and of yourself. Love is the answer. Always.

I suppose it is. But wouldn't it be your luck that you'd just have to come back and master the same scenario? I'd work it out within in this lifetime first. Figure out why you're attracting it, change the need, get rid of it. You're replaying something from a long time ago, a conditioning. If you're going to trust your higher self, ask to see the need, understand it, see it. Then stop buying into the dynamic, let the dynamic fall away. It will, if you stop playing and reacting.

I agree, lol. I'm pretty much talked out on all the other subjects.....

The intelligence built into nature just gives me the chills. I'm so glad mankind has gotten to the point where we can determine the workings of this incredible intelligence, and I am heartened to know that there are studies being done to explore this - it seems to counter-balance all the negative. I spent the last couple days in Las Vegas - watched covies of quail, the young trailing behind the adults - so many little juveniles! I counted 18 in one group - they look like little ball bearings rolling around, and with their sandy coloration, they blend right in with the ground. So cute. And the hummingbirds! Watching from my vantage point of inside a restaurant but seated next to a big view window, the hummers would dart right toward the window going for insects, I suspect - they were doing it down at the bottom, not as though they were confused by the reflection. I think they were Calliope's, not sure. What subtle beauty in the desert - so many funny little sounds and rustlings - plus coyotes. And migrating ducks and the occasional Brandt's cormorant on a golf course pond. Just a little patience yields lots of sightings of wonderful things -

I think we create our own comfort (or dis-comfort) zones because of past conditioning. If we have a need to be tortured, it's because that's our comfort zone for some reason. To merely spring free of one situation will take us into another situation that produces the same comfort zone - although the circumstances may seem different, the faces may change, the locations may change. We are manifesting torture for some reason. I think this is why wu-wei is the way to work out of it. To stop the dynamic while you're in the dynamic - not to run from it, because it will manifest again. Stop reacting. Ask ourselves 'what is it I'm afraid is going to happen if I don't do 'this'? (Whatever 'this' is). Walking on eggs? Stifling our tongue in some way? Tiptoe-ing around another so they don't get mad? I say this is the time for total honesty with self and others. Then, when the situation alleviates itself (either by changes in both personalities or by the relationship crumbling), we will have stopped the need in ourself to manifest the situation in the first place. Just be totally honest, express your heart when it wants expression, express your mind, express your anger. Be absolutely true to yourself in every single interaction with that person. When you feel a wave of fear, or your stomach churning, these are your clues that this is a particular dynamic arising that you will need courage to get through with total honesty. Just do it. The relationship will crumble away, or it will change for the better. It takes more courage for total honesty with someone we're in close configuration with than anything. Don't be afraid of the 'Yes, but's....' or the 'what if's'. But do it here and now, or it will rear it's head some place else with someone else. Get rid of that puppy.

Hi Orion, This was recently posted on our forum. The words seemed to pierce deeply into me, because the timing was perfect. I ran them off and taped them to my mirror. Maybe they're pertinent for you too at this point in your life. 'To serve a purpose, you must be of service. To be of service, you must become useful. To become useful, you must discover your uselessness. To discover your uselessness you must choose to have no choice. There is a thoroughness in the process of living and dying and being reborn which cannot be comprehended within the confines of a mind that clings to this life alone. It does indeed have a definite aim which is all too clear within the mind that is beyond this life alone. To resolve the eternal within the temporary and the temporary within the eternal and bridge all the connections between them is no small task, no small endeavor. Humanity as a species has its own agenda which follows a lifeline appropriate for a species. Your internal being has an agenda which follows a timeline appropriate for such a being."

We wouldn't be in the dark, and someone's suggestion might be helpful -

When I'm in a place where I'm asking myself 'what should I do?', the first thing I answer to myself is 'what would happen if I did nothing?' It depends on the type of situation you're talking about. If you're in a depressed state of ennui and rendered immobile for some reason (I can get into that one, I struggle with depression as well), then the only thing to do is start with baby steps and get yourself moving in some direction, even if it's wrong. But if your indecision stems from a situation that has outgrown its usefulness and all parties involved would be better off moving on, then the 'do nothing' dynamic works really well. We have a way of not wanting to rock the boat, even if the the boat is floating in a fouled pond, and we'll contort ourselves to enable the situation to remain intact, even if it's unhealthy and unnatural. This is when wu-wei works best. This is when 'Do nothing' is appropriate....to stop contorting to adapt to a bad situation. One must step back from the situation and see it for what it really is...to see why you are manifesting the situation (which you are) and to see what emotional payoff that has been outgrown is in play. Then, at some point, stop reacting in the same way. Stop buying into the dynamic; stop acting codependent with another person just for the sake of keeping the broken machine running. Instead, just stop. Stop enabling. Stop making excuses for things. And take full responsibility for your part in the dynamics. Understand what it is that you no longer need. Let the chips fall where they may. Then the beautiful dynamics of the Dao come into play. If we're in there stirring the pot and trying to keep things aloft as they are, the dynamics of the Dao are not able to work. We have to get out of the way. This takes courage, and it takes honesty - because the truth of the matter will present itself to you, one day at a time. and to look another in the eyes, one who has shared our path for years, and say that it is no longer working - that takes true courage. And the funny thing is, that these things are never just one way. Often the other party will sigh a sigh of relief, having felt the same way for a long time. It's breaking the routine that's the hard part. and then the growth will start - for both parties.

Astounding, the workings of nature. Unfortunately, we've taken a mystical moment of magic and awe and turned into into a total mind fork. Whippet. Whippet good, lol.

The arc, which would follow the circumference of a circle, remains the same - but the degree diminishes as they get closer to the hole - no longer a need for a full 45 degree swing, it might be down to 3 degrees at the hole, then finally down to nothing and they pop right in. I'm not a mathematician so maybe I'm looking at it wrong. I'm looking at the degree as would be measured from the radius to the triangle of the outer circumference terminal points getting smaller and smaller as he approaches; the degree of angle of a measuring protractor diminishing. But he never flatlines, I don't think. It's the same arc all the way up. Perhaps we can get federal funding to study this phenomenon.

speaking of carpenter bees - has anyone ever seen their incredible calculus when they are ascending into one of their little round holes under a wooden overhang? Incredible. they'll start an arc in a pendulum motion from about a foot below where the hole is overhead, and start swinging in a maybe 45 degree arc, the arc being equidistant on both sides of the hole. The hole is circular, maybe 3/4 inch in diameter. Then, as though they have an invisible string pulling them up through the hole, they will slowly ascend, continuing their pendulum motion, but the degree of the arc diminishes the closer they get to the hole. By the time they've fully ascended and reached their mark the pendulum has stopped, and they zoom right into their little condo. What an incredible triangulation, done with a calculus that demonstrates an unbelievable innate intelligence.

In my yin yang garden last night at dusk again. A big black carpenter bee was buzzing about the phlox, looking for nectar. i had never noticed before that the carpenter bees look below the blossom, where the stem of the blossom meets the greener part of the stem. Right at that junction is where they feed. But suddenly a pink blossom fell off the plant, and the bee carried it down to the earth. It fell slower than normal gravity would dictate, it rather floated to the earth because the bee was flying with this huge blossom in its grasp. Now, I wondered, was the bee trying to break the fall of the blossom, as an act of kindness? Or was the bee unaware that the blossom had fallen off the plant? The bee was under the blossom - I wonder if he hurt his little head. Was the bee just a mite confused? At any rate, it was magical and down the rabbit hole.

I was doing some peaceful abiding out in my yin yang garden, no thoughts going through my head. I observed two sparrows on the lawn about 20 feet apart from each other, each looking down into the grass, probably for seed. My thought process was still vacant. Suddenly both birds ran balls out towards each other, still on the ground, and quickly gave each other a kiss. Just once, with their beaks. Then they ran back to their respective positions 20' apart. A true quantum observation of a collapsing wave of improbability.

That little voice just has to be listened to. and sometimes, to follow it, you just know that folks are going to think you crazy. And sometimes it seems like we are. But the times it pays off to follow it, to listen, to engage when all common sense tells us to mind our own business - like don Juan Mateus said to Casteneda - 'sometimes we get to see it, sometimes we don't'.

certainly a thrill is the least we can expect when the tuba blasts

It seems to me that if one enters the spiritual path with the intent of becoming more spiritual, then it is of ego. If that is the only reason one enters the path, then most likely the result would be of ego. If one enters a spiritual path because all else has broken down; because they have tried and tasted life and realized that nothing fixes that which is lacking inside, the Oneness that their spirit is looking for - then this is good ground for entering a spiritual path that is not based totally on ego. I'm not sure, when the Rinpoche speaks of attaining merit, of exactly what he speaks. I think I know, but maybe I don't. I think it means that the golden mean within us has increased as a result of years of actions with the right intent. But I could be dead wrong on this, perhaps there is a more specific meaning to this. Perhaps it is the merit of our own thoughts being more positive rather than more negative, as a result of the discipline of our practice in guiding our thoughts rightly over the years. I just don't know. But I can speak to ego. I can't speak to ego within a Buddhist framework, as that wasn't my path. But from the path of a recovering person, one who had to taste every substance in life and live in the darkest corners of thought and action, only to find that there was nothing there for me but death or insanity - the ego had to break down in a huge way, initially, at first. It broke down in the sense that I had to admit defeat, and to ask (shudder) "another person" to help me. I had to ask someone to be my sponsor, to guide me through the steps of recovery, to show me where my thinking was wrong, arrogant, egotistic, judgmental. And then ego never really died, although it took a huge blow. when it comes your turn to turn back to others following behind you, how easy it is for ego to make a re-appearance in Act 2. To see myself as the guru, as the savior, as the one with the answers. To sponsor many others, which was part of the plan - but how much of this is ego? But luckily for the recovery programs, there is room for this ego; and although it may be there in the sponsors, those following behind still benefit from the well-worn words that have worked time and time again since 1935. And then to turn my back on those rooms, because I felt that my path was with those 'higher up on the spiritual scale'. And this is borne out by the occasional reading where it speaks to the importance of what types of people we should surround ourselves with, on our journey. To seek the company of those who have things to teach us - and yet, is this not of ego as well? To make 'ourselves' better, more spiritual? Ego, ego, ego. I am at a point in my life where I am re-entering those rooms, sharing my time with those just off the streets (and some still on); not a place where I would have thought I would be. 'These rooms' here in Ohio - the people are a lot different here than they are on the coast of California - of Santa Barbara, Ventura, Malibu, Santa Monica - those places I'm used to. They don't look the same, they don't wear the same clothes, they don't possess the same type of knowledge. And yet, the heart language is the same. The pain is the same. The feeling of being a pariah, alone in a crowd of people, is the same. And it is this conversation that I can participate in within these rooms here in the back streets of this small little broken down steel mill and pottery town in Ohio. An impoverished place with impoverished people. This seems to be just what my ego needs at the present time. It is a perfect place to realize in a more inclusive way the Oneness of mankind, regardless of circumstance. And it is an ego challenge to walk through the doors and sit in a chair I really don't want to be sitting in because I don't know what lurks under the cushions in that dingy room. And yet, the light shines brightly in there every once in a while. The wisest words will emit from the mouth of someone who appears most unlikely to say them - Buddha at the gas pump, if you will. It is a perfect place for growth of compassion and release from obscuration. And lo and behold, it is from these very circumstances that I am learning at this time. Thank you, Life.

election fever belies our internal strife we'll reap what we've sewn

the tantrika's mind or possibly vaidika? No consensus there

Perhaps it could be said as well - Awakened mind is patient, awakened mind is kind. Awakened mind does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. Awakened mind does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, Awakened mind is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Awakened mind always perseveres. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; When mind awakens, we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; When mind awakens, I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. Awakened mind is Love. (modification of 1 Corinthians 13: 4-13)

observed asymptote never to merge together; sutra buddha-lands?

in cosmology? perhaps, but quantum physics? communal collapse

<my lives number nine> Your universe is quantum but agreed upon

logic of locus evaporates when observed just ask the kitty

Ananda Giri. Priceless. the eternal continuity of the underlying drone, the ouroboros. A wheel, upon which 'my' consciousness is a part of the collective consciousness. The visualization of the wheel, each of us sitting at the outward extension of a spoke, connecting in the centre. Our thoughts being in the same place at the same time, all three times being Now. It matters not whether you listen to it at 3:00 and I at 5:00. We are of one mind, focused and not-focused at the same time. to hear the subtleties of the echos, the overtones, the undertones, the wavelengths. The occasional itinerant thought interrupting the flow of the empty mind as represented by a dissonant and seldom heard series of wayward notes. to hear the fleshiness of the human finger, her finger, playing the citar; knowing that the human entity is the other half of the instrument, the movement of the human, the string, the voice, the space, working together in concert to create the beauty, the life. to listen without thought, without comment, without criticism or acclaim. just to listen, to hear. To become the phenomena. what a gift. thank you, CT.