manitou

Well said, Hsu Yun. Well said. "Steadfast and Unchangeable". Doesn't it seem that there is a presence within that has remained the same age since the day of birth?

I think there is great room for misunderstanding this on the Path. Any path that leads into the light and clarity. Don Juan Mateus, within the Castaneda framework, called this developing Impeccability. Impeccability in one's thoughts, in one's intent, in one's behavior, in one's speech,in one's habits, in one's self discipline. the way I know this from experience is that the person I am evolving into and have evolved into has taken a great deal of work. One could call this developing merit. This was done for a selfish purpose; to stay comfortable in sobriety. One cannot live a selfish existence, or an unkind existence, and be comfortable with life. One would have to drink or take other substances to equalize the discrepancy between being a jerk and living within that framework. But to be comfortable without substance? That requires a quantum change of the personality; a change to the positive rather than the constantly critical, negative, and judgmental. I've never felt on this forum that there has been enough attention paid to the inner changes, the ones that are difficult, that must be made to make forward progress on the Path. The above quotation notates a subtle difference between developing merit and developing wisdom; as the difference between a verb and a noun. The verb part (in my opinion) would be to develop the merit; to change one's karma by acting and behaving differently, intentionally. To go out of one's comfort zone and develop qualities that one perhaps didn't have previously, such as generosity or unselfishness. Perhaps humility - that's an awfully big one which takes a lifetime of 'work', if you ask me. Wisdom, on the other hand, as it says above, is more of a point of perception. That's the noun. How one sees one's self and how one perceives the world. A Seer has wisdom because they are self-realized, they have seen into their own character without judgment and therefore sees into the lowest common denominator of the character of all others. Perhaps an ascended Christian mystic would call this developing the 'Christ consciousness', wherein they have gotten out of their own way in the ego department and have cut loose of judgment, hierarchy, cynicism, and the like. To put a Daoist spin on this, I always seem to go back to Yutang's 3 treasures - they are so easy to understand, and yet speak volumes. To never be the First (which flies in the face of excessive ego), Never too Much (which goes not only to ego but also to selfishness and thinking of others), and Love (which I see as a combination of the Merit aspect and the Wisdom aspect in the above quote). To fully develop love, the self must be first loved non-judgmentally. And this is the paper bag out of which I struggle. To love self. After all, we know our own thoughts. We know if they are not up to par, we know if we are judgmental (once we start to separate from the tendency), and I can beat myself up because they can still arise from time to time. And yet, the monster is only a monster when it doesn't realize it's a monster; when it is One with all the negativity. Once the monster is seen, the separation begins, and the spaces between the negative thoughts and judgments get longer and longer. Clarity takes its place. And perhaps clarity can't be rushed. The clarity of non-differentiation, the realization that this truly is a huge dream, which yins and yangs with our night-time dreams for the purpose of steering our consciousness toward the light and toward clarity. There are many in our forum who do not see the necessity for the urge to Merit. This is not the same as 'being good'. Being Good is not even relevant. Once the heart is on the Path and struggles toward the light (in the verb sense) and increases clear perception (in the noun sense) there is no Good nor Bad - and yet there is something that we so futilely call 'Love' which replaces what once inhabited that space. At the risk of sounding oxymoronic, It's All Good. I look forward to Joy. I get glimpses sometimes, my heart swells with it on occasion. I know I've got it coming. Just a little more of the illusion of the Ego of the entity known as Barbara to get out of the way. There's a saying in the old recovery program, started by a stockbroker named Bill Wilson in Akron, Ohio in 1935: "You can't think your way into right acting. You have to act your way into right thinking". How much more meaningful these little platitudes have come to mean to me over the years. And I read the deep and wondrous jewels brought forth by CT and others on this thread, and realize that the truth has been before me for all these years. Only I was only capable of seeing the very surface of the truth, of the true meaning; and it has taken half a lifetime to breach the surface. the beauty of The Truth, of True Wisdom, is that it all ends up in the same place. Within ourselves. The very last place we'd think of to look.

Thank you.

Hello, anyone reading this - I recently met a single mom who has a 12 year old son with Hans-hart syndrome. He was born with only one limb (leg); his other 3 limbs are stumps. She told me how his sister got a bike for Christmas, and that he cried for quite a while because he couldn't ride one. There is a bike in Erie, PA that is a tricycle, and is built to be specifically retrofitted for kids with these types of disabilities. She said the total cost of the bike, the retrofitting, and the stay required in Erie would come to around $4,000.00 total. I have set up a GoFundMe page for her: if you are of the mind, would you please visit this page, consider a contribution, and perhaps forward this to some of your friends? His name is Jaiden Foden. The page is www.gofundme.com/n7j4b95c. (I wish I knew how to create a link!) Thanks! Manitou

I want to let everybody know who has participated in this endeavor, that Jaiden has finally gotten his bike. I talked to his mother last week at the Szechuan restaurant, and he had it at that time, said she hadn't found the time to take a picture. There are a few minor modifications that needed to be made, and I don't know if he is actually up and riding today. He did ride for a day or two, and they realized that something needed to be retrofitted slightly differently. The veteran's group kicked in with about $600 additional to buy him the one he originally sat on up in Erie, PA, which is real nice. I was afraid we were going to have to go for a cheap model - but it all turned out for the best. There is a retired engineer in the veteran's group who volunteered to do the retrofitting to his body. Plus, Jaiden and his sister will be going to that summer camp that Akron Hospital is hosting for victims of Hanhart Syndrome this summer - his little sis gets a free ride on this too, so that Jaiden can have a family member there. Teresa let him make the decision as to whether he wanted to go to the came, and after a few weeks of mulling it over, Jaiden decided to sign up for it. It sounds like Jaiden's life will be taking a turn for the better. I can't thank everyone enough on this thread who so generously kicked in to help with this. The Bums accounted for about 85% of all money collected, and it is truly a tribute to your hearts here. Never have I known a group of folks like this before. As soon as Teresa can get me a picture (or I may have to go over to their house and take one, then figure out how to post it here) I will post a picture of Jaiden on his bike. In the meantime, please know that you've made a 12 year old boy very happy, and he now has some hope of keeping his weight down to a manageable level. Plus, he gets to actually go outside and play with his friends, as opposed to staying in the house with his Legos and Lincoln Logs. The donors here in this forum are a true testament to the realization of the Oneness of all. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kindness. Love, Barbara

I'll take it.

When?

I just want all the stinkin' Shoulds to fall away.

Welcome, Michael - Nice to have you here - I hope you enjoy yourself as much as I have - Manitou

What I've recently realized is that it doesn't matter at all whether I get there in this incarnation or another. It's the ride, not the destination. Where's the pressure then? Joy is something brand new to me, don't know why I threw that in. It just seemed important. Perhaps it's from lack of pressure to achieve. Finally.

I will listen to this soothing mantra at least once a day. What joy it brings to my heart, what peace. (Your soul is that of a lotus. I tearfully thank you)

just registered, Steve. This isn't something where I'll need Skype or anything, is it? Don't know how to do that, I would ask you for help.

Bes, you are loved here. We both love Rumi. In one of his poems, he is addressing his Passion for Life, his love for the Oneness of all of it. And he says something like When you tire of blowing me kisses I will gladly take your insults Just put your attention on me once in a while Paraphrased, and yet it communicates the interplay of the light and the shadow. That we must experience all of it We are growing older; this is the insult. The body is not what it was. The mind is certainly not what it was. I too live in this mix of sleeplessness and withdrawal from years of chemical. And the loss of sharp mind. And repetitiveness and memory loss. You're right. what a nonsensical koan this is. All those years where we thought we understood life because things were in place are now upended. This too, apparently, is part of the process. I have a talent which sometimes works, depending on whether I can put my finger on just the right dynamic. It would involve your self realization, my self realization, and a desire to slightly change the direction of a long standing trajectory. I have seen it work in miraculous ways; I have seen it not work. It would involve a little ceremony, bringing the metaphysical into the physical, done at corresponding points in time, your end and my end. If we can change the trajectory, we both receive the benefit. If you are interested in trying, in opening yourself up to a stranger and figuring out why you are manifesting your current conditions, please PM me and I will do everything I can do to see if we can turn this around. It is given freely from the heart.

Your desire for clarity will be your guide. Letting the thoughts flow, then releasing them without letting them furl too badly - finding the clear spaces between the thoughts. It sounds to me like you are following the most natural course, and the course that many have followed to achieve meditative clarity. You will know when it's time to release the thoughts and return to the space in between; you will see it in your posture, your muscle tenseness, even the expression on your face, the clenching of your jaw. Such a balancing act, but results can be seen rather quickly if one is persistent. I would often use the image of a bubble sitting on a point as a reference, or a butterfly sitting on a flower. The mind must be rested to hold this awareness, even if one cannot 'visually imagine-in' the picture. I, for one, am not a good imager - but I can hold the imprint of the image in the back of my mind, in awareness that it is there. That took some time for me to even do that. To get to the quiet mind that The Lerner speaks of has taken me over 30 years. It can happen instantaneously now, at will. But in the beginning, I think images can be helpful. I wonder if Lerner's downloads would be helpful for sleep. This is my challenge right now, weaning myself off antidepressants and sleepers at the same time. I think I'll check them out.

I see in myself A truth emerging; Unafraid of my own judgments Of myself. I see in myself A flawed individual, An individual of addiction to substances, food, habits, To color over My own shortcomings. I see in my own space and my own being One who remains in stuckedness And that which is known and comfortable, Rather than tasting of the life That sits at my disposal at my table. I see in my own being the truth of who I am. I see the magnificence of Self, and the paltriness of the physical life lived. I see in my own being The huge swing between That which Is And That which Could Be. I see the disparity Between the radiance of my own beauty And my tendency To continually flog myself. I try with all my might To reconcile That which I Am And that which I want you to think I am. I surround myself with You... Steve, CT, Kar3n, Jeff, Old River, Bud Jetsun, Silent Thunder, and all the others who have intimately Shared my journey. I wish to appear wiser in your eyes Than I really am. That is the Truth of my being That is the Truth of my space. I have recently attained The Beginner's Mind. This, so far, is my Greatest Treasure. With willingness to Let You See Me, I place myself openly at your table. Not only for myself, But for You too, In the event that you too Are not quite what you appear. All that is important to me now Is the Light. Attainment has come and gone. I have achieved in this life all I need. And now this moth Merely circles the flame of Truth.

Well, Noonespecial - I'm thinking that BES and I are both feeling a little 'special' after that beautiful post. I do think the women bring a certain soul, even to this venue. 'No one special' my arse. You amaze me. Often.

Hi again, Papayapple, I'm totally unqualified to advise on things like diet or the other various practices you've mentioned, but I tend to look at things with very long metaphysical eyes, in an 'as above, so below' sense. Your mention of being stuck in cycles jumps out at me, particularly since your mention of carpal tunnel, in a physical sense, which is a result of perhaps your long periods of guitar playing - or maybe your job, where you are lifting things repetitively. But it seems that you are also carrying this over to cycles in your life - looking for the perfect 'cycle' to cure yourself. Your internal fixation is a cycle of its own - not unusual for any of us, but we need to find a happy medium on this. My old man has a horrible case of arthritis up his back, his neck, it telegraphs pain to his hips, which burn horribly. But when one looks at what arthritis 'symbolizes', it symbolizes a certain 'stuckness' in life, a resistance to change, a desire to stay fixed in one spot. This is certainly true in his case. I know you don't want to look backwards, but sometimes in order to correctly triangulate what's going on at the present time, we need to see where we came from; a place to put one pole of the tripod. He was ripped from his family at the age of 10 and put into a reform school - a horrible trauma for a young boy. I can easily see why he craves staying glued to one spot. As a consequence, he has manifested many such stuck patterns in his life; he would be happy as a pig in mud if he could just sit in his easy chair in front of the TV 24/7. He manifested the 'ultimate security' of being in prison for 19 years because he didn't have to deal with change in life. My point here, is that you have created cycles which have hurt you throughout your life - even things as simple as the carpal tunnel syndrome. It's almost as though there is a component of being unable to rest, to be compulsive about motion and not wanting to look at something deeper. I, for example, have a foot-twisting compulsion that I find myself doing when I'm not in awareness of it. I think I know where that came from. I was unable to just sit down and rest as a small child - my father would always tell me to 'get up and do something, read something, create something' - and so I suspect that this tendency, although a stupid foot twirling, is a way of 'doing something', being active in some way. I'd love to get under it. It'll come. What I see as something that might be a good additive in your life is a ceasing in so much worry and to stop focusing on your maladies - to shake it up a bit. I would prescribe taking a dance class, something to have fun, something to mix it up a bit. To get out of your cycles of consternation and conflict. To not be so hard on yourself, even on the guitar thing - even that seems to be hurting you; you are wanting to come up to Jimi Hendrix' level, and maybe that's not the best sound for you anyway. Maybe you're musical style is a 'less is more' style, which I have finally figured out for myself on the keyboard. It sure helps with the carpal tunnel and pain I was feeling in my wrists. As to Joe, with his fixation on wanting to stay fixed in one location, I'm having him go different ways home. If he's going to the same market or a doctor's appointment, or a movie - take a totally different route. There are so many beautiful country roads up here, and he tends to take the same ones over and over. And of course, with the advent of GPS's now, one can't really get lost for very long any more. I too am a Castaneda person. I've read the series 3 times over my life - each time getting something new because we see it with higher eyes each time. I don't know if there's anything there for you any more - I'm pretty sated on it - but I do use shamanic ceremony for healing all the time (not because I'm looking for magic within the ceremony itself, although I've had some strange things with kundalini energy coming up out of the ground for some people) but the ceremony tends to confuse people's minds when they hear the rattles and the chanting - and they're less likely to be thinking in a 'this will never work' pattern. Their mind is open because they're confused at what they're seeing and hearing, more susceptible to imprint. If you can find the reason for your compulsive behavior in the cycle thing, I'd be happy to help you do a reverse imprint on it. We could do it remotely, and it would be right up your alley with the Castaneda background. But in the meantime, go dance. Have fun. Stop worrying. Approach it from a more healthy and holistic direction. I was watching some west coast swing dancing on Youtube last night, and wow! How cool is that? Learn a dance that you have to study a bit, not just mind-deadening showing up at a night club. Maybe a little study of pow wow dancing? But boy, does that west coast swing look like fun (as does the east coast, they're just slightly different styles). One of our members suggested to me that I was being too hard on myself, too focused, and he suggested that I take up dancing. I took up belly dancing. Loved it! Until I sprained my crotch. That may have been a bit too aggressive for a woman of my age. But I've never laughed so hard in my life when I was doing it with a bunch of other old ladies. There's your medicine. Joy and laughter. Very best to you!

Hi Dawn of Truth - I think I remember you from before. So nice to have you back. I'm a bit on the hermit side as well, so it's real nice to have a community of like-minded folks to talk to - even virtually. I look forward to seeing you again on the threads. Manitou

Be careful, new friend. You may be a short timer here. This is a civil community.

Hi mindtooloud - Most folks go through a lifetime without worrying about meditation at all. They remain at the mercy of their thoughts, reflexes, and reactions. You are way ahead of the game. You are separating from your thoughts just by knowing they are there. That's a necessary part of the process; please don't get discouraged. You're right where you're supposed to be. You've probably heard hundreds of suggestions for meditation. Here's one more. It's so simple it's ridiculous. Once you've relaxed every muscle in your body and allowed your breath to regulate, just know that you are a big flower in a garden. I see myself as a zinnia. Very, very slowly (so if someone were looking at you, they wouldn't even see that you're moving), let your flower face follow the movement of the sun across the sky. You can even slightly sway if you wish, but do so imperceptibly. It is quite difficult to entertain thoughts and be aware of being a zinnia in the sun at the same time. Very best wishes to you. I look forward to your input on the forum. Manitou

Hi Papayapple - best avatar ever. What it says to me: You know you are a lion among men, you inhabit the space between heaven and earth. The lion is flying, his feet not touching the ground. You know you need grounding, as the lion does. You desire starkness and definition; the lion emerges from the fuzzy background into distinctiveness. As though looking to define himself. The lion is currently racing, as you are. So many ideas, so many directions. There are no right or wrong answers here. Just jump in, Lion. Right where you are. You're going to be fun to have around. No need to collect stuff any more. Time to find your own answers. Be fearless but gentle. You have much to gain from us, you have much to offer us.

Hi Dreamaer - So glad you found your way to us. That which is called 'the beginner's mind' is a thing of beauty - one who realizes he has things to learn from others. Plenty of folks remain stuck in ego and never attain The Beginner's Mind - and it is an attainment. Very best wishes to you as you continue in your learning journey, in our midst. Some here have the beginners mind, some do not. You're one of the lucky ones. I greatly look forward to your participation on the forum. Manitou

LOL. True. But on the other hand, we do have to talk about something on this forum. Doesn't it seem that the more you get into this thing, the more non-dual your eyes actually become? That when you look into the pupils of another's eyes, be it animal, insect, or human, that you are looking into the Great Intelligence, the Logos, of it all? The 'web of awareness', as Castaneda would call it? And can't you sense the Oneness of all the atoms, even the same spinning matter in the table you're sitting at, as in your body? Yes, we are in the world of form; but it is that which underlies that I speak of. The incredible cosmic dance which really doesn't contain Past or Future in it; but the compression into Now. As long as our brains are set up to be linear, I guess we're stuck with form and duality. A bit of a Catch 22, if you ask me. A great cosmic joke of sorts.

You might be still seeing through dual eyes here. 'I am God' is certainly ascribing a personality to it. 'I am Logos' works better for me - the calculus, the intelligence, the microcosm to the macrocosm. We, on this dimension at least, seem to be the walking, talking, thinking tip of the spear of Oneness. That is what I meant and perhaps didn't articulate it will enough. after all, I am a woman.

Please re-read my prior post about Is-ness. Non duality. I think you read it wrong. You're coming at me rather harshly. I can see from your mention of women not being capable of becoming Buddhas, that you are a bit out of balance with all this. I also see that you are desirous of attaining Buddhahood in this lifetime. Seeking celibacy is fine if one comes at it from a position of balance; ie. one has found their balance with their sexuality, has engaged in healthy sexual behavior, is sated, and has decided to walk away from it because it is a distraction. Perhaps this is helpful in achieving Buddhahood, I don't know. There are others here who know more than I about this. However, I do know that if one approaches Celibacy because they are confused about their sexual balance, and they come at it from a position of misogyny, that's not going to lead to Buddhahood. One cannot achieve Buddhahood through aversion, which is what you are trying to do. What it leads to are what sometimes happens in the Catholic Church - where men who are uncomfortable with their own sexuality and escape the question altogether by going into the monastery. I think this explains much of the problem within molestation within that institution. The piper must be paid at some point in time. I know you don't want to take any advice from a woman, but please consider going back and reexamining your relationship with your mother. I don't mean to be unkind here, but your problem is sticking out like a sore thumb. My very best to you.