Rara

I just spent two days stage assisiting an NHS convention (England's public healthcare) Two days straight of buraeucratic nonsense. Considering I just had chairs to move at the beginning and end of each sessions and hand over a few microphones, I was subjected to watching the most boring and counterproductive debates. "Think of the money" I hear in my head. No, sorry. I'd rather have my soul than work for bills. My only exit strategy right now is to become a militant and take out bad guys. Wanna join?

You missed my point entirely. Try this one then. Go and read something on a different topic. As for the sting in your tail, why ask for advice if you're not prepared to listen to it. And FYI, I'm on a phone. Taking time out to give people advice, which is rare these days. If you can't appreciate this then I am very sorry for you.

Put that book down and go and do something you enjoy.

I'd say that's fair. I'm not near 40, but I can say that my natural desires are less than when I was 14-23! Yes, some form of discipline practice came in to play, but retention was never necessary. Natural understanding and love for the woman I've been with for over 7 years now...that in itself made me wanna get off the daily porn. But if I have sex with her and pull out before climax...well, that would be awkward. It would serve no benefit whatsoever. She could lose self-esteem and think I'm going mental... ...my fiancee is not an experiment If the OP has a problem/addiction, then ok. Getting away from the PC and getting a decent hobby might help. Short-term retention building up to longer perhaps will benefit until he learns to "bust one out" only when necessary. For this reason, I will support. If it's just to follow a dogmatic practice from a book out of blind belief that it will make him somewhat a more advanced practitioner of life, I wish to save him the disappointment.

I honestly say there is no point. Read TTC and Zhuangzi and then try and figure out where "semen retention" fits. I woulf say semen retention is a "Taoist" practice, not a Taoist practice

Agreed!

This. Thread closed lol

I've read a lot about alchemy and want to practice. Am I right in thinking that working on transmutating is a good physical practice to accompany the mental? If so, as a beginner, are there any "how to" books out there? (For lack of a better word)

Yo! So I fancied experimenting. I usually meditate in full lotus these days with my eyes shut in addition to my regular kung fu practice. However, after learning the techniques of Zazen, I couldn't help but resist trying out this new form. The practice is fairly similar to what I usually do...counting breaths to calm the mind but I usually then trail off onto what i need to focus on for that particular session. In Zazen, the counting is the sole focus and there is one major difference - the eyes are half open (as advised by many practitioners/teachers) and focussed at the floor roughly three feet in front. I found this extremely hard! All of a sudden, there are so many more distractions present that I am needing to avoid such as my eyelids flickering and going cross eyed. I guess this is the same as my kung fu forms, but at least in martial arts I'm moving so the temptation for the mind to wander is less. What are your experiences with half-open eyes? What are your opinions on Zazen? I would like to know more, and if you recommend half-open eyes as a good form of training concentration, mindfulness, and all round meditation

My mum kicked my arse yesterday. I guess I should be thankful... For the first time in a while, I'm pretty confused and down, but perhaps that is just a result of being hit with a reality check. At dinner yesterday, somehow my mum and I managed to get on to the topic of my cultivation. After talking about how much better I am these days, which was backed up by my girlfriend (and I am so sorry she had to be there for this) my mum actually said I was much worse! I couldn't believe it, as much as I am trying and concentrating on breath and not violently lashing out (which was my big achievement) I was slapped back down by being told that these days I raised my voice much more and was verbally more angry. She wasn't wrong. It all escalated to the point where I was yelling and disagreeing with her. She remained calm with the odd chuckle (where my old self comes back to tell me she is disrespectful and making fun of me. Naturally, I yell even more) So I went away thinking, what can I do? Am I to practice not getting wound up by her? Am I making things up, is she actually not winding me up? Am I too sensitive? Do I have a chip on my shoulder? Am I seeking recognition for all my hard work and mad because I'm not being given the right encouragement? If so, why am I so determined to have my own mother encourage me? But should I be thankful that she has identified my flaws? Although, she's the only one that I behave like this with. Occasionally my sister...I guess it's just those two that know how to push my buttons. Perhaps everyone else is just beating around the bush with me and being laid back. It's made me very sad and confused, I don't know how much better I really am now. Have I been too complacent and cocky? Clearly there is some work to be done, I just don't know what to do right now

It's funny you should say this. I had a realisation a couple of weeks ago that I tend to be used a lot by my sister, bullied to an extent by my mum - plus those two are at war and I'm always in the middle. And I allow it because "letting the thoughts pass" is the best therapy. Fuck that. Maybe for some, but I follow Taoism and to me, this means I am me and there is no changing that fact. It's a middle-class broken home. That's actually quite sinister, because it all happens in secret! I've been suppressing a lot of feelings and my anger has been exploding again. This time I let it, because I realised that playing the "holy one" was a facade and was doing me no favours inside. All I wanted to do was make peace...with myself and my family. But the latter would be forcing - and I still never learn! I am at most at peace with myself when I'm honest with myself. I know what I am, and the animal is back. However, the animal is at peace if it isn't disrupted. So, I live 200 miles away...and I won't change that for the world.

Still, if this is true, this is awesome.

Months and months of frustration, confusion, difficulty, trying to figure shit out, worried about this, worried about that, running to the illusion in my head of what I think meditation is, what I think Tao is, what I think the right thing is, trying to keep the girlfriend happy, trying to keep the family happy, trying to keep on with my business, trying to stay strong, pushing the demons away, only for them to push back harder, suppressing, suffocating, getting weaker, then all this goes away, and I think I have found my way, and then the demons come back, and crush me further, and I'm even more confused, because I thought I had my way. So if I had my way and they still came back, then I must be worthless, useless. Frightened, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I try to meditated but the mind won't let me, the phone's going off, Skype is ringing, now I have the flu, now I can't move, now I'm depressed, suicidal, pretending to be happy because that's what people think I am, tight chest, can't breathe...I can't fucking breathe! Well, you know what? I have to fucking breathe, or I'm a dead man. So I made myself breathe, I got up, took myself to a place where no one could see me, no one could hear me. There was the solid wall. These are my fight gloves. I screamed. I shouted. I thrashed at the wall. I cried. I killed. I shook. I slapped myself. I killed again. I broke that fucking demon in half. This is my liberation. This morning has woken me the fuck up. Thank yoh for reading. I apologise for nothing. Someone out there will need this one day to. I hope they see this, it could save their lives, their relationships, their sanity. Peace x

So...I totally lost it on Monday. I tried to meditate and it made me feel even worse. The result ended up being me getting up and putting my hand through the wall. Again, a feeling of uselessness. I learnt that, I have to stop "trying" to meditate and believing that it will solve my issues. It has its place, but in hindsight, all I realised is that I should have taken action long ago. So, I quit the TV industry, and have practically left my band. Suddenly I feel a lot better (I am having payment issues with the former and the latter is so much strain on my body as none of us live in the same town anymore so keeping it all alive is exhausting) So, don't go against Tao guys and gals. It just don't feel good...and in my case, I become a warewolf.

I would be very interested in what these note have to say

Sounds like a rental to me. I'll pass, that's a bit steep...I don't have nearly enough lead.

Thank you. What then, does an orange nourish? (Apologies for the late response, I have been very busy over the past week)

Awesome

I see what the OP means... But yeah meditation is all. Whether it's washing dishes, playing chess or sitting in full lotus for an hour. Know yourself...however you get there, this is the only message, right?

What exactly happened?

Are carrot greens actually edible? How, then, would eating the upward orientated part (greens) affect us physically in comparison to eating the usual root (orange) carrot?

Yeah, to think it was crowdfunded, the special FX (to make it look, um, less like special FX) as well as getting The Hoff on board - definitely a great effort. -Look at my pecks -Those pecks are epic Hahaha

I don't think words could justify it. I tried to talk to my mum about it once...she thought I meant "happiness". No, happiness is all well and good, and we can experience it daily if we allow ourselves too. Bliss or joy, or any higher state is really indescribable for me...it feels unfair. I guess because it was so out of this world, one that hasn't had a taste cannot relate.