Rara

The Dao Bums
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Content count

    2,966

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    4

Everything posted by Rara

  1. Haha, indeed... Though, I was belly breathing at the time when this disagreement escalated. My monkey mind just seemed to override it...hence why I was so confused.
  2. Thank you But no, there was no time for gentle belly breathing etc It was wake up, shower with gf (my friend didn't have enough hot water in his tank) then drive, visit, drive, visit, drive, arrive back and be with friends at flat until bed. Then wake up, repeat ... Very claustrophobic. Working with the limited time frame. Maybe we should get a hotel next time!
  3. I see what you're saying. It's helped quite a bit though! And anyway, why ask for advice if you don't wanna take it anyway? Lol. And from me of all people, the youngest in the family?
  4. No, you are mostly right here. One example: My sister, who I do try and see/speak to regularly. A single mum that likes to guilt trip me in to getting down as close to Christmas day as possible so the nephew has some sort of Christmas. While I sympathise, it's not like I'm the dad and that it's really my duty.
  5. Well I had the Christmas spirit. This is why I travelled 200+ miles and then all over the south east, exhausting myself, seeing 4 different family households in 3 days. I'm still recovering. I was tired by Cnristmas eve having just finished an insane month of business and present shopping. I meant well, but I guess life these days makes it hard to relax at Christmas.
  6. This is an interesting post. Like John C. Parkin's "Fuck it therapy" - some things you just can't change so why keep pushing?
  7. Haha, I think I would need a retreat with you to understand your teachings then. As for Christmas, well, it could have been better, could have been worse! Next year I will approach the whole thing very differently.
  8. Hi Gendao, Thanks for your input but I already came to this realisation along with a few others here on this thread. I wouldn't say that the coping strategies were a bad thing though. They work well in addition to the training mentioned above. She's not the greatest monk though. When she asked for my advice on her panic attacks and nervousness about opetarions, I suggested mindfulness only to find many excuses not to bother. Why ask for advice unless they are going take it? And then, why pick further holes in someone's cultivation?
  9. Hi Iain. Are you talking about being objective?
  10. Haha, so you got the reference. EDIT: Potential Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood spoiler below? I feel different about the moral in the anime...at the very end, it turned out, all you need is love. The fighting/equivalent exchange came down to, well, disruption of Tao, I guess. In hindsight, today I feel very differently and see this "law" as secondary (and therefore unnecessary) to love. A bit like Sun Tzu's moral in Art of War: Avoid going to war, but if you have to, here's the guide...
  11. So, it has dawned on me... 1. Not playing the game and not being bothered/attached to the point of getting angry. This I can work on...the triggers are already clear to me. It's about getting what I want, and if I don't - raaaaaage! My counsellor a few years back identified this in me. He also said Hitler was the same. So, back to work! 2. However, the law of equivalent exchange. If my mum feels the need to be honest with me (in which I am blessed, yes) then the least I can do it be honest with her (tactfully, where applicable)
  12. I'm sure after some practice I will let you know my two cents on this. Back home and well rested as of last night. Off to the cushion now
  13. Rofl
  14. Guys, I gotta head off but thanks for all the advice so far. I will return to the forum when I can
  15. So, if she says "admit that I have the right to be angry", I could (or should?) respond with "of course I understand that you are angry"? My usual response is more lecture-like "but there is no need to be angry, it's a waste of time and energy" Well look at that. I'm quite like my mum, aren't I?
  16. Huh? Did you repost? I believe I responded in some way but I think this is what you're saying lol.
  17. I will Google that haha. No idea what it is.
  18. Wow, great martial art analogy. I always wondered why Chuang Tzu was allowed to come across as rude and patronising. I guess he was pushed into quite a few corners himself. No one likes a smart arse...I'll be careful not to resort to sarcasm though.
  19. True that. She came to me for advice ages ago about her anxiety of operations next year. I suggested yoga, tai chi and mindfulness meditation at different points. She always finds an excuse to say she can't. It saddens me because I mean the best for her and don't like to see her under such stress. But I have to be careful not to be a snooty meditator to her as well.
  20. I also wondered whether it was anger or adrenaline. Or passion. There must be a difference... It's not like I stayed "angry" either. We changed subject eventually and we hugged before I left. I just felt sad after.
  21. I love this The thing is, one that my mum does like to pull out of the bag, is that this and that is "abnormal". She sits there and talks to me (every time we speak) about how abnormal it is that my Sis won't let her in to her life any more. I know exactly where my Sis is coming from of course, hence the OP, but if I try and describe this to my mum, she will argue against it. And why shouldn't she? Those are her values, as unrealistically utopian as they are. Maybe I should drop my expectatons that my mum will some day pat me on the back. Lao Tzu didn't think much to praise anyway...
  22. I dunno. If anything, I'm pretty sure I made it clear that I knew I had work to do. This doesn't hide the fact that my mum has a sting in her tail. And it does hurt, that's why my sister not only yelled, but also said some harsh things back. Now they don't talk. Thankfully my practice has helped me not to follow that path.
  23. Thanks for this, and I know they are more analogies than names Yes, I have work to do, and so does she. At least I know I will follow my own advice.
  24. Do you find that sometimes people provoke in order to get a reaction out of you, then get mad/upset if you don't? My sister ordered me once to admit that she had the right to be angry about a certain situation. That's what I got for being "emotionless"...
  25. Ok, I think I understand. In hindsight, I always see the bigger picture. In the moment... Heat of the moment and all that jazz...