Songtsan

I am going to state this one last time for everyone on this board. I dislike intolerance of whole people. I dislike perfectionist attitudes. I dislike absolutist attitudes that absolutely define someone as bad, simply because that person doing the defining doesn't like small parts of a person. If I think you are absolutely judging me in any way - as a whole, based on one small thing of me you don't like, and it occurs enough times for it to make me frustrated...I will not reply to the posts in which you make that assumption. Just learn not to judge people holistically. I am willing to be everyone's friend here, as long as you are willing to be mine - one the whole. I don't care if you dislike certain parts of me, as I am sure to dislike certain parts of you from time to time. I simply am getting frustrated at defending myself left and right for being who I am. Basically don't make it a personal attack on me. The very basis of 'personal attacks' is that they attack the whole person. That is why they are called 'personal' attacks. Please feel free to disagree with my opinions in a sane manner - when you make it a personal attack, I will start ignoring people around here. Yes, I understand that I will be being a hypocrite in doing this. I am just so busy with all my research and writing, that if I take hours every day to respond to personal attacks, it will be foolish of me. I must harden my heart to these things. Its a strategic defense of my time/energy, as half of what I post seems to attract personal attacks. I am not sorry for who I am. I understand why you guys get upset, truly I do. I cannot change Rome in one day. Please believe that I am aiming for greater evolution and enlightenment. Thats about all i can do for you at this time. Please remember that what you see of me here is just the tip of the iceburg of who I am. You cannot possibly know the real me. Judging me personally is naive. You are simply judging the thought construct of who you think I am.

I have read so many sutras and I believe in all honesty that he was focusing on the negative - I believe he was hyper-polarized to a world view that focused more on suffering and less on the beauty that was inherent in imperfection. He was a perfectionist. Perfectionists seek to avoid imperfection. This is undeniable. Go read more sutras and come back and tell me he wasn't seeking to become a perfect being...he states himself that was seeking to become perfected. When we seek after perfection, it means we are seeking to be away from imperfection. It means we are hyper-polarizing ourselves to get away from all that we consider negative. Buddha was nearly a nihilist. My belief. He was anti-imperfection. That is so obvious I would state it is more than just my belief. He was also anti-world in many ways. This is so obvious that I think its more than my belief. Thus to my ideals - he was an asshole. Don't agree with me - you shouldn't - you should agree with you! Just don't be like some of these others on the board and judge the whole of who I am by one small part of me. That's all I need is another person going the way of perfectionism - which I am adamantly against.

Its called hyperbole. Its kind of like that book, "If you see Buddha on the road, kill him!" One can both respect a person, and yet disrespect them (really you are disrespecting the thought construct of them and all that it represents) at the same time. I do not, and would never elevate someone else over me. I call the Kundalini an asshole all the time to her face! I think that every person that was ever born, no matter how enlightened they were, were in some way an asshole. I am a savage! Did you not realize it by now. I have no apologies for you. I call myself an asshole. I like being an asshole. I respect being an asshole as long as its not done out of pure negligent cruelty. If one is part asshole, and knows it, and has not yet transcended it, one should not fear being known. One should not hide ones skeletons in deep dark closets. I dont think Buddha was the most enlightened being to walk the earth. Please know that Buddha is a very important part of my Ishta Devata - my divine ideal. Especially in the form of Avalokitesvara and some of the wrathful deities. If I express something that I feel, please respect that I am being real.

All I was trying to say in the end was this: Do not fear suffering - do not run from suffering, do not let suffering control you, do not let suffering program you. Buddha did teach ways to transcend suffering, and he was not afraid to suffer, but he DID let suffering pattern his underlying world-view. His whole spiritual efforts in the beginning especially were about escaping from the self (before he became enlightened). After he was enlightened, he spoke often of how Nirvana was the key to release from the wheel of karma. He was an escapist underneath. Escape from this place that is. I am not - I don't seek to leave the wheel, I don't care if I come back. The thought of some blissful detached Nirvana that is apart from the rest of this illusion seems pointless to me, when there is all this family to come back to. What is the first noble truth? Does this not paint a certain picture of what Buddhism is about? Why focus on the negative? This is all I am saying. Please know that my real name is Songtsan - named after the first king of Tibet, Songtsan Gampo - a Tibetan Buddhist name! I am Buddhist, simply put, just not 100% Buddhist. People don't seem to get that I am not of any one teaching - and will never be! I will say this as many times as needed, until I realize that I shouldn't worry about what others think of me.

Buddhism is one of the paths I know the most about. I am hyper-focusing here to make a point. Please don't take everything I say as an absolutist statement. I respect Buddhism highly, and much of my philosophy comes from Buddhism. Many of my techniques come from Buddhism. Just because I drive a certain car, doesn't mean I have to like every aspect of that car. Maybe I want some rear spoilers? A sunroof? Tinted windows? You grok me? I agree. Please see my post 'My great understanding' You will note that I have decided I spend way too much time here trying to share my understandings of my self with others. If I didn't want to change others so much (improve them in my view, as so many of us here do, including yourself, by the very statement you just made) I would not be coming here AT ALL, not even to ask questions, because there isn't a question I could ask that I couldn't simply go find the answer to myself - I know how to use the internet and the library. Please believe me that I completely agree with you, that I am simply addicted to the pleasure bliss that comes with being a 'teacher' (false mind fabrication that that is). I hope I have answered this question already. Please do not take offense at my statements. I have great respect for what Buddhism has brought to us, I just don't like every aspect of it. I am no absolutist, although I make absolute statements here and there out of sheer laziness. If you re-read my OP carefully, you will see that I said I have a 'fierce' respect for Buddha. Please believe this.

I think that you are generalizing too much. Let's stick with the basic questions in this thread. Stereotyping someone indicates a lack of understanding. You may be assuming that I have the same goals as you do, and that my intent is the same as yours, and so you view me through the lense of your own expectations for yourself. I am and avid researcher and experimenter. I question everything. No traditionalist am I. This has always been my way. Since I could remember, I have always asked 'What if this?' 'What if that?' questions. I am not trying to reinvent any wheels, just improve them, and more to the point, understand them beyond just accepting that they are. I am confident in my style of approach, as it has led me far. You also assume that things do not work out for me...this is patently untrue. I have had many beautiful perception attainments which I do not share with people here, but I see no reason to brag, and most people wouldn't even believe me. It would be best for you to approach me without any preconceived notions, nor any absolutist assumptions. I am simply trying to save you time, as I find you often questioning my ways. It is really unnecessary I assure you. You are spending energy that is not needed to be spent, and I am spending energy trying to explain to you that is also unnecessary to be spending. I would prefer to use this energy on more constructive activities than always trying to fix your errant assumptions. Nothing personal, I simply would like the best for both of us. Try to give constructive advice related only to the questions I post, if you would like to assist me in me efforts. Attacking my underlying motivations serves me no help whatsoever. You don't need to understand me. Just trust me. I can take care of myself. I am a big boy. I don't need an online guru. Let me just state for the record that I am NOT seeking more perception attainments, enlightenment, or energy cultivation skills at this time. I seek something else which would take too long for me to explain.

Indeed. The diaphragm is shaped much like an inverted umbrella. If the abdomen is allowed to all the way 'pooch' out, and all those other muscles, including the psoas to completely relax downwards, it would seem that it would stretch that tendon and thus pull the umbrella downwards, preventing most movement. I think this is exactly what I experience. I figured out yesterday that I could leave the rectus abdominis/transversus abdominis, etc totally relaxed, and just create a slight upward shift on the tendon that attaches to the diaphragm and it would allow that movement I sought. I haven't even had time to re-read the post you made, or any of your other posts regarding this stuff. I have been so busy in so many directions.

This is great information. My gratitude.

If you see post #8 in 'what its like to be insane' you will see why I am such a retard sometimes. A funny thing about the way I am is that while I can literally go into a state where I tear someone's head off, in such a manner that most people would think, "That's the end of that for all time!" because I am such a pawn to my emotions, I can always and easily forgive someone. I have forgiven girlfriends cheating on me, even to the point of saying "It's all right, I don't mind," to people stealing from from me (and then they'd go and do it again), to employers using and abusing our relationship (to the point where other people would have quit). This happened at the spa I worked at in Portland. The employer hadn't been paying anyone in weeks, due to money problems, yet she was also keeping our tip money, and I went almost a month before I said enough is enough. While many of you guys probably think I am a real dick, I have got that certain special something. I will probably always forgive you long before you forgive me. It is what it is. I don't deny I feel a certain ego pride/vanity in that, probably because I want to balance the guilt of how easily I can destroy things. My natural tendency is fast and furious, blowing over quickly, whereas I think others are more slow to anger, and hold that anger longer and release slower. There is a reason I associate with wrathful deities. If I am to learn to love myself completely, I must learn to love this way. I think it is interesting to note how different people can be, and how one shouldn't assume that others work in the same way as them. It is almost like things being lost in translation. All I have to say on that really is that if you think I was a dick to you, it wasn't meant as hard as it seemed, and if you feel you were a dick to me, I am probably way over it by now. I speak a different language than you is all.

Please see my post titled 'My great realization' I discuss caring for self/other there.. what I think is that when YinYang are balanced, one will care equally for self/other and conflict will not arise, for one would not hurt the self, nor would one hurt the other. Doing as one's nature decrees is only OK if one is balanced. If one is not balanced, one will do things in the extreme, and overbalance - one will either do more for oneself, in which case bad things could happen, such as greed, envy, strife, stealing, etc. or one will do more for other, in which case bad things will happen, such as overextending ones energy, giving too much away, not caring for self. It would make sense that wu wei only works when Yin and Yang are balanced, otherwise your natural actions could be rash. You will get into trouble. Seek Yin Yang balance before enjoying wu wei.

I don't look for it - it comes naturally all the time..it's how I unwind too. I am so active all the time that it is good to shut my nervous system down, give it a chance to cool off. The less you do, the less energy flowing through the system, gives the neurons a chance to regenerate. It's almost like a waking sleep state, very blissful and relaxed.

Well, see here for starters: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kumbhaka It's basically a state of almost suspended animation - little going on, so O2 needs are very low...its actually very easy to do. If you are interested I will explain it in more detail. You can do it savasana or seated positions. Its not the only pranayama I do by the way, just one thing I do. It is a real bonus to concentration. Extra O2 means extra energy, and if the mind is not settled properly, all that extra energy will just go to waste. My mind is not settled properly at this time, and I am not seeking it to be. I want to think/understand at this point in my life. I am doing work.

I couldn't agree more I know that ideas of self/watcher/etc. are just mind fabrications. That it is all one thing, with no divisions in the ultimate state. I think we should always make a point to refer to conventional speak vs. ultimate speak. Conventionally there is a watcher - it is so demarcated in us from social conditioning that this is in fact, for all conventional purposes, more true than the ultimate truth. Truths in a conventional state are agreed upon, nothing more. If the state of Nirvana was the ultimate truth, why is it so extremely hard to attain so that only certain individuals ever attain it? I am just being a devil's advocate. Sometimes I wonder if we are already in the most natural state of being - that which has a sense of 'I' ness and that actually the Buddha was misled! lol I know I am wrong too - it is just fun to conjecture. In reality, there is just action/reaction I don't even think that there is any 'thing' that reincarnates with karma at all - I believe that tendencies reincarnate, but that there is nothing that escapes any wheel whatsoever. My personal goal isn't to try to escape some wheel of suffering - I don't like suffering myself, but I also don't fear it. I think that the Buddha was dealt a bad hand in coming from such a place of pleasure in his early life. As soon as he saw what the world was really like he freaked out and immediately decided he had to get away from this crazy place. I grew up in a world of suffering myself. I learned not to fear it, thus I don't really seek enlightenment, although I am on the path that will likely result from it. I seek to improve the world around me, not in a Bodhisattva type of way, but in a different way. I simply want to make the world better for the next generation. I don't think that when I die that there will be some locus of quasi-self that will reappear and have to deal with what I did in this life directly. I simply think that the action/reaction marks I left on this world will affect what the energy that I am, when it returns to new life, will have to deal with. So it is true in a way that I will reincarnate, but it won't be in some local form, specific to a certain individual. The energy that I am in this life, will divide and become a nearly infinite number of beings. So I will be reborn as everyone that exists, and whatever mark my fabricated 'I' in this lifetime made, will be felt by all those new constructed 'I's. That is why I think there ultimately only one being in existence. So I think that people spend time trying to perfect themselves, when they would be better suited to pursue perfection of the reality around us as well. In a way, the Buddha was selfish - he was like: 'I am getting out this crazy place! Here is the way to get out...sucks to be you guys if you don't do what I did!' I am more Mahayana, but not so much like them either! They still think this place is awful and want to escape! They just want to stay around and help everyone escape because they care. These people are all running away in fear from this crazy place. I am more about: let's make this place more awesome! That is my goal, and is what I am writing about really - how to make things better for everyone/self.

everyone should worship themselves though....this is how one generates extreme bliss. I don't mean in a narcissistic way...but as a way of adoring reality itself, which we are.

Mahamudra I posted a different version of the Song from Tilopa to Naropa in another post: http://thetaobums.com/topic/28055-a-tale-of-daoist-sexual-interests/page-2 message #27 if you'd like to see it...

It also makes sense that concentration would increase as impurities were dealt with, not only because of increased energy, but because of increased purity. Impurities are notable distractions during meditation. When everything is flowing free and clear, you are less likely to get interfering negative emotions.

I agree with some of your post, but not all of it. It has been well known in yoga and pranayama that one can achieve a nearly breathless state and that it is fine physiologically speaking. It comes with hardly moving - oxygen needs get reduced. If one is meditating properly, and not thinking, oxygen needs are even further reduced, as the brain uses a hefty supply of glucose when thinking, which would also drive oxygen consumption. I don't feel that sensation of hypercapnia, which would indicate that CO2 was building up, and no sensation of suffocation either. I do intend to regulate the muscles now, so the point is moot anyways. Right now I am using a slight contraction of the transversus abdominis, and that helps...I will work on pelvic floor muscles and psoas too, as well as diaphragm. The diaphragm attaches to the psoas, and I know that I have a tight psoas on the left side, so some work is neccessary. Thanks for all your posts everyone

http://www.dharmaoverground.org/web/guest/discussion/-/message_boards/message/3460151;jsessionid=07EC8815953DD7D4594235504D556D44

yeah - I've used those whistling pots before once. It is very similar to throat singing - where they can sing up 3 different tones at once. Or overtone singing.

yes!

Karma is tendencies it seems - patterns, maybe even memories...Sometimes I wonder - if somehow our memories were removed - say through a brain injury, etc. would we still have karma? Here is something I always wondered too - Babies...they have very little programming. I would never try this in real life...but take something scary - maybe a big creepy spider, wear a scary Halloween mask, etc. If you put this near a newly born baby - who is just learning the world, would they freak out? Or would they, having not been programmed to fear these things, view them as just more forms? If you kept some pet tarantulas and spiders around a baby all the time, would the baby play with them just like they were more toys, and then when they grew up, have no fear of spiders whatsoever? Again I would NEVER do this in real life...I am just wondering how a lot of our fears might be socially learned.

I find that having plans sometimes leads to stupid expectations. The coolest adventures I ever had in my life were the unplanned ones. Spontaneous decisions to move to a new place with only $500 in my pocket. I've ended up all over the USA, and in Hawaii like that. When you have so little money available, your own fear about being on the streets forces you to go out and get a job right away, usually accepting whatever you can find, which is interesting, because although I wouldn't have chosen those jobs, they were mind opening because they were so different than what I would have chosen. Or doing spontaneous things like deciding to go climb a mountain - climbing all day and night and sleeping at the top in a rain storm, huddled in some rocks, then losing my way going down and ending up 20 miles from where I meant to be, and having to hitch hike back to town. Or going camping in the deep woods during a full moon, taking a bunch of LSD, getting naked and doing Tai chi under the moon in the woods naked, tripping. Or going to take some type of new class, maybe a dance class in some dance style you never took before, or going to one of those speed-dating things - thats a real eye opener. Basically its about putting yourself out of your comfort zone - shock and awe technique - go live with the Hare Krishnas. Go work on a cruise ship. Endless things to try.

This is the kind of thing I am looking for. Thank you. I will have to read more of your posts on this. I may get back to you with an additional question later if you don't mind.

I am not following you, can you give more detail? Basically, I like not interfering with the breath is all. Yet with the relaxed stomach wall/diaphragm, it is very shallow..perhaps I am just attached to seeing more obvious movement and rhythm. Once I get settled in, the breath is so shallow that my heart beat seems to be the thing actually moving the breath - and it becomes just a real subtle in out pulse, mixed with an occasional deeper inhalation to stabilize O2 levels - all this is done by the body. I guess maybe what I am getting at is should I just interfere and keep my transversus abdominis muscles held slightly in and regulate my own breathing? That's the main gist of my question I think.

I am indeed mixing systems. I am making my own unique system...however, I am not trying to mix MCO with Vipassana. I am interested in doing a separate breath meditation in a different format, alongside MCO. I have no master except myself - there just aren't any qualified ones near me that I am aware of.