Songtsan

One does not have to be an enlightened master to write a book. I am writing it anyways, and it will be what it is. I dont think anyone on this site is in any way enlightened enough to know whether I am or not. It all comes to to opinions, delusional opinions, and more ego-based opinions. See my last post in this thread for what I am deciding to to about this

The reason that I did believe that she was intentionally trolling me is that she already made it clear that she didn't like me and I her, and yet she comes into a thread started by me, and basically about me and starts posting negative character opinions on me. See me next post in this thread for what I have decided to do on that.

I haven't yet stated it as fact...it's simply a working hypothesis. How is what I am saying contradicting the cell respiration process? Are you speaking of the O2 as being the final electron acceptor in the ETC, and that if O2 is deficient the cell respiration process slows down? If so, remember that there are other sources of ATP such as the Creatine kinase cycle, lactic acid cycle (AKA Cori), alanine cycle, and gluconeogenesis from glycerol. Also, I want to remind you that I already agree that O2 saturation of arterial blood is certainly a significant contributor to energy levels...all I am saying is that CO2 also has a significant role as well, that may supersede the O2. Who knows? Have scientists actually studied pranayama? I haven't searched yet, I have had other things on my plate lately. Everyone knows that when you start a difficult pranayama such as alternate nostril breathing, your ability to perform adequately improves over time. This can be both to improved O2 regulation, improved capillarization, improvements in aerobic/abnearobic enzyme amounts and other important substrates, physiological adapatations, etc. The same would also apply to the body also adapting to higher CO2 levels in various ways, allowing one to go further as practice progresses. At this time, since I haven't looked into the science of it yet, this is all on the back burner.

Didn't you read my other posts in this thread? It's from personal practice, plus analysis...having felt what it is like to do pranayama and compared it to what it is like to nearly suffocate, I can see the relationship. There was also another guy who posted who agrees with me up above. I need to go do some research online though.

Oh its real...I provided enough information that a savvy person could go look up who I am and see my mug shot online...I dont care if people know me, it is fear based to want to hide oneself from others. Ego based. People on the internet fear to be known so much, we all hide behind these avatars and whatnot. Not that I am judging, but it doesn't matter to me anymore. I have messed up in my life and destroyed enough relationships that I see no reason to hide that I am abnormally unstable and have done some crazy stuff. Anyone I meet and form a relationship with will find out eventually anyways...might as well be upfront. Radical acceptance of self generally leads to having no problem if others know who you really are. BTW I have never been one of those super fit personal trainers - I have always been skinny and long-limbed and weaker because of the physics of my joints...I dont care about being some kind of muscle magnet...people see me and dont think anything special about my physique, but I still know how to stay in shape better than most gym rats. So yes, in a way I am a thinker, not a doer. A teacher more than a student, even though I could stand to be more disciplined. It is what it is.

It gains me something, I think. I am acting from my heart when I say what I say. That is always valuable. I am also being fearless. I am not afraid of being ridiculed, I simply respond in like kind and quality, not maliciously or superficially, but by saying exactly what I feel. The truth of someone's heart is always the strongest medicine. People are like mirrors. Arrogance breeds arrogance. That which we do to others shall be done to us. That which others do to us, we will likely do to them. This maintains a balance, as people realize that to start a fire, is to burn yourself. Hate sent forward to someone else also burns the hater. Hater, the act of hating, and the hate itself become one. When people hate me, they hate themselves. They really are hating a thought construct of the person they think they see, and that thought construct exists within them and only within them. Cat's thought construct for me that she has assembled is not the true me, and vice versa. I simply like to get the nasty stuff out in plain site. It makes sense from an evolutionary perspective. I do not fake it until I make it, and I do not shove my greasier parts down into a skeleton closet. Show me your ugly face, and I will show you mine. My ugly face can tear a person a new asshole. I like myself. I like my ugliness. Most people don't/can't accept their ugliness, so they are not whole, they are not integrated inside. I am actually more integrated than most people, and have had no easy time getting there. People love to hate me, because I love the parts of myself that they hate. I practice radical acceptance, which also includes accepting my own rejection of others and displaying it. I have no problem with who Cat is, I simply am following a pattern that is somewhat based on crazy wisdom practices and left hand Tantra. It's who I am. Disagree with who I am and you will get a mouthful, as that is also who I am. I learned long ago not to care if people like me or not.

hmmm...interesting point.

I will not accept personal attacks from someone who knows very little about me. This isn't the first time she has scornfully and malignantly harassed me. It's over with. I have no problem with someone disagreeing with my philosophy, but when someone personally attacks my character, someone I don't even know, I draw the line. My threshold has been reached. I have personally found that some of the most spiritual people are those who came from the school of hard-knocks. I have also found that some of the least spiritual are those who have had the easy life - they are what I called 'surface spiritual,' but 'judgment deep' - They judge others because they have only seen those people's lives through the schema/looking glass of their 'perfect' world. I don't know whether this applies to Cat or not, but I suspect it. Cat, since I am continuing to judge you, I will read any rebuttals you have to make, but I do intend on limiting our correspondence after this for my own health.

A little bit about me and my life: My mother got married at a young age to a man who had various mental disorders (schizophrenia and maybe others). She left him soon after I was born because he was using all kinds of drugs and not working and moved back up to NY, where she lived on welfare because he wouldn't help support us at all. She later remarried a man who she didn't know was illiterate, and who molested me. I was embarrassed and didn't say anything. It was an unhappy marriage, and our family was extremely disfunctional. There was little love in our house and she had to work overtime for years because her husband was a layabout piece of shit who she found out later was stealing from her. Why did she stay married with him? That is a complex issue, and I would like to leave my relatives their privacy as much as possible. So basically I was left to grow myself up, I had no little to no parental supervision. By the time I was 14 I was staying out all night with hoodlums, sleeping under 18-wheeler trucks, breaking into boats at the marina, basically getting loco. We lived in one of the worst areas of the city, in one of the worst cities you can live in. I grew up as the only white person on just about any of the streets we lived on. In short I lived in 'the hood.' My friends were all inner city youth - black, latino, asian, turkish, etc. Every boy in those parts of the city was into crime...Every single one that I knew. I stole car steroes, bycycles, did home invasions, many times. I had no self-esteem because of sexual issues, including interest in other men. I did not make friends in school - I was a nerd, and an introvert, and my family was very poor, so I could not afford good clothes and we had very poor nutrition, so I was often undernourished, and extremely skinny and gawky. My self-esteem being so low, when I was given a chance to hang out with the cool neighborhood kids who were in gangs and who pulled licks (stole stuff), did tagging (graffiti painting), and petty vandalism, I accepted because I needed friends. It boosted my self-esteem to make me feel like I belonged. When I finally got caught selling stolen goods at the age of 16 I quit that for many years, although the urge was always there - it is a learned taste, and extremely thrilling and addictive (it produces a dopamine rush the likes of something like skydiving probably). I was a good boy in school and got good grades, as my IQ is about 145. I went to college and finally started making friends. Started doing drugs for the first time here. My heart finally started opening. Taking LSD more than a few times, I became extremely spiritual (something I had always been, but the door was wide open). After graduating from community college I moved to NM. I had many spiritual experiences here, and became an avid devotee of mindbodyspirit medicine. I worked at a holistic healing center, ran my own juice bar, and was able to meet many healer-types, who influenced me to become a healer myself. I eventually studied Reiki for starters. Had been reading many books by this time on healing arts and spirituality. Was initiated into Kriya yoga in Albuqerque, NM in 1997, and soon moved up to Portland, OR. Worked in warehouses, but was studying dance, martial arts, yoga, singing, meditation, etc. as well as doing spiritual drugs only - no ego drugs. Had a full blown Kundalini awakening in 1999...my story is online if you search [email protected] and kundalini you will find it on El Collie's site, letter #4. After the Kundalini episode, i was pretty abnormal, having delusions of grandeur...moved around the country with little to no money in my pocket, working odd jobs and shoplifting food as needed. Yes, I began stealing again. I was having delusional beliefs that the world was entirely an illusion and that i soon would become immortal and change bodies into a woman I got caught shoplifting in NY and had to stay there for over 2 years until probation was over. During this time I worked as Patient Service Rep and spent time talking to thousands of people over the phone about their health issues. I moved up in the company and became in charge of printing and disbursing patient educational material. I moved back to Portland in 2001 and attended college. I was a good boy and did no bad things for many years. In 2009 I was laid off due to the economy and was on unemployment. I had a terrible break up with a girl I was in love with that lasted months, she cheated on me, I hurt her, it was fucked up. It so messed with my head that I was driven into a crazed, nearly psychotic mania. I moved in with an old friend who had a younger daughter who was 22 whose boyfriend was a petty criminal. We co-encouraged eachother to do various hardcore ego drugs like crystal meth. Like I said I was out of my head. I didnt find out I had schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type until later. I bacme full blown manic during this time, and was officially classified as psychotic. This guy was a hip-hop skateboarding graffiti tagger, whose association took me back to my childhood days. He asked me if I wanted to go burglarize this coke dealers house and so I did. The thrill took hold of me and I was out again doing crime. I didn't care what I was doing, because I felt that life had failed me, that spirituality was all a lie. I was definitely in a dark night of the soul - again. After doing about 10 burglaries from upper income houses, I was caught in the act with another roommate. I willingly gave all the information about the hidden stuff I had stolen (about a quarter million in jewelry, rugs, electronics, etc.) Everyone received most of their stuff back for the most part. I am paying a small amount of restitution currently. Going to prison was an amazing teacher. Being in such close quarters with hundreds of people who had had messed up childhoods and mental illness was a real teaching tool. I read over 500 books on spirituality, meditation, etc, during this time. I formally adopted a Buddhist/Sufi/Tantrik/and other path, and took vows in my head not to steal, or do other bad things. I was also very depressed because they would not prescribe dopamine related medication in prison, because people would cheek it (hide it in med line) and take it to snort/sell. Dopamine is one of the chemicals my brain lacks, and is why I tend to be a thrill seeker. I have substandard levels of it. I was very suicidal during the whole time I was in prison. My self-esteem was the lowest it has ever been. I spent thousands of hours planning how to kill myself when I got out. I was planning on doing it just a few days after I released. In another post on the dark night of the soul I describe this in more detail. So here I am now, cannot get a job with my felony and mental illness - have applied hundreds of places, including Walmart and McDonalds. I finally gave up and decided to pursue my life's goal - write a book! I am doing well...I have about 100 pages so far..I am aiming for around 1000. I am putting all of myself and what I have learned into. I know why people do crime, I know why people fuck up. I know why people hurt, better than most people who haven't had to deal with life the way I did. I have been well before. During my time as a personal trainer I was thriving. I was involved in many relationships with very beautiful and talented women. I owned my own businesses, and had much respect in the healing community. My failure to understand my past, coupled with mental illness, drug use, and blind chance, caused me to wreck myself. I intend not to let it happen again. That is just about it.

The value of what I have to teach others is not based on my integrity - it is based upon what the combined wisdom of the world has taught me. My book isn't about me at all. It is about the systems of learning that have been taught for centuries. At this point, you have been such a negative person to me here, that I have decided to not read, and block if I am able to, your posts from this point on. Please know that I also judge your integrity as well - I consider you a pretender and a person with a shallow heart. I don't like you, you don't like me, it's best if we simply stay away from eachother, unless you are seeking to add negativity to your life? Please do not harass me further.

Sometimes the people with the most integrity are those who learned said integrity the hard way. You haven't walked my path, you don't know why i did what I did. Your condescending, judgmental attitude simply makes you look like a shark. I am not the only one who has noticed this by the way.

Short summary: -On spiritual path from age of 7 -Associates degree liberal arts (studying mainly anthropology, psychology, biology, art, and computers) -B.S. Exercise Prescription -B.S. Community Health Education -minors in psychology (needed only 6 more courses to get a B.S. in psych) -equivalent of a minor in nutrition (taken graduate level nutrition courses - they simply didn't offer a minor in nutrition where I went, so it is assumed) - Massage therapy 800-hour training at one of the countries top schools (east-West college Portland, OR) -Worked in the top spa in Portland, OR for 1.5 years, was considered one of the top therapists in the spa (I gave the mayor of the city his massages - he always came to me) -Massage skills focused on Deep Tissue, Trigger Point, Thai massage, myofascial technique, Ayurvedic modalities, and more. -Owned my own massage practice -Worked in the health & wellness industry for most of my life (4 different gyms, my own private business) - Have read 1000s of books on all of the above subjects -Was a technical writer, documentation support specialist - I have written books before -Was told by more than one professional writers that my writing style was at a professional level -Studied polarity therapy, Reiki, and other energy healing modalities, used to give Reiki attunements (I do not believe in Reiki anymore - haven't for years) -Took a 200 hour Yoga teacher training course, taught yoga classes at the YMCA -Took various Yoga classes for years (Iyengar, Ashtanga, Kundalini, Anusara, and many others) -studied various martial arts systems (listed in another post somewhere on here) -took dance for years (soul motion, hip-hop, Lindy hop, NIA, African dance, and a bunch of others) -I do posture assessments, range of motions assessment, gait analysis, and I am an advanced exercise tester...meaning I am less of a personal trainer and more of an exercise scientist -Was an avid cyclist and jogger -Have designed and am still perfecting a complete bodyweight system of exercise (I need no gyms - I intend never to go to one again) -I have an advanced knowledge of human anatomy & physiology and kinesiology...I used to know the muscular skeletal system better than most physicians do (I have since forgotten much factual info, but remember all that is necessary for teaching purposes) enough of a resume? I could probably go on, but I don't think it's time worthy - I am not asking you to have me prove myself - just critique my analysis. Not critique me personally, as I am plenty good at doing that myself.

it's also what i like to call groupmind opinion...I am trying to gather the most fact based, proven to be useful information and present a combined synthesis in one book. The book will discuss everything from exercise, nutrition, psychology, neuroscience, spirituality, self-cultivation, and other things. It will incorporate teachings from most major religions/spiritualities. It is non-denominational.

I worked in the personal training industry for years, had practically the best certifications and degrees you could get, was in the top 1% of knowledge based levels, and what I found was that some of the best trainers were some of those who werent in the best shape, but had the most approachable personalities, whereas some of the worst trainers were the superfit ones who thought because they had it all, that they knew what was best for everyone (generally they thought their own training regimen was best for everyone else). The skill of a good trainer is the ability to adapt a program design to each individual, based upon his/her natural predilections, genetics, etc. The best program you can design for someone is the one that they will do! Not the one that's best for you. My book will not be for everyone, because not everyone learns in the same way. One of the reasons I post so long half the time is that I am practicing different styles, as I already stated. Another is that sometimes you have to belabor the point in order to make it sink in. Y'all feel me?

The unabomber was actually pretty damn smart too.

I can send you a picture of my six pack lol

FYI, anyone here can have my book for free when it comes out...I will release as an E-book, maybe even at a name-your-own-price after you have read it deal...so don't worry about how good it will be - it's going to happen, you will be able to criticize it when its done and I can always put out new updated versions...just help me refine my ideas as I present them here and you will assured all the input you can desire, and with my utmost gratitude. I am an arrogant bastard I know, but I need to keep my confidence if this is going to turn out well. People listen to confident authors more than they do wishy washy ones.

what would everyone like to know? I am an open book. I am simply not going to be writing this into my book, as my book isn't going to be about me directly.

It's complicated, but yes. I learn from the best, including you guys. Don't worry - this isn't a case of "those who can't do, teach." I am just organizing a lifetime's worth of learning into something that will come from my very own soul. It also comes from a lifetime of breaking down and starting over again. I have re-started over and climbed back up so many times that I know what works well. It will be good.

oh yeah...but the normal % of O2 in the air is around 18% - and they are talking about really high percentages - greater than 50% usually - not something you would run into normally. That also just goes to prove my point, that the body is used to having normal stable amounts of O2, and doesn't really need excess. People who live at high altitudes may even tend to live longer on average - and have less cardiovascular disease. Please don't think I am discounting the importance of O2 intake. I am simply stating that it isn't the whole piece of the pie. The body actually controls its own O2 pretty closely - different parts of the brain constantly monitor the level and will increase inhalation frequency, tidal volume, etc. These include the pneumotaxic center and apneustic center. See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pneumotaxic_center So I am basically stating, yes - I believe pranayama is more about CO2 levels than O2 levels. I would love to be proved wrong - I am not attached to being right, but I will need some real scientific evidence to the contrary.

I know - its the final part of the ETC...I am not arguing with you on this...trust me I had the Krebs cycle + ETC drilled into my head more than once. I am not arguing the importance of O2, I am simply saying that pranayama is really not about O2 as much as everything thinks. It is actually quite easy to get all the oxygen one needs through even shallow breathing. If O2 absorption was all that mattered, we could all just use the short-cut of getting an oxygen tank to get our chi development. It's not about that, it's about something else - including, but probably not limited to, stressing the system in others ways, such as raising CO2 levels in the blood, causing some type of adaptation response...

I was only in prison for 2.5 years...I won't be writing about myself in the book. It's going to be more of a instruction manual for living.

Thank you so much!

Knowledge is transitory, used to gain chi essence. I would think information is dry facts that are not living in the mind being understood, whereas knowledge is when the information becomes linked with the reality matrix in the brain. Applied knowledge is wisdom. Maybe...for book writing purposes, if the information in the book is just sitting there, it isn't knowledge. Only when it is being read is it being known. Then it enlivens to the knowledge state (the book contains only information, and never knowledge, only the brain can contain knowledge, and only when the stored information in the brain comes under direct awareness). Using the knowledge one has gained is a multi-step process and requires further shaping. Knowing the when and where to apply the knowledge is the wisdom part. EDIT again: I kept thinking about it and here is a further conclusion - information is only information until it is perceived. Perception happens almost instantaneously as one reads words, and the information become knowledge basically immediately. As soon as it leaves awareness and gets stored in memory, it is information again. The thought constructs build a linked pattern in the mind, forming a conceptual shape as one reads along. It's still in the knowledge stage at this point, yet may soon become wisdom as one applies it either internally or externally to either other knowledge or actions. Anytime one creates new understandings that is wisdom awareness (I think...at least it sounds right). When the wisdom eye is open, one becomes elevated/integrated further with true seeing. Still need some work on this, but thanks for bringing it up. wis·dom /ˈwizdəm/ Noun The quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment; the quality of being wise. The soundness of an action or decision with regard to the application of such experience, knowledge, and good judgment.

You are a God.