Search the Community

Hey, where have you been? I also have intense dreams lately. Mostly about me chasing something, and as I run through the city there are a lot of details to it. Sometimes I would wake up from a dream and still see it and then go back to sleep. Kinda like being half awake half asleep and still thinking about the dream while I know I'm in my bed.

Hi there, first up, I hope it is okay to post a personal health question here on this forum. I guess most people won't get too much out of this thread because of this, but I'd still appreciate any kind of feedback. So basically, what has been going on that pretty much since the time of the equinox (Which I remember Chunyi Lin saying is a time of the year, at which, due to the change of season, health problem that have been developing do tend to crop up. But whatever) my sleeping patterns have been quite weird. Actually they were weird even before that, as I had been battling with recurring episodes of insomnia for over half a year. But actually it seems like I have gotten over this as my ability to fall asleep has been quite good for the last 1-2 months. However after a few weeks of normal sleep, another strange sleeping pattern has taken its place. My frequency, duration and intensity of dreams has increased dramatically. However, when I speak of intensity I don't necessarily mean colour and sensations but rather the general complexity of the dream, i.e. the "plot", the characters, the connection to other dreams or memories etc.. Also my sleep is much lighter,often resulting in a kind of inbetween state between being awake and dreaming (I often believe I am dreaming until I realize that I am actually awake or vice versa). Also I often wake up and go back to sleep several times within a single night. So basically my question is, especially in a context of Traditional Chinese Medicine, how to interpret this issue. Initially I suspected this might have to do something with the kidneys as often, when I wake up during the night, I also have to pee. Actually I am quite certain that there is something going on with my kidneys as I have always been a person who has to urinate frequently and is also prone to having cold feet (cold hands not so much, though that too occasionally). My father shares more or less the same fate, so this most likely is inherited and an imbalance that goes rather "deep". But even though that whole kidney issue certainly hasn't improved over the last few months I now suspect that the problem might lie elsewhere, as I have recently read that intense dreaming and light sleep seem to be good indicators of a liver imbalance. And this actually makes sense in a way, because when I had a phone healing sessions with Chunyi Lin several months ago (insomnia related) he told me that I had a blockage in my liver (and didn't say anything about the kidneys, which was quite a surprise to me) and I also do experience some moderate pain in the liver are now and then, which also is a phenomenon that has only cropped up recently. To return to my initial question. Does it make sense, from a TCM standpoint, to regard this as a liver imbalance (I realize that diagnosis based only upon one single symptom is always tricky in TCM, so if you have any questions regarding my health/whatever, that might clear up the issue, go ahead). And in case that one can relatively certain about the specific imbalance that is going on here, what are specific things I could do to improve this situation? Which foods to eat, which to avoid? Which herbs would be beneficial in this situation and are there any specific exercises or habits to employ? Stuff like that.

If anyone does try and cipher this tongue twister of dimensional analysis please consider this:That which is against the tao does not show truth. Truth and illusion are both intertwined in my opinion to form this reality. Truth is not complete without illusion in this layer of reality we find ourselves (ie not tai-chi). The biggest example of this is dream and reality. The point I'm trying to make is that truth is not on one side or the other but on both; intertwined; interconnected; both dependent on the other to help create the form of formlessness.

thanks. i quit FG mostly because i was pissed off that i couldn't be a dancer of the Shen Yun shows, the most important project of the FG cause. There are so many benefits of being a Shen Yun dancer: 1) This is probably the only FG project that is personally supervised by Master Li, so you know you're pretty much guaranteed a godhood after the Apocalypse. 2) To be a Shen Yun dancer, you get to live at "the mountain," the FG headquarter near Middletown, NY. It is a huge complex with many Dang Dynasty-style buildings and is off-limits to any non-practitioners. So you know you'll be at the purest place in the world and would probably get to see Master Li himself daily. 3) Dancing for Shen Yun is a full-time job, so you'll be doing Spreading the Fa activities 24/7, without worrying about getting a paying job to pay for rent and food (as there will be no such expenses when living at the mountain). So getting into Shen Yun was like my dream then, and I was mad when I was rejected while some of my FG friends got the call. I was unable to recover from that, and after a while I ended up viewing anti-FG websites, the first time I ever did it. Once I saw how the "omniscient" Master Li misused some simple scientific terms in the books and his other mishaps, I realized that the Apocalypse probably won't be coming. Then I was quite mad at myself for wasting my life in FG, and Master Li for duping us. That's why I quit.

All that stuff can happen in a dream. Research the "vajra sliver" reasoning.

I will tell you a story of a little boy who kept his hands wrenched so tightly together, his heart beating each beat with a longing, like the thump of a drum. Thump! Thump! He came to his mother, his eyes a glimmer with desire. He touched her and she recoiled. He shrank back, afraid, not knowing what he had done wrong. He spoke to her, but she would not listen, not really listen, rather she always found a flaw in what he said. But still he tried, for any boy needs the love of his mother and he was just like any boy. He watched his mother with his father and he realized she was the same with him. She led him to love through traps, tricks, those things she made him do, belittling him and only when he felt small and worthless would she take him in her arms and say, "I love you." So the boy sat in her lap, his heart beat thumping, savoring this moment, looking up at her, wishing it would not end, but it did. He kept thinking that it would change, not really knowing what it was, yet it never did. Over and over the boy came to her, shameful and wanting, just desiring to feel her arms wrapped around him, holding him tightly, her soft kiss upon his forehead, to smell that sweet smell of soap and shampoo. And when she did hold him in her arms, he regretted that he wanted her to hold him, for each time she showed him love he lost a bit of himself. Now I will tell you the story of that boy, almost a man. He looks at the women around him and sees his mother, sees all the things she did not do for him, but he wanted her to do. Almost a man, he knows the darker things in life, but he cannot separate the desires he had, an innocent longing for a mother's embrace, from the longing he has for the woman he passes on the street. Each woman he sees is his mother. He is certain that there was nothing different about his mother, if that was so, does that not mean there was something different about him and even with his father? The young man seethes with jealousy when he sees a woman and man together. He seethes when he sees a mother holding her son's hand, the happiness they share is like a knife in his mind. No, they are all the same. To want what he has had, it seems unfathomable. He sees a family as a curse, a mother as a monster, and a father as a weakling. However, if this young man could just rub his eyes, clear away the years of sleep from his soul, perhaps he could see the world awake and real around him. He could see that what he had was a dream, not the real world. That his dream was not the dream of the waking, but the sleeping boy inside himself. Then, only then, could he awaken to find someone, not the mother that lives in his dream, but the mother he has always wanted and that mother could be the mother of his children, the mother who would love his son like he wanted to be loved. He could hold her tightly and feel what he wanted to feel, but is so afraid to feel now. Wake up child! You're dreaming! Look around you and let yourself see the beauty the world holds. This life is not the life you must live, but a life you can live. The pain within is not the pain you must hold onto, but something that can be given up. Let it go and let yourself feel the beauty this world has to offer. Aaron

Well, I don't know...during times when I was over-energized from visualization or neigong, when I did specific spirit ejecting methods, when I was going through qigong psychosis (which I think had a lot to do with this phenomenon)...people would say that they saw me somewhere I wasn't at all. Like a few friends 4 hours away from where I was saw me driving my car. A girl thought she saw my twin deliver her a package as a UPS guy. In my own experience seeing these things...I thought I saw my teacher (physically) numerous times when going through qigong psychosis, but the person always looked a bit off and I never spoke to them. I think it has to do with how when we dream, we can end up anywhere, doing almost anything. Maybe when we're dreaming that we're doing something in the real world, some people can actually see "us" doing that...and this doesn't stop when we're awake. Just ideas for what is a completely mysterious and questionable matter.

Maybe the law of attraction works the same kind of way that dreams work.. with dream logic, with the kind of multi layered consciousness that means we are in a gestalt of perceptual ability, now you see it, now you dont. I think one can understand dreams and the results of law of attraction when one puts ones consciousness in the right place(s) to do so. If consciousness is like water, it runs around : one can place ones consciousness in the place from which all is perceivable, or appears to be, but then consciousness dribbles into other ways of perceiving, due to well worn grooves and interacting in same same old. If taming the wild horse is battling with the ego, then I think working with the water of consciousness itself a whole bigger game, in which landscape must be shifted to allow fluid containmnent. Especially if the law of attraction brings you something you find it hard to chew. This is why people say 'be careful what you wish for', isnt it.

I do not want to get a life. What is getting a life? Getting a good job, dating the dream woman, driving the fast car, living in the penthouse, dining in the fancy restaurants.. You call this a life? While your spiritual senses and ability to interact with the higher dimensions are dumbed down and blinded by the demons and devils in this world? What do I enjoy now? The only thing which I will enjoy is cutting myself off from Samsara and Humanity for good. Love someone? I can't love any other human being anymore because I know how deluded most human beings are with their material attachments and desires. There is no way simply no way I can love any human woman now. My heart is gone.

OK, this is my attempt to understand all this men women stuff: The female worldview is basically the one that we are all born into and which 99.9% of people subscribe to. We exist as individual bodies and minds that exist in time and space for a while before dying. The spiritual practice that arises from this view is one of materialism. It is the practice of good deeds and making this earthly life as bearable for as many people as possible. Part of this worldview is an emphasis on physical health: our bodies are fragile and mortal and we must sustain them through good diet and various physcial regimes like hatha yoga and tai chi. This is the female worldview: it is earthy and materialistic, We all begin from this standpoint and it is what the Christians call the state of original sin. The male spiritual worldview is essentially a reaction to this. It is the realisation that the body is an illusion and that time and space are nothing more than a kind of metaphor. Rather than a real world full of suffering beings there is nothing more than a kind of void, an utter emptiness. Everything is unreal like a dream - heaven is the only reality. The feminine concern for good and evil is a pointless illusion. The spiritual goal is to transcend the feminine world of rebirth - but this is hard because it is so alluring, enjoyable and convincing. The enlightened worldview is realising that both the female material world and the male ideal world are two kinds of the same coin. Things neither exist nor not exist. I am the place where existence and non-existence occur together and are harmonised into one. Reality and emptiness presuppose each other - to believe in the truth of either is impossible and false. Now here is where it gets complicated.... For the vast majority of people the opening up of the male spiritual view constitutes a significant spiritual achievement - and men are on average quicker at getting there. The female worldview is easy to grasp, we've all subscribed to it from childhood. But to understand the male view takes dedication and huge intelligence. It can therefore appear that the male way, as demonstrated by the average male seeker is the higher way. But it only appears this way for a while. What most men do in their error is that they entirely substitute their male view for their original female view. They start to believe that the earthly realm of samsara is something bad or false that must be transcended. And because they do this they place themselves in a situation no higher than the female view. If you think that samsara must be avoided then you don't understand the spiritual life. You might as well plunge yourself into it headlong and your attainement will be the same. Spiritual realisation is the blending of both the male and female spiritual paths where earth is the same as heaven and heaven is the same as earth. Until you realise this it is almost inevitable that you will find yourself thinking that "men are more spiritual than women", or vice versa. Hope this makes, sorry it was so long...

That's always the dream mate. If they engage with critical reflection my job is done. Amazing how many resist it though and all my students are graduates before they come to us to train to teach. Many want a paint by numbers easy path unfortunately and, to some extent; our universities have been offering those sorts of routes for a good many years now. If someone can't or won't make the effort to think critically the they can't very well pass on a skill they don't have to their own students later on. Government education policy in the west of late has focused on turning out compliant technicians as opposed to critical thinkers. Scary in a way but one does what one can.

ah yes I knew the... everything is a concept thing would come up... I assume you understand what I am saying however... I don't assume you to be buddhist based on other posts... I don't expect you to defend it etc either... I did spend some time studying buddhism in my youth - even at one stage perhaps evening calling myself such. I spent time volunteering at a buddhist monastry (tibetan) for a month also and had even considered becoming a monk. Considering Zen monasticism. I soon woke from this silly dream + silly stories and moved on. My purpose here is to provide a counter agrument as Buddhism has been made out to be the perfect untouchable path to "enlightenment" / freedom (whatever that is). I found it to be quite the opposite anyhow. I was late teens then I am around 23 now. This is just another perspective for others... I say be cautious. Now I understand that I havnt provide too much in way of reasons why on this particulur thread... though I suppose i have more or less in a number of different threads... As I said briefly before...granted there are some interesting/ thought provoking aspects to this philosophy I wouldnt rush out and start bowing to plastic golden statues however. Buddhism is just as "satanic" as christianity + all the religions of Abraham... Everything has been so polluted / distorted / manipulated etc that these things now are completely worthless... one drop of poison will ruin the entire well. My religion is no religion my religion is experiential truth my religon is to empower people /// work in progress... ^^ haha Peace!

I am not a self elected defend-the dharma man ... but I will try. Even techniques have some kind of conceptual framework in order to function. Idea and concepts are as much part of reality as things or energy etc. so are totally legitimate and part of the spectrum of (human) consciousness. Buddhism has a 'view' which is encapsulated in Buddhist philosophy. In the Mahayana this is based on emptiness, form as emptiness and emptiness is form and so on. Enlightenment and Buddha activity are non-conceptual however Buddhism as a path uses many concepts to get to this awakening. The first Noble Truth that existence involves suffering is not based on authority in the sense that it is so because the Buddha says it is so ... but as the story of the Buddha's life illustrates is based on the observation that people do suffer. Suffer does not necessarily mean to be in pain but may just mean 'subject to conditionality' ... the main thrust of the dharma is that this suffering is unnecessary and that you can find happiness instead. I wouldn't dream of telling any little bird anything ... my cat might take the opportunity for supper of course. Do not presume to know what I have done or not done. I am not for a minute suggesting you should become a Buddhist ... its up to you ... but it might help if you understood something about it first. Buddha was not a philosopher and not a pessimist.

So first I asked: 1.) Exactly how does your knowing 1 delusional Wiccan, conclusively demonstrate that the entire field of Magick is entirely lacking of any form of results, outside of deluded Magicians Imaginations? How many is a lot? Do they all live in their parents basements? Do they all try to summon armies of skeleton Knights? how sure are you that they adequately represent the entire world of Magick practitioners? What exactly constitutes a 'real' ability? And why are you so certain that old A.C. had no other abilities whatsoever? I have personally never known anyone to try to conjure an army of undead. Were they fresh out of D&D and decided to try Magick? Its just stupid. And it is stupid to keep using it as an example. no real Magickian anywhere believes he can have skeleton knights. That is just hollywood D&D bs. Cease your misinformation. i asked:2.) How do you KNOW with absolute certainty that Reiki is never, under any circumstance, anything but Placebo? If your answer is some links to tests someone else ran, then How do you know with absolute 100% certainty that the tests were fair to the practitioners, or that they used skilled practitioners, or that they were reasonably set up to begin with? You replied: Really? How hard have you looked? There have been plenty of tests over the years where a healer kills cancer cells in a test tube or some similar thing. Not to mention all the amazing 'anecdotal' healings millions of people have received sometimes from impossible conditions... but they don't count to you do they... lol. Why are you so certain that anecdotal evidence is not worthy of your time? I asked: 3.) How do you KNOW that the only results worth mentioning are those of a telekinetic or psychic heat variety? Please elaborate further on this one, and explain how you are 100% certain that if a person cant do these two things, that they have been wasting your time? your answer: I just have to laugh at ignorance here. Your 'opinion' here is that 'enlightenment', a sense of deep connection to existence, and many other Siddhis are all just a waste of time!!! Wow! Well i know people who have used Magick to win amounts between $20.000 {at the casino} and $280,000 in the lottery. Two of my early teachers bought their house together after doing some ritual and then buying 1 lotto ticket. $150.000! A psychic friend went to sleep worried about his son and his pregnant wife. He woke up from a dream with a string of numbers, that were 'for' his son. next morning he rang his son and told him to by a ticket with the numbers. His son bought 2 tickets in whatever it was, and won $140.000 on each. that's Two hundred and eighty thousand! But wait, oh.. shit... anecdotal evidence. oh well. that stuff is all bull shit then! lol And your Skeleton example is stupid, and a deliberate attempt to belittle people who practice something you don't understand. You keep saying you are not trying to be personally offensive, but you are lying. This is exactly what you are doing with the undead skeleton analogy. You are trying to lump all practitioners of Magick [which includes me] in with the retard you met in his parents basement. So you are basically saying All practitioners are like that one practitioner, by association. As a careful and intelligent practitioner of Magick, this is highly disrespectful and insulting. Well I look forward to that. But how long have you been practising? How much daily practice do you do? Surely you can do something by now? When will you finish your training? Is it ok for you to not have abilities before you have finished your training? If that is the case, are others allowed to say they are engaged in real practices, but won't show you what they can do till they have finished their training?

Information about mum is immaterial and irrelevant. Mum makes no sense~ if she did, you would have figured it out by now. Use the pain. See through it if it kills you. If you are lucky, you will pass through this fortunate irritation and exhaust your tiny self-concept in the process (that's a good thing). The truth is, you have never had one life, much less three. All these are dreams. Even recurring lives and deaths are temporary alternations of endless cycles of creation. Buddhas couldn't care less about it. Why? Because lives and deaths are equal. The intervals between are also equal. The lives and deaths you are going through now are no different than the past lives and deaths we all have gone through. Passing through is transcending a cycle. Passing through (without italics) is being subject to a cycle. Right now you do not have a choice. All enlightenment would convince you of is that there is no escape. Since there is no escape, give yourself a little space. If you can garner a little autonomy, so much the better. Often I am amazed to realize that in the final analysis, if given the choice, some people don't desire freedom at all. If you want freedom, I recommend psychological detachment leading to nonpsychological openness. You ought to be questioning karma itself; not its ramifications on your current ego-centered dream-state. Enlightenment doesn't fix anything. Though everything resolves in the Unborn, nothing changes except your perspective. ed note: fixed quote typo and change "nonpsychological stillness" to nonpsychological openness

Always? That's what they want us to think. Totally agree. Well, "deficit reduction" seems a lot better to me than increasing the Pentagon's base budget! We can brush it off by saying, "well he spends a ton in other areas" but at least in regard to this very clear issue, Obama's choice is extremely good and Romney's is extremely bad. Saying this as someone not even Democrat or voting for Obama, of course... That's the typical Conservative perspective regarding Romney/Ryan...not to say it's bad, just saying that people agree with you. The only issue I have with it, is that perhaps it's not entirely true. Do we really know all of the facts, and can we predict the future? Anyway, I hope you're right if Romney wins...I'd love to see our country improve. Oh also...one aspect I don't think would be an improvement is to demand more of people. It's a common Conservative thing these days to blame poor people for not working hard enough (when most of them that I know personally have 2-3 jobs, working more than full time, and still barely make rent). I don't think anyone really likes living on welfare, or unemployment, for instance. It's not nearly as much $ as they'd make in a real job, and it doesn't make the person feel honorable at all. No matter who they are! Sure, it's true that diamonds are formed through intense pressure...sometimes it motivates people to be required to work hard or else starve to death. But most of us are human beings, not diamonds...at other times the pressures of this society can crush us completely. Ever watch "The Pursuit of Happyness"? I don't view that as the American dream, as inspiring as it was to see someone struggling so hard. I view that as unfortunate and not representative of a free country! But, opinions differ... I don't know. I have a friend who really needed that, and still wasn't able to land the job he was qualified for. Contrary to what we'd assume about a person getting free money, he was not doing well throughout that whole time. I agree it is excessive, though...you could say that the person should just get it until they can land a job doing anything, manufacturing, while they continue to apply in their field. I don't know why my friend chose to keep collecting. Something to remember is that most people don't collect for the whole time. They use it in an honest way. Agree, to a certain point. Pretty much just what you said...these programs should be temporary. This is a problem I have with employers, not the government. It's unnecessary to demand someone with a master's degree (this is the new "high school ii" these days), for a job that could only require a month of training for a person with a HS degree. So guaranteeing all student loans...that's awesome IMO. Also if you consider our competition with other nations...from what I've seen in the news, we look like idiots when it comes to our education! I think cutting away at student loans is the last thing our government should do...and as your video showed, it's not something that would help the real problem anyway. I think businesses should do more job training, again. Employers have been the root of the problem; THAT is why post college kids are unemployed with huge debt. They're not sitting at their parent's home because they had access to student loans...they have an education and are more qualified for other jobs because they got student loans! They're better off, even if temporarily unemployed and in debt. Here's a story...I dropped out of college a year before graduation. I was going through a rough time, and was thinking about how I was only going to make 35k tops starting out, so I wanted to look at other options. I took an entire winter/summer doing a job search...spending at least 3 hours a day searching every job board, etc. Found absolutely nothing, except one job I ran into out of luck...roofing. I worked 2 days and killed my back. They were paying me $12.50 an hour, which is pretty damn good for someone without a college degree...but doing the math, that's only 24k a year. So, I went back to school and finished up...now am studying for a board exam, and once I pass, can finally work. I am one of the people who used student loans, sitting at their parent's home, with huge debt, unemployed...but for good reason. This is where I have to be right now. Soon enough, I'll land a real job. For someone who really invests themselves in finding a non-college job...they can get something comparable to a well paying job. My little brother, out of luck, recently got a delivery job that's paying him close to 30k a year. My cousin started out as a welder through an apprentice program. Truck driving jobs are constantly hiring (because it sucks, haha). BUT what I'm trying to say is...right now college is still the best option. I know through experience. Now we're talking. 100% agree.

Ah!, but you have set limits on the herd animals, have you not? Isn't it possible to be a herd animal at times and yet be a lone wolf other times? That is, isn't it possible to have the "American Dream" and yet maintain great freedom and individuality? What I am speaking to is the security of the "American Dream" but yet the freedom of the lone wolf - the individual. I do agree that limiting ourself to just one philosophy of life will, in most cases, prevent us from experiencing our full potentials. Don't you think that it is possible for a person, nearly all people, to seek and attain security in life and yet, on occcasion experience the life of a free spirit?

I think its sad we have to follow the generally accepted ideal of what society calls success and accomplishment in order to have a nice warm house, someone to cuddle with, and a full belly. To add insult to injury society calls this so-called "American Dream", this vision of a white picket fence and a family, reality. The sole reason to live and die on this planet. We are very much like sheep. We drive in herds where we work in herds and back to where we live in herds. We follow this idea of reality simply so we don't have to be out in the snow, cold, alone and hungry. Even those living on the street generally huddle together somewhere. Very few people actually want to live outside the herd mentality, or maybe I should use the word drone mentality, for fear of loss of personal comfort and their basic needs. Everything we do, we strive for, we attach value to, all of it is driven by our 5 senses. What we can see, taste, touch, smell or hear. We become trapped by our senses and by our beliefs, making us narrow minded. Few rarely if ever consider there may be more to life than society's ideal of it. Fewer still who realize this actually try to change things. Think about this for a minute... Is the only workable system one were everyone goes to work a a job that usually makes no use of their inherent abilities and talents, work for 40 years or more, if they are lucky to even keep their just that long, just so they can barely make rent or pay the mortgage on their house, all in the effort to raise children who will be forced to do the same, in the vain hopes that someday, when they are in their 60's or 70's, their bodies used up, their minds failing, that they can enjoy the final years of life in retirement? No, there has to be a better way. A way to move beyond this flawed concept, allow people to work at things that make full use of their inherent abilities and talents, and in return get a nice place to live, knowing their children will be able to do the same. And once the focus is removed on survival and blind pursuit of a non-existent dream, they will have a chance to explore the world that lies beyond what their physical senses show them. That's what I think, but these thoughts should be considered a WIP. I fully intend that, should it flow in my life's course to do so, I will change the system for myself and any family I may be blessed with. If I am given the chance, I intend to change things. - DreamBliss

That was a really good movie, I enjoyed it a lot even though it disturbed me a little when I first saw it (years and years ago)...I put myself in his shoes and felt tremendous fear at the idea of never being able to wake from a dream.

Well hello everyone! A friend of mine, also I suppose my teacher and guide, known as Telethiese at Dream Views (where I am also a member under the same user name) recommended you to me. I wasn't going to sign up initially. Been burned too many times, kicked out of Spiritual Forums, tired of signing up at dozens of forums for half a dozen answers. So I wanted to read some forum posts and replies. But you guys have limited your permissions here for nosy folk like me, so I went ahead and signed up. Sometimes the best way to learn how to swim is to jump in the water. Just have to hope there aren't any sharks in here... Well expect some very strange questions from me covering subjects that are going to test the limits of your collective knowledge and experience! - DreamBliss

Earl Hansen retired. Sold the hardware store in St Paul and retired to Florida with Louanne his wife of forty years and fulfilled a lifelong dream of buying a fishng boat. After a few months he began calling himself Captain Hansen. Louanne's sister Betty calls up one day and asks. So Earl's a Captain now is he? Louanne chuckles and replies... Betty to me Earl's a Captain, to the kids he's a Captain. But to a Captain.......

Hi guys, i've been lurking on this forum for the past year and i've learn alot in regards to spirituality and taoism which has really benefited and impacted my life positively. Though the reason why i first came here was the solve an issue I've had since i was a child, and now that core issue till now hasn't been solved and has caused more issue on the ways. My main issue is my ability to connect with people and women. I have an issue talking to people because i keep believing im not good enough or confident, i get a mild anxiety feeling when talking to people, meaning when i talk to people, i feel my energy in my body just drops is blocked, which leads my eyes to drop and look away, people notice this, cause i can see in their face they are angry or disappointed when i do this, which makes me even more conscious. I'm 22 years old ive never had a girlfriend and my life feels dull and empty and depressed. I've been looking at other things to make social/relationship issues better, by looking at spirituality, focusing on career, my health and body. but i still feel empty and depressed, and only recently have i felt really depressed. Its only been the past two years i'm conscious of this, because the past two years ive been more focused on self improvement and spirituality, I currently have bad habits, such as pornography use, casual smoking(used to be chronic smoker), and over masturbation. i've been using porn and over masturbation since i was 12 till the present moment, and combined that with gaming addiction since i was 11-21,(currently 22 years old). I used to be very obese till only a year ago when i started to go to the gym and become more health oriented. And all this spirituality and sensing, has made me realised and aware, where i got my negative thinking from. My mother has a negative aura/presence, shes always complaining, shouting trying to find ways to annoy me, etc. shes very lazy just sits there watch TV all day eats does nothing lives on welfare and has a gambling addiction. She never really brought me up with values or anything, my dad had good values and had a positive outlook in life, though i never really saw him during my adolescents. because my dad was very strict on me and had high expectations, every time i failed my dad got angry at me or screamed at me when i was young, i was scared to be myself.. my mom didnt care, she bought my a playstation junk food, i can play all day, fail at school, she doesn't care.. as a child that sounds like a dream come true, but when you reach adult hood you realise what a pathetic childhood you had.. i really wished i spent more time wth my dad during my teen/adolescents age. Now that im older, ive come to respect my dad Right now, i don't know exactly know what i where my passion lies, i stress too much about the future about everything. i have very high expectations of myself I have a really hard time connecting with my dad and mum in a loving way, i can only speak to them about daily affairs, or i can only show them love by offering service, but i cant be affectionate or joke around with them, its very rare i laugh with my mum and dad and make a joke its so sad..

Dreams are very important. But the majority of dreams are the result of subconscious and daily incidents. But some dreams are actually a projection of astral realms. The person who is having the dream actually watches the astral realm and similar to a medium, he/she can see astral realm with his/her physical conscience. However, this astral view is somehow distorted. This is the reason, somebody needs the assitance of a master who knows these distortions and this master should interpret the dream and manage the person to do the right thing in his/her path. This technique is the main technique of sufism.

There's a house we looked at in North Norfolk had solar panels, heat pump, wind turbine (squeaky), huge rainwater cache etc. More or less paid its own way energy wise. Trouble was they were asking nearly 2-million pounds for it. At our ages the time we'll have to benefit would probably not be worth the cost of installation plus Mrs GrandmasterP wouldn't let anyone near her garden with a backhoe digger. Somethiomng I would welcome on the veg plot about now as I begin double-digging the horsemuck in. Takes me two weeks on and off if we get teh weather. Backhoe would do it in a couple of hours probably. Hey ho..... a man can dream. .

nice thought stosh. last nite i had a dream i was wandering across some forgotten ridge and i came upon an overgrown plot of land that had a very beckoning energy about it. it was frosted that morning, the air clean and crisp there were marble stones where the words inscribed had been worn away by the weather of untold countless decades i heard the calling of crows saying, as you look across this landscape and marvel in its fall splendor of natural rich colors remember that the ancients placed a garden here not for your enjoyment or rememberance but just becoz they found peace and contentment in a garden of their own when i woke i realized these ancients were like rank strangers to me