Search the Community

DIALOGUE I still talk in my sleep. I still dream. How can there be perfect stillness When my brain's so noisy? We carry on a constant dialogue within ourselves. This is the origin of our problems. The very word 'dialogue' means talking between two sides. We could not have an inner dialogue unless there was a split in our minds. We all have two sides; as long as they are not united, we cannot attain the wholeness that spirituality requires. Even with years of self-cultivation, it is not easy to tame the wild mind. One might appear to have attained perfect control in all waking situations, only to find endless turbulence during meditation and sleep. This is a sign of incomplete attainment. Perfection must be total. The process of perfection is long and must be methodical. Although our efforts must be to the utmost, we must never risk repressing ourselves. Indeed, rather than shutting away the unpleasant or unruly aspects of ourselves, we must take them all out and examine them. Daily introspection brings harmony to all our facets. Those aspects that are bad can be dissolved. Those that are of advantage can be cultivated. This effort will take many years, but in this gradual way, we resolve ourselves with our subconscious mind and free ourselves from the struggle and conflict.

When that story was first told to me, it started with Lu in a bar drinking away his sorrows having just failed his first attempt at those tests. Zhongli sits next to him at the bar and asks why he's so sad that he has to drink himself into a coma and after explaining his pitiful plight Lu promptly passes out face-first on the bar and has the dream. When he finally comes around he recognizes Zhongli and follows him to learn the way. I like this version better because it has beer Also for some reason I've alway associated Lu Dongbin with alcohol

Mokona, Your searching is the beginning of your healing process. One of my areas of education is in psychiatric nursing where I have worked with many others, in a hospital setting, that were much more worried with their condition than you are describing. Although it is presently painfull, mainly because you do not yet understand why the pain persists, you are slowly finding the way to healing -through your searching. Obviously though - you are not happy with the frequency that you, yourself, are able to find answers. The reason that the people I worked with were in a psychiatric hospital was that a professional, with much more education in the field than I, had recomended that they be in a hospital setting in order to protect themself from themself. I write the above to point to the level of a patient in a hospital setting's needs in comparison to yours. From your own words, it seems to me, to be that you are very capable of functioning in society with no prsently real danger to your self With that said, the assistance of a person with professional as well as personal knowledge, of your pain, would be the best place to be conducting your search. You will know that you have found the right person when they begin telling you of their own experiences and the methods they used to heal themself. I suggest that you begin with searching, in the phonebook - just ask the receptionist that answers the phone, for a person that has studied the work of Carl G. Jung as he was the pioneer that brought Taoist dream interpretation to the west through his analysis of the book: The Secret of the Golden Flower . Don't be worried if the first calls don't have answers for you - it wouldn't be a search if they did *** http://www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/The_Secret_of_the_Golden_Flower Excerpt from the above URL " In Carl Jung's autobiography (Memories, Dreams, Reflections, 373-377), he wrote a section about his friend Wilhelm and said, in relevant part, "In China he had the good fortune to meet a sage of the old school whom the revolution had driven out of the interior. This sage, Lau Nai Suan, introduced him to Chinese yoga philosophy and the psychology of the I Ching. To the collaboration of these two men we owe the edition of the I Ching with its excellent commentary." Presumably, the same is true of the yoga philosophy of The Secret of the Golden Flower. Although Wilhelm's original German edition first appeared in the autumn of 1929, just months before he died (according to the Preface by Baynes), Jung indicates in his Foreword to The Secret of the Golden Flower that Wilhelm had sent him the text earlier, and also indicates that it was on Jung's initiative that the book was published." http://www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/The_Secret_of_the_Golden_Flower#Credits

Agreed i've maybe had 2 or 3 my whole life and they were during my early teens, whenever I have an "exciting" dream I too wake up and if there's any urge I successfully hold back. It seems this "oh theres no use in celebacy cause you'll just get a nocturnal emission anyway" is just an excuse for longtime masturbators to justify their masturbation. OP- I've personally noticed that ANY sexual stimulation (including mental) based around lust can cause a "leak". I myself noticed quite a drain just from mental stimuli with lustful origin. Oddly enough when in a "loving" mindstate this 'leakage' doesn't usually happen to me, perhaps moving the energy up to the heart would help?. It may take watching and guarding your thoughts carefully. Or it could be a kidney thing. Experiment. -Astral

Yes, this is very true! Ok... time to cuddle with my wifey and watch some comedy! I'm sure you use Om Namah Shivaya? I have a shawl that says Om Namah Shivaya on it all over and it's yellow that was blessed directly by Swami Muktananda a year or so before he took MahaSamadhi. I use it every time I do my sitting practices. I have a blue wool one blessed by Gurumayi as well. Plus I have a little chunk of carpet one foot by one foot that was in Muktanandas room in Ganeshpuri before they took down his old room back in 95' which I sit on, or put my chanting books on when I chant. It has Om Namah Shivaya vibrating from it. Anyway... I was just going to say Om Namah Shivaya but decided to share more... hehe! Om Namah Shivaya, still one of my favorite mantras even though I mostly use Om Ah Hum now or Om Mani Padme Hum. I sometimes use all 3 at the same time on repeat high speed within my body, running it up and down my spine and during making love with my wife. Actually, without mantra, I can't pull back my ejaculation. It's only through mantra that I'm even able to do this. It's pretty cool! Wonderful trick. My dear... you are a great being. But, I also know these feelings of mortality and residual fears even though I've had so many past life experiences and have had visitations to higher lokas, and beings from higher lokas it's still a nasty and very deeply ingrained samskara that pesters my conscious mind from time to time. Sometimes for an entire day. Like 2 weeks ago, I felt it so intense, that it felt like my body was going to dissolve and I felt the numbness of a heart attack on my left arm. I felt so floaty and vulnerable and I felt like my thoughts were so loud that I was hurting everyone and I felt like every thought or look from people was making my eardrums hurt, just thoughts were making my eardrums hurt and peoples looks at me felt like they were cutting through my entire body. I finally just had to cry in public, good thing I was wearing my shades as to not bring any more attention, but this crying was surrender to the cosmic process and was filled with great spiritual energy. I saw white light everywhere and I felt like my water element was being purified. Anyway... as you know the practices make me more deeply fearless, that's for sure. I just haven't fully died to death yet. I hope before this life is over that I do. As well as you my dear. Remember that every time you experience it, you get a closer view of it's nature, so through contemplation your wisdom should shatter that dream of a mirror... eventually. NOW!! Take care Shaktimama!! I know I probably don't hold a candle to your level of experience and I always feel a little intimidated talking with you. But, I thought I'd share just to let you know that you are not alone! Big fat kiss on your mortality samskaras... may they be healed!

"So yeah, if any gods, deities, immortals, buddhas, saints, etc are willing to pay me a visit, you know where I am so please come show me something, in the physical realm though please (no dream visits)." Alright! Where do you live?

Just had a minute to post this for Vajraji. Apparently the man speaking in this video grew up on the streets of Detroit. You are one who lives in a dream about furthering your education and making a better life for your wife and yourself. However, without a proper work ethic and desire, your dreams will always remain dreams. His site. www.theetstory.org

There are too many things that are screwed up. If you have a dream where there is a pain input on the body then it can't be classified as some sort of fantasy. Yes, they are fused. I'm not going through reincarnation or rebirth. After this, I'm gone. For right now, I'm not willing to invest in any "virtues", I'm going straight into pragmatic methods. There is the physical body, astral body, and a formless body. If the consciousness doesn't have a medium then it is gone. A consciousness can be turned into a form of AI so that it can exist and adapt.

Thanks freeform, you're a pretty cool cat too. Most of TTBs are, thats why I lurk and stick around even though I am not really a taoist or buddhist or hindu etc. And I do stop mental gymnastics, if I didn't I might go insane , but seriously, I guess I am just waiting for something to show me (and I don't mean this in a bad way) that spiritualism itself isn't some form of mental gymnastics. Mind you mental gymnastics can have good results, hence the benefit of spiritual practices. So yeah, if any gods, deities, immortals, buddhas, saints, etc are willing to pay me a visit, you know where I am so please come show me something, in the physical realm though please (no dream visits).

If you may, thoughts and comments on these experiences would be greatly appreciated, please stop by and throw in your two pence so that I will perhaps better understand what is going on here. During the end of my practice of Yoga Nidra, when I am only keeping awareness on the silence in my chest I noticed a scrunching feeling, as though conciousness was sucking into that spot(I felt as though I was entering into the space or shrinking), along with some blurry imagery that couldn't be made out. Anyhow, my entire body became fuzzy, as if static electricity was filling up my pores. It was most intense in the palms, BTW. Anyhow, then began a feeling akin to peeling a banana or movement from the physical mass of the body into the space above me. As the feeling increase another feeling, as if I was being raised up occured, and an image started to appear in my mind's eye. Foolishly I opened my eyes at this moment to "get a better look" and lost the image and the sensations started to fade. My legs felt very cool after this experience and a pleasant tingle was intermittantly moving in my body. It reminds me of last week, after meditating at the end of the day I went to bed and almost the exact same experience happened, but without imagery and the "lifting" sensations started while I was half-asleep and in this dream "running" towards a door. There is a tendency for the min to become exicited during experiences like this, and I have enough lucidity to repeat the mantra "I'm not afraid" since these things are often sudden and fairly freaky at times. Thanks everyone.

I used to sometimes fall asleep in half lotus and have really cool experiences while sitting up. At that time though I would often deprive myself of sleep in order to do intense meditation practices and thus sometimes I'd fall asleep while practicing, LOL! It would always turn out to be a really cool lucid dream of some sort though.

I hope your enjoying China. **'Savasana'** **'The Secret of the Golden Flower'** **You will need to confront your dreams and analyze them untill you understand them whereas at that point they will no longer return. ** (Dreams are our mind's language it uses in an effort to use the subconscious minds methods of trying to understand conscious realities. It takes a between 100 days and 6 months to complete.) The completed process will heal yourself of pysche issues and balance your energy and mind. It will free you to become your true self as well as to know yourself. If you can continue - e-mail me. __________________________________________________ I will continue to email you. I am not in Hawaii but if possible will search for teachers of Savasana in the states and will also look into the Golden Flower. Thank you very much for the help. Are nightmares probably the most information filled dreams that a person can confront? I would think that any dream that inspires fear or depression would be a good place to start if I want to understand. You may not be able to travel but you did alot of teaching just now. I appreciate it. It doesn't seem possible to send you PM's, that's alright. I would like to continue this discourse here if you don't mind, but perhaps you have another idea. Please just let me know.

I know this wasn't the origianl topic, but it is somewhat related. I keep hearing about nocturnal emissions as a pretty common occurence, but I have only had one my entire life. Otherwise if I ever do have an "exciting" dream, it wakes me up.

Kali Yuga - I apologize for disecting your post but it is exactly what I've been thinking about. My aim was to bring more of the essence to the obvious points that you brought up.. I've been studying crystals as one of the Yang methods of reaching higher levels of meditation - The crystals work -and- I'm wondering just how many methods there are that I haven't thought about - as well as 'when does a method become a problem to the objective' or even -does it become a problem ? Of course the crystals may be having a psychological effect of reassuring my confidence that if something can be touched it has more of a place in reality - so as to give me a prop. But the risings that I am having are exactly the same effect that Kundalini Yoga had, on me, when I was began studying it about 20 or more years ago. I echo: feel free to comment on experiences. The reason I echo 'experiences' is that 'experiences' are the foundation of the Scientific method of objective observation. Whereas 'beliefs' are founded on only windborn thoughts with little to no connection to reality other than one persons imaginative dream.

I used to read a lot about Out of Body Experiences (OBE's) and this sounds a lot like it. I've never been able to make up my mind what these people were actually experiencing, but John Monroe wrote a number of books I still look at occasionally. I suspect this is probably what could be considered a subtle body experience. The feeling of static electricity and tingling are typical experiences of this. Since the subtle body is perceived differently than the physical body, as the awareness shifts from one to another, there is both a feeling of movement, as well as a shift in where you perceive you are. The subtle body also relates to the dream level and hence the feeling of movement, traveling, etc can be fairly dramatic, so don't be surprised if you have some interesting experiences. However, as fizit says, don't get attached to this (as in stuck) as it is simply part of the trip from the subtle to causal, to non-dual. All levels have potentially infinite stuff to explore and do, hence the tendency to get stuck at one level if you're not aware of what's up. Sort of like a psychic video game, only better effects. Good luck and have fun.

My "openers" on getting to really know someone....and determining if I want to know them any further. Life has taught me from a very young age that it is valuable to really get to know the important details when forming relationships. I would be a dating website or service's nightmare. If I meet a woman who is too psychologically entrenched into pop, celebrity and the whole fashion-appearance culture...then that is a pass for me. Particularly if they are speaking in that contrived, and still popular, California Valley Girl Yuppie drawl...while using the word "like" more than a thousand times in five minutes. Do you smoke? Do you drink alcohol? Do you regularly and/or socially meet at places that serve alcohol like bars, clubs, etc? Have you ever been addicted to alcohol and attended any type of rehab or AA for treatment? Do you do recreational drugs? Do you take prescription drugs? Do you take anti-depressant or any type of psychotropic drugs? If yes, to any of these, which drugs, amounts and for how long? Are you currently seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist? Have you ever had hypnotherapy treatments? Do you have any physical ailments, illnesses, diseases, handicaps, special health considerations and/or impairments? Family history of disease? Have you had any surgeries? Plastic surgery? Have you ever been arrested or the subject of a criminal investigation as the main suspect for a crime? What age did you first have sex? Were you earlier sexual experiences and relationships good ones? How many sexual partners have you had? What was your longest relationship? Have you ever lived with anyone? Elaborate. Have you ever had any sexually transmitted diseases? Do you currently have any sexually transmitted diseases? Have you recently been tested for sexually transmitted diseases? Results? What kind of sex have you or do you participate? What do you like and dislike? What is your history and present consideration with multiple partners and monogamy? Have you ever or do you do...anal? What do you not like about sex? Are you currently or have you ever been married? Do you have any children? Have you ever had an abortion? If yes, how many? Have you ever been assaulted, sexually assaulted, molested and/or raped? Please elaborate thoroughly. Have you ever prostituted yourself or bought sex? Have you ever been involved in a cult or involved in ritual abuse? Are you religious? If yes, which religion or beliefs do you practice and/or profess? Are you an active member of your religious group in any way? Bible study, church, public service, meetings, etc.? If yes, please list and clarify. What are your political views and affiliations? Are you currently politically active? Do you watch television and movies? How many hours a week do you view these? Which movies and shows do you watch? What kind of music do you like? What type of education do you have? What types of jobs have you held in the past and currently have? What type of salary do you currently make? What is your life's dream as to what you would like to do with your life and/or provide to the world? Are you in financial debt? How much debt? Do you like to shop? What kind of spending habits do you have? Frugal, moderate, big spender? Are you "trendy" and into the "latest" must-haves? Are your mother and father still living? Do you currently live with them or one of them? Are they married or divorced? When were they divorced, how old were you when they were divorced, and what were the circumstances? What are your personal philosophies on life in general and how the world works? Regarding family, friends, associates, close personal relationships, etc.? What kinds of food do you like to eat? Do you like to cook? What are your interests and hobbies? Do you have pets? Depending on the person, a no answer or an answer that does not resonate with me very well can be all that is needed for instant downgrade from potential sex partner to an association. I know, I know. It can seem cold and calculated, but I assure you that it is done with great depth, understanding, nurturing and humanity. But...I am also looking out for myself in life and my best interests. Relationships can be risks. And risks can bring about losses of time, energy, effort, emotions, money, well-being, etc. I ask no more from another, nor set a standard, that I don't already expect and exemplify within myself. Jeeez, after all these and a few other considerations I haven't even gotten around to jumping someone's bones yet...much less injaculating. But I am no pussy hound and not a slave to my desires either, or one who uses others as a friction device without due consideration of who they really are. And as healthy male who has been described as above average looks and attractiveness...my lack of interest in most women, who are poised for the mounting, are left...confused and bewildered...yet wanting even more of what they cannot ensnare.

Just an update on my entity issues. I've had an entity for the past several years, a ghost that visits me who is incredibly, vividly real when he visits, down to smell, taste and touch, and of course sight and sound. Whether it's a hallucination or in any sense "real", I've finally figured out what is triggering it and how to get rid of it. It is caused when I have too much pressure at my heart chakra, when I need a release. The closest analogy I can think of is when a teenaged guy who hasn't ejaculated in a long time has a vivid wet dream, except mine happen when I'm awake. The visitations don't always end in heart chakra release, but they are definitely triggered by the need to do so. I have met a man who is very adept at completely draining all the energy from my heart chakra, so thoroughly that I feel weak afterwards. Now there is no problem with the entity, as long as I see this man on a regular basis. I'm tempted to pay him for this service, it is so useful to me.

Basically our thoughts -- our left-brain chatter -- is just a reflection of our emotional energy state -- and these electrochemical emotional blockages are, in turn, a reflection of our electromagnetic state. When we sit in full lotus the electrochemical energy is reversed and this reverses the electromagnetic energy which then empties out our brain -- turning the thoughts back into shen light spirit energy. Once the electrochemical blockage is gone then the thoughts are gone and the state of possession is over. So with more practice you learn to read and feel where the electromagnetic essence is in the body -- for example the perv attack (which btw keeps happening on this thread!) -- the perv, as I stated, has the electromagnetic essence stuck in the lower chakra and so they lie and use whatever scam to hide this fact. In other words - words are used more often to cover up the subconscious blockages. For pervs the blockage is conscious so the perv thinks they can lie to hide their true intentions -- and most people are fooled unfortunately while others get pissed off. Most people have lower emotional blockages but with left brain dominance (instead of the right brain dominance of the perv) the blockages are subconscious and then the electromagnetic center remains diffuse throughout the body. If you study say Tom Brown on Native American shamanism and tracking -- it's emphasized to walk with the toes slightly pointed inwards. There's minor body language tips that indicate these disconnections with the subconscious emotions - we all have them to different degrees. For example eating with your mouth closed. Most people eat with their mouth closed -- it's either taught as polite or it just makes sense. Some people though like to smack their mouths -- why? -- Because their minds are so fixated on the material perception of taste and eating so their mind can not perceive the obnoxious sound of their mouth opening wide and their lips smacking. haha. For the perv there is what I call the "bouncing leg epidemic" which is used as a means to desperately suck people off -- but the perv will also use reverse breathing, etc. As long as their electromagnetic essence is stuck in their lower chakra -- then that's who they are whether their left brain says so or not. They can lie to themselves and think they're in control, etc. but the perv is fixated on the electromagnetic essence creating external male ejaculations. For me, I have the case where my molars don't meet on my right side and so I chew on my left side but then my front incisors will knock together while I'm chewing. I have big front teeth. I don't perceive this sound of my front teeth when I'm chewing -- because it's liking hearing your own voice which sounds different externally, on a recording. So I had a good friend at the University who studied qigong and advaita vedanta. One time I asked him -- what can he say to criticize me. Because in the midwest there's this "Minnesota Nice" culture where people are repressed. So I said - whatever comes to mind. He completely surprised me when he said that my front teeth make this noise when I'm eating. haha. I was very glad to get that feedback as I had not been aware of it. Another obvious subconscious blockage is smell -- smell bypasses the prefrontal cortex conscious awareness and then smell is a quantum resonance perception. So the brain is trained to adjust to the quantum resonance and then the smell is no longer perceived at the classical sense of awareness -- the standard left brain perception. That's why the first breath on waking up in the theta mind dream perception can also smell ourselves but then the next breath the waking beta mind state blocks out the smell. But the third eye then perceives smell as an electrochemical blockage called proprioreception -- it's the tingling sensation of an electrochemical blockage. So although I (my left brain awareness) can't smell myself, unless it's a new smell, I (my third eye) can perceive the electrochemical blockages, a tingling sensation, which would manifest as smell -- these are internal impurities from bad food. When the third eye awareness gets really purified then it can smell cancer -- I had this perception of cancer smell once. When I went 8 days on just half a glass of water and I did qigong the whole time -- then I went to the Level three retreat led by Chunyi Lin. There was a big conference room filled with people but there was one man in front who smelled like death. I was truly amazed that no one else seemed to notice this person smelled so bad -- even though he was way on the other side of a huge room. I was farthest from him -- how could anyone even stand to be in the same room with him!! haha. Then this man announced he had come up from Arizona just to get special healing from Chunyi Lin since he had a serious disease. Turned out his room was next to me and then after he got healing from Chunyi Lin he had sex with his girlfriend!! He wasted the qigong healing energy! haha. I could barely stand the smell of this men from the next room over -- yet his girlfriend could not smell him! haha. Anyway cancer smells like rotting flesh to the third eye perception when the energy channels are really open. So for the third eye awareness there has to be a very pure internal cleansing which I often don't have from eating sugar, etc. Alcohol and vinegar are good antiseptics against sugar (the antiseptics clear out the smell blockage through the third eye internal proprioreceptive electrochemical tingling sensation). But more important is just to not eat any bad food -- this includes caffeine and even salt on an advanced level, not to mention meat, fried food, etc. So the real spiritual training is not really conducive to a material mundane reality -- taobums is a mundane reality. haha. So anyway when we sit in full lotus the subconscious energy blockages are made apparent - which is preventative as the symptoms are not yet manifested strong enough to be conscious. This is a great thing -- for example I had a full time job as a relay operator for the deaf community so I had to type as fast as people talk. About half the workers wore braces on the wrist from carpal tunel. My girlfriend had a data job as well and so we both slept with wrist braces! haha. That was before I did qigong. So then I got workers comp for carpal tunel -- $600 -- and I went to S.F. to look for Effie P. Chow, qigong master!! haha. Anyway my dad once asked me why I don't have carpal tunel as I'm always typing -- I took another data entry job which I did part-time for 10 years, etc. I told my dad it's because I sit in full lotus. My dad was immediately confused -- how could the position of my legs affect my wrists? haha. Definitely the hips will loosen up amazingly from full lotus -- and that is the great secret. If I go a few hours without full lotus, if I'm digesting food, then my hips and sacrum, and the small of the back, start tightening up. So then when I go back into full lotus the bliss goes back up into my brain and it feels great and then the electromagnetic sensation in the third eye increases. Qigong master Jim Nance, the assistant of Chunyi Lin, was a kung fu master back in the 1960s. Jim Nance is a big athletic African-American -- was a professional basketball player as well. Anyway so he always won his martial arts fights and he said he would see his opponent's moves before they happened! It was like in the Matrix -- how time slows down because your perceptions are faster in relation to time. The brain is processing information faster -- there's more conscious awareness of otherwise subconscious perceptions. Even though Jim Nance always won -- after he won he always wept. So then this Chinese master came to witness their fighting and when Jim Nance wept after winning -- the Chinese master said that Jim Nance should learn "internal martial arts." Of course in the 1960s in the U.S. there were no internal martial arts masters to be known about -- and so thirty years later Jim Nance met Chunyi Lin. Anyway Jim Nance would weep because when he perceived the other person's moves before they happened -- he was also perceiving and taking in the other person's emotions. So the energy is impersonal and flows into another person and then the electromagnetic field enables the third eye to process the other person's electrochemical blockages. So when Jim Nance was fighting someone else he was really fighting himself. That's why qigong masters focus on healing and love -- because this division of self and other gets broken down. Chunyi Lin has had students who increased their height -- after they had spent a life being way too short -- and even paralysis has been healed -- and so changing the bone and nerve structure is part of the qigong training. The skull bone gets soft and the skull will expand from the energy. haha. That's because Chunyi Lin does the laser or shen transmissions.

drew, can you elaborate on the pineal gland as being the seat of the third eye? I know Rick Strassman, a psychologist, has investigated the role of the DMT molecule that is capable of being manufactured in the pineal in times of extreme stress, such as at the time of death, or in exalted mystical states. I have always been fascinated by that peculiar dream-like state of shock that occurs when something dramatic and bad, like an accident has happened, I wonder if that is DMT mediated. Having experienced DMT related realities by ingesting it by means of smoke, I experienced a profoundly intense rocketship into a rapidly shifting reality, that was actually terrifying for a few moments before it became blissful. The DMT induced visions tended to be infinite and repetitive, much like those Alex Gray paintings depicting internal realities...they are right on the money. As an aside, there apparently has been research involving Fluoride being toxic to the pineal glands. Wouldn't that have been an epic tragedy if our capacity for mysticism and transcendence has been blocked or curtailed by the public "health" projects that fluoridated our water supplies?

My grandfater was a WWII vet, infantry on the front lines, tones of medals including a bronze star for valor in cambat, he was in Normandy, across France, Hurtigen forest, Battle of the Bulge, across Germany, ect... So what was he like? He was one of the meanest sons of a bitches I've ever known. He was a chain smoking alcoholic, bigoted racist, hated everyone thing and everyone. My father said when he was a boy, my grandfater would come home super late every night drunk as a skunk and beat the crap out of him for no reason at all. Of course this screwed up my father, who is a total arse, and then my father abused me when I was little, which is a lot of the reason I got into Qigong in the first place, in order to heal that damage which really is just second hand abuse from my messed up Grandfathter. Of course I loved listening to my grandfater tell war stories when I was little, as almost every boy does, and I'm sure its why my focus during University in histroy was upon WWII, but our family line sure suffered because of it. After my parents got divorced, my mom went out a couple times with this ex speical forces guy who was in Vietnam. One time they were at a picnic and a helecoptor flew over and he dove under the table and low crawled across the ground. He could not sleep laying down, or with his feet covered because in the jungle he always had to sleep propped up against a tree because the VC were in the area. When I was in the Army I was deployed to Bosnia right after their civil war ended with IFOR in 1996. Granted Bosnia for the US Military was realtively tame on the war scale. Yet there were land mines everywhere, you always had to be aware of where you went so you didn't go boom. A few guys got killed by mines. A couple times we were put on alert at our base because of possible terroist attack, and your thinking "oh crap I might have to shoot someone in a second, or be shot at". So when I got back to Germany where we were stationed it took me a while to be able to walk on grass and leave the sidewalk due to paranoia of mines. I would also wake up in the middle of the night groping for my weapon (which we did not keep by us in Germany) because I'd have a dream that a Bosnian militia group was over running our permemter. Now keep in mind Bosnia was a very tame experience and it still had a small effect on me for a little while. I can only imagine what a real war would do to someone.

I can't be a hermit in this life, which is why I have started dream yoga. It means 7-8 hours of extra practise every night, granted that you are aware while dreaming.

So most of the time I spend on this site I am looking for hint or a clue a to how i should be going about meditation. This morning I woke up late... did the bare minimum as far as my standards go for a morning work out and then went to meditate. I sat under a tree in the shade ( i opted against the sun because its hot today) and began what I like to think of as watching myself. I watched myself think all kinds of things. how it feels to breathe, if someone could be watching me, how long it will take for meditation to become habitual for me, why am i burping so much? why does my hip still hurt? and then bam i get up i may have been sitting there for 12 minutes. im not sure why its so hard for me to sit but its frustrating. i dont know what im supposed to be doing with my breath or my thoughts. i live in Los Angeles so theres plenty of distractions for me; sounds, smells, sights. any advice for me? Also someone close to me if having trouble with their dreams. She is living in a nightmare and when she is illustrating what exactly it is shes dream about I have to ask her to stop because it is disturbing. I am trying to get her to meditate (maybe it will help? i cant see why not) but as someone who doesnt seem to be very good at meditation myself it proves to be a challenge. this person has been dreaming like this since she can remember. I guess I am asking for a tutorial almost of how we can both become closer to who we are through meditation and breathing exercises. I feel that the saying you are a product of your surroundings is becoming all too true and i need weapons to combat this hellish lifestyle. to combat the matirialistic impure concrete jungle i am forced to call home. any information or book references would be appreciated. Edit: if any of my questions have been answered already or if there is information that would lead me to said answeres in other forum posts i would be greatful a link was posted.

You don't find a practice. The practice finds you. You will find yourself inexorably drawn to a series of coincidents, find certain people charismatic, and find that it all is explainable only in retrospect. What is really yours will stick and the rest will fall through. This is how it happened to me. May I also mention that it is not so much about which practice as opposed to how deep is your practice. In kalimasada we do by training the breath under stressful circumstance. There are innumerable aspects to any given practice, all of which will deepen it. You don't have to look far, it's right under your very nose. Ask yourself what you can do to deepen it. Don't say you don't know because you really do, you just have to dig deep. For example. You mention you don't have longevity of meditation or stability of mind. I myself used to have this. I am also born in the year of the horse and have a strong vata constitution. Before I couldn't sit to save my life. But it is all in how much you want it. Have an alarm clock going on. If you sit, make a firm resolve that you will not get up until that timer rings. Even if your mind is uneasy, even if your skin itches, even if you don't think you can do it. Just don't quit. Take baby steps, once you can get up to an hour consistently, push it even more. I swear to you you will never regret it. Your soul will feel as fresh and clean as a summer breeze. Do you want the most deepest, awesome, most profound practice? Defeat yourself, your own weaknesses and tendencies, every moment of the day, all the time. The warrior's path. Nothing is gained without work -its the only difference between you and a true master. Think of yourself as an enemy to be defeated. Play this game with yourself and you'll be amazed how far you can get and how what was only a dream to you becomes reality. It's all about developing inner strength, once you have this anything goes.

Gassho. This is precisely the quality of feedback I so often crave from this board, since I cannot often participate in the LA Buddhist/Taoist community without endless automobile commuting. The way I connect Taoism with this subject matter is by unraveling the political and cultural themes of American life, which I define as consumer culture (I don't give much credence to American political mythology.) Americans had the dubious honor of being guinea pigs in the world's first domestic consumer market. We've been bombarded with commercial advertising since the late 1800s, and the technology has only gotten more sophisticated, more pernicious. If the capitalists' wet dream is to turn the world's resources into pure liquid capital, a vast consumer culture is the fastest way to do that, and toward that end, the process has performed admirably. We consumers have treated our masters well. Unfortunately, consumerism just about kills every authentic human impulse we have and obliterates creativity and imagination, including the spiritual impulse. Indeed, David Loy suggests that globalization (global consumerism) IS religious, in that it elevates the gratification of the instincts to a sacrament. I know I run the risk of being a hopeless romantic but Jeffersonian democracy and the agrarian ideal could conceivably be resurrected if the citizenry could ever break free of the tractor beam of Fox News and Glenn Beck. I see the historical accounts of ancient Taoist villages providing an intriguing template for a post-industrial model that in many ways is (was) as American as apple pie.

In Glenn Morris' books he mentions certain types of spirits that protect and teach when initiated into a certain lineage. You can come into contact with those spirits that most closely associate with you by continous practice and diligence. Its easy. You just keep going. For me, I suppose some past life connection made itself known and started working with me, and as far as spirits are concerned one spirit wolf that came about in a dream tends to follow me, or leave me on my own depending on it's mood. I'd call that lineage, but I'm sure that I just have the term mixed up and someone will correct me. Ya Mu, I have a good feeling about your book, in fact I have one on order from Amazon, I just hope it isn't the one my wife called me from the states telling me that it says something about it only costing 24 dollars on the cover, and the fact that I payed about 97 on Amazon for it. *Edit for a bit of cleanining up*