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Namaste Friends! I posted this on the AYP forum this morning and thought I would post here as well to get some more "well-rounded" advice. Thanks in advance! Last night I had one of those seemingly "all-nighter" dreams and it brought to the surface some issues for me that I believe need to be addressed. I had a difficult social life for a lot of my childhood....I grew up (for the most part) in a very small farming town (total pop. 3000) in which almost everyone living there had been born there. I moved there halfway through grade 1 and left halfway through grade 9. Because of this (moving into a new town halfway through the year) and the fact that everyone had been friends since birth, I was very much "the outsider" and spent most of my effort trying to "fit in" and feel "accepted". This never really happened for more then a few months at a time. I had "friends" who would plan together to hurt my feelings by doing things that took a co-operative effort and would very much make me continue to feel like the outsider. This pushed me in the direction of trying to fit in in whatever way I could....which ended up causing me to become a bit of a "bad boy" just so that others would not screw with me. I would get into really really violent fights, I became the town drug dealer (even to many of the adults), started having sex at a REALLY young age, etc etc etc..... But this "trauma" has never really been fully dealt with I don't think. It has left me with a near constant need for acceptance, even from those who don't have any influence in my life, and has left me with a predisposition towards being embarrassed. The other side of this is my disposition towards feelings of "inadaquacy". For the most part this is mainly sexually related, but not always. I was fully sexually active from the age of 4. This has caused (probably obviously) some trauma for me (and others as well). By about the age of 12 I had had sex with several different girls, some younger, some older, and I was beginning to get a bit of a reputation as being quite good in bed. This caused the most popular girl in school (at least to me) to decide she wanted to have sex with me. This was completely disasterous for me. I got so mentally excited over this that I ejaculated very very quickly and was unable to satisfy her. This obviously got around my school/town very quickly and from that point on I have had a problem with feelings of sexual (at least) inadaquacy. Well, last night as I said at the beginning, I had a disturbing all-night long dream. This basically was a dream that could be considered my "personal nightmare" combining all the "faults" I feel I have, into one big episode that left me feeling very troubled upon awakening. What I have realized from this is that these are the next two big issues I have to start dealing with. So, my question is this: Do you have any specific suggestions on ways to go about dealing with deeply imbedded childhood trauma? Love, Carson

Consciousness can be very tricky. I saw a movie in which somebody explained how to find out that you are dreaming, in order to control the dream. The clues were unreadable details like the time on the clock or non-functional light switches. Also in the movie, the protagonist later talked to a person in his dream about how it is like to be a dream character. One or two days later, I had a dream. I think it was in a classroom, but unconventional. I talked to the teacher about how my watch is very blurry and unreadable and how this is a clue of being in the dream state, and his clock was blurry, too. But then I tried to switch off the light and it worked ... I think ... not 100% sure. I then woke up and realized I have had a lucid dream. ... But then I woke up and realized that I had been fooled. Pretty weird, isn't it? Not having a lucid dream, but a dream of lucid dreaming. It took me a few minutes to completely realize what had happened. I analyzed my dream and realized that after the dreamt waking-up I thought: "OK, this time I realized that it was a dream, next time I'll try to really gain total control.", so there was no control, thus not really a lucid dream, just typical uncontrollable acting in a dream. P.S.: Hm, this topic might belong to the Tao forum. Admin, please move if you read this!

Of course I was talking about Hinduism (sorry I was confused, I thought we were talking about other religions, not just different sects of Buddhism). Yea I've figured the same thing about Jesus (that he was a trained monk) I saw that somewhere but forgot. Anyways different subject of course. I know Buddhism is a lot fluffier than most religions..but really...I am not dissing the Buddha..only the religion that followed the teacher. I did see zeitgeist though..I don't remember much about it or Buddhism being connected to it. So your offering me a crutch for this broken leg..when really..I wake up to realize I only broke it in a dream? I don't wish to create suffering from a logical (or maybe illogical?) paradigm. Of course..meditation on the dharma..I know..it is indeed a meditative religion..one in which you literally self hypnotize yourself when your more auto-suggestible in trance or meditation.

SereneBlue -- when I lived with a bunch of young free-spirited females in a commune cooperative -- 35 people, clothing optional! -- I was initiated into some secrets. One female said that she would have orgasm after orgasm while reading in the college library -- just by crossing her legs and bouncing her leg. My girlfriend reported to me that she knew a female who got orgasms from eating fresh fruit. Another girlfriend told me she once had 50 climaxes in a row from masturbation. So I pondered this in terms of alchemy -- was she really building up her energy or....? Sugar causes a dopamine spike so there is a connection but I learned from my own qigong experience that when I stored up my own sex energy females were hitting on me really strongly -- females were SUCKING OFF my sex energy. In other words when females cross the legs and bounce them and have climaxes it's because there are males in the room! This is not confined to females though -- I call it the "bouncing leg epidemic" because males who are fixated on climaxes -- whenever they feel desire which they also feel addicted to and thereby should receive their rightly reward! -- these males will bounce their legs frantically. It's increasingly common in our "sex sells" society. This, again, is based on sucking up and sucking off the stored up sex energy -- be it in females or in males! haha. But here's the deal -- the amazing secret of Taoism -- the sex energy -- the jing -- which is blissful heat -- actually comes from the chi or electromagnetic energy manifested in the 3rd Eye. So a person's essence is where their electromagnetic "center of gravity" is in their body. Since most people are not aware of the electromagnetic source for desire they don't know how to convert the jing into chi and therefore don't know how to increase the brain chi so it can be transmitted externally for healing others. So when a female or a male tries to "suck off" my sex energy what they are really doing without knowing it is pulling down my center of gravity -- my spiritual essence -- my electromagnetic focus -- from my brain down to my lower chakras whereby it's deconverted from blissful heat back into ejaculation. And since male ejaculation activates the stress system (via testosterone to sympathetic nervous system dopamine) then the party's over -- there's been an "explosion in the lab" as Gurdjieff states -- and the alchemical experiment must start over. haha. Once the brain is permanently magnetized though there is no turning back and then you've created a free energy system that parallels the material energy system. It's now the "macrocosmic orbit" where you are an open brain system! People freely suck up the electromagnetic energy from my brain based on their need for it! So the material energy system now must be minimized which, of course, goes against the civilized sugar-salt-food dopamine-stress war machine! Serotonin and dopamine are reversed via testosterone. The parasympathetic nervous system transduces serotonin into the brain, pass the blood brain barrier, from the lower body -- via the internal climax. In other words build up and climax of testosterone does not necessarily mean activation of the stress dopamine system. Both males and females release testosterone during desire and at climax. When testosterone turns to dopamine there's a brain rush of pleasure but there's also an increase in violence -- extreme violence -- and this is NOT an emotion -- it's a MOTION (part of the motor cortex). This is the secret of "crimes of passion" -- of love murder, obsession, etc. For the electromagnetic chi to be created the dopamine and serotonin and oxytocin need to be converted to melatonin and DMT -- by activating the pineal gland. The best way to do this is to practice the "small universe" Level 1 c.d. from Chunyi Lin -- http://springforestqigong.com -- It's like music practice -- the more the better. The deeper the energy channels opened in the body -- and finally after the brain is opened the heart opens even more -- but even just to fully open the 3rd Eye (Gurdjieff's Number 5 or a qigong master level -- is very very rare). Potassium protons create a plasma in the brain as positive ions - this is the secret to alchemy. That's why Taoist Yoga states, "No Salt" because chloride is a negative ion and of course salt spikes dopamine. Fruit is high in potassium and while it creates dopamine there's no "dopamine spike" like from refined sugar. Of course I fall prey to the diet quagmire -- and have been in food hell ever since my 8 day energy feast when females went crazy around me -- and demanded I eat food, etc. haha. The food-sex ritual is fascinating since meat is high in iron and testosterone -- and a cereal enzyme creates testosterone (from wheat or oats!) -- so civilization is really about increasing sex desire -- but again the source of sex energy, electromagnetic energy, remains repressed. There's nothing wrong with people wanting sex energy because the key to solving the addiction is to get to its root -- the pure consciousness or "female formless awareness" creates the male electromagnetic energy so by "bottoming out" people realize that their ego is not going to be satisfied by total material desire. That there is something else which is beyond desire and the ego. Since I've lived in low-income scenarios I'm often "sucked off" by pervert males while I'm asleep! It feels like psychic rape -- my stored up shen (spiritual light) is turned back into chi (electromagnetic) and then jing (my belly gets super hot) and then goes down to my lower chakras (the reproductive organ, perineum, anus, tailbone, etc.) As long as the energy is lost as jing -- electrochemical -- and I don't fall prey to the final stage, the deconversion back to ejaculate as activation of the stress system, then the energy loss is not that bad. I just do reverse-breathing or go back into full-lotus and that way the free energy cycle resumes whereby the energy sucked up by the perv is converted by me back into electromagnetic healing energy for transmission again. If I eat too much food -- especially meat -- then the problem is magnified. The jing has to be converted into chi and then stored safely as an "energy pill" in the lower tan tien (in front of the kidneys). But as the alchemical energy builds up the potential for the chi or shen to deconvert back to generative fluid increases. This is why mind yoga, using the left-brain for logical inference, bypasses body healing and goes straight to the heart via the left-brain vagus nerve. Again the source of the energy is "female formless awareness" -- aka the Emptiness, the "spirit of the valley" in the Tao Te Ching -- it's the Eternal Nature -- that which even yoga masters are afraid off -- the death of the ego from physical death of the heart. Even this final stage can be transcended so that the body resonates directly with pure consciousness with each breath and thought, as detailed by Ramana Maharshi. But that left-brain mind yoga of the Brahmins required total separation from females -- Ramana Maharshi practiced in seclusion for 9 years before achieving "eternal liberation" -- post-death consciousness. The traditional Brahmin Priest had to do a 3 day cleansing ritual just for seeing a female! Such is the power of the subconscious deconversion of built up shen back into reproductive fluid - lost at night as a wet dream. haha. It's much better to be awake, in full-lotus, whereby the energy received by the perv is directly electromagnetic but if the perv is intentionally trying to suck me off by staring at me and bouncing his leg with it crossed -- then his goal is to activate his (and therefore mine as well) stress system ejaculation as fluid which goes against the parasympathetic female climax free energy system of Mother Nature! haha. So I just sit in full-lotus and that prevents the perv from sucking me off and in the meantime he eventually fills up with energy and then has to go jerk off in the bathroom or something. haha. Finally he realizes he's messing with something he's never encountered before and realizes it's a free energy source and that he's benefiting from it and that he can't fight it -- (he can't make me weaker by sucking me off) so he stops trying! haha. Anyway what happens is that the typical modern male feeds off female sex energy because his own male electromagnetic energy is stuck in his lower chakra -- he doesn't know how to sublimate his own female electrochemical jing energy. Every time he ejaculates he has to convert food back into jing and he's not making any more brain power -- just seeking more ejaculation which causes further depletion. So unless he can maintain a rich high meat diet then the results will be pretty quick -- bald hair for example. haha. If the female is surrounded by such males -- parasites -- then she too will be depleted -- even though the female climax inherently sublimates the jing to the brain, via the vagus nerve. So that's why civilization was created by females and females are the best leaders -- females have more synchronized brain waves since they are activating the right-brain through the vagus nerve climax. Sex energy is originally electromagnetic -- so if a female is charged up with female sex energy after being filled up with male electromagnetic energy -- in other words if a female has lots of internal climaxes BECAUSE a male is transmitting electromagnetic energy into her -- then another typical modern male (not understanding the source of sex energy) will want to deconvert the female's male electromagnetic energy (since he is attracted to it because his own energy focus is still female electrochemical and ejaculation) back into electrochemical sex energy and then back into his own ejaculation. I've increased the sexual activity of couples after I've had several psychic mutual climaxes with the female -- charging her up, while healing myself and her, through the parasympathetic free energy mutual internal climaxes. The male has his electromagnetic essence stuck in his lower chakra so normally he's taking energy from the female when he has sex with her -- restoring his own female electrochemical energy. Normally sex makes her more sick! She has to use lots of food to counteract the energy lost from sex or -- suck off other males through sex (again subconsciously getting their stored up male electromagnetic energy). But now, charged up with free electromagnetic energy DIRECTLY, she didn't need more food and she had the extra energy to satisfy the male's desires.

This is the religious taoism theory which is a bit more than TCM, unfortunately there is not a book that puts everything together, you have to pick informations from many books and put them togeteher. I recommend reading - Mantak Chia's Fusion of the Five Elements - Nicole Tremblay's Tao de l'alimentation or any other book of Taoist alimentation and Daozhen user posts http://www.thetaobums.com/dao-zhen-m8508.html you have in the right side the menu Profile options>find member posts Also I recommend witch reading Journeys Out of the Body (1971) by Robert Allan Monroe where he describes sexual escapades when he consciously exit the body an performed astral sex with other living or dead people When I was 19, I was sexually abused in a dream by a beautiful dark-haired dakini (christians name these beings or daemons succubus which are females and incubus which are males) but I never complained. She only took my sexual energy and left me with a very pleasurable sensation. Even if I have a preference for blond girls, I still fall in love with girls that reminds me of that goddess. Edit: Also, it is said that if you indulge in such practices until you die, It is very probable that you will became a succubus or incubus daemon in the afterlife. Seriously Not that would be a bad thing... but you have to be warned.

I agree. but the point raised was how traditional dogma is not completely useful for modern people who want direct experience relaxing the mind is the fundamental practice of dzogchen/mahamudra. it can lead you to non-dual awareness/presence. btw Namkhai Norbu teaches in his book "Dream Yoga" about that Light you experience. it's the Son Light, a very deep aspect of mind and the practice of Dream yoga is to rest in that clear light. when you can continually recognize that light, then at the moment of death, when you experience the Mother Light, then you can attain complete realization at the moment of death. so I hope you can familiarize yourself with that Light it would prove very beneficial.

Thanks for the support Mind Meld Michael! It's like that dream of the morally ambiguous teacher dude and us taobums standing on the safe rug! Your pal, Yoda

previous lives But all right, I'm all about balance. If that is an imbalance in my physical system, I'm happy to do whatever cleansing that is. Although I will say I enjoy the way I am now. Is this an appropriate liver-gallbladder cleanse? http://www.hps-online.com/hliver2.htm I found this over at the realmsofmagick messageboard and it made me laugh. Not completely applicable because mine comes to me just as easily while I'm awake, no difference. - There is no "boring everyday life" with Dream Lovers. It's just... sex. - You do not have to tell Dream Lovers what it is you especially like in bed. They are in contact with your subconscious, you know. - Distance is not an issue. Move where you want and your Dream Lover can follow without a problem. - There are not any "you don't love me anymore!"s. If you get bored - just banish the bastard! - No need to hassle with condoms. (Astral protection is still advisable...) - You do not have to take your Dream Lover to meet your parents. - Dream Lovers can shape shift. Imagine the possibilities! - You do not have to worry about unexpected pregnancies. (At least those are very, very rare.) - No fighting over silly things like who left the toilet seat up or where a toothpaste tube is supposed to be squeezed. - You will not get "I'm having a headache" or "Not now, it's that time of the month!" from a Dream Lover. - Dream Lovers aren't stuck at being one sex. Not even being one sex at the time... - You will not be nagged to change your diet and exercise more. On the dream planes, weight is not an issue. Neither is your physical condition. - A Dream Lover will not whine how you are using it just for the sex. That is the whole deal with them anyway. - Even the most egoistic person can find an ideal sex partner. Just summon a Dream Lover who wears your looks. - Dream Lovers will not get drunk and embarrass you at a party. - They do not mind if you got drunk and embarrassed yourself at a party. - You will never have to worry about what to say in the morning and whether you are supposed to cook them breakfast or not. Once you wake up, they are gone. - They will not run off with your best friend and hang around in your favorite night-out joints making you jealous. - If your Dream Lover does run off with somebody else, just summon another! - You will not be hearing "When are you going to make me a decent Incu/Succubus?" No earthly instance would marry you anyway. - Dream Lovers do not that much care if you have other Dream Lovers. Not even the same time with them. - They will not complain about your cooking. You are always serving them their favorite dish: you. (They might, however, complain about the dinner being late if you happen to suffer from insomnia...) - Dream Lovers will not move in and never pay any rent. Their upkeep is free anyway. Written by Faerie K.

Hi SereneBlue..... I think you are misunderstanding....it goes the other way. 2nd Density energy forms (plants, animals, insects, ameoba etc) take a REALLY long time to naturally transition into 3rd Density energy forms (humans) unless there is intervention (help in the form of Love and attention) from a higher density energy form. I'm pretty sure the process doesn't work both directions....there is always forward progress (in the long run).... We as human beings are the envy (so-to-speak, more just "the luckiest") of every other density.....there is nothing more Bliss inducing then realizing you have been dreaming this whole time and waking up to Truth (that we are all One). There is nothing more Bliss inducing then living in misery to find out that you were CHOOSING to live in misery and making the choice for Bliss instead. We as human beings are extremely lucky....we are in the Density that is the "waking up" density....we are here in this "reality" (which is really a dream) to realize that "reality" is a dream....that we are NOT seperate entities having seperate experiences...we are all One and we have All gone through this before. We have just forgotten. This is all a game...."Lila"....God's Play.......We are here to remember that we are Source and this is the Density for doing it. If you don't "Realize" in this lifetime you will have another chance . Worrying about running out of time is silly....time is an illusion...All is Now. Love, Carson

Often we miss more then just "lessons" due to overthinking....Sometimes we miss out on Life itself! Let go of believing your thoughts and just exist as pure consciousness! Easier said then done though, so keep up your meditation practice or this will be nothing more then a dream within a dream. Love, Carson

By the way--do you think its possible, or likely, that those Tibetan men allowed themselves to be video taped so that someone like me could watch them on TV, and receive a personal communication of sorts when the show aired? Maybe they allowed themselves to be taped so that they could look into the camera and send a message to any children watching, or those who are less programmed than adults usually are--the message being just the spreading of an awareness of spirit? I ask because not long ago I had a very vivid dream in which a Tibetan man performed superhuman 'light body skills'. N-

Hello all, I would like to share some thoughts with you all. I assure you all that I am totally honest and truthful in these stories. But first, some lyrics from a song I like, in order to set the mood. "A man lies in his bed in a room with no door. He waits, hoping for a presence, something-anything-to enter. After spending half his life here he still felt as blank as the ceiling at which he stared. He is alive, but feels absolutely nothing- so is he? When he was six, the moon overhead followed him. By nine, he had deciphered the illusion. Trading magic for fact-no trade backs. 'So this is what its like to be an adult'. If he only knew now, what he had known then. Okay, now then... I have told no more then three people this, ever, in my whole life. I don't even think I've told my wife about this, but I want to share it here. I swear on everything I love its the truth, Im not making this story up. I remember once, living in Locust street, I was maybe five or six. I couldn't have been very old because I was in kindergarten. I had a teacher, who seemed very nice to me, a very old woman then to such a young child, She was probably in her 60's or 70's. She once locked a boy in the closet to punish him. I remember him screaming, terrified. There was a woman who lived down the street a few houses, my mother used to take me to her house once in a while. She had so many colorful antique bottles in her house, and long green shag carpet. My friend Stevie-a girl- lived across the street. I remember one year, my mom brought me to see her on halloween. I can't remember who I was dressed as, but She was dressed as Madonna-the musician. Key feature of her costume being a mole. She moved away soon after, and Eli and his mother moved in. Eli was a couple years older than me (I must have been no older then five, now that I think about it.) Eli used such dirty words; we would be playing with our (my) Transformers and GI Joe's and such-one of my favorite things to do--and Eli would have one of the toys on top of the other, with its legs spread, screaming-'You fucking bitch! You're gonna do what I fuckin say! Give me head you filthy whore!"... I didn't understand then why he played that way, or why he cussed so much. He was always doing things that he shouldn't-smoking, starting fires, and so on. Eli dated a girl (at that age when having a girlfriend meant that you might at most kiss her on the cheek and hold hands. It was more innocent at that time. Eli briefly went steady with this girl, and then it ended when she broke up with him. She was best friends with my friend Amber, who also lived across the street. Her name was Kelly. I remember, in all honesty, the first time I saw her, it was love at first sight-for me. Some people-most people maybe-don't have a clue about love at first site, or they think its a myth. I mean to tell you, that even though I was maybe six or seven, I was in love with this girl, at first site of her. It was so exhilarating-it would be worth dying right now to live one day in that feeling. How it mast have hurt Eli's feelings when I started 'going out' with Kelly. My mother, no doubt hearing me talk about Kelly all the time, arranged for me to go on my first date-with Kelly--It was 1989, so I was 7. I know this, because we saw 'National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation'. Predictably, Eli has been in and out of prison and other trouble for some time now. I wish he could be released from the prison of his memories. I have a vivid memory of how when I was that age, I played in the snow in jeans and a sweat shirt. Actually sitting down in the snow and making shapes in it. My hands, legs feet, crotch all soaked from sitting in the snow. I wasn't even shivering. I just played in the snow, having fun, until eventually I got bored and went inside. I think I'd nearly die of I did that now. Oddly, I've had the feeling for a very long time that I would die at or before age 30. I'm 27 now, and if I keep progressing with my consciousness the way I have been recently, I think that I just might. As in, my ego. It wasn't until about 3-4 years ago that I realized that I will be 30 in the year 2012. How comical, given the beliefs around that date. I've told my mother about my 'death' for many years, though not recently. I remember watching a documentary on TV about men in Tibet who sing with this sort of double voice; it sounds as if two different people are chanting about 1 octave apart when they do it. After watching the show, I practiced a few minutes and I was able to do it too. I'm told this was a pretty special ability, vocally. Especially for a little kid. Anyway, on to the point of this post: I was lying in bed about this age, living in the same house, and I had, for lack of a better phrase, an experience. Lying on my bed, which was covered in toys, I became paralyzed. A red skinned devil appeared at the foot of my bed, looking much like 'Darkness' from the movie, 'The Labyrinth'. I was paralyzed, and more afraid than I have ever been. This devil produced a cane pole, or reed pole, about 3-4 feet long. Being paralyzed, I couldn't stop him when he connected one end to his penis, and the other end to my penis. It felt so bad, yet so good; I had an orgasm. soon after, this Devil, smiling an evil, psychotic smile, disappeared. Vanished, really. I felt a female voice warm me against sexual depravity, as if I would miss out on spiritual advancement if I indulged in sex: it would distract me from the path. An instance later, I was able to move again, and this devil was gone, although EVERYTHING in the room was exactly as it had been in the 'dream', if that's what it was. Another time, I had gone to Kelly's house to see if she could come play. I had become sort of friends with her and her sisters. While playing with her sisters in their back yard, I got this strange feeling, and everything in my vision-especially around my head-had this golden glow to it. I had a sort of devious, or maybe mischievous smile on my face and was bathed in this golden glow. I don't think it was perceptible to anyone but me. I don't know what the hell this might mean, the Devil experience, or anything else, but I just had to post it here, in hopes that someone will have information in the meaning of these experiences. I don't have much knowledge about the Occult, or symbolic meaning, but I have no doubt that these experiences mean something very significant. I just don't know what. Take care, and thanks for reading! Nate

Hello all, I would like to share some thoughts with you all. I assure you all that I am totally honest and truthful in these stories. But first, some lyrics from a song I like, in order to set the mood. "A man lies in his bed in a room with no door. He waits, hoping for a presence, something-anything-to enter. After spending half his life here he still felt as blank as the ceiling at which he stared. He is alive, but feels absolutely nothing- so is he? When he was six, the moon overhead followed him. By nine, he had deciphered the illusion. Trading magic for fact-no trade backs. 'So this is what its like to be an adult'. If he only knew now, what he had known then. Okay, now then... I have told no more then three people this, ever, in my whole life. I don't even think I've told my wife about this, but I want to share it here. I swear on everything I love its the truth, Im not making this story up. I remember once, living in Locust street, I was maybe five or six. I couldn't have been very old because I was in kindergarten. I had a teacher, who seemed very nice to me, a very old woman then to such a young child, She was probably in her 60's or 70's. She once locked a boy in the closet to punish him. I remember him screaming, terrified. There was a woman who lived down the street a few houses, my mother used to take me to her house once in a while. She had so many colorful antique bottles in her house, and long green shag carpet. My friend Stevie-a girl- lived across the street. I remember one year, my mom brought me to see her on halloween-I can't remember who I was ressed as, but She was dressed as Madonna-the musician. Key feature of her costume being a mole. She moved away soon after, and Eli and his mother moved in. Eli was a couple years older than me (I must have been no older then five, now that I think about it.) Eli used such dirty words; we would be playing with our (my) Transformers and GI Joe's and such-one of my favorite things to do--and Eli would have one of the toys on top of the other, with its legs spread, screaming-'You fucking bitch! You're gonna do what I fuckin say! Give me head you filthy whore!"... I didn't understand then why he played that way, or why he cussed so much. He was always doing things that he shouldn't-smoking, starting fires, and so on. Eli dated a girl (at that age when having a girlfriend meant that you might at most kiss her on the cheek and hold hands. It was more innocent at that time. Eli briefly went steady with this girl, and then it ended when she broke up with him. She was best friends with my friend Amber, who also lived across the street. Her name was Kelly. I remember, in all honesty, the first time I saw her, it was love at first sight-for me. Some people-most people maybe-don't have a clue about love at first site, or they think its a myth. I mean to tell you, that even though I was maybe six or seven, I was in love with this girl, at first site of her. It was so exhilarating-it would be worth dying right now to live one day in that feeling. How it mast have hurt Eli's feelings when I started 'going out' with Kelly. My mother, no doubt hearing me talk about Kelly all the time, arranged for me to go on my first date-with Kelly--It was 1989, so I was 7. I know this, because we saw 'National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation'. Predictably, Eli has been in and out of prison and other trouble for some time now. I wish he could be released from the prison of his memories. I have a vivid memory of how when I was that age, I played in the snow in jeans and a sweat shirt. Actually sitting down in the snow and making shapes in it. My hands, legs feet, crotch all soaked from sitting in the snow. I wasn't even shivering. I just played in the snow, having fun, until eventually I got bored and went inside. I think I'd nearly die of I did that now. Oddly, I've had the feeling for a very long time that I would die at or before age 30. I'm 27 now, and if I keep progressing with my consciousness the way I have been recently, I think that I just might. As in, my ego. It wasn't until about 3-4 years ago that I realized that I will be 30 in the year 2012. How comical, given the beliefs around that date. I've told my mother about my 'death' for many years, though not recently. I remember watching a documentary on TV about men in Tibet who sing with this sort of double voice; it sounds as if two different people are chanting about 1 octave apart when they do it. After watching the show, I practiced a few minutes and I was able to do it too. I'm told this was a pretty special ability, vocally. Especially for a little kid. Anyway, on to the point of this post: I was lying in bed about this age, living in the same house, and I had, for lack of a better phrase, an experience. Lying on my bed, which was covered in toys, I became paralyzed. A red skinned devil appeared at the foot of my bed, looking much like 'Darkness' from the movie, 'The Labyrinth'. I was paralyzed, and more afraid than I have ever been. This devil produced a cane pole, or reed pole, about 3-4 feet long. Being paralyzed, I couldn't stop him when he connected one end to his penis, and the other end to my penis. It felt so bad, yet so good; I had an orgasm. soon after, this Devil, smiling an evil, psychotic smile, disappeared. Vanished, really. I felt a female voice warm me against sexual depravity, as if I would miss out on spiritual advancement if I indulged in sex: it would distract me from the path. An instance later, I was able to move again, and this devil was gone, although EVERYTHING in the room was exactly as it had been in the 'dream', if that's what it was. Another time, I had gone to Kelly's house to see if she could come play. I had become sort of friends with her and her sisters. While playing with her sisters in their back yard, I got this strange feeling, and everything in my vision-especially around my head-had this golden glow to it. I had a sort of devious, or maybe mischievous smile on my face and was bathed in this golden glow. I don't think it was perceptible to anyone but me. I don't know what the hell this might mean, the Devil experience, or anything else, but I just had to post it here, in hopes that someone will have information in the meaning of these experiences. I don't have much knowledge about the Occult, or symbolic meaning, but I have no doubt that these experiences mean something very significant. I just don't know what. Take care, and thanks for reading! Nate

Mal -- thanks for sharing. I had originally posted this comment on my blog and it kept getting removed! It's MY blog but someone is hacking it! haha. Yesterday I started the day with cilantro -- I bought two organic bunches -- and garlic. Then I dumpster dived some meat sandwiches and some bread pastries (sugar) and some salad. I ate a bulb of garlic with that big meal -- so I had already over a bulb of garlic. I slept the meal off napping while reading an excellent book about these grizzly bears befriending a Canadian female zoo-keeper. The bears had been eating out of dumpsters as well. I once had a dream about this white bear against a tree in my yard of my childhood. I went to check out the tree -- an old oak -- and it had recently been cut down. Bears are the spiritual animal for the circumpolar cultures (my own ethnic background of Sweden and also the Native American culture of Minnesota). Anyway one of the bears is playing with the zookeeper and the bear pulls away and destroys a hand toy. But the zookeeper as a joke quick puts her hand hiding in her pocket. The bear thinks the zookeeper hand is missing and suddenly feels sad and concerned, thinking that she had accidently pulled the zookeeper's hand off. The zookeeper asked the other two zookeepers what they thought and all three confirmed that the bear had been sad and concerned and then when the zookeeper pulled out her hand and ended her joke, the bear then showed relief and went back to playing. Anyway soon after my nap I then pass the meal out of my system -- because I had a lot of fiber so it moved fast. I continued eating garlic as I biked home and then did a full-lotus O at a D session. When I got home I made a big glass of coffee and ate more garlic -- that cleared that day's meal out of my system. Then I watched "I survived" and ate more garlic. I have a couple cloves left -- so that was 3 bulbs for a couple meat sandwiches and some sugar -- they were Mexican pastries so they don't have too much sugar. Still I have to have a really pure diet and need to get the food out of my system or else it goes to my head. haha. So that was a pretty good day of clearing out a dirty meal. If I'm more careful about my diet then I don't need to eat so much garlic.

I agree with this 100%, and I want to add this. What do you see when your 4th eye opens? How about 108th? What if you combine your two eyes into one and see like a cyclops? What can you see if you look with your fingers? Folks, there is no 3rd eye. The whole point of us being spiritual rather than physical beings, is that even 2 eyes are not quite true/real upon ultimate analysis. Even even 1 eye is not anywhere to be found, if even 1 iota of substance is not to be found anywhere upon examination, then what talk can there be of 3rd eye? 3rd eye, at best, can be a useful and playful metaphor. It can symbolize a new way of seeing things. And any attempt to try to discern in an absolute fashion what's deluded and what's real within the visionary realm is pure delusion from the start. We can, for ourselves, feel what is more and less authentic, but those are not absolute perspectives (nor is there any absolute perspective anywhere). Can you have visceral, and for all intents and purposes real paranormal experience? Yes! It's possible. You can enter into a magical realm where nothing you've ever known applies. It's possible. But there is no path to it, such as "step 1, raise energy to point X, then move it to point Y, step 2, open 3rd eye, etc." It's nothing like that. This is just worldly deluded thinking. We, in this realm, like to imagine that reality and action are arranged in layers and proceed in steps. Nothing is further from the truth. There are no steps and no substantial layers anywhere. There is no ultimate structure or substance behind phenomena. All phenomena are empty. But don't take my word for it. Try to find some substance, even a hair-tip's worth of substance anywhere. Be honest. What do you find? Do you find something other than experience? Is that experience distinguishable from a dream or a hallucination? If you think you can distinguish your waking experience from a hallucination, you've obviously never examine this issue, never tested it, never contemplated it. The goal of spiritual practice is to become disentangled from the specific of your apparent manifestations. In other words, what happens to us is that we get lost in the dream. We get so taken up with the details and specifics of the dream that we forget it's a dream. We begin to think only this realm exists. Only this version of events is real. Only this understanding is the truth. Only this experience is backed up by substance (and all else is either a dream or a hallucination), and so forth. We get caught up and dominated by the contents of our own minds. Instead of beings the masters of our minds we become slaves to our minds. Do you own your mind? Think about it. If you think your mind is yours, shouldn't you be able to even slightly control it? Yes? Then try to forget your name, or imagine you are a different species. Can you? For most people the honest answer is no, because they cannot control their mind! The mind out out of control. It's not that our mind is "monkey mind". That's stupid! Don't repeat this useless Zen fallacy. No. Your mind actually can be very quiet and very placid but still be out of control! For example, can you order your placid mind to become agitated? Can you become passionate at will? Thing is, if you are a "naturally" peaceful person, you probably cannot. Any kind of mind can be out of control. Having mind with little content in it is not a sign of master. Let me give you this metaphor. Imagine a man at the piano. He's randomly hitting the keys at a fast clip and produces a terrible melody. We would call this out of control playing. You tell this man, can you slow down? And he cannot. He just keeps jabbing the piano keys and can't help it but to jab randomly. This person is out of control. Many people wrongly believe that to achieve silence is the goal. So they practice non-playing. They eventually succeed in not hitting any keys at all, let's say. They get so happy... Then you ask them, wait... silence is OK for 10 minutes, now play me some Bach, how about it? The guy goes.... FUCK... shit... I can't play shit! I just know how to not play. So can this person be said to be self-possessed? No. Their mind is still not their own. The piano and the music is not theirs to play. They are a slave to a rigid form. Adhering doggedly to silence is rigid form -- it has no capacity for expressiveness. So what is good to see? What's good to see is a man who can play randomly and easily switch to playing Bach and easily switch to playing Mozart and easily switch to silence -- this is what I call "having range". You need to have range to have mastery. If you just produce one form forever, that's not range at all, that's called being stupid and stubborn. The goal is to become a creative divine spiritual player who can play any melody and silence plays only a minor role in that. We don't enjoy the ugly sounds we make so we foolishly think silence is the answer. The answer lies in the endless beautiful array of music and not in silence. Silence has its place too. So it is range that is prized. Experiential range. Being able to do "only this" or "only that" or "only in this way can this be done" -- all these are restrictions on range. These are not liberations if these are your absolute onlys. Any experience can be liberative the second it stops being only. All phenomena are wide open space, wide open possibilities. If you don't see endless possibilities you are wasting your time. So if you think like this, "only after I open 3rd eye will such and such happen" -- that's not seeing endless possibilities. That's putting a false limit on mind's power to manifest. Scientists are by and large materialists/essentialists/physicalists and thus they believe in limitations. But spiritual people should not try to mimic science in this manner. Essentialism is utterly antithetic to spiritual evolution as it leaves no room for life and for creativity -- it makes all phenomena seem hard, set in stone, predetermine, possible in only one way under only one condition, etc... It takes the endless array of possibilities and converts it into 1 real possibility and an endless number of useless hallucinations and it robs you of your creative power. So don't try to carry over the limits of the old thinking, the things that used to bind you, into your new life. The problem is not that we didn't figure out our spiritual structure, like which energy channels goes where and so on. The problem is that we believe in some absolute structure at all. Structures are visions and nothing more. Anyone who tells you, "I know how to open your 3rd eye" is robbing you blind, because they are implying that you need to open it and that there is only one way to do it, and many other limitations on manifestation are implied by that statement. Your inherent creative power is destroyed by this if you believe such people.

Well so I guess watching too much isn't so good, I had two really weird nightmares today and one of them was with the avatar... It seemed like I was Kitara (hard to tell sometimes in my dreams). Me, Sokka and Aang were going somewhere. We had to swim underwater for a while, then went through a forest. There we were caught by some soldiers. All fine till here, but now it gets weird. They threatened us and I suddenly got behind Aang and placed a large sword on the floor in front of him, after which I pushed him on it. While he was standing there pierced, I pulled a shorter sword and cut off his head with one cut. After his body hit the floor I threw myself on the floor next to him and cried like crazy. Sokka was just watching in shock. And the soldiers left. Then it seemed like it was all some kind of trick, but I can't say for sure because noises started to wake me up and so the dream didn't finish.

This is awesome. Exactly. I killed myself and now I kill you! haha. I went 8 days on half a glass of water. After that I destroyed my journal and even Dr. Yan Xin's qigong meditation tape! I saw dead spirits! People were completely freaking out from the strength of my electromagnetic energy. I accidently pulled this old lady's spirit out of her skull and she immediately bawled for at least 15 minutes straight. So this stuff goes totally against Western civilization and for the past 10 years my goal has been to try to integrate back into the West. When I went 8 days on no food and half a glass of water my mom SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER but I still healed her with love. That was an "exorcism." Exorcism is real -- spirit possession is the emotional energy that gets stuck in our organs and possesses us, making us fixate on a thought without freedom of mind. Bliss and light lead to consciousness which is beyond bliss and light -- this is the secret message of nondualism. My model is "sound-current nondualism." Even food is a possession -- the 3 worms of Taoism are the 3 grains -- rice, wheat and soy. Listen to the new Mantak Chia interview at http://martialdevelopment.com -- he states that in order to create an immortal spirit body you have to go without food. But again if you try that in the West you get locked up for trying to starve yourself to death. And it is dangerous. Master Ni, Huang-chi of L.A. talks about "ghost pollution" -- Chunyi Lin says the same thing -- how he has to return to a room over and over until finally the ghosts are cleared out. So modern civilization has many hungry ghosts which then feed off people's lower emotions -- the energy of civilization: anger, fear, worry, sadness and lust as overexcitement. In order to eat properly it's important to not have much physical exercise but I bike to work because I don't like creating car pollution. Chunyi Lin and Jim Nance have big fancy SUVs! haha. Chunyi Lin's house is full of fancy new gadgets from the Mall of America -- as my friend told me when he went there for a healing. And people like Chunyi Lin and Mantak Chia encourage students to fly in from around the world for healing. So Taoism has been integrated into Capitalism -- Dr. David Palmer's book Qigong Fever is an excellent analysis of this dynamic -- and in fact I discovered that the Tai-Chi symbol for Spring Forest Qigong -- the "long" wave of the yin and yang is exactly the same as a famous qigong master in China who came under scrutiny for commodifying and commercializing the qigong training. Or consider the "crazy" tantra of OSHO -- the excellent book "Karma Cola" details how the Ashram in India regularly sent Americans to the U.S. embassy in India and then the OSHO students were promptly sent to mental institutions back at the states! Was OSHO wrong? It's like the terrorist full-lotus training in Japan -- the AUM cult which is STILL popular. It's apocalyptic and bizarre -- it's tantric. Traditionally tantriks had to eat shit! And back in Africa the qigong training was tied directly to cannibalism -- read MODERNITY IN WITCHCRAFT -- an excellent book -- because healing magic relies on "eating the kin network" -- the female jing energy. The Bushmen called it "Collecting the N/um of young maidens." It's like really strong sexual tension where the female sucks up electromagnetic fields from your brain and in turn you suck up sex energy from the female. In that scenario food is NOT an option -- yet because I bike 10 miles a day on average -- then I can't continue the "O at a D" fun on the bike (although females call out to me while I'm biking!) One thing is the "Holier than thou" paradox of spiritual training. For example Jim Nance told me he wanted to help out his community -- the African-American community. And I'm sure he has so much -- he made a presentation at an Afrocentric conference in Chicago for example. But when I've talked to "Inner city" African-Americans about qigong they're response is: Yeah well if they could do that healing for free but these Chinese want to come over here to make a bunch of money. Fair enough! So I've been doing free healing -- but there's a cost to it in terms of food, and transportation, etc. So I actually just moved into my sister's basement. I had been renting a room for $300 a month (on average) for the past 8 years. I stayed there because I had a precognitive dream about the room -- a couple of them. Anyway the rent jumped up with the property taxes sky-rocketing since it was part of the condo bust/boom (the corner condos started at $700,000 each). So I've lived here for just 2 months! haha. But when I'm sitting in full-lotus I'm having O at a Ds through the walls and ceilings and then I have to eat tons of garlic to kill the parasites and toxins from regular food. The garlic smell then goes away with the cosmic orgasm magnetic bliss energy. haha. I think my next move will be just to stay in the basement -- to stop biking -- and maybe do phone healing if people are interested. I then will have a totally clean diet -- bigu -- fast one day a week (the same day as Chunyi Lin -- monday -- and then eat a Vitamix meal of green -- a green smoothie, once a day, the rest of the week). I'll start charging just $10 per phone healing and then as my energy builds up I'll charge more. Let me know if people are interested because I've worked at Clean Water Action for 10 years but they're automating -- using a speed dialer now -- and my new position there is not too good and the financial crisis completely cut the funding for Clean Water Action, plus there politically tied to the Democratic party now after the Campaign Finance Reform of 2006 -- read the book "Activism, Inc." for details -- by a Professor out east. BTW -- this is the UNEDITED INTERVIEW RIGHT HERE -- it's 18 pages long! So I don't hold back at all and anyone who wants to "judge" me should take a peek! haha. http://www.martialdevelopment.com/wordpres...rest-qigong.pdf

If you can meditate at the beginning of the day and when you feel the anxiety - it helps me to become re-centered. When I left home to go to the university at age 17 (I am from a really small town in the mountains of N.C.) I would dream of home and the places I liked to go walking. When I went back - my friends asked me why didn't I stop. I asked them what they were talking about and was told that they saw me walking and called out but I never stopped to talk to them... I asked them what time was it that they saw me? Every one that saw me said it was past 10PM. I told them that I always was asleep by that time.

The only other description of the "O at a D" that I discovered is in Colin Wilson's book "The Occult" -- about Gurdjieff. The female reports that her sex chakra was activated -- she had a climax -- after she and Gurdjieff made eye contact for a staring session in a restaurant, while Gurdjieff did deep breathing, on the other side of the room. Colin Wilson points out that Aleister Crowley could not do this yet Crowley is considered the master of sex and the superstar of the Western occult scene -- in fact Gurdjieff knew that Crowley was a big fake. haha. Just goes to show how mislead Westerners are about paranormal abilities. I typically have half a dozen O at a Ds a day -- the thing is that I can't eat food anymore! This is called "bigu" in Taoism and Gurdjieff hardly ate food as well. Food though does turn into sex energy -- generative force -- which is the heat in the belly and then when ionized through the small universe practice creates the brain bliss. The vagus nerve tranduces the bliss -- serotonin -- into the brain but the vagus nerve ALSO transduces anaerobic bacteria (the shit smell). haha. So this ability is adapted for famine conditions -- the Bushmen would regularly go on long water fasts while they hunted. It works through the vagus nerve -- once I saw a female coworker who always crosses her legs and bounces them -- and while doing so the right side of her neck was pulsating. That's the vagus nerve climax -- it's exactly the same as what happens with me, only that because of the small universe training the hormones are transduced into electromagnetic fields and shot out of the pineal gland. If I eat meat then I have more sex energy and can more easily give O at a Ds to females. There's several ways the energy flows -- the jing is female electrochemical energy while the female sucks up the male electromagnetic energy via the sex organs and the eyes. So if a female senses my electromagnetic energy then there is immediate attraction -- it depends on the female if the attraction is subconscious or if they act on it. Either way there is then display behavior -- since we're primates -- it's instinctual -- displaying the backside in order to suck up the electromagnetic energy. Professor Robert Sapolsky's books on testosterone and primate behavior has a lot on "backside displays." haha. Or flexing the chest so that the breasts suck up the electromagnetic energy. Spread-eagle is another option and eye contact as well. The female will very precisely position herself -- with laser precision -- so that my third eye energy shot out of my eyes goes into those electrochemical energy points on her body. I've had verbal confirmation from strangers as well but that's rare -- usually it's expressed indirectly. A prostitute did a livid backside disply in my face at Taco Bell and then when her pimp showed up with a client she exclaimed I'm "cuming already!" A homeless Native American did lap dances to my full-lotus on the sidewalk and later sat next to me in McDonald's stating over and over "Do you know what you're doing to me?" A young college female in the next booth of an anarchist cafe told her newly arrived friends that I was "orgasmic." And so on. In the meantime the full-lotus sucks up the female electrochemical energy. Everyone has this female electrochemical energy but males are focused on sublimating it into electromagnetic energy -- I think for hunting skills (or a 9 to 5 job). Females can do this as well but the loss of iron I think affects the electromagnetic energy. Males do not realize that what causes females to be attracted to them is the electromagnetic energy. This is the secret connection between sex and love and it's totally unknown to modern humans! So if a male is fixated on ejaculation his own electromagnetic energy is stuck in his lower chakra -- with a quick recycling time -- constant deconversion into electrochemical bliss and then loss as physical fluid. The full-lotus will also suck up the male's electrochemical female energy and then shoot back electromagnetic energy -- but since the male does not know how to have the internal climax via the sublimated vagus nerve there is no psychic mutual climax. I might climax on my own if the male needs more than one "cum shot of chi" -- if the male is really old and sick or if the male is a perv and is therefore spent -- but once the male is charged up with electromagnetic energy there is no orgasm. It depends -- if they are a perv intentionally trying to suck me off so they can ejaculate then the male will need to run to the bathroom to jerk off. Yes it's happened! haha. Usually though the male will just feel energized. For the female though there is a continuous build-up of free energy -- climax after climax, each one more intense -- opening up the heart chakra more and more. Since I don't have a "tantric" partner there is a limit to this in public but the O at a Ds are cumulative -- so that after time there is an immediate heart connection when the energy exchange occurs. This is a real love experience with the following "broken heart" experience when separation occurs. It can happen through walls, ceilings, or long distance visual contact. I've even had PRECOGNITIVE O at a Ds! First in my dream and then a few days later in real life -- it was this girl in an imported food store. I was in there to buy garlic and parsley and she came in with her mom and as soon as she sensed the electromagnetic energy she started dancing around in front of me. I wasn't in full-lotus so there probably wasn't a psychic mutual climax but there might have been since I've had them just through reverse-breathing. But again this is limited in public. In other words even the overexcitement of love is still just an emotion with its ups and downs -- until finally the heart energy builds up in electromagnetic force to open the pineal gland via the shen or light energy. The light shen energy is considered the "real Kundalini awakening" -- and the person goes into a fast for a week -- with no water even (I had half a glass) and the body converts to electromagnetic fields so that the hands and feet pulsate in their center energy points. The top of the skull gets soft like a baby -- the fissure opening up -- water is produced from the atmosphere so that the brain produces water through electromagnetic reversal of hydrogen and oxygen. The voice is the expression of the generative force female electrochemical jing energy. Normally I don't have a deep voice -- physically I'm something of a runt. 5 11 in height but I had 24 rabie vaccine shots in my stomach when I was 2 years old and so my development was stunted just a bit. Also I was vegetarian -- eating tons of tofu -- for 10 years or so before the qigong training. But when I take in the female electrochemical energy -- after a good O at a D session, then my voice is really deep. This is because the female releases testosterone at climax and this is sucked up from the full-lotus. It's transduced by the vagus nerve going up to the brain, making the voice deep. Also phone healings are really effective because you are working through the voice -- energy exchange over the internet is not as easy but I have had several O at a Ds with females on the internet. This is because the electrochemical energy of the female is imprinted and can be picked up via the pineal gland and then I can convert that female energy back into MORE electromagnetic energy which I then transmit back to the female. You might want to try eating meat to increase your sex energy. After I take in lots of female electrochemical sex energy as jing I have to convert it to electromagnetic chi or else at night it will deconvert to be lost as physical fluid. Also after I collect female electrochemical energy (the Bushmen called it the N/um) then I almost always undergo what I call PERV ATTACK -- seedy males looking to ejaculate will STALK ME! For example when you see males crossing their legs and pumping hard it's an attempt to suck off female electrochemical energy but to use it for their own ejaculation -- they don't know how to sublimate and ionize the energy to create pineal gland electromagnetic light energy for healing. I once had a female blatantly stare at me from less than 10 feet away while she crossed and pumped her legs frantically in an attempt to suck me off. I was not in full-lotus -- if I had been we would of had a psychic mutual climax. Her daughter was with her and was embarrassed for her mom! But the mom was "white trash" meaning that she, herself, was constantly surrounded by male pervs constantly sucking her off -- so she in turn has to resort to sucking males off. haha. I've had this from other females at work -- pumping while staring into my eyes. Staring at my penis. haha. Making crazy sex sounds or just running up to me to get close for quicker transmission. Young girls have "attacked" me in public -- that's why I had to start sitting in full-lotus in public as pre-emptive defense against being sucked off. That's why the O at a D is so rare and the more powerful qigong masters work with LIGHT SHEN healing. Chi is made up of the three -- electrochemical jing and electromagnetic chi and light shen. Light is holographic laser energy. You might want to get a phone healing from Chunyi Lin or Jim Nance http://springforestqigong.com and then you'll experience the laser-love initiation directly.

I'll just post this as my response since I touch on the full-lotus in here quite a bit -- but the Master Nan, Huai-chin reference is key -- real meditation doesn't start till AFTER the body is filled with electromagnetic fields and nirvikalpa samadhi is achieved called the "Emptiness" is Taoism. Master Wang, Liping states that very few studetnts actually open up the small universe! That's what he means -- Master Nan says the same thing that right beforehand the spiritual powers are used and the modern practicioner falls back into mundane reality - into worldliness. So the spiritual and the material really can't mix as Master Nan states. It's VERY RARE to find an energy master that can give real transmission and such a master will be able to sit in full-lotus for as long as they want -- Chunyi Lin says this is the easiest way to see if someone is a master -- and as I write below it's based on complementary opposites harmonics (be it Tai Chi, Small Universe or Full-lotus). Based on complementary opposite harmonics the full-lotus is the Tetrahedron which is the simplest 3 dimensional form resonance of the 2-3-4 (Yang-yin-emptiness) harmonics. I rely on the full-lotus not only to heal myself but to heal others -- and in fact in the "macrocosmic orbit" reality is merged outside of the body so indeed the energy affects each other through walls, ceilings, long-distance. The consciousness or "empty awareness" is always-already the "eternal nature" referred to in Taoist Yoga: Alchemy and Immortality trans. by Charles Luk. I highly recommend that book. Australia! I just read Sean Condon's amazing travel book on Australia -- thanks for reminding me of his book since I want to read his other books! haha. I rely on the public libraries, public food assistance, dumpster-diving, biking, and public park bathroom facilities, while working part-time at an environmental nonprofit lobbying political office and living in my sister's basement for below-market price. haha. So I'm a true Taobum! But I rely on http://springforestqigong.com for my spiritual assistance -- Chunyi Lin spent a month in a cave in full-lotus padmasana with no food, no water and NO SLEEP! He now heals patients referred to him by the Mayo Clinic here in Minnesota -- considered the top hospital in the world. He does phone healings as well. So Chunyi Lin is an amazing qigong master and his assistant Jim Nance is the first African-American qigong master, formerly a black belt in karate and he's traveled the world studying shamanism and then practiced zen before meeting Chunyi Lin. He's the real Morpheus! haha. I started posting online at http://gnn.tv where I posted my http://nonduality.com/hempel.htm -- expose on the Actual Matrix Plan. Then I discovered that Daniel Pinchbeck had a website http://breakingopenthehead.com so I tested psychotropics with my qigong training -- that was INTENSE. haha. That site is pretty inactive but Daniel is now at http://realitysandwich.com where I post. I also moved into the conspiracy websites -- and I post at a UK forum http://conspiracycentral.net. I've been banned from close to 10 websites (but first my email activist daily update list was wiped out by my University's administration because of my activism! That was 10 years ago though! haha) -- banned from all the science blogs by fellow Minnesotan -- biology professor PZ Myers -- he posts on SEED, the website for science blogs. Banned from http://unexplained-mysteries.com for bringing up the "tantric" aspects of paranormal. haha. I do have several articles published at http://mind-energy.net (for free) about "psychic music" -- one called "Against Archytas" and my masters thesis from 2001 is linked plus with another interview in spanish at http://mondopsicotronico.net and I have an article at http://viewzone.com called "The BioMusic Conspiracy" which has a nice aboriginal graphic posted by the webmaster Dan Eden. I just got banned from http://ufomystic.com -- well not really but Greg Bishop posted on my blog http://naturalresonancerevolution.blogspot.com as a joke since he already told me to stop posting comments longer than his blog posts! haha. http://rigint.blogspot.com Jeff Wells is an awesome Canadian author published by http://trineday.com -- I highly recommend his book Rigorous Intuition. All the authors from Kris Millegan's conspiracy bookhouse out of Oregon are excellent -- Daniel Hopsicker, Peter Levenda, etc. One of the Danel Pinchbeck posters moved my "psychic music" discussion over to http://webofmimicry.com which is an alternative music band promoter/recording website getting a lot of European readers. I've posted there alot and had quite a bit of critical analysis of my work. Math Professor Joe Mazur encouraged me to further my research on Archytas and recommended I submit my work to a top math journal! haha. I was first published though by infamous Reptilian Exposer David Icke and readers at his site have continued to post my writing -- after that it's all "up hill!" haha. My old "blogbook" http://mothershiplanding.blogspot.com is archived at David Icke's forum -- half of it -- the second half is from my old http://gnn.tv blog. I just started posting at the "top" conspiracy website http://abovetopsecret.com which has had new threads on psychic music and paranormal healing -- plus they have some great videos on the CIA and the Mafia. http://paranoiamagazine.com almost published an article by me -- http://conspiracyjournal.com has a new book publishing company and email list that I receive and I just listened to http://theparacast.com interview with Curt Sutherly. I'm currently reading several books from titles I gleaned from those videos! http://dailygrail.com from Australia is a must-read -- Greg Taylor has his own online publishing company and has followed the Dan Brown success. http://anomalist.com is where Patrick Hughye the science anomaly writer has worked with Loren Coleman the cryptid author -- they've linked my research as well. Another book publishing website combo plus there's a video site. http://disinfo.com is another awesome book publishing website combo. I've been listening to http://coasttocoastam.com almost nightly as well -- and I've sent them my research a bit since both George Noory and Ian Punnett have close ties to Minnesota. Another fascinating Minnesota writer and healer is http://transcendentdreaming.com Various forums have discussed my research online and sometimes I'll post a response with a follow-up dialog, etc. http://brainsturbator.com is one site like that which is quite interesting. http://martialdevelopment.com just did an interview with me but I was extra weird so that probably won't get published! haha. I've submitted to several publishers over the years and have had some interest but mostly I would need to do all the work ahead of time -- write the book first. I might do that but I like the flow of dialog better -- like Socrates! http://tribe.net had some discussion on tantra and 2012 that got pretty heavy! haha. My take on 2012 is that it's from the Tetrad of Pythagoras which means the "space" between the numbers are not even -- 1 + 1 does equal 2. This is from noncommutative geometry of Alain Connes who states that music is the best model to understand quantum chaos and that the future will be increasingly schizoid since it's like playing a whole orchestra at the same time in your brain. I've done that -- Orchestratal Training -- where you sit at the piano and "translate" -- read a line of music but play music that is several notes higher or lower -- and translate a dozen lines of music at the same time. I did that in high school! It's a real brain twister! haha. So when we go deep into music "time" no longer exists and being awake becomes a "dream" again -- it's the song lines of the aborigines. The OHM of the Digeradoo is the heart chakra -- it's the sound equivalent of the Tai-Chi Rainbowsnake symbol -- the complementary opposites of reality -- time is asymmetric as a spiral -- the future is predicted in the present -- there are different layers of time that are coterminous and which bend space. Nature is in control and no "one" is listening -- but the method of this madness -- the panic of Pan's Pipes -- is the "small universe" chakras along the outside of the body. I recommend the Level 1 Sitting Meditation c.d. from http://springforestqigong.com since it's only $11 or so and has the small universe training but there's also a "small universe" c.d. and the book "Taoist Yoga: Alchemy and Immortality" trans. by Charles Luk is focused solely on the small universe training with great detailed and advanced knowledge. Also the book "Nothing Ever Happens" -- the biography of H.W.L. Poonja by David Godman is an excellent 3 volume description of the skills and experiences of the highest level of spiritual energy master. Papaji or Poonjaji was the top student of Ramana Maharshi in the Dravidian culture of Southern India. Here's my latest rant reply to Jeff Well's new blogspot: Jeff -- Glad to HEAR your new blog emphasizes "psychic music" again. The "Old Ones" refers to constipation in my opinion. Newton discovered gravity while a huge pile of shit accumulated in the basement of his house and it was believed at the time that the fumes of shit were protection against the plague. Similar to hydrogen sulfide from garlic I guess. The whole paranormal physics scene with it's "quantum noise" is good for a mind fuck but doesn't open up Bataille's Solar Ass-Eye of the Brain, a la Michael Taussig's brilliant analysis. Luckily shit is now being turned into electricity via bacteria that ionize the protons and electrons. The secret to sound is that when the brain goes into alpha waves ultrasound is produced as well -- the bone resonance for piezoelectricity. The biophysics book "Magic of the Senses" details how humans can hear ultrasound -- but only WITHIN their brain (hence the subjective trickster nature of psychic music and paranormal politics). It's the same tone as the highest pitch you can hear externally only focused internally. The MALE PGYMY CHIMP, rhythmically rattling percussive sticks as its most common show of aggression for the peaceful, matrifocal primates, hardly ever ejaculates yet has sex all the time -- just "pulling it out" before "losing the load." Professor Sapolsky documents that the stress sympathetic nervous system is activated right at ejaculation but up till then the relaxation vagus nerve is activated. The female climax is through the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve when IONIZED BY ULTRASOUND transduces serotonin and anaerobic (shit) from the lower body into the brain. Sapolsky's mentor, Kummer's book "The Tangled Wing" details how ionization enables bypassing the blood-brain barrier. The bacteria is ionized and the hormone via ionization from ultrasound turns into neurotransmitter and via melatonin turns into DMT. Light is then created via the pineal gland that then bends spacetime as a laser for holographic healing energy. This is regulated by the female lunar cycle with the electromagnetic energy 10 times stronger during the full moon. Sound activates the electrochemical lunar energy stored in the lower body which again is ionized by the ultrasound but the frequency resonance whereby amplitude of the body is increased as higher harmonic overtones are listened to is the paradox of quantum chaos (noise). Aka the time-frequency uncertainty principle. The trickster of time.

Yeah on the third night I had this extremely vivid dream of this huge feast of Chinese food. My parents were serving it to me and my friends and I was completely lavishing the vast array of delicacies. But amazingly I refused to eat any of the food and just kept giving it to my friends. In my dream state I could resist the food but after work on my 3rd day -- the 3rd night, when I needed to bike 5 miles home after work -- I had not been able to do full-lotus very long to charge up. I could have done it but there was no discreet place to sit and it went so much against the grain. I was getting dizzy so I feasted for free -- dumpster-dived. Then I ate a ton of garlic. haha. I'm a total wild man right now about food.

Let's repeat yesterday's experience. I'm innocently reading at a picnic table on a hill in a park. I see a young couple walking towards me from the bottom of the hill. They have a blanket but I think maybe they want to use the picnic table (the only one in the park) so I grab my stuff, walk with my back to them, and sit down at about 20 meters away. When I look up from my book, now reading on the ground, the female has chosen to sit on the ground directly in line with my eyesight. The electromagnetic energy from my pineal gland begins shooting into her but since I'm not in full-lotus it's not that intense. I keep reading but the mutual attraction keeps building and now she has her legs up with her backside directly centered in line with my eyes. So after a while of reading I go into full-lotus and the energy level I shoot into her intensifies, as I keep reading. There's the O at a D -- the psychic mutual climax. Along with that there's the transduction of serotonin and anaerobic bacteria (shit) into my brain from my lower body. As the energy is building to the second O at a D I'm thinking that not only is she being ballsy positioning herself so blatantly at me right in front of her boyfriend, but now they can smell my shit. I keep reading but when I look up next she has repositioned herself so she's spread eagle on her stomach with, again, her nether-region directly in line with my third eye energy. I haven't moved but since the energy has intensified after the O at a D the next psychic mutual climax is stronger. So I think well if that's what she wants and I focus the energy into her for maybe 30 seconds and then the second climax happens. Soon after this she moves so that she is no longer in view with me and her boyfriend definitely seems to have noticed the energy. Meanwhile I smell like shit but I've released a lot of stress, my brain is more magnetized and the book I'm reading is excellent -- on I.G. Farben -- the 4th largest corporation in the world, as a crucial part of the Nazis. It's a smooth, fast read, unlike the Henry Morgan biography I just finished. Very excellent read but the writing style was SLOW. The book took almost a week to finish. So now I move farther back so that they don't have to deal with my shit smell. It depends on the wind of course but the smell carries pretty far and I don't have any garlic on me. The O at a D electromagnetic energy though is NOT constricted by the wind -- I tested this very directly earlier this summer. Once again the female is in view but this time I'm twice as far away and I'm reading with the book in front of my face so I'm not staring. The O at a D energy goes through books, walls, ceilings but it's best focused directly. So that if a female is on the floor above or in the room next door the O at a D happens more easily if the female is directly in line or close to it -- the energy is omnidirectional. So if a female sits behind me when I'm in a booth and she's in a booth and we're back to back then the O at a D happens from the pineal gland out the back of my head. Anyway I'm reading away as the third O at a D is building up quickly. The third O at a D is the "real" one -- the first two are build-ups. I'm talking from the female internal climax vagus nerve perspective. The third O at a D is like the male's first climax. I'm not thinking about this though -- I'm enjoying my book but the energy is intensifying as I'm in full-lotus. My skull is cracking as the blockages clear out. BTW my coworker asked me how I can read so much -- and that's how -- the O at a D's clear out any stress from the information clogging my brain. Being "possessed" by information means that there's an emotional imbalance -- that you are processing and transforming the information you've taken in. My coworker asked: "All this reading, doesn't it change you?" Yes, of course. I glance over my book and I notice that the male has now lined up so that his nether region is right behind the females and now I'm shooting energy into him just as much as the female. I have a quick thought -- oh now he's going to get charged up and he'll want to have sex. How do I know this? Because that's the typical modern male reaction after I charge them up -- ejaculation. And since the female has been forward with me, all the more with him. But I quickly dismiss the thought -- we're in a park in public. It would be absurd. I continue reading and get lost in my book. I couple minutes later I glance up and to my shock the male is now on top of the female thrusting up and down! I quickly and immediately look back into my book. They're having sex right in front of me, knowing full well that I'm in direct line of view with them. There's another guy sitting on a bench to my right about 15 feet from me but he's facing the other direction and doesn't see what's happening. So the three of us all have a mutual climax. Strange but true. Then next when I look up after a couple minutes they're now playing frisbee! haha. Frolicking in post-coital bliss. The female has her backside to me so once again the energy is shooting into her. I'm thinking that guy only lasted one time but I'm ready to keep going. Right as the 4th O at a D happens they decide to leave and the female stands now facing me, now looking at me and me at her while she waits for her boyfriend. The 4th O at a D is what I've called the "come down" O at a D because it's again not a full climax, like a typical male climax, but it also doesn't have to be a build up to the 2nd full climax spike. Which would be 6 mutual climaxes for you math geeks out there -- but who's counting? My last ex-girlfriend told me she once had 50 climaxes in a row. Then I learned this is also a fad on Howard Stern. It's not the same as shooting electromagnetic energy into a person but it's related since it's based on the female internal climax. Anyway I'm pondering what I just saw -- public sex. I didn't want to see the guy but the female had her skirt up. It was provocative to say the least. Obviously the couple didn't have a problem with me being in their space. In fact quite the opposite -- the female knew exactly what I was contributing to the scenario and she worked it. She looked at me and I at her and we knew. That's just how it is. Meanwhile I had some wetness -- after the third O at a D there is some loss of the clear fluid. I kept reading but then soon after cleaned out my mouth with soap and went to buy garlic and then some shoes. When I got to work, as usual, even though I wasn't in full-lotus my brain now magnetized from the O at a Ds, the electromagnetic energy was sucked out of my pineal gland into my coworkers. I kept eating garlic as the pineal gland also pulled up the electrochemical energy in my lower body -- the serotonin bliss and the shit smell -- via the vagus nerve on the right side of the neck. Finally I went down stairs where I'm directly below my coworkers. I went into full-lotus and then had another couple O at a Ds with the females above me. Then I took another crap. I ate more garlic. My body was clearing out. I had cleared out my body that morning -- with first some coffee and then half a bunch of kale and a bunch of beet greens. Pulverized in a Vitamix blender. The cellulose fiber clears you out quickly. But then after biking a few miles towards work I had dumpster-dived food and ended up with donuts and egg sandwiches with some ham. Energy but dirty energy to be sure. I had only half a bulb of garlic for that food and so brought three bulbs of garlic to work. The magnetic bliss in my brain was overwhelmingly strong last night. I kept going to the bathroom, clearing out the waste, eating more garlic, drinking water, and the electromagnetic energy kept being pulled into my coworkers. But the electromagnetic intensity was way stronger than usual. Something was different so I finally realized that it must be the full moon. A coworker said bye to me. He was clocking out. I asked him if he knew when the full moon was. He thought I was crazy but he didn't say so - just responded no. I asked him how was Honduras. He said to read: http://counterpunch.com where he has a new article on Honduras. Joe. He's a "real" activist -- one of the only ones at work. Meaning he is educated enough to apply his critical thinking for problem solving in politics. That's real activism. So he was helping out http://democracynow.org with spanish translations and he's been volunteering in Honduras. We talked about paranoia. He said he's being getting weird emails that he thinks are from the CIA. He said his activist friend in Honduras was interrogated by the FBI in the airport! I asked him if he gets paid for his writing. He said no. I said I have lots of articles online but I've never been paid. I said I was paid when I worked for the U of MN Daily but I outed a Nazi and then was threatened and censored. He said he remembers me telling him that (I'm pretty sure Joe is Jewish but I only remembered that after I mentioned the Nazi deal). I said it's good to be paranoid. I said that the Argentinians trained the Hondurans and the Nazis trained the Argentinians. He said the Hondurans were trained at the School of the Americas (the military massacre school in the U.S. for Latino juntas). I said yeah CIA, Nazis -- they're the same. He agreed. I said the FBI messed with me as well and that they use sex blackmail. I'm eating garlic while we're talking but still the shit smell escapes a bit and anyway Joe is leaving; so he does. My other coworker had asked me if I knew about "African Fractals" and how it's a circle within a circle within a circle or a square within a square within a square. He's African-American. So I point out that fractals are Western science. I ask him do they use the irrational number? He says yeah - it's a white guy teaching this. Then when I resubmit my "Against Archytas" paper -- Walter said he'd get back to me. haha. Anyway it ends with me stating how I revealed the secret of why 2/3 was sacred in Egypt. So that was a strange synchronicity and I point that out to my coworker. His reaction: Shit! I pop some garlic in my mouth. haha. He's playing African-American qigong master Jim Nance's music -- his "world blues" c.d. that I bought from him. I used to play "world blues" with this street musician flutist who got disability money (free food and rent) because he had lead poisoning growing up in New Bedford Massachusetts. He's African -- we'll Cape Verdean -- Portugese actually. And then he moved back to Boston a long time ago but our music got reviewed in Germany! Free jazz improv. Then I tell my African-American coworker that it was just discovered that white people are only 5,300 years old! That being white is a genetic mutation from farming and before that Northern Europeans were dark-skinned. I say there was a recent Nat. Geo. show with a black dude and he was told his DNA said he's from Europe. The black dude was shocked -- so was my coworker! I said "remember when you said white people came from the Ice Ages?" I said actually being white is only 5,300 years old and before that we ate fish -- it's because farming causes a Vitamin D deficiency. A real shocker for an Afrocentric activist. His response: So you're my brother more than ever! haha. Anyway I finally check the calendar -- amazingly I'm right. 3 nights before the full moon. The energy in my brain keeps getting more and more magnetized that I can barely have any left-brain focus. I talk about how language and writing actually go against shamanism. My friend says but isn't writing magic? I say well it is but in the opposite sense -- to be used for mass ritual sacrifice along with technology. I tell him that indeed it is 3 nights before the full moon and Chunyi Lin said the energy is 10 times stronger before the full moon. I say see -- "ask Joe" -- I asked him if it was the full moon because the energy was so strong in my brain. My coworker asks is that the "Goddess Cult"? -- I laugh yeah it's a cult -- and then say actually there's no turning back. Then I mention how when Jim Nance was driving across the U.S. he had this goddess vision and then when he went to Egypt the same goddess almost killed him in a temple. My coworker, the African-American, he's a manager. He's at the computer and he states: "Joe didn't check out!" I say -- "See I was talking to Joe right when he was clocking out at the computer. I distracted him." And so there it was proof, or at least circumstantial evidence, that I had asked Joe about the full moon before I knew -- because the electromagnetic pressure was so overwhelming. On the way home I end up dumpster-diving again -- at this point I've cleared out all the waste from my body and I've ate 3 BULBS of garlic. I'm hungry from biking 5 miles in the cool weather. Soon we'll get freezing weather overnight. I've biked all winter in subzero snow for the past 7 years or so. Anyway I hit the "jackpot" meaning that there's a certain type of disposal at a certain chain of stores where they throw out perfectly good sandwiches -- double-deck three meat sandwiches, etc. It's the mother-load. I just quickly put some crammed in my jeans as time is of the essence. The cops have chased me from this dumpster and there's a lot of crack dealers across the street. I've gone professional in the past month or so and it's time to ween myself. Security cameras have appeared in front of dumpsters that previously had been my daily cache. Besides smelling like shit all the time is not too conducive for civilization. Speaking of which as I biked home a month ago I heard "pop pop pop!" I thought it was fire crackers. Then I saw, half a block away, a young black male with a gun held up, aimed, and three other young black males running away. I was on my bike and got turned around, slowly and awkardly, meanwhile the man with the gun could easily see me as I could him. I wasn't able to check if he had seen me but I could have been shot as I biked away. As I'm half a block away suddenly I realized that I had a dream EXACTLY THE SAME as what had just happened. There's a marshy area right next to the sidewalk I had turned on and so the marsh separated me from the man with the gun. It was a memorable dream and after I had it -- a traumatic dream being shot at -- I asked myself why did I have that dream. The dream was a few years ago! I've had many precognitive dreams and one I wrote down in detail. It came true three years later. The question is that in deep meditation if we can tap into our own future so that when it happens the emotional intensity is not so traumatic -- if we can be prophets -- then who are we exactly? What is free will? Why is the Moon Energy so strong? Yet when strong enough it bends spacetime! It's automatic now. I turned it off a bit with meat sandwiches. Food shuts down the third eye but makes me smell like shit. The food then turns into electromagnetic energy and returns to the Moon. So the solar energy is electromagnetic while the lunar is electrochemical yet when the moon is full the electromagnetic solar energy feeds the moon "spirit" and spacetime is bent. The moon is the reflection of the female formless awareness. The Goddess Cult -- the Mendacity of the Moon. Nature is in control.

Ah, such friendly posts. I thought I may be stepping on some toes here, but I'm glad to see how accepting these reactions are. I do have to agree with Nanashi, sadly enough. Though it seems to make a lot of sense and really appeal to me, I believe it's more a dream than a reality that may one day come true... XP River Gazer, I get the feeling we may have a lot in common.

use dream yoga to change past

Kunlun people are now being forbidden and threatened from inquiring about the SSTT side of Max's training/lineage, or having any contact with people able to confirm or deny his claims. A truly enlightened master would have no fear of sister lineages sharing support, information and working together. They would not need to manipulate, blackmail, attack, or make threats in order to isolate their students (or followers) from those outside the "flock". Their practice should stand for itself without fear or any of these types of manipulations. The foundation of what they teach and where they come from should be verifiable without any inflation, ego, tension or fear. It is never a healthy relationship when you must hand over your power to a mentor, follow his every word without question, cut yourself off from your support network or those outside your practice, force yourself to feel indebted to him and at the same time unworthy because you can't make yourself become invisible or see him as a glowing dragon and most of all, to completely hand over your filter to reason, question and make sure your experiences match up correctly with what's being taught. Your teacher should not make you feel vulnerable, scared, disproportionately indebted, unworthy because you have virtually nothing to show for the hard work at your practice, isolated, abused, at risk from the psychic part of the training or from your teacher, and unable to protect yourself. This is not empowering, no matter how many new age words are used at the time it's being taught. This is not healthy. This is not enlightened behavior. It's not even basic decent behavior. What it is, is a form of abuse. In fact, these behaviors are listed in "cult watch" lists all over the internet. I want to encourage anyone finding themselves in this position to trust how you feel and take steps to find support for yourself. Don't ever let any other person--master, human, dragon, alien or otherwise EVER remove your filter to judge things for yourself or to take away your power. Empowerment means you feel stronger, better, more skilled, and your life is like flying colors of success, happiness and well being (WITHOUT needing to trick yourself into seeing it that way!). Only YOU can earn that for yourself, it can never be given by any other, no matter the promise or the price. A teacher can only give you tools and point you towards doors, but if those doors don't work, or they are laced with booby traps, that doesn't mean your dream is dashed or you have to now flail in pain in the dark, or that you're just not good enough to get it right. It means this wasn't the right door for you. Trust in yourself. If it feels right, if your life is thriving, if you can see and experience direct, tangible, real results, then it's working. If it's a landscape of fear, intimidation, an ongoing sense of failure, anxiety, pain or unrest, you're not looking in the right place for your particular path. The "way" isn't about tricking yourself into thinking so positively that no matter what's really in front of you and how terrible it is, you can remain in bliss. It's about finding tools that make your REAL LIFE catch up with the mental projection you are deliberately trying to create. Sometimes our path towards enlightenment and mastery includes a few detours. Sometimes it includes learning to not put your teacher on a pedestal (like a demi-god), and usually it ends with each of us finding that the master was inside us all along...we just had to learn to listen to and trust the guidance trying to get our attention from within.