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6 hours is fine but if I dream I can sleep past 12 hours.. lol

How would you know if dreaming makes you personally require more sleep? You dream every night regardless of whether or not you remember it

Weird. This thread made me dream of a lion too. It was a pet lion, but it was playing with several dogs, trapping them like they were mice. Later there was a huge feud, one lion against about 7 housepets.

The last thing anyone needs is a dull regurgitations of facts like that. Yes, yes, of course you knew. That's irrelevant though and is not what I was hinting at. What do you admire about bears? Why are they your favorite? Why were you surprised and why did you think it was important to remember the feeling of surprise and to then type about it here? Obviously it's important because if it wasn't you'd either forget or not bother to mention it. I'm talking about "but". "But they were really brutal..." hmm.... But.... ?? Dig there. What do you expect from a bear dream? What does bear stand for, in your own mind? Don't give me any cheap answers please because this is not like a quiz. It's for you to find out; your own secret.

I was thinking this same thing today, hehe. I guess I agree. There isn't much to say about the subject. Though I did enjoy your post Dream on

I like this technique. Many of the best techniques are very simple and do not depend on strenuous effort or concentration of any kind. What's there to say that hasn't been said yet? A common error about mind is to assume that mind is only that which is flighty and very changeable. Mind can also be very stable and harder to change than moving a mountain. People take their experiences and draw a line through them. On one side of the line they group all the flighty and non-obviously-public phenomena, on the other side the put all the phenomena that are effortless and spontaneous and that have a good degree of durability. They call one side of this "mind" and the other side of this "physical". I believe that in reality it's all mind. Mind is a smooth range that covers the entire phenomenal spectrum and not just a section of that spectrum that seems/feels close to our head or whatnot. Then if you understand mind in this way, it becomes obvious how you can develop a new way of being in the world. The world no longer has to be something you merely follow. You can create upon it now. You now have more options. People observe some constraints in daily life. For example, if you release a cup from your hand, it falls downward and not up. That's an example of a constraint. When you begin to understand that life is a dream, what changes is how you think about these constraints. In the first case you think they are solid, unchangeable, built-in, pre-existing, absolute, self-existing, independent of you, permanent, etc. In the second case you see constraints as something that is optional (but may have a lot of inertia to overcome), that is dependent (on you), that is temporary, that is instantiated anew every second, and so forth. This changes your relationship to the perceived constraints. You no longer feel victimized by constraints, and you feel that constraints are more like paints that you can paints with, or if you like, you can just observe what is already painted without actively repainting what you see, you have options. To make this powerful, you should keep it honest. If something has inertia, admit it, don't lie to yourself. Some people think that if everything is mind, everything is flighty, and that's not true, or at least, not always true, or often false, etc. Honesty will give you real power because you'll neither overestimate constraints nor underestimate them and your creativity and authority with regard to them will be genuine and effective.

Last year I taught middle school Latin, so I hear these types of arguments all the time from both students and parents. "It is a waste of time," "it is not useful for anything," "it has no practical application," "why don't you teach them Spanish instead?" I have heard it all. And in truth there are some practical benefits for learning Latin, such as an increased English vocabulary, ease learning any later romance language, etc. But in the end, the real reason behind teaching it goes beyond all of that and into the ineffable. As with any part of a liberal arts education, it is just good to be a well rounded person who has been educated in a wide variety of topics and who understands his cultural roots. On the same token, spiritual pursuits may have some minor practical benefits (clarity of mind, increased memory, equanimity, better health, dream control, etc.), but the real reason is much more difficult to pin down. No matter how much science or math you study, there is still always going to be more. No matter how much TV you watch or alcohol you drink, you will still crave for more (some times even when you are still watching one show or currently drunk). Even the study of philosophy and the faith in religion does necessarily quench this feeling that things are not quiet right, that you are not quiet right. You may drink and screw and read and try your damnedest to try to hide from it, but in the end it is still there. Boredom. Disquiet. Suffering. The unsatisfactory quality of our lives. All of those practical peaces of advice that you offered are just distractions from this fact of life. There are people, but from antiquity and modernity, from the East and the West, who claim that meditation, that understanding the inner process of the mind and the body's energy, can lead to a different mode of operating in the world. To a free, liberated state of existence. A state of effortless effort, where one is able to perceive and operate in the universe in a radically different way. If this was true, would it not be worth the investment of some of our free time? Even if it might not be true, does that mean we should not try? If you do not experiment to learn the truth for yourself, then you are not a scientist or a rationalist. You are just an evangelical missionary in the Church of Materialism. Have fun preaching your blind faith.

Well the last dream that happend where I actually got owned I was free and getting away but turned around and my best friend was there. We were in trees I was climbing away and he was sitting in one crying <.<.. The thing that was in the trees got sight of him and I noticed.. I was paralyzed with fear but knew what I had to do and felt the energy circulating.. So I went in between the both and then got Finished off lol.. I guessed I had to know myself that I could do that.. Im not sure though.

I believe that these energies reveal what we need to be dealing with in our lives. If we don't face a certain aspect of ourselves, then that energy will manifest in our dreams and cause all sorts of symbolism to occur...the deep mind trying to unravel the lessons. But if you feel terror after a dream, then contemplate that feeling all day. It may show you what part you are hiding away. Or maybe I'm wrong.

The 'dream world' is just as real as this one. Stillness will help anyone see this, and their true nature.

No joke...last night I had a dream that I became a lion. I can't remember the details, though.

I have both Lucidology 101 and 102. I almost had success once at it as far as the trance state and heavy vibrating. I literally felt like one big giant guitar string that someone plucked very hard. When they talk about vibrations it's a real, physical thing that's felt. Not something that's just a mind game only. Every other time I fail at it because "the itchies" (aka cobwebs) sensation gets very bad. Actually I have a similar problem during meditation but don't worry about it there as much since you aren't told to not scratch if you itch during meditation. I quit after a while because I started getting into KAP and it just seemed like I already have so much on my plate with KAP I didn't want to divide my time on two different things. I posted a while back on the Lucidology boards. There was an argument as to whether sleep paralysis is necessary to have a lucid dream or OBE. Once I have a final routine to do everyday with KAP and have spent enough time with it (probably at least 6 months to a year minimum) then I'd like to see about practicing the Lucidology techniques again.

Does anyone have any thoughts on the idea of life itself being a lucid dream?

No shit? I think this is hilarious! I fucked countless women upon women in my dreams. I've never had any police. I go anywhere and the first woman that shows up is beautiful and I fuck her immediately, even in the bus or anywhere whatsoever. There may be others there or no others it doesn't matter one bit. What's interesting is that in my dreams if I want to fuck someone, they automagically want to fuck me too, so it's magically always mutual. Almost always. I think there has been one exception. I haven't dreamt of police at all. Now that you mention it though, I wouldn't be surprised if I started dreaming of some police too. I wonder how I shall cook them in my dreams? Shall I boil them? Shall I ice them? Shall I transport them into space? Embed them into my body? Embed myself into their bodies? The possibilities are endless. Good old flying away works too. I could also become a ghost/invisible, whatever. If you can imagine it, I can do it in a lucid dream.

For lucid dreaming a few things that work : Certainty - Being sure you will before you sleep. Another is imagining your in a dream already but full on and your trying to wake up (sleep).

There's a website called ld4all and on their forum a topic of "police in lucid dreams" came up. A large number of dreamers on that board had encountered "police" in their lucid dreams. Like they would become lucid, and say, go around and have sex with people they met in their dreams. Sometimes these people would resist and the dreamer would say, "well you're part of my dream I can do what I want with you." And when they did that police came and "arrested" them. They were told they can't just go around doing stuff like that. When they tried to lucidly get away (by flying, teleportation, etc) they couldn't. Others could get away, others were told by other figures in their dreams. But generally speaking, almost everyone in the thread had run into some type of conflict with the rules because of what they were doing. Maybe it's just their own mind saying you shouldn't do it. Maybe it's spirits trying to tell you something. Maybe it's your own admission of karma. I dunno. The point I guess is that, on some level, even if it's just us doing it, we are all held responsible for stuff eventually.

Wow. A very naive attitude. If I were an astral entity, I would be smacking my lips at a naive waif such as you are presenting yourself...Entities can take on whatever form they like in order to gain access to what...? Your energies, your essence, most easily accessible through the sexual force. They can seduce you so you won't even know it. Jeez, Serene your trusting these entities?? I have heard advanced teachers even warning not to trust visions of Christ, Buddha, angels...they are almost certainly false entities. If they can, why wouldn't they take on a form to to seduce you...what could be better? They're not stupid, they feed on human energies, if they want something, they will take on a seductive form. (Didn't you see that Indiana Jones movie where the beautiful spectre turns into a hideous demon?) They like to attach themselves to human beings as parasites and possess them. What better way than as an appealing sex partner? It sounds like you are often too accommodating in your life, don't give away your spirit to some parasite who comes in a form to possess you! I advise caution...you don't yet understand what you're dealing with, so you are at their mercy...do some reading...like: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0892816120 Naive are the ones that can't see SHIT. Reading wont get you a "solution"....Only real training will. A lot of times in traditions the "visions" are shut off or repelled or ignored or the student is said not to pay attention to them..... Well then WHY THE FUCK SPEND TIME TO OPEN YOUR 3rd eye??? Funny how the Dalai Lama consults the Bonpo Oracle for his "Visions" ! Why is Shamanism Visions & Dream Yoga so important ? Entities are real. Not all are good Not all are bad Some are neutral. You have to learn to deal with what you see and FACE THE MUSIC. If you are seeing something one has to see why. Also one with the right training can know where its coming from. Yes Glenn Morris is very present to his students. There is a "Lineage"/"Ryu". Shakti is very real aswell. again you are only Naive when you can't see SHIT. Best wishes Santiago

this is probably an odd question. but it has been bothering me lately. actually on and off for over a decade since reading patanjali's yoga sutras. isn't every perceptual experience we have time-lagged away from the the present moment at least to some degree? every sensation, sound, feeling, thought, memory, dream, vision, 3rd eye light in the head, heart opening, kundalini stirring, or awareness itself has to take the time to fire neurons and travel our nervous system before it can processed into an experience and perceived, no? even if that time lag is best case scenario only .000000001 of a nanosecond so can the present truly be experienced in an absolute sense if it ceases to be the present by the time it becomes awareness? sure the present probably exists, and we can be doing things in it. but in the sense a unit of perception experienced via a human body, aren't we always looking into the past, whether its at a distant star that no longer exists, watching our breath, or psychically experiencing something that is ever so slightly offset due to the mechanism of our own neurology? you can be looking at a unit of perception in the present, but isn't the unit of perception to at least some degree offset from the actual present?

hello. this is my first post. i am going to be 63 and have been "searching" since i was two or three years old i swear when i "woke up" screaming in a closet because i realized i was trapped in a body again. so this understandably didn't get me off on the right foot in rural iowa society but i am still here farming and things have turned out well for me. but still i have experienced very weird stuff occasionally since then....i used to think i "leaked" or something. but whatever, i am a reasonably normal, but really private not noticed person, a long time married farmer with grown normal kids living around here too and nobody, but nobody but my wife knows about this spiritual obsession thing of mine....which she could care less about as long as it doesn't interfere with our casino jaunts a couple times a month. so basically i have spent my entire life doing all the different religions and philosophy and literature and myth i could. that is what i really do. and "How i got here" is a long story. too long. last year i was reading elaine pagels book "The Gnostic Paul" which eventually led me to Stephen A. Hoellers book "Jung and the Lost Gospels" and his other Gnostic Christian books which led me to re-exploring some Jung again for the first time in probably 30 years and that led me to buy most of the wonderful, wonderful books by Jungians Marie-Louise Von Franz and Edward F. Edinger and "Inner Work" by Robert A. Johnson about Jungian dream work and doing Active Imagination. and just today UPS delivered the books "The I Ching" by Wilhelm/Baynes and "Understanding the I Ching" by Hellmut Wilhelm and Richard Wilhelm and "The Secret of the Golden Flower" by Richard Wilhelm. i would not have bought these translations but Richard Wilhelm somehow was a jungian before there were jungians! and i am back to Taoism again....actually my favorite. and I never bought the old Wilhelm books about Taoism because they were so old. so i have "I Ching" with Concordance by Rudolf Ritsema and Stephen Karcher.....and "The Complete I Ching" by Taoist Master Alfred Huang and also "The Numerology of the I Ching"....and i know a few more on my shelves too. I also have all the Taoist translations by Thomas Cleary and all the books by Eva Wong. i must have thousands of books about this "stuff" from Douglas Harding to Richard Rose to Mirdea Eliade and Authur Avalon and innumerable Buddhist and Hindu books especially advaita vedanta and tantric yoga and theosophy and lucid dreaming and the sufi books by Cleary also and Fred Allen Wolf and the zero point field, christian science, Homer and all of the Mesopotaian Texts and shamanism and hermeticism and especially the wonderful "Science of the soul research center" in New Delhi, India. and most of the books by the original christian church fathers plus eveything re-discovered after millennia in caves in the desert after world war two. gads. i must have spent a fortune in my life on this stuff i still have three full bookcases and cabinets full of books and i gave away two truck loads of superfucial books and i burned another truck load of really disappointing books. and i don't do anything with any of it but try and learn my lessons and practice alone. and here i am. i have only posted comments to one web site in my life and i have never joined any group online or in person except for MIU transcendal meditation back a lifetime ago for awhile. and here i am. heh. carlos castaneda. i forgot carlos. and in my community, i have absolutely nobody to visit with about any of this. indeed, the congregation of my local methodist church would shun me completely if they suspected what it is i do and of course, my fellow republicans would declare me not patriotic in the least. but actually i haven't voted for anyone since the first gulf war .... and i guess i quit going regularly to church decades ago too because i didn't want to harm anyones faith in my simple little farm community church. so hello. i don't even know what i am looking for here, but we will see. thank you.

See, I also think that's valid. It's true that one can cultivate meditation while doing anything. But, to experience certain metaphysical truths, I think it's important to do conscious stillness exercise, like on a cushion with back straight and legs folded. But, some people who live their day in a meditative state, experience the jhana absorptions and experience the metaphysical truths of multidimensional experiencing when they go to bed. This is what my own Rinpoche does as his sitting practice is mostly just the chanting with mudra, which is a meditative focus, but he doesn't actually do Samatha for Jhana I don't think at least? But, he does dream yoga and gets all the meditative experiences throughout the night.

Of course I was talking about Hinduism (sorry I was confused, I thought we were talking about other religions, not just different sects of Buddhism). Yea I've figured the same thing about Jesus (that he was a trained monk) I saw that somewhere but forgot. Anyways different subject of course. I know Buddhism is a lot fluffier than most religions..but really...I am not dissing the Buddha..only the religion that followed the teacher. I did see zeitgeist though..I don't remember much about it or Buddhism being connected to it. So your offering me a crutch for this broken leg..when really..I wake up to realize I only broke it in a dream? I don't wish to create suffering from a logical (or maybe illogical?) paradigm. Of course..meditation on the dharma..I know..it is indeed a meditative religion..one in which you literally self hypnotize yourself when your more auto-suggestible in trance or meditation.

SereneBlue -- when I lived with a bunch of young free-spirited females in a commune cooperative -- 35 people, clothing optional! -- I was initiated into some secrets. One female said that she would have orgasm after orgasm while reading in the college library -- just by crossing her legs and bouncing her leg. My girlfriend reported to me that she knew a female who got orgasms from eating fresh fruit. Another girlfriend told me she once had 50 climaxes in a row from masturbation. So I pondered this in terms of alchemy -- was she really building up her energy or....? Sugar causes a dopamine spike so there is a connection but I learned from my own qigong experience that when I stored up my own sex energy females were hitting on me really strongly -- females were SUCKING OFF my sex energy. In other words when females cross the legs and bounce them and have climaxes it's because there are males in the room! This is not confined to females though -- I call it the "bouncing leg epidemic" because males who are fixated on climaxes -- whenever they feel desire which they also feel addicted to and thereby should receive their rightly reward! -- these males will bounce their legs frantically. It's increasingly common in our "sex sells" society. This, again, is based on sucking up and sucking off the stored up sex energy -- be it in females or in males! haha. But here's the deal -- the amazing secret of Taoism -- the sex energy -- the jing -- which is blissful heat -- actually comes from the chi or electromagnetic energy manifested in the 3rd Eye. So a person's essence is where their electromagnetic "center of gravity" is in their body. Since most people are not aware of the electromagnetic source for desire they don't know how to convert the jing into chi and therefore don't know how to increase the brain chi so it can be transmitted externally for healing others. So when a female or a male tries to "suck off" my sex energy what they are really doing without knowing it is pulling down my center of gravity -- my spiritual essence -- my electromagnetic focus -- from my brain down to my lower chakras whereby it's deconverted from blissful heat back into ejaculation. And since male ejaculation activates the stress system (via testosterone to sympathetic nervous system dopamine) then the party's over -- there's been an "explosion in the lab" as Gurdjieff states -- and the alchemical experiment must start over. haha. Once the brain is permanently magnetized though there is no turning back and then you've created a free energy system that parallels the material energy system. It's now the "macrocosmic orbit" where you are an open brain system! People freely suck up the electromagnetic energy from my brain based on their need for it! So the material energy system now must be minimized which, of course, goes against the civilized sugar-salt-food dopamine-stress war machine! Serotonin and dopamine are reversed via testosterone. The parasympathetic nervous system transduces serotonin into the brain, pass the blood brain barrier, from the lower body -- via the internal climax. In other words build up and climax of testosterone does not necessarily mean activation of the stress dopamine system. Both males and females release testosterone during desire and at climax. When testosterone turns to dopamine there's a brain rush of pleasure but there's also an increase in violence -- extreme violence -- and this is NOT an emotion -- it's a MOTION (part of the motor cortex). This is the secret of "crimes of passion" -- of love murder, obsession, etc. For the electromagnetic chi to be created the dopamine and serotonin and oxytocin need to be converted to melatonin and DMT -- by activating the pineal gland. The best way to do this is to practice the "small universe" Level 1 c.d. from Chunyi Lin -- http://springforestqigong.com -- It's like music practice -- the more the better. The deeper the energy channels opened in the body -- and finally after the brain is opened the heart opens even more -- but even just to fully open the 3rd Eye (Gurdjieff's Number 5 or a qigong master level -- is very very rare). Potassium protons create a plasma in the brain as positive ions - this is the secret to alchemy. That's why Taoist Yoga states, "No Salt" because chloride is a negative ion and of course salt spikes dopamine. Fruit is high in potassium and while it creates dopamine there's no "dopamine spike" like from refined sugar. Of course I fall prey to the diet quagmire -- and have been in food hell ever since my 8 day energy feast when females went crazy around me -- and demanded I eat food, etc. haha. The food-sex ritual is fascinating since meat is high in iron and testosterone -- and a cereal enzyme creates testosterone (from wheat or oats!) -- so civilization is really about increasing sex desire -- but again the source of sex energy, electromagnetic energy, remains repressed. There's nothing wrong with people wanting sex energy because the key to solving the addiction is to get to its root -- the pure consciousness or "female formless awareness" creates the male electromagnetic energy so by "bottoming out" people realize that their ego is not going to be satisfied by total material desire. That there is something else which is beyond desire and the ego. Since I've lived in low-income scenarios I'm often "sucked off" by pervert males while I'm asleep! It feels like psychic rape -- my stored up shen (spiritual light) is turned back into chi (electromagnetic) and then jing (my belly gets super hot) and then goes down to my lower chakras (the reproductive organ, perineum, anus, tailbone, etc.) As long as the energy is lost as jing -- electrochemical -- and I don't fall prey to the final stage, the deconversion back to ejaculate as activation of the stress system, then the energy loss is not that bad. I just do reverse-breathing or go back into full-lotus and that way the free energy cycle resumes whereby the energy sucked up by the perv is converted by me back into electromagnetic healing energy for transmission again. If I eat too much food -- especially meat -- then the problem is magnified. The jing has to be converted into chi and then stored safely as an "energy pill" in the lower tan tien (in front of the kidneys). But as the alchemical energy builds up the potential for the chi or shen to deconvert back to generative fluid increases. This is why mind yoga, using the left-brain for logical inference, bypasses body healing and goes straight to the heart via the left-brain vagus nerve. Again the source of the energy is "female formless awareness" -- aka the Emptiness, the "spirit of the valley" in the Tao Te Ching -- it's the Eternal Nature -- that which even yoga masters are afraid off -- the death of the ego from physical death of the heart. Even this final stage can be transcended so that the body resonates directly with pure consciousness with each breath and thought, as detailed by Ramana Maharshi. But that left-brain mind yoga of the Brahmins required total separation from females -- Ramana Maharshi practiced in seclusion for 9 years before achieving "eternal liberation" -- post-death consciousness. The traditional Brahmin Priest had to do a 3 day cleansing ritual just for seeing a female! Such is the power of the subconscious deconversion of built up shen back into reproductive fluid - lost at night as a wet dream. haha. It's much better to be awake, in full-lotus, whereby the energy received by the perv is directly electromagnetic but if the perv is intentionally trying to suck me off by staring at me and bouncing his leg with it crossed -- then his goal is to activate his (and therefore mine as well) stress system ejaculation as fluid which goes against the parasympathetic female climax free energy system of Mother Nature! haha. So I just sit in full-lotus and that prevents the perv from sucking me off and in the meantime he eventually fills up with energy and then has to go jerk off in the bathroom or something. haha. Finally he realizes he's messing with something he's never encountered before and realizes it's a free energy source and that he's benefiting from it and that he can't fight it -- (he can't make me weaker by sucking me off) so he stops trying! haha. Anyway what happens is that the typical modern male feeds off female sex energy because his own male electromagnetic energy is stuck in his lower chakra -- he doesn't know how to sublimate his own female electrochemical jing energy. Every time he ejaculates he has to convert food back into jing and he's not making any more brain power -- just seeking more ejaculation which causes further depletion. So unless he can maintain a rich high meat diet then the results will be pretty quick -- bald hair for example. haha. If the female is surrounded by such males -- parasites -- then she too will be depleted -- even though the female climax inherently sublimates the jing to the brain, via the vagus nerve. So that's why civilization was created by females and females are the best leaders -- females have more synchronized brain waves since they are activating the right-brain through the vagus nerve climax. Sex energy is originally electromagnetic -- so if a female is charged up with female sex energy after being filled up with male electromagnetic energy -- in other words if a female has lots of internal climaxes BECAUSE a male is transmitting electromagnetic energy into her -- then another typical modern male (not understanding the source of sex energy) will want to deconvert the female's male electromagnetic energy (since he is attracted to it because his own energy focus is still female electrochemical and ejaculation) back into electrochemical sex energy and then back into his own ejaculation. I've increased the sexual activity of couples after I've had several psychic mutual climaxes with the female -- charging her up, while healing myself and her, through the parasympathetic free energy mutual internal climaxes. The male has his electromagnetic essence stuck in his lower chakra so normally he's taking energy from the female when he has sex with her -- restoring his own female electrochemical energy. Normally sex makes her more sick! She has to use lots of food to counteract the energy lost from sex or -- suck off other males through sex (again subconsciously getting their stored up male electromagnetic energy). But now, charged up with free electromagnetic energy DIRECTLY, she didn't need more food and she had the extra energy to satisfy the male's desires.

This is the religious taoism theory which is a bit more than TCM, unfortunately there is not a book that puts everything together, you have to pick informations from many books and put them togeteher. I recommend reading - Mantak Chia's Fusion of the Five Elements - Nicole Tremblay's Tao de l'alimentation or any other book of Taoist alimentation and Daozhen user posts http://www.thetaobums.com/dao-zhen-m8508.html you have in the right side the menu Profile options>find member posts Also I recommend witch reading Journeys Out of the Body (1971) by Robert Allan Monroe where he describes sexual escapades when he consciously exit the body an performed astral sex with other living or dead people When I was 19, I was sexually abused in a dream by a beautiful dark-haired dakini (christians name these beings or daemons succubus which are females and incubus which are males) but I never complained. She only took my sexual energy and left me with a very pleasurable sensation. Even if I have a preference for blond girls, I still fall in love with girls that reminds me of that goddess. Edit: Also, it is said that if you indulge in such practices until you die, It is very probable that you will became a succubus or incubus daemon in the afterlife. Seriously Not that would be a bad thing... but you have to be warned.

Thanks for the support Mind Meld Michael! It's like that dream of the morally ambiguous teacher dude and us taobums standing on the safe rug! Your pal, Yoda

Hello all, I would like to share some thoughts with you all. I assure you all that I am totally honest and truthful in these stories. But first, some lyrics from a song I like, in order to set the mood. "A man lies in his bed in a room with no door. He waits, hoping for a presence, something-anything-to enter. After spending half his life here he still felt as blank as the ceiling at which he stared. He is alive, but feels absolutely nothing- so is he? When he was six, the moon overhead followed him. By nine, he had deciphered the illusion. Trading magic for fact-no trade backs. 'So this is what its like to be an adult'. If he only knew now, what he had known then. Okay, now then... I have told no more then three people this, ever, in my whole life. I don't even think I've told my wife about this, but I want to share it here. I swear on everything I love its the truth, Im not making this story up. I remember once, living in Locust street, I was maybe five or six. I couldn't have been very old because I was in kindergarten. I had a teacher, who seemed very nice to me, a very old woman then to such a young child, She was probably in her 60's or 70's. She once locked a boy in the closet to punish him. I remember him screaming, terrified. There was a woman who lived down the street a few houses, my mother used to take me to her house once in a while. She had so many colorful antique bottles in her house, and long green shag carpet. My friend Stevie-a girl- lived across the street. I remember one year, my mom brought me to see her on halloween. I can't remember who I was dressed as, but She was dressed as Madonna-the musician. Key feature of her costume being a mole. She moved away soon after, and Eli and his mother moved in. Eli was a couple years older than me (I must have been no older then five, now that I think about it.) Eli used such dirty words; we would be playing with our (my) Transformers and GI Joe's and such-one of my favorite things to do--and Eli would have one of the toys on top of the other, with its legs spread, screaming-'You fucking bitch! You're gonna do what I fuckin say! Give me head you filthy whore!"... I didn't understand then why he played that way, or why he cussed so much. He was always doing things that he shouldn't-smoking, starting fires, and so on. Eli dated a girl (at that age when having a girlfriend meant that you might at most kiss her on the cheek and hold hands. It was more innocent at that time. Eli briefly went steady with this girl, and then it ended when she broke up with him. She was best friends with my friend Amber, who also lived across the street. Her name was Kelly. I remember, in all honesty, the first time I saw her, it was love at first sight-for me. Some people-most people maybe-don't have a clue about love at first site, or they think its a myth. I mean to tell you, that even though I was maybe six or seven, I was in love with this girl, at first site of her. It was so exhilarating-it would be worth dying right now to live one day in that feeling. How it mast have hurt Eli's feelings when I started 'going out' with Kelly. My mother, no doubt hearing me talk about Kelly all the time, arranged for me to go on my first date-with Kelly--It was 1989, so I was 7. I know this, because we saw 'National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation'. Predictably, Eli has been in and out of prison and other trouble for some time now. I wish he could be released from the prison of his memories. I have a vivid memory of how when I was that age, I played in the snow in jeans and a sweat shirt. Actually sitting down in the snow and making shapes in it. My hands, legs feet, crotch all soaked from sitting in the snow. I wasn't even shivering. I just played in the snow, having fun, until eventually I got bored and went inside. I think I'd nearly die of I did that now. Oddly, I've had the feeling for a very long time that I would die at or before age 30. I'm 27 now, and if I keep progressing with my consciousness the way I have been recently, I think that I just might. As in, my ego. It wasn't until about 3-4 years ago that I realized that I will be 30 in the year 2012. How comical, given the beliefs around that date. I've told my mother about my 'death' for many years, though not recently. I remember watching a documentary on TV about men in Tibet who sing with this sort of double voice; it sounds as if two different people are chanting about 1 octave apart when they do it. After watching the show, I practiced a few minutes and I was able to do it too. I'm told this was a pretty special ability, vocally. Especially for a little kid. Anyway, on to the point of this post: I was lying in bed about this age, living in the same house, and I had, for lack of a better phrase, an experience. Lying on my bed, which was covered in toys, I became paralyzed. A red skinned devil appeared at the foot of my bed, looking much like 'Darkness' from the movie, 'The Labyrinth'. I was paralyzed, and more afraid than I have ever been. This devil produced a cane pole, or reed pole, about 3-4 feet long. Being paralyzed, I couldn't stop him when he connected one end to his penis, and the other end to my penis. It felt so bad, yet so good; I had an orgasm. soon after, this Devil, smiling an evil, psychotic smile, disappeared. Vanished, really. I felt a female voice warm me against sexual depravity, as if I would miss out on spiritual advancement if I indulged in sex: it would distract me from the path. An instance later, I was able to move again, and this devil was gone, although EVERYTHING in the room was exactly as it had been in the 'dream', if that's what it was. Another time, I had gone to Kelly's house to see if she could come play. I had become sort of friends with her and her sisters. While playing with her sisters in their back yard, I got this strange feeling, and everything in my vision-especially around my head-had this golden glow to it. I had a sort of devious, or maybe mischievous smile on my face and was bathed in this golden glow. I don't think it was perceptible to anyone but me. I don't know what the hell this might mean, the Devil experience, or anything else, but I just had to post it here, in hopes that someone will have information in the meaning of these experiences. I don't have much knowledge about the Occult, or symbolic meaning, but I have no doubt that these experiences mean something very significant. I just don't know what. Take care, and thanks for reading! Nate