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Hi friends, Over the last months, it's been getting harder to sign in here and participate. I find myself wanting to be amidst you, because of the love I have for the Bums - and a handful of Bums in particular. So I seem to end up reading a post or two and putting a Like on what I consider to be a beautiful post that points the Way. Or to find a laugh in the What made you laugh today thread. The personality part of me, the ego, still connects to the personality parts of you, and I have enough ego left to want to feel the comradeship of one who lives in Culver City (or somewhere around there), one who lives in Baltimore, one who lives in Baja. There are a few others, I just don't know where they live, but you know who you are. What made me realize that it's time to drop out of active participation, is that I'm tired of my own words. I've been evolving into these words for 40 years and it is partly because of you that I have learned these words. These are not words that come through your mouths, but through your hearts; the hearts that have arrived at, or are very close to, Self Realization. You've pointed me to books, to philosophies; so many things to read and discuss. And it is because of the melting pot nature of this place that I've been here as long as I have. It is through the channel of my heart that these words and ideas come to me now, which I feel a need to communicate to you. I know that to put Freemasonry in the tag portion of this post seems odd. I want to use this as an example, because the 33 degrees of Freemasonry are a very direct path to self-realization. Of course I'm not a Freemason, I am merely a woman. But I did get my hands on Morals and Dogma by Albert Pike at a yard sale some years ago, and was immediately captivated by it. I studied it, and it pointed me to something. When a man begins his journey in the Scottish Rites, he learns the name of a strange entity, introduced to him in the third degree. That name is Hiram Abiff, a representation of Hermes. This entity is introduced as the head mason appointed by King Solomon at the time the temple was built, and it is a lodestar for all further engagement within the Scottish Rites. But it has a more esoteric meaning as well. He is a half god/half man figure, a representation of that of which we are capable of understanding, once realized. I use 'realized' because that is the final necessity for entrance into the 33rd degree. It is a realization of who we are. I'll pick this up again a little later. Continuation along the Freemason path is an arduous task. Each degree, as outlined in Pike's Morals and Dogma, enumerates in grueling detail the character qualities one must develop, but even more grueling, remove from one's character to ascend to the next level; the selfishness, the self centered aspects of ourselves. Any seemingly odd ceremonies are in furtherance of the goal of removing conditioning from the individual; old beliefs, iffy upbringings, rejection of structure, in the end. On a seemingly different note, I went to a retirement dinner a few years back. I hadn't been to a police function in a long time, but when I walked in the door of the conference room, a gleaming bit of light immediately hit my eye. It was the reflection off an oxygen tank worn by a particular man, who I immediately recognized. His name was Jan, and he had been the police chaplain for some years. He wrote a monthly spiritual article in The Blue Line, a police publication which I still get. I was very glad to see him, we used to work together in the West L.A. squad room. As I crossed the room to talk to him, the words 'lack of inspiration' came to mind, because he had manifested a breathing problem. I let that go, and walked up to him. As we talked, I noted that he was wearing a Freemason ring. I asked him if he was a 33rd degree, given the depth of his spirituality. He answered 'No, I'm a 32nd degree'. I'll pick this up again a little further down. There was a 33rd degree Freemason named Manley Hall who is now deceased. I knew him from his lectures at the Philosophical Research Society in Hollywood, CA, where he spoke on Sundays. I tried to get to as many of his lectures as I could - this was in the early to mid seventies. This beautiful man, always impeccable in a black suit and starched white shirt, his white hair gleaming under the lights on the stage where he sat, would slowly walk onto the stage, sit in the chair in the middle of the stage, close his eyes, and start channeling. That was all you could call it. The words flowed out of his being and into my heart, where I could 'feel' the resonance. Although I was young, in my early 20's, something inside me knew that they were true words, straight as an arrow. He had written metaphysical books, a few of which I still have. It was one big seed he planted in my heart, although I didn't have the eyes or the ears yet to understand them - not fully. If I were to reread them today, I would be reading with a different set of eyes. He didn't speak of Freemasonry, not ever. He spoke with the I Am consciousness as his context. And subsequently, in one of his books, Mr. Hall did answer a question about the 33rd degree. He said "Yes, it is the I Am consciousness". In trying to describe this consciousness (which can't be described: 'the Dao that can be spoken is not the true Dao') all I can do is to relate this to my own experience, and say what I have said ad nauseum on this site - the experience of a recovering alcoholic person. The key to recovery, as it turns out, is to go through all previous conditionings, see where we made wrong turns, make amends to those we harmed; all in all a pretty humiliating experience to one with a large flaming ego. But over the past 40 years, the rough edges have been smoothed; the peaks have turned into valleys; patience is with understanding; and most importantly, the realization of the oneness of all mankind, regardless of where on the planet we live, or what religious structure we've been brought into as a child, or adopted as an adult. And as it also turns out, I am grateful for the fact that I was an alcoholic, because it led me here. To you. To a consciousness of oneness. And not just one with people; one with animals. Oneness with trees, with rocks, with mountains, with sky, with fire and all the elements. The total Oneness of life. It is this mind expansion which is our reward - the ability to grasp this consciousness, the I Am. The awareness that we are all the same substance, the same stardust, and that we all have the I Am inside us that knows, although our egos like to capture that knowing to bolster ourselves and elevate ourselves to a higher position. That's a challenge too; to keep our necessary ego out of the mix; that is a practice all its own. But the Valley of the Dao is the goal; the ability to receive everything, to make no judgments, to see things as neither Good or Bad or Evil; to realize that if it's not done with Love, which is utilized in different forms, it's not the true Way. To fully embrace Is-ness, with a twist of agape love and understanding as our guideposts. Lofty, indeed. And here we are, stuck in these skin bags walking this physical earth. And what are religions? They are conveyances to get us to the other shore. Once arrived, there is no need to stay in the boat. Just get out and walk the challenge; the challenge to remain in Consciousness as much as 'humanly' possible, the challenge to meet each situation with love, whatever that requires... and what your wisdom has taught you as to how to apply it. The wisdom of how to love is a great challenge. But above all, love life; not as a feeling, but as a practice. Chop wood, carry water. But with love always, placing ourselves as the valley into which all things flow. No need for contention, no need for ambition; egoless. And finally realizing that we really have no control over anything; that most often, the best answer to the enigma is to Do Nothing. The universe knows what it's doing, and putting our hands into the water usually muddies it. The reason I put such odd references in the Tags box, including will.i.am and Morgan Freeman, is because they get it. The Black Eyed Peas singer gets it now. William James Adams changed the spelling of William to will.i.am. He now lives the I Am consciousness; his words now reflect that. And Morgan Freeman? I saw him interviewed by Larry King once. As Freeman is instrumental in producing highly spiritual documentaries, King asked him "Do you believe in God?" Freeman didn't miss a step; he looked right at Larry, and quietly said "I am god". Larry then said "you mean, you believe in god, right?" I don't recall Morgan saying anything further, other than smiling, but Larry King abruptly changed the subject, no doubt believe that he had a real kook on his hands. I wonder how many folks are still sitting in mental institutions because they have this understanding. That which we have been drawn to search for 'outside' is not outside at all. It's this common entity that we all share. We Are. We are god, in that sense of the word. If you look at all of creation as a spear, we are the tip. We're the thinking, feeling, seeing, touching, tasting, hearing tip. The essence burns within us, always prodding us forward and into situations that are required for our further understanding. Perhaps this is why we learn to still the mind, and why no harm comes to the sage. Because life gets so incredibly smooth; we realized that all Time and Space are ours. And that comes when we finally become capable of stilling the monkey mind. And what is 'It' looking for? Self realization; realization of who we Are. We're 'It'. I guess little kids had the answer all along; 'Tag, you're it!' It occurs to me that that's what all of life, this wonderful earth, is looking for; Self Realization, but on a communal level. There are so many seemingly horrible things now happening world-wide, but I take comfort in the Daodejing when it says 'that which is to be deflated must first be inflated'. When I look at the political stuff that's happening, I try to keep this in mind. And moreover, those politicians which appear most grievous are actually Me! So, we wait and love, trusting that the universe knows what it's doing. Actually, what's even more comforting is the Nowness of it all; and knowing that that which gives me anxiety, when I fall from consciousness on any given day, has actually already happened. That snaps me back. Like Ouroboros, the tail eating snake, I return to my friend Jan, the 32nd degree with 'lack of inspiration' in his oxygen tank at the retirement dinner. We spoke for a few minutes, and then I was about to walk back to my table. As I left, Jan smiled and said "God be with you", and he turned to talk to another. I walked a few steps and stopped, turning around. I realized his 'lack of inspiration' and the need for the oxygen tank. I leaned down and whispered in his ear, "Jan, we are god", and then I walked away. I turned back a few steps later to see how he reacted to this. He had stopped talking to the other person, and he was staring in disbelief at me. His eyes were sparkling, like a little kid's. His jaw was hanging open. He got it. And this encounter was written up in his next article in the Blue Line. At that moment, my friend Jan ascended to the 33rd Degree. He became Hiram Abiff, just in time. He died a month later. For anyone who reads this, thanks for hearing me out. If this turns into a thread, I don't want to make it about me. Any personal comments, please PM me. I'll still be around, just not quite so often. And this is most likely my last lengthy post. Love to everyone. You're the best. Barb Ortega