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So I took ALD-52 for the first time last night. It's supposed to be like LSD. I took two blotters, 200MCG. Age: 18 Disorders: Autism Previous experiences: Mugwort I found a website where you can buy research chemicals with regular dollars. Causingcolor.com. I ordered five blotters of ALD-52. They came in the mail a few weeks later. While they were coming, I told my therapist about my order. She said she would have to tell my Dad about it if I was planning on taking it. So I told he that I was not. I lied. I told two of my closest friends about my possession, and they told the principal at my school. The principal pulled me into his office and asked me about it. I told him that it was just a joke. Knowing the danger that lied ahead of my therapist finding out and telling my Dad and my Dad taking the drugs away from me, I decided to take two tabs that night. So I took a hot shower, had some chamomile tea, and took the tabs at 10PM. For the first 45 minutes, I felt lightheaded. I felt very dizzy. Then I began to feel off balance. Sensations began reverberating through my body. An hour and a half in, my sense of self disappeared and I began shifting into and out of reality. Two hours in, I was really getting hit hard. I could barely function. I could barely walk. It was fun in some sense but it just felt weird. I lost my sense of what is real and what is not real. Three hours in, I realized that everything I thought I was has been incorrect. I am pure awareness. Everything was neon. colors were changing. My sense of time became shaky. I had that thing where when things move I saw their trail. The trip lasted until about six, then it faded away. Was it worth it? Do I recommend the experience? It's up to you. I think that if I had taken more I would have maybe had a better trip. I think that my autism was a hindrance. Feel free to comment on your own experiences.

I really want to take shrooms or something that can give me an enlightening experience. Like maybe I would meditate while on them. Where online can I buy some ayahuasca tea or something? PS: It has to be a site that ships to the United States.

Its the 4th of september and about 5 or 6 months ago I fell in love with a married woman with an extensive history of prostitution as well as an extensive substance abuse problem.. Well, I decided to take on (or fell into) the relationship with the idea that entering the world of polyamory would make this work. I had an idea of the problems that were going to arise but didn't truly grasp the agony of them until the relationship progressed. She is intelligent and beautiful as fuck. She is primitive in nature and in that primitivity is a beauty I have not found in the civilized world, and she is also polyamorous by nature whether she admits it to herself or not. Does she not love both myself and her husband? Is she not around men all the time (::gags in anxiety:: )? Maybe two days ago she resumed her adventures with crack, as well as drinking and smoking weed. It rips me apart because I don't see this stopping any time soon despite her telling me otherwise, and as a sober spiritual individual, I deal with the hurt in my heart seeing her destroy herself, which touches on my own insecurities as an individual which has to do with how I focused my last 8 years as a computer programmer because of the money instead of letting myself blossom as an individual, as well as the rational reality that she is going down a road that is full of suffering and possibly even death. Did she not jump out of a two story window not too long ago? Fuck.. So I got the jesus complex burned into my brain.. Taoism too has done its numbers on me and suffering for her in this agony for her health, to be one good influence in her life, seems to be in my path. Quotes like: "What is a good man but a bad man's teacher, and what is a bad man but a good man's job. Without knowing this, you will get lost." or "Greatest kind of love is where you give up your life for your friends" run through my head.. Wondering if there is a god or not runs through my head as well.. Why not leave selfishly for my own needs and leave this woman? Well that answer is simple: because I love the fuck out of her.. I'm addicted to the agony she puts me through and it truly is opening my mind to the harsh realities of life, as well as making polyamory a reality that cannot be ignored anymore... ahh.. I'm doing my best to give myself the space to process problems as they come, and I'm doing whatever I can to grow as an individual instead of chasing money, power, and prestige.. but I'm lost, and I guess this is a plea for encouragement.. I have nothing to grab onto anymore.. and no sense of certainty.. and this house cat is having a hard fucking time loving this street cat... what do i do? nonjudgmental, unconditional love seems all I can muster. I sometimes wonder if I am missing out by not experiencing drugs myself (I resort to a shit load of meditation which leaves me introverted and disconnected from others). I just read an article by OSHO talking about how drug users are using the drugs to deal with the society that conforms us to left brained systematic thinking instead of opening up the right hemisphere of creativity and such. I;m trying to do my best to see drugs in a positive light but truth is I avoid both drugs and alcohol because of the lack of sobriety that comes with them which I hold precedent in value.. I don't know.. I am also new to all these emotions and they are truly ripping me apart... If I had these emotions at age 20, hell I probably would have a drug problem myself.. but spirituality has grounded me at 30 and given me at least a good chance in dealing with this.. Just embrace and accept and love, right?

Will come back to it later.

I was wondering if any one knew about the effects of amanita muscaria if one practice tai chi and/ or Taoist practices. I know that most drugs are yin base so unless you are practicing magick you cannot take it, but amanita muscaria seems different because it seems to access the subtle energies. I want to know if you take amanita muscaria, do you lose your chi from it?

So I found a good read when I was younger, maybe 10 years ago or so, a book by Mary Summerrain called The Phoenix Rising. Another book she wrote, Dreamwalker, spoke of a concept that has been on my mind for a while and I figured it's time to just hash it out and put it into words. Maybe get some answers just doing so, but it's here as well, for discussion. (note, for some reason I cannot use the enter key to add vertical spaces between paragraphs, this wont be easy to read.) So! SummerRain makes note of something genuine: That a holy person, sage, monk, or other spiritually aware and/or advanced person's lifestyle is irrelevant. You can be a dreamwalker, as noted in this book, even though you drink sodas, smoke cigarettes, and eat red meat. MAYBE spiritual titles are irrelevant, that this applies across the board, or perhaps it's only relevant to dreamwalkers? It rings true, in my ears, that a physical lifestyle influences only the physical life-world, and is irrelevant regarding spiritual and/or psychic experiences and ability. So I am wondering to myself if it matters a person's sexuality, gender, diet, habits, addictions, or lifestyles have any genuine meaning in regards to practicing anything of the spiritual/energic sort? I personally do not believe smoking dope and promiscuity are going to directly inhibit immortality, but as with all things, everything in moderation...