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Hello, I started meditation in 2018. Because I want too hard from the start I had 3 instances of ego death.I stopped them with pills but they made everything worse.Does anyone know any teacher that can help me overcome the anxiety and fear that comes with ego death ?

I dabble in programming and game design as a hobby. So now I'm making a game that uses explicit sex (not sugar coating it) as a way to convey a certain idea. From my point of view, I feel like we live our daily lives separated. In simple terms, there is the observer and what is observed. In this elemental duality of the world that we perceive we try to more than understand what we see, to be that what we perceive, this being the ultimate form of understanding of reality. And for that to occur one has to somehow merge with reality (whatever that really means). To merge with everything, like in an orgy. Hence sexuality.And why coming up with sex in this context? And not say tao, nirvana, ego death, samadhi or simply love? Because by saying everything is love, is to most probably fail the intended message. People relate to love as only a positive thing. Therefore a way to bias the message, missing the duality altogether. On the other hand, sex comes from our most primitive form, hardwired biology we should not ignore, coming from the very fountain of the infinitesimal. Because saying "I f*ck you", has at the same time a derogatory meaning as well as a nice meaning. Hence the unifying of the perceived duality.By making a game where I present characters that are the forces of Nature anthropomorphized, I try to show this concept. Battling but making love, make love but battle. And from that struggle, the world we perceive comes to be.