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it is been a time since i awakened out of conditioned mind and noticed the reality and what the mind making me see and what the reality actually is. but whenever i increase my awareness, focus and mindfulness... a trigger reappears and drag me down to the conditioned mind and the misery airse back but in a deep sad way. recently, i m noticing the moment before falling into the mind and become a follower and loosing my awareness of the now and the present moment and dwell in mind and stories... i feel myself standing on the edge between 2 perspectives... perceptive of everything great and wow vibrant and such and another "social" perspective of sadness of seeing what really is and how the world is in a sad way. lets call one the social perspective and the higher perspective.... the social perspective attract me into it.. by saying lets be real.. society is like that and they see you this way.. and u are this and that ... and what u believe in is bullshit ... etc .etc. This social perspective was raised by society and people, values and such.. and they lead to beliefs in me about myself and about life that serve no purpose and actually hinder and make me struggle in my life. the higher perspective gets me into it ... when i focus and allow the "social" perspective to be.. it is great and vibrant the life become, but it never lasts ... i m always switching in and out of them. There is like an inner conflict between me awakening and trying to manage my life and myself in beliefs that serves my improvement and the other thoughts and beliefs that are conditioned by society and people, culture... the question is how to Merge them ? or how to break free of those social/cultural beliefs implemented in my subconscious ? Thank you!