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I'm starting to recognise...maybe it is my career that is messing me up. Evidently, what we choose to do daily, is the practice that shapes us into what we are. I've been in entertainment, full time, for nearly 5 years, but my anxieties have really been present for almost 10. It was easy when I was young...I was sheltered and had little responsibility. I was still in the same field (about to leave school so still developing) when I started losing sleep and I guess that was because I realised, but would never admit to myself, that I was setting myself up for lack of stability and a lot of stress. All for the purpose of "doing something fun with my life". I think the fun has been over ridden. Last year was the best, but this year, things have quietened down and I feel like I'm back to stage one. I now inevitably practice mindlessness every day, because I am desparate for clients. Phone calls here and there, one half-sent email, there goes my twitter, then more calls, finish that email etc etc. It's all "business related", but scrappy as hell. I'm on a TV set tomorrow and I don't even know what time I start and finish until late afternoon today. How can one ground oneself with a lifestyle like this?? Nothing is focused, there is too much juggling and I don't think I'm alone in the world here. At the same time, I could carry on with all those in the same boat and we could all be mindless wrecks together, or I could exit stage right and take a new path. If anybody else has been in my shoes, I would love to hear from you. Bless.

Dear Tao Bums, I am asking you for some sincere advice. I have been diagnosed by a TCM Dr. with Stagnant Qi Liver and Spleen Qi deficiency (attacked by the liver). After reading about those two syndromes, all the bad things that are happening in my life finally make sense. My constant sense of frustration, irritability, inability to experience joy, the sense of being stuck in life, my tremendous lack of energy and direction on what to do to change those frustrating things, etc. This is, I think, at least partly realted to a job I am stucked in, an extremely boring (I feel like in the Groundhoug day) but which I cannot change because I lack the energy, courage and direction to do so. My TCM Dr. via a pulse diagnosis said it's normal because my "mind" wants to move forward, but my "body" (in reality there's not such distinction) is sending the message : "you have so low energy, don't even move! save it for vital functioning!" so that's why I am always neurotic (divided) on leaving this job that I don't like or staying because it consumes very low energy. Plus, this job is sitting in front of a computer for many hours, also fatal to the liver I've read. However, it's decently paid and it would allow me to do/study other things, it's about 6h day job. Why can't I just do the 6 hours and enjoy the rest of the day ? Impossible to me. But I don't know if all this mess is caused by the stagnant qi liver, or this frustration with the job caused the stagnation. Or maybe I have deep psychological traumas or something that are causing all this mess. If I go to the normal doctor, he wants to prescribe me antidepressants. If I go to the psychologist, she wants me to either change job or enjoy it. However, this seems impossible to me because I lack the energy to change or cannot control my emotions no matter how hard I say it to myself that I should stay calm and be grateful for having a job. I feel like in a vicious circle from which I don't know how to escape or what to do. Maybe leaving the safety of this job is even worst. One thing that is *really helping* are coffee enemas but I don't want to be hooked to this procedure (I feel like I have to connect to a dyalisis machine every day) plus I am not sure it's healthy in the long term. Another thing that has helped me is practicing shaolin kung fu, however, it's quite aggressive in it's nature and quite aggressive for the knees also. What do you think ? What could you recommend me ? Of course I'll discuss this with my Dr. but I would like to know more opinions. Please help. Thanks in advance.