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Man, sometimes I don't see the point anymore. What's the point of helping people if they don't want to help themselves? I see humanity going in a downward spiral. People don't care about the environment- the planet they depend on. All people care about is entertainment and collecting crap they don't need. And having more kids. It's so obvious that overpopulation is becoming a huge problem yet everyone still wants to keep reproducing. I feel I'm supposed to be a healer and a teacher. I want to teach about the Dao. But will anyone listen? I thought about becoming a Zen priest, but I don't know if I can take vows to be compassionate if humanity keeps being so self-destructive. Maybe it's because I'm in the US and I'm surrounded by "lol what war are we gonna start next omg." But occasionally I feel like war is a good thing if only to help control the ridiculous population explosion. I don't know, maybe I'll sell all my stuff and go live in the woods. Anyway, I don't know if this is the right place to post this. I'm not trying to vent only, so it's not exactly a journal. I would like some opinionated discussion on this.

what is the reason we exist in life ? if spirit exists.. then why would a spirit put itself in a box, limited reality to experience it and try to realize itself ? is it game ? if it is for fun or game... boredom doesn't exist. If other realms/dimensions exists... then why do they? what the whole point of all of this? what the point of tao? ... to learn? learn what ? and what would this knowledge really help us ? and if reincarnation exists... why everytime u have to learn the same stuff ? or even... why do we have to learn stuff that as a spirit we are whole, why to box ourselves and try to rediscover ourselves ? If you have an answer, how much are sure of it?

In one aspect this idea of being celibate and doing meditation daily seems enticing, but living in modern society, I doubt anyone is going to be successful in achieving enlightenment. It seems like becoming a monk is the noble path for fulfilling enlightenment. It also seems that many religions tie celibacy very closely to enlightenment. But does becoming a monk and pursuing Buddhism full time lead to enlightenment in actuality? Or does it just increase your chances? I know it would make celibacy easier, but is there really a purpose to all that? They say desire is the root of suffering. Is there more suffering in this life that is outweighs the positives? This leads to deeper questions like what is the purpose of life? Is it just to procreate? Can one find peaceful/enlightened states while procreating? Is this 10 day silent retreat (Vipassana) just a way of forgetting these animalistic urges short-term? Or does is lead to a powerful new technique for developing mental stillness while overcoming the rigors of everyday society? I recently picked up the Bhagavad Gita due to suggestions by Indian spiritual readings and I found it saying that we are nothing and everything at the same time. It doesn't seem like procreating or even having intercourse embodies this philosophy. The texts goes so far as to say we shouldn't take part in worldly pleasures. Yet, I have also read that the Hindu gods rejoice in sexual intercourse and even embrace it for marriage and with multiple partners. This leads to a word that has been on my mind many a day lately and that's the subject of lust. Lust to me is what I find in a partner. And isn't love the way we are suppose to feel for all other humans? I have a partner, but my animalistic instincts direct me away from having just one partner. And that brings me to my point of if having a partner is even good in the first place. I feel in every day society and partner life/attachment, at least moving out to a semi secluded area down the road would be the most logical. That way I would not have to deal with the ongoing issue of lusting for the opposite sex. Thoughts? Warmly, Chi Boy

I've started reading a book called unbeatable mind, it's written by a navy seal. Who happens to be into zen meditation, for which he acknowledges helping him control the monkey mind so he could become a seal. One of the parts of the books deals with finding the 3 P's, Purpose, Passion, Principles How do you guys figure this out, everytime I try I get a feeling of internal conflicts and if's and buts? Also I get a blank mind, the only thing I really know is that my current situations are not part of the 3 Ps.

There have been so many beliefs I had to let go of from my former Christian faith. Some of these, such as the concept of sin, have been a relief. As I progressed along my spiritual path I found other beliefs that empowered me, such as the concept that my thoughts create my reality. In other words, the world I experience is a reflection of my thoughts. But now I am faced with the possibility that this belief too, may be wrong. As a Christian it was all about God. If it's God's will. In God's time. It was such a relief to be out from under the thumb of some all-powerful eternal entity outside myself, who seemed to have the same ego-driven impulses as the human race He created. Judgment, punishment, allowing Job to be tormented. And Heaven was not the perfect place I was brought up to believe it was. How could it be, if Lucifer and 1/3 of the angels fell from it? Where could sin come from in a perfect place? Why would I want to spend eternity in one place anyway? I mean I no longer have a physical body. So I don't need to eat, I don't need money, I can go wherever I want. A grand adventure awaits me! These realizations helped me work through the threat of eternal damnation, something I had to struggle with when I renounced my faith. I turned my back on that belief, and all other organized religions. I decided instead to learn from the teachings of each religion whatever I needed to learn. After all I went through all that, and my experience with the tulpa I believe I created and had to disconnect myself from, I thought my struggle was over. I was actually feeling peaceful, serene, calm. Anger and depression no longer had the hold on me they once had. I was able to smile and laugh more often, when before I smiled and laughed rarely. This concept that I create my reality with my thoughts opened up the world for me. It did not matter to me that I did not have the power on a physical level to challenge or change the things in the world that bothered me. I knew I could change my thinking about them, stop investing belief energy into the reality these happenings proposed, and thereby remove all power from them. I could, just by addressing how I thought about things, change the world. At the same time I could come to what I now called the Source, a general-purpose name for what I used to call God that I adopted, about anything and everything. The Source, unlike God, had no ego. I simply could not bother it with my requests as it is eternally and perfectly loving and creative. All I had to figure out is how to access that power to manifest the things I wanted in my life and the world. How to properly ask for things, or pray. Kinda like figuring out what plug would fit this socket. If I could do that, I could do anything I wanted and be anything I wanted. But then I started reading things that told me that the creation part was finished. Everything was pretty much set in stone. I could not heal myself or others. I could only Treat them, by not focusing on the person or the dis-ease but on the nature of God. It was God that did all the work. At this level of my spiritual growth I could accept God and Source as different names for the same thing. God is not at all, in my mind, what He was when I was a Christian. Now God is more of an It, an energy, as I started. So when I use God from this point on, outside of the reference to my former faith, I am still referring to this new concept I have of this entity, which I also call Source. Anyhow up to this point Jesus, as detailed in the New Testament, became a sort of a role model for me. Now that I was no longer a Christian there was more freedom in studying the Bible. With other things I had read I could see this book differently now. I could see Jesus as a man who figured out how to plug in. I thought if Jesus could do it, so could I. We are both children of God afterall. We are both connected to or one with God. I am still struggling with this oneness thing. This essentially made me feel that I could live a life without limitation. All my life I had been limited by my circumstances, beliefs, thoughts. I had never been a powerful or wealthy person. All of a sudden it seemed as if I could experience what that would be like, to have the power in me to heal, transport myself anywhere in the world, fly, take control of my dreams, astral project and explore the energetic realms of the afterlife. I thought I could do anything. I was flying high, then the plane stalled. Now once again I was being told I was wrong. My beliefs were wrong. I can not control things. I can not create my reality. My thoughts do not create my reality. I do not do the miracles. There is nothing I can do. The world is set in stone, creation is finished. Even though what I, and the rest of humanity, call reality is not how things really are, how things really are can't be changed, so what would be the point in knowing the Truth of reality? I guess I though if I knew the Truth, I would then know how to do the things I wanted to do, or how to become what I wanted to be. Essentially everything now is hopeless. My life has no purpose. I have no idea what my dream may be. Even if I were to see reality as it really is, I can't change anything. Reality is set, my course is set, I have the illusion of free will, of the ability to do anything I put my mind to, but these are as illusory as what I think of as reality itself. On top of that there seems to be no way to really know the Truth. Everyone has different definitions, who knows which one is right? I have to hear my parents constantly saying that the world is coming to an end, the second coming a big part of the Christian faith. I also read in text after text that the purpose of my life is to serve, which I know is a pile of bullshit. So that just adds to the depression energy I feel. All day, every day. It is no wonder that I finally got sick in my physical body. It is a reflection of my inner state, in serious dis-ease, I am sure. So now I have to ask, if everything is set in stone, then what is the reason to keep going? I can only come up with one. Illusory or not, there is a big world out there, and the Big Sur has stuck in my mind, so I guess I am going to have to ignore reason, free my intuition, step out in faith, with no guarantees I will even have a place to sleep, clothes on my body, or food in my belly, and go. I will have to lay my son on the alter, so-to-speak, the comforts of living here. I am blessed with a roof over my head, clothes and food. But I am starving spiritually, and if all my life were to be was living here, I would kill my physical body right now and free myself without hesitation. I need to let this go, get rid of unreasonable reason, and act solely on intuition. I know this is a major area in my life I must address. But how do I deal with this desire to have some measure of control or power, which I have never had, my whole life? I will have even less when I am hiking or biking down the coast. No safety, no security. No assurance that even if my inner landscape is at peace, and I am thinking nothing but loving thoughts, that I will even survive on the way down there, or if I get down there, once I am there. I mean if my thoughts do not create my reality, I certainly can't create a realty of getting along with everyone I meet, can I? If things are set in stone, if fate or destiny or karma rule, then I am powerless to insure a pleasant experience for myself. If I can't think good thoughts about what will happen, and the people I will meet, and expect that to be the reflection I see out in the world, then I am at the mercy of the whims of some design already set in place. The script is written, so-to-speak. I only think I can ad-lib. Once again I am left without answers, without even the faith I once had that if I just thought correctly about my circumstances and the people I meet, that I would be safe. I know I need to deal with the things driving my need for control, power and magic. I will use the word magic to describe acts that most people do not do. Walking through walls, teleportation, flying, healing. Maybe miracles is a better word. But I have always thought of this as magic. That this world is plain and dull without magic. Without wonder, a sense of wonder, without amazing things. Not that life in its many forms on this planet is not amazing. But a beautiful bird that can fly is nothing to a human who is flying, with no wings, devices or anything other than simply having figured out how to supersede the concept of the law of gravity. I need to figure out the roots of these desires and address them. But I am tried of this letting go. I am weary of it. Every time it has hurt and taken me a long time to recover, and I still have not recovered fully. I am hurt and tired. I don't believe oneness with God is any more of a desirable future than Heaven or reincarnation. I question the things I have been reading. I wonder what the Truth really is. I wonder if things have to be so hard. If I have to go through all this shit just to finally, someday, when I am 90 years old and have little time left physically to enjoy it, be able to do the things I have always wanted to do and be the person I want to be. I am not even sure who that is. Someone who is doing whatever they love to do, that thing they loose track of time doing, that thing they get lost in. I guess I want to live that life, and I want to live a life without limitations. I am tired of limitations, restrictions and rules. I want to live an unlimited life, doing what I love doing. If I am going to have a dream that is it. If this is an impossible dream to attain in a reasonable amount of physical time I guess I had better just kill myself and be done with it. There would literally be no point in living if I can't have that life. Or at the very least a life where I am doing what I love to do, and I have figured out how to access, channel or work with the Source to keep my own physical body healthy and manifest needed things. I guess now I want to see what others think. If you have a point of view I would appreciate it if you expounded on it. I remember in a previous thread that someone said my thoughts do not create my reality. They never explained why they said that. I seek understanding here, and if it is available, confirmation. I seek the Truth, whatever that is and however painful it may be. The true Truth too, not the Truth according to your religion. The Truth that has been proven to be experientially true by someone with many years experience on their own spiritual path. I am feeling a little lost and directionless right now. I have hacked my way through the dense jungle of various spiritual teachings and am now standing here, unsure of where I should go next. Please point me in the right direction if you can.