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Thank you for making this opportunity available for others to share their experience in the Chinese Internal arts. My name is Eric Wilson . . . I trained and taught Chinese Kung-fu, Tai-chi, and Qigong for more than 24 years. And while I did realize a great manifestation of "internal" power, I also experienced some very strong negative effects. I am sharing my story and these experiences at the links below, and it is my prayer that these will be of help to those who also have had questions about the spiritual source of Chi and "internal" power. Thank you, Eric Wilson and family

Hi Yall! I wrote a little Blogpost about perception. I thought I would share it here. http://misterethoughts.blogspot.com/2016/10/whose-perception.html

Will come back to it later.

This questions comes after finding something I wrote not that long ago, inspired by Tolle's, "Power of Now", called, "Tar Pit." Essentially I had come to a number of realizations about my previous thoughts of suicide. I wrote this thing, never edited it, and forgot about it. Recently I found myself appraoching the same sort of terrain I was in before I wrote this. That is to be expected, the time after Christmas has been dark for me in the past, and that is a thought pattern which has to be replaced with a new way of thinking as much as anything else. This year however has already been different, I am not down at all. I don't know that I can say I am happy or joyful. But I am not unhappy or joyless. However if I were to continue to go deeper into this terrain, and appraoch the same sort of state I was in that I was writing about, then things could turn out quite differently. This year will be especially hard for me, as I approach 40, for reasons I do not care to go into. So if I were to allow myself to that particular place, mindset, way of thinking, then it is feasible I could do something that I have faced a few times before but never followed through with. Please note I am nowhere near that state, so if you are concerned, I appreciate it, but there is nothing to fear or worry about. In any case this brings me to my question... As I understand it the ego is concerned with self-preservation. The ego then, by nature, can not be suicidal. It can be self-destructive, but it can never seek to kill itself, as that would be against its nature. Yet it is the ego that is responsible, I am certain, for forgetting I wrote this, that I realized these things. It is the ego that wants me to forget these things I have realized reading Tolle's book. If I was in the wrong mindset, if I did not find these words, the ego may then find itself destroying itself. If I were to kill myself, I would kill my ego. My death is its own destruction. So why would my ego intefere with this? Why would it cause me to not remember what I wrote, the things I realized? How could I forget these important realizations? Remembering this is life, forgetting them is death. The ego seeks its own death in forgetting them. Because while I am not in that mindset right now, where I am is fragile and tenous at best. I can easily fall or slip down into that mindset, and this year, of all years, it could be fatal. Why would my ego risk that? Suicide is killing my self. Just wanted to get some thoughts on this. If the ego is going to do stuff like this (of course I presume it is my ego and I could be wrong, but assuming it is and I am right) understanding it will help me deal with it. I want to get to know this thing that, at this present moment, seems to be in control of me.. Specifically how come it would cause me to forget something at the risk of destroying itself. Whatever else this thread may be, it poses some interesting questions and ought to be an engaging conversation. Understanding that thing in us that we are trying to free oursleves from might make the task easier.