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What is happening to me? Is a question for which I kind off know the answer already; although I don't know what the answer means. Let me tell you a what happened to me during the last year; and especially the last month. Maybe some of you can bring clarity, or at least it may provide a nice anecdote. Since September I was getting more and more tired. So tired that by December I was sleeping more than half the day. Ten hours at night and 2 after work in the afternoon. My mood was low and gray. I started to feel hopeless. During the Christmas break I got the flue so bad I thought I was going to die; but I lived. Still I became even more tired and start getting symptoms of depression. Half way through February I got a stomach problem so painful that my wife drove me over to the ER. Gastritis was the diagnoses and we were ready to leave until the doctor rushed and said, you need a scan. Your blood calcium level is dangerously high. So after tests they found a benign tumor on one of my parathyroids. Those are 4 little glands behind the thyroid that regulate calcium level. Now on March 1st I had an operation done by an excellent surgeon and it is true that I felt ten years younger afterwards. Only with the apathy lifted I started to feel anxious and had a couple of panic attacks. Now two weeks later, on a Sunday I went to a small wellnessgathering where a friend of mine (who was my 1st level reiki teacher 4 years ago) apparently opened my hearth. Which in itself was a nice experience. Now, I started to feel more and more nervous and weird and on the Wednesday after I posted a thread here where I stated I needed something. Jeff here did some energy work and I started to indeed feel better; but not completely well yet. link to thread The next week the symptoms returned and with the added stress of financial problems I felt dark thoughts on Tuesday. I thought about killing myself but I couldn't. For I love my wife too much and I know that I will live into my seventies; since as a child I have seen my departure from this world. Now on Thursday I had a kind of nervous breakdown and since my wife didn't know what to do with me she brought me to her shrink she was about to visit. He couldn't let me go, so he instructed me to go to the ER. I didn't mention to him the spiritual stuff ofcourse, but I told him the dark thoughts. Now, after a night at the ER they put me in observation. Since I don't have any symptoms of depression or any other disorder; the doctors were puzzled until they got my bloodtests back. Grace be given, they did a thyroid test. Apparently I have a thyroid issue. Only, my thyroid looks normal and Jeff told me I was up for a roller coaster after an opened heart. Now yesterday, still strange moods; although my mind seems detached from them. Like the emotions are happening to my body and not to myself or my mind. Mostly restlessness and some episodes of feeling intense love. I know I that my life is on a pivotal moment and I wanted to talk to someone who is a renown seer. Only she charges a lot and is probably on spring break. Now today, my wife talked to an old friend who also is a spiritual practice and she looked at me. She said I am evolving and ascended masters (a lot of them) are helping me through it. She adviced doing nothing but take plenty of rest and wait it out. She will see me on friday. Meanwhile this afternoon went to my general practitioner who seems to be clueless on thyroid hormones. I secured an appointment with one of the best endocrinologists (thanks to a family connection). So here I sit on a Tuesday evening; waiting and trying to rest. Well, I could use some soothing and actually I might want to be a testament to whatever I am going through.