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For the duration of all but the first few months of my path I ve thrown the pursuit of happiness to the wind. But now I feel lost… even as I’m on the right track (I believe) towards cultivation and service. The path of aimlessness and no-goal is lonely and burdensome. How does one negate the ego while adequately nourishing the spirit? If you do your best to let go of your desires and still haven’t arrived at enduring serenity… do you just keep going? Taking over/charge doesn’t seem to ever help… and passive waiting is unsatisfactory. It would be one thing if I felt I was seeking irreversible transcendence, but I’m actually seeking unwavering immersion and the connection and compassion that comes with it. But when the only ppl who reciprocate in your life are your family, your Internet forum sangha of two weeks, a best friend that doesn’t want to be more than friends, and a lovely handful of retired zen center hippy do-gooders…. What’s the inspiration to be self-sacrificing other than to uphold your vows and honor your ancestors? I’m healing and losing heart, grateful and jaded, finding my way but resisting that it isn’t matching my hopes and expectations. (I know hope and expectation are hindrances and delusions… but only realized beings are potentially without hindrance and delusion) maybe some of you will have helpful insights and prescient wisdom. With all the tension in this post bordering on negstivity I think I’m gonna give myself a luminous. Spacious, warm hug… and not expect an easy or satisfying answer. 🤷🏼‍♂️🤗🤷🏼‍♂️