I am slowly going crazy... 1.2.3.4.5.6. switch... crazy going slowly am I.. 6.5.4.3.2.1. switch...

[Thunder_Gooch]

I was going to make the topic title Meditations To Calm Anger and Agitations (Besides Metta, and Emptiness)?

but this morphed into something other than what I expected, this is just some rant I hope you get a chuckle out of it, yes this really happened, and no its not that abnormal for me in any way.

 

 

Today has been a very interesting day for me. I am going to vent about it a little so you can go ahead and stop reading now if you like

 

I awoke this morning to a soft rap tap tap on on my bedroom window at 1am, it wasn't a raven it was someone I used to work with 2 years ago who found out where I lived and wanted to visit.

 

I talk to him for a minute and explain I am opening the store in a few hours and need some sleep. He insists on hanging out and eating some food and using my interwebz because he has none, I explain I'm going to sleep and he has to be gone by 6am because I am going to work.

 

I wake up almost late for work, get showered and make it barely in time to open in time.

 

I open the door, the shirtless guy on the motorcycle is camping my spawn ugg, I wish I could drop agro on these npc's I wish I had memmed my feign death spell this morning.

 

The chatty old lady who likes to bring me 1960's tech gadgets because she heard I was a computer geek comes in for a Sunday news paper and has to tell me about her wonderful new granite countertops, and about her washing machine that's off balance and the repair men that have been out 8 times to fix, but they haven't replaced it yet like the warranty states they should have, shes going to sue them for sure if she doesn't get a new washer. She's upset because her neighbor drinks too much beer and doesn't take out his trash, shes certainly going to call child services on him as "obviously" he's a meth dealer. Her outdoor pet squirrels seem to be doing well after the death of their mother, at the hands of her meth dealing neighbors. She asks if she can plaster our front door with signs trying to sell her old particleboard laminate counter tops, $150 wow what a great deal! She tells me that the local grocery store has a special on shrimp this week, oh boy!

The phone rings (I'm saved) I continue talking long after the other party hangs up, eventually I notice her drifting towards the door and waving, my eye slightly twitches as I anxiously wait for car to leave the parking lot, I watch our CCD camera display like its a sporting event. Shes gone, I can tell this day is going to be long.

 

I pour another cup of coffee, and brew a pot of green tea for lunch and set it aside to cool. The store is now full of people, all wanting bakker. Some hairy redneck asks for some chewinn backker, this conjures up visuals in my mind of chewbaca the wooky from star wars, I wonder if Lucas ever worked at a convenience store is this where his name came from, some hairy red neck? I laugh to myself.

 

It's odd to see the mix of people in my area, almost all of the highly educated people aren't from around here, most of the locals don't or can't read newspapers. I look at these people and remember that they have the same right to vote as I do, the harsh reality slowly sinks in....

 

It's time for church, everybody decides to buy beer, sorry you can't buy beer on Sunday! Nope its a state law. Yes I know its stupid. No I can't just pretend you are getting something else, no I can't ring it up as gasoline, yes I know gasoline has ethanol in it now, no you can't pay for that with pills, no I don't know if fix-a-flat works on lawn mowers, good maybe you can drink the gasoline then because I sure as hell can't sell beer today.

 

Redneck #42 arrives and buys all our allergy pills and starting fluid, I certainly hope its not what I am assuming its for, but sadly it probably is.

 

Yay! It's crazy lottery guy. I can smell the cheap dollar store cologne before the door finishes opening, he's got gray chest hair and is wearing an absolutely horrid Hawaiian button up shirt, he smiles at me with his gold tooth. He sounds like a used car salesman and he has about 60 tickets for me to check for him, one winner out of the bunch, and he's certain I scammed him out of his "other" winning tickets. He hangs around for about 45minutes recounting and shuffling through his deck sized wad of tickets, and leaves mumbling something. I think this man is a cross between billy mays, magnum P.I., and that weird old man on family guy.

 

Great! now here comes lawnmower man, he lost his license so he drives his lawnmower a few miles to the store, he piles the counter up full of BBQ supplies, I watch him drive away straddling bags groceries and bags of charcoal between his legs on the lawnmower.

 

Oh Boy! Now here is gold pan man, he's about 70 years old 90% deaf, and not a tooth in his head. He has a mission for me, I have to translate a love poem someone wrote him from cursive which he can't read to large printed letters, I take up three pages of notebook paper to accomplish this. This is worse than vogon poetry, I will my large intestine to throttle my brain and kill me instantly, sadly it doesn't. I wonder sometimes is this really happening, I bite my lip till I feel a pinch, yes sadly I believe it is.

 

 

Oh great it's time for lunch, would I like to buy some chicken? No not precooked chicken, no not de plucked chicken, LIVE Chicken, yes for only $20 I too can own a live rooster, of fighting origin I am assured.. I decline the offer on the chicken, although I feel sorry for the poor thing.

 

Oh great someone with money wants to buy my laptop, finally some good news, ah I see no money. Can I take payment plans, no, get a credit card if you want credit, no it wont make you breakfast, no it doesn't have a 10 year warranty, no I wont hold it for you till next week, no you can't take it home to see if your child will like it. OH MY GOD STOP TALKING... I feel a circuit in my brain fry out, as the lady humphs her way out of the store.

 

 

I check the taobums oh great, some douchebag wants to troll me, when I invent that device that lets me stab people in the face over the interwebz I am going to become rich and retire.

 

 

come on closing time... I can feel the seconds tick by in my mind, I am really looking forward to kicking some ass in battlefield 2142,

 

 

I am home, time to blow off some steam on 2142... for some reason after 5 rounds of winning and owning just about everyone else on the server... I am still very agitated...

 

I decide to meditate for a while, 30 minutes of metta usually works well for relieving stress (at least for me), but doesn't seem to have any effect this time. Emptiness meditation, I can't relax, my anger and agitation are palpable, I decide to go for a walk at dusk and try to just breath, I find myself just wanting to punch the ever living shit out of someone. I really want to see some blood tonight, in some dark animalistic craving that is welling up inside of me...

 

I wonder guys do other people experience emotions on this level and is it normal?

 

I think I am going to go have a beer, I never get out of this house...

Edited June 8, 2009 by More_Pie_Guy

[Aetherous]

Yeah it's normal. In fact, I was in a very similar mood yesterday. Stop trying to quiet the emotions, because that causes problems. Don't kill someone, but it's okay to feel that way.

[Thunder_Gooch]

XAg5KjnAhuU

[CarsonZi]

I think that if you really hate your job as much as you seem to...you should get a new job. Sorry if I'm stating the obvious here.

 

Love,

Carson

[thelerner]

Some days we get the beer, some days the bear gets us.

 

Some times going a little crazy is the only way to stay sane. Don't fight the impulse

 

 

Michael

[Thunder_Gooch]

I think that if you really hate your job as much as you seem to...you should get a new job. Sorry if I'm stating the obvious here.

 

Love,

Carson

 

 

The happiest time in my life, was working as a dish washer at this little cafe before it closed down. I listened to my cd player and headphones (before mp3 players, just after cdburners came out), it was long hours, no contact with other people, steady work, and low pay. I did my job and went home, and work didn't follow me home and ask me to fix its computer for it. Actually finding work is incredibly hard right now, I am really luck to have anything, one day I keep telling myself, I will reach escape velocity.... Thats what enables me to keep going.

 

cheers everybody.

[11:33]

I guess appreciating your work is out of the question?

[Thunder_Gooch]

I guess appreciating your work is out of the question?

 

I sell people "fixes" for their bad habits, nicotine, alcohol and gambling, its probably the worst job karmically speaking that I could have XD I sell laptops, and do computer repair on the side and on off days, I try to be nice to everyone and there are a few intelligent people I have met and like that are customers there, like an author and an ex EEG technician, but that's about it. Unless I am willing to pack it up and move to the city this is as good as its going to get, I could probably make more use of my skillset in a city than this podunk town, but I can't stand cities there are even more stupid people there and they're more violent too.

Edited June 8, 2009 by More_Pie_Guy

[11:33]

I sell people "fixes" for their bad habits, nicotine, alcohol and gambling, its probably the worst job karmically speaking that I could have XD I sell laptops, and do computer repair on the side and on off days, I try to be nice to everyone and there are a few intelligent people I have met and like that are customers there, like an author and an ex EEG technician, but that's about it. Unless I am willing to pack it up and move to the city this is as good as its going to get, I could probably make more use of my skillset in a city than this podunk town, but I can't stand cities there are even more stupid people there and they're more violent too.

 

 

I feel ya, MPG. I mean, I always say you should appreciate where you're at, however, sometimes your discontent is good because it is leading you to something more appropriate for you. So who knows. But the world will always be filled with people who don't understand things. There will always be others living their funk ass lives totally different than you. I don't know that it is such a big deal karmically. If you weren't working there someone else CERTAINLY would. Most of the karma falls on the cigarette companies etc, for intentionally harming people. You're just living, the karma is probably nil.

 

Just my 2 cents. Peace.

[hagar]

 

h

[taiji_phoenix]

I totally understand. I go through the same thing almost every day, and I work at a library. I have the crazy lady, the redneck, people who argue over 10 cents, people who think I know every thing about everything and get mad when I don't, ect. Sometimes I do get so angry that I want to hurt someone. I just go home and beat on my punching bag. I thought that I left all this stuff behind when I left retail!!! But I have come to realize that people are people, and that is the way they are. It gives me some practice on being compassionate (I really do try).

 

Taiji phoenix

[evZENy]

The trick of accepting what IS...

I fight witht he same all the time - no worries. You are fine. Or at least not alone.

In my case - I spent the whole day at work browsing and doing nothing.

And that makes me more unhappy than when I've been working in contrusction or in a farm.

 

I hope it's a stage. And new things will come.

Meanwhile - enjoy the fact I can read you while at work :-)

 

It's funny you counted up to 6 - that was the Excellent (i.e. maximum) grade in my country in the schools.

So you going from Poor to Excellent and back.

That's Life :-) or :-( - not sure...