How Important is it for your PARTNER to have a spiritual path of some kind?

[Encephalon]

Deng Ming-Dao writes that the union of body and mind is as important for Taoists as the redemption of the soul is for Christians. How many of you would be unwilling to enter into a permanent relationship with someone who did not take seriously a path that included fitness, meditation, and personal evolution?

 

What? Ya think I'm looking for an excuse to break up? No.... just cruising for some impirical data is all...

[Sunya]

fitness? well I could care less about fitness, but being in a relationship with someone like-minded is very important. like-minded as in similar interests, but not a clone. spirituality is very important. i dated a girl who was pretty closed minded and argumentative, we did not have a good relationship because she just did not understand why I was so interested in spirituality. i think a lot of conflict can be present in relationships where there is closed mindedness and not being on the same page in certain aspects. too much alike is bad, but so is being too different. the differences, I believe, should not be in terms of spiritual interest.

[contrivedname!]

well i would posit that the answer is going to be different for everyone, but you probably are already aware of this.

 

for me a "spiritual path" isnt too important; what is important is their actions. i could see myself with someone from any or no spiritual path if they are compassionate, open minded and at least somewhat interested in similar things (this goes both ways). i could give a shit less if they are muslim, taoist, buddhist, christian or sikh or jain or hindu (though i might have some trouble with jain diet ), or well whatever, it is their actions or karma yoga if you will, i dont give a fuck how they got there or are getting there or even are just interested in living a compassionate life style. so if you consider compassionate action and respect for all beings to be a "spiritual path" then my answer is yes its important, however, if you consider spiritual paths a possible way to attain this but not the only then the answer is no. i will posit that many spiritual paths such as buddhism are sort of a path to reach this state through dissolving barriers of the ego-mind which prevent many folks from being truly compassionate; however some forge their own path and others somtimes reach this state of being without a path i.e. almost unintentionally. of course many dogmatists would disagree with my last statement.

 

chris

[11:33]

Not saying this is true of you, just saying:

 

Something very common I see from spiritual folks is they want their partner to be spiritual too. They often feel as if the partner is holding them back. But really it is an excuse to not master themselves. It is a need to change them because you think they are holding you back from achieving. Really though they are there as a kind of testing ground to master yourself.

[Spirit Ape]

Fitness plays a very important roll in cultivation, nothing worst then a Fat kung fu or qi kung teacher r a skinny unhealthy looking teacher!!!

[Tokoyo Tama]

Any area where a partner simply does not, and will not, understand their mate can cause significant friction. This can arise with sports fanaticism or spiritual devotion. There would be limitations in sexual practices if ones partner is not on the daoist path, but I imagine this would not be a significant obstacle so long as it is genuinely and deeply healthful. Outside of this partner dependent aspect of the Taoist path, I doubt there would be significant issues due to their lack or dissimilarity of practice.

 

From personal experience I know that wanting a partner to increase or start a practice can really just indicate you wish for them to change. In short, this is not likely a good sign. If someone were to never once practice any sort of intentional 'spiritual' cultivation, but were a genuinely virtuous and loving human being, it would seem expecting them to take a spiritual path would be far outside of the advice of the Tao [insert tao te ching quote here]. A real issue, however, is that often times people are not particularly compassionate or virtuous, and only through conscious spiritual training do they begin to foster such traits. Often may be an overstatement, seems to hold up from my life experience.

 

Last point is if they simply have no regard or a lack of willingness to discuss or otherwise facilitate your "fitness, meditation, and personal evolution", then there's an issue. Facilitate doesn't mean being enamored with, however. People love dearly others whose day jobs couldn't interest them less but will regularly engage and discuss the job just because it is a part of their loved ones life.

 

In short, anybody who is not engaged in "personal evolution" of what I would phrase the positive sort is a pretty dubious choice for a partner. -> ->

[contrivedname!]

11:33 and tokoyo... great stuff i especially liked:

 

"In short, anybody who is not engaged in "personal evolution" of what I would phrase the positive sort is a pretty dubious choice for a partner."

 

true, to my perception. basically it comes down to evolving constantly as a person based upon your experiences conjoined w/ previous and expanding wisdom (due to the experience(s), though, as language being limited; 'expanding' isnt quite the right term, there really is no expansion or contraction, it just seems so to the lineal based ego preception). though as you say, few are likely to hit this 'range' lacking some sort of "spiritual identity".

 

&

 

"Something very common I see from spiritual folks is they want their partner to be spiritual too. They often feel as if the partner is holding them back. But really it is an excuse to not master themselves. It is a need to change them because you think they are holding you back from achieving. Really though they are there as a kind of testing ground to master yourself."

 

right, you are probably projecting your own needs or wants or fallacies or whatnot onto the other person as though they were the cause of your impeding neuroses.

 

haha

[erdweir]

I get hung up on this one sometimes too. 11:33 makes a point that I had trouble seeing until a few years ago, I used to offload some of my responsibility onto my girlfriends. It kind of funny but when i decided to take a break from women and learn how to meditate for a year, afterwards I did meet someone who had been being doing reiki and yoga for over ten years. we had allot of fun trading energy, but she kind of blew me away when she started having sex with some energetic being! It didn't end up working out, but now I think I am in this space where I won't even be attracted to someone who doesn't have a spiritual side. And I dont mean that I interview them and then make a decision, it's all unconscious. every woman I have been with over the last few years has had this. When I look back at some of the more lost and angry people i used to date, I can see how I used to be, lost and angry too. you get what you give.

Edited June 15, 2009 by erdweir

[james]

I personally dont think it is important, if you love someone and they understand you and your path you can have a beautiful relationship together, in my experience you fall in love and stay in love with someone you have a strong connection with, as long as they understand that you need to do practice ect and they are not against it,

 

however i think its important to have contact with people who are spiritually like minded because that energy is positive for your practice and helps you stay focused rather than getting caught up in the normal worldly mundane stuff.

 

You really need to use your awareness with this one, but the main thing is to do practice and integrate that into your life, if you are able to do that with the person you are with then its fine, it can be easy to play little mind games with yourself on these issues, in any relationship spiritual or otherwise there is always sacrifices.

 

On the other side of the coin couples following the similar path can become a little intense, come on we've all seen them slightly neurotic uptight, their relationship problems become intertwined with spiritual reasoning, it can get ugly.

 

anyways hope something ive added helps peace james

[DaoChild]

For me there is no importance.

 

Doesn't matter at all, and it goes often hand in hand with the type of women I like (girly, high maintenance, want expensive things).

 

Why does it not matter to me? Naturally I feel my way of life, my views spill over into the people I live with. Usually this results in a deep understanding on their part, and they come to view me, and become attached to me, as unconventional, different, interesting.

 

I like this path to be a solo one for the most part, interestingly enough..

[Spiritual_Aspirant]

Deng Ming-Dao writes that the union of body and mind is as important for Taoists as the redemption of the soul is for Christians. How many of you would be unwilling to enter into a permanent relationship with someone who did not take seriously a path that included fitness, meditation, and personal evolution?

 

What? Ya think I'm looking for an excuse to break up? No.... just cruising for some impirical data is all...

 

 

I think it would be really difficult to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't at least understand the spiritual path. It would be beneficial if you can be in a relationship to someone who's also in the spiritual path, at least you'd be in sync. Thoughts?

[Aetherous]

A very complicated issue which has no easy answer.

[Encephalon]

For me there is no importance.

 

Doesn't matter at all, and it goes often hand in hand with the type of women I like (girly, high maintenance, want expensive things).

 

Why does it not matter to me? Naturally I feel my way of life, my views spill over into the people I live with. Usually this results in a deep understanding on their part, and they come to view me, and become attached to me, as unconventional, different, interesting.

 

I like this path to be a solo one for the most part, interestingly enough..

 

Do I understand you correctly - that you prefer high maintenance, materialistic women? I try to avoid undue judgmentalism, because it's more often than not a product of my own psychological projection, but geez, is there still any serious question about the bankruptcy of consumer culture? I just started watching season 1 of "Californication" on Netflix, and I love the show and I want to start my screenwriting projects as soon as I finish my damn thesis. But I don't want to be a conspicuous consumer. I want to make some cash and get the hell out of here, perhaps move to Vancouver, BC and find a sane Taoist community.

 

Forgive me if I've misinterpreted anything.

[Encephalon]

Not saying this is true of you, just saying:

 

Something very common I see from spiritual folks is they want their partner to be spiritual too. They often feel as if the partner is holding them back. But really it is an excuse to not master themselves. It is a need to change them because you think they are holding you back from achieving. Really though they are there as a kind of testing ground to master yourself.

 

Extremely good point. There is an extraordinary amount of work to do on ourselves before others ever into the picture. What I am reminded of repeatedly is a line from "The Road Less Travelled" - his definition of love as the willingness to extend yourself for the spiritual growth of another human being. So, I could continue my own life and my Taoist energy work and yoga, while accepting my girlfriend's unwillingness to get off the couch and put away the fantasy novels, and listen to her chronic complaining about every physical discomfort, ailment, syndrome, fat ass.... blah blah blah... or I could encourage her to explore the alternative of taking care of yourself physically, trusting that health of mind and soul will follow...

 

but at some point, you have to ask yourself if what you prize about life itself is even worthy of another person's interest.

 

Okay - there it is - I confess - I met her when I thought that no one else would have me. Now I want more....

shit, I'm in big trouble...

[Sunya]

 

Doesn't matter at all, and it goes often hand in hand with the type of women I like (girly, high maintenance, want expensive things).

 

 

you are joking, right?

[Sloppy Zhang]

I think that everyone has lessons to learn and lessons to teach, so in all of my personal relationships (romantically, friendship, professional, etc etc) I try to learn from the other person as much as possible.

 

So, whether or not my partner is into cultivation and meditation, I'd still try and enjoy the experience for what it does teach me. And that's what I try and do on a daily basis, even if she's super girly, high maintenance, not super duper smart, or anything like that

 

Of course, if my partner doesn't understand or approve of my opinions and what I do, well, I don't see how we could continue in our relationship but even if she doesn't see things exactly the way I do, as long as I can still do my thing I'm good

Edited June 15, 2009 by Sloppy Zhang

[CarsonZi]

As many have said, the answer to this question will be different for everyone....but personally I have had to do MUCH inquiry on this topic.

 

Everything happens for a reason.....and we are all living our own realities. If your reality requires a sadhana of some kind, then that is your reality. Other people do not have this reality. At least not yet (wink heavily emphasized, haha) ....

 

I am personally married to a woman who for the first 3 or so years of our relationship had no desire (or need) for any spiritual practices whatsoever. This really bothered me at first because I was deeply involved in my own daily practices and I was learning fast. Regardless, I chose to marry her even though she had no spiritual aspirations and I have an absolute need for liberation in this lifetime...very opposite spiritual goals. She had/has a great attitude towards my sadhana though, letting it be what it is to me, and not being upset with the amount of time I spend doing asanas, pranayam, meditation, inquiry and reading/writing, knowing that jivankukti is of the utmost importance to me. And she can see the obvious benefits of my practices as well.....watching me get clean from methadone in 10 weeks (without withdrawals) as well as seeing me rid myself of a 16 year chronic marijuana addiction. Not to mention the complete attitude change, going from being angry at all existance 24/7, to being absolutely unable to be provoked into any negative response now. But even after all these changes she still had no desire to start a practice for herself. This caused me to inquire deeply into how important it is for life partners to have common spiritual goals.

I have come to this conclusion:

 

We are all on our own individual paths. And everything happens for a reason. You are where you are right now because there is a lesson to learn here.

 

For me, the lesson I needed to learn in being married to someone with no spiritual ambitions was to learn to love my wife regardless of anything. It took me a while to learn this lesson but now that I have, she has started a daily sadhana of her own. It is not the same "style" of sadhana I have but that doesn't matter. She has her own path and her own lessons to learn as do I.

 

I hope my experience can be of some use in this discussion. Namaste.

 

Love,

Carson

Edited June 15, 2009 by CarsonZi

[Encephalon]

As many have said, the answer to this question will be different for everyone....but personally I have had to do MUCH inquiry on this topic.

 

Everything happens for a reason.....and we are all living our own realities. If your reality requires a sadhana of some kind, then that is your reality. Other people do not have this reality. At least not yet (wink heavily emphasized, haha) .... I am personally married to a woman who for the first 3 or so years of our relationship had no desire (or need) for any spiritual practices whatsoever. This really bothered me at first because I was deeply involved in my own daily practices and I was learning fast. Irregardless I chose to marry her even though she had no spiritual aspirations and I have an absolute need for liberation in this lifetime...very opposite spiritual goals. She had/has a great attitude towards my sadhana though, letting it be what it is to me, and not being upset with the amount of time I spend doing asanas, pranayam, meditation, inquiry and reading, knowing that jivankukti is of the utmost importance to me. And she can see the obvious benefits of my practices as well.....watching me get clean from methadone in 10 weeks without withdrawals as well as seeing me rid myself of a 16 year chronic marijuana habit. Not to mention the complete attitude change, going from being angry at all existance 24/7, to being absolutely unable to be provoked into any negative response now. But even after all these changes she still had no desire to start a practice for herself. This caused me to inquire deeply into how important it is for life partners to have common spiritual goals. I have come to this conclusion: We are all on our own individual paths. And everything happens for a reason. You are where you are right now because there is a lesson to learn here. For me, the lesson I needed to learn in being married to someone with no spiritual ambitions was to learn to love my wife regardless of anything. It took me a while but I have learned this lesson now. And now that I have, she has started a daily sadhana of her own. It is not the same "style" of sadhana I have but that doesn't matter. She has her own path and her own lessons to learn as do I.

 

I hope my experience can be of some use in this discussion. Namaste.

 

Love,

Carson

 

 

Cool... but there are only 27 women in Calgary at this time, right?

[CarsonZi]

Cool... but there are only 27 women in Calgary at this time, right?

 

Hahahaha....You'de be surprised at how attractive (lots of money [oil] here so a lot of attractive women are here to snag a "rich one". This can create some highly attractive human specimens ) and how "sexually liberal" the women are here (this has to do with the amount of alcohol consumed on a regular basis. We are a "hick" city after all)....YEEHAWWWW, hahahahaha

 

Love,

Carson