How Do You Control Your Emotions?

[DalTheJigsaw123]

How Do You Control Your Emotions?

[DaoChild]

Lots and lots of practice,

[H U G O]

.....

Edited July 8, 2010 by H U G O

[11:33]

Don't get them in the first place.

 

Honestly, Shaolin Cosmos Qigong and Kung-fu make you feel so good that negative emotions don't occur nearly as much. Negative emotions come from tension; that tension blocks the flow of life force energy, and you feel crappy.

 

Practice a high-quality art, and you won't have those emotions (nearly as much or nearly as intensely)

Edited June 28, 2009 by 11:33

[Aetherous]

I choose not to control my emotions. Don't think it's a good idea. But I control my behavior.

[DaoChild]

I choose not to control my emotions. Don't think it's a good idea. But I control my behavior.

 

Hmm. So you're saying if someone insults you (justified or not), you immediately blow up and get defensive?

[Aetherous]

I'm just saying it's good to be natural. If someone insults you, then that's a fact of your life, and your feeling shouldn't be repressed. It is what it is. So I personally choose to allow myself (as if I actually have a choice? ) to feel whatever I'm going to feel, and also choose to control how I respond. So if I'm insulted and take offense, I might feel like punching the person in the face, but I don't do it. Or maybe I do if it's the right situation...

 

Sometimes I vent my frustration. For instance, sometimes my mom seriously makes me angry. Like right at this moment I had just gotten done having a discussion with her which was seriously annoying...sometimes she just does that to me. When it gets really bad, I have to do something with all of that anger...at this point in my life, sometimes it doesn't just flow through me. So the other week I went outside and chopped wood really aggressively, and did a bunch of knuckle push ups, breathing really intensely. Gotta do what you gotta do.

 

This is just my view, that it's good to "be yourself", and not try to bend yourself into some impossible ideal of having no emotion. With this attitude, emotions pass through quickly and don't get stuck in the body. The spirit can remain pure, and undivided.

 

A newborn screams and wails and kicks around, yet isn't this the Taoist role model?

Edited June 28, 2009 by Scotty

[11:33]

Hmm. So you're saying if someone insults you (justified or not), you immediately blow up and get defensive?

 

Why would you get angry just because some one insulted you?

 

Hehehehe... I know I know... But, really these reactions are culturally learned reactions. You don't have to have them.

[DaoWaDiddy]

How Do You Control Your Emotions?

Large caliber weapons carried to high places

 

Intellectually, I'm with Scotty. Emotions happen, but it seems more useful to "eat the Chi" from them rather than spray it all over the room.

 

In practice, there are days when I'm a real dick.

 

Charlie

[Dreamingawake]

How Do You Control Your Emotions?

 

 

Emotion is an effect, not a cause. I took a step back and watched my thoughts and emotions. After a while I began to realize how many of my negative emotions were caused by imperfect perceptions. Then I took a deeper look at those perceptions and once those were corrected, there was no need for those emotions any more. Now it is nearly impossible to anger or offend me because from where I'm standing, you just don't have that much power.

[DaoChild]

I'm just saying it's good to be natural. If someone insults you, then that's a fact of your life, and your feeling shouldn't be repressed. It is what it is. So I personally choose to allow myself (as if I actually have a choice? ) to feel whatever I'm going to feel, and also choose to control how I respond. So if I'm insulted and take offense, I might feel like punching the person in the face, but I don't do it. Or maybe I do if it's the right situation...

 

Sometimes I vent my frustration. For instance, sometimes my mom seriously makes me angry. Like right at this moment I had just gotten done having a discussion with her which was seriously annoying...sometimes she just does that to me. When it gets really bad, I have to do something with all of that anger...at this point in my life, sometimes it doesn't just flow through me. So the other week I went outside and chopped wood really aggressively, and did a bunch of knuckle push ups, breathing really intensely. Gotta do what you gotta do.

 

This is just my view, that it's good to "be yourself", and not try to bend yourself into some impossible ideal of having no emotion. With this attitude, emotions pass through quickly and don't get stuck in the body. The spirit can remain pure, and undivided.

 

A newborn screams and wails and kicks around, yet isn't this the Taoist role model?

 

Hm I see what you are saying, but do not agree.

 

Yes, family can push our buttons more than anyone else. And I am NOT anyone to give lessons on how to react to emotions. But here is my take.

 

Instead of letting it even enter you, I let it pass right through me. For example: I ask someone to do something for me, and they turn around and say no, and insult me, using an insult that is truthful. Natural human tendency is to deny it, then realize it is true, and respond with an equally harsh response. So, instead I say yes, you're right. It is neutralized right there.

 

Or, I no longer let things bother me that once did. They pass right through me, I do not even acknowledge them. Not a thought enters my mind.

 

Why even let it bounce around in me? It's exhausting

 

Why would you get angry just because some one insulted you?

 

Hehehehe... I know I know... But, really these reactions are culturally learned reactions. You don't have to have them.

 

Right, that's where I'm trying to go with this.

 

Large caliber weapons carried to high places

 

Intellectually, I'm with Scotty. Emotions happen, but it seems more useful to "eat the Chi" from them rather than spray it all over the room.

 

In practice, there are days when I'm a real dick.

 

Charlie

 

And I aswell -- usually only around family or very very close people that deliberately push my buttons (and know how).

[11:33]

Emotion is an effect, not a cause. I took a step back and watched my thoughts and emotions. After a while I began to realize how many of my negative emotions were caused by imperfect perceptions. Then I took a deeper look at those perceptions and once those were corrected, there was no need for those emotions any more. Now it is nearly impossible to anger or offend me because from where I'm standing, you just don't have that much power.

 

PERFECTION!@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[DalTheJigsaw123]

Don't get them in the first place.

 

Honestly, Shaolin Cosmos Qigong and Kung-fu make you feel so good that negative emotions don't occur nearly as much. Negative emotions come from tension; that tension blocks the flow of life force energy, and you feel crappy.

 

Practice a high-quality art, and you won't have those emotions (nearly as much or nearly as intensely)

 

What do you suggest?

 

 

Emotion is an effect, not a cause. I took a step back and watched my thoughts and emotions. After a while I began to realize how many of my negative emotions were caused by imperfect perceptions. Then I took a deeper look at those perceptions and once those were corrected, there was no need for those emotions any more. Now it is nearly impossible to anger or offend me because from where I'm standing, you just don't have that much power.

 

That was beautiful! It made perfect sense. I was wondering if Zen and Tao would help me control my emotions? I suppose its like water flowing into you and out of you!

Edited June 29, 2009 by LeonBasin

[longrhythm]

Eat the chi! anybody have any interesting notions of the quality of energy for different types of emotions? Yin or yang energy for negative or positive? Yin is negative isn't it? Textures? I'm curious. And absolutely eat the chi!

 

Brian

[Josh Young]

I do not understand the idea that some emotions are negative or others are positive. No emotion lacks place and purpose.

 

I do not seek to control emotions, nor to dwell in them. I let them flow in a natural manner and I am comfortable with the full range of emotion.

 

If I would offer that there is something worth controlling, so to speak. I would dare say it is no more or less than preconceptions. These need to be surrendered to now in exchange for clarity. Then the burden of preconceptions is lifted and emotional states become simplified.

 

However as concerns emotion, to all things there is a season. There are no negative emotions and all emotions have their place. However no emotion entails a type of action, so being displeased is not the same as acting displeased. Being angry is not the same as acting angry.

[DalTheJigsaw123]

Bumpin'

[Pranaman]

That was beautiful! It made perfect sense. I was wondering if Zen and Tao would be me control my emotions? I suppose its like water flowing into you and out of you!

 

Zen works good, helps you to just be with the emotion. Doing this, and not feeding it with thought... will eventually come to the emotion's death.

 

The key is to not to rely on a practice . Everyday requires you to just feel the emotion, pay attention to your body and your environment simultaneously. Zen helps with this, and gives you good practice.

[thelerner]

Vispassana type meditations which train you to watch the mind and track thoughts dispassionately is an excellent way to control emotions. It allows you see the anger forming and track down its roots without becoming so lost in it, that instead of being you, you are angry.

 

Michael

[Sloppy Zhang]

I don't "control" my emotions per se.... I just try and see them for what they are.

 

The first time I really noticed myself doing it was when I was playing this game of dodgeball. Some dude threw a ball at my legs, and I was already out, then this other guy ran right up to the line (just two or three feet away) and threw a ball right into my eye.

 

Sufficed to say, I got pretty pissed. I was thinking that if I saw that guy I would beat the snot out of him and all kinds of good stuff, but then I realized that I was getting really pissed, I mentally took a step back and observed what was happening to me. My mind was getting crazy, my body started tensing. And for what? It's not like I was going to beat the crap out of that dude, potentially start a huge fight, then get myself thrown out of school. It's not like the guy who threw the ball at me cared, he was just being a jerk and after 2 mins of observation it was clear he was like that to everyone, so it's not like he was losing any sleep over the incident.

 

So I just let it go and was good and happy

Edited June 28, 2009 by Sloppy Zhang

[dwai]

How Do You Control Your Emotions?

 

try and see what sensations accompany the emotions. More often than not, emotions are the side effect, the root is energetic modifications in the body/subtle body.

 

To be able to observe, its imp to use tools of meditation -- that of the detached observer. Once that comes, the rest is easier.

[Uncle Screwtape]

A very good Taoist method is to follow anything you don't understand back to its beginning: to its seed. you can do that with your emotions. You might find a particular one has its root in something that happened to you when you were six. Resolving that can cut the emotion off at its source and save you the trouble of trying to control it.

[Taomeow]

..

Edited June 29, 2009 by Taomeow

[doc benway]

Some really great posts in this thread

 

Emotions are an important part of being human.

They are our teachers and enrich our lives.

 

The most important thing about emotions, IMO, is to learn not to identify with them.

Anthony Demello is a wonderful teacher in this area.

Identifying and attaching to our emotions is so ingrained in us that it's reflected in our language:

I'm sad, i'm angry.... bullshit. "I" am not sad, there is sadness present, it will pass soon enough.

There is anger present, it will pass.

 

As others have said, we can use our emotions to learn to understand ourselves better.

We can learn to experience our emotions without identifying with them.

If we don't identify with our emotions, we are not bound to react in our usual conditioned patterns.

We are free to choose how to behave independent of our emotions.

This is a more skillful way to live, IMO.

[freeform]

I agree with dwai, Josh and Scotty. [edit - and also Uncle Screwtape, Xuesheng and probably what Tao Meow whispered ]

 

I remember as a kid playing with the streams of water that were irrigating my grand dad's plot... I could dam up and redirect the water... it was fun... I also remember a much bigger stream nearby...

 

Some of the adults decided it would be great to dam it so the kids could swim around in the pond created and the over-flow could irrigate the plots... so they got huge logs and earth and stones and dammed the stream off... in about a week the water started getting through the cracks... a day later, the dam was gone...

 

So next time they brought in a huge plastic sheet to keep the water from seeping through... by end of next week the dam was gone...

 

So they decided to bring in the heavy artillery... they redirected the stream temporarily and drained the area to be dammed, dug down and created foundations, then they poured tons of concrete to create a heavy duty dam... this lasted a while... maybe a month ... but by next month the stream just went round the sides of the concrete...

 

In the they decided to let the water flow where the water wants to flow...

 

Emotions are not controllable. The part of you that 'controls' is like a capricious 2 year old, your emotions are ruled by a far more powerful, far wiser part of you... If you put up dams to stop emotion, it will get through somehow eventually... the best thing to do is let strong emotion flow through completely don't stop it and don't get entangled in it - just let it flow. This is true both mentally and energetically - don't engage in the drama just watch it arise and flow through, don't ignore or suppress or try to change the feelings in your body let them arise and flow through your whole body and out...

 

There is, however, a point before an emotion becomes a powerful torrent... I feel it as a little tugging in my body... if I pay attention to the tugging, it's like noticing the little stream before it becomes a torrent... notice the tugging - it has an important message, if I receive the message at this point then the emotion won't escalate... if I don't listen to it, it will get louder!

 

Of course this requires a level of sensitivity and awareness that we are building with our qi gong and meditation practices... For someone starting out, I would recommend to play with noticing the sensations accompanying the emotions and eventually you'll be able to notice the sensations before the full emotion kicks in...

Edited June 29, 2009 by freeform

[DalTheJigsaw123]

Vispassana type meditations which train you to watch the mind and track thoughts dispassionately is an excellent way to control emotions. It allows you see the anger forming and track down its roots without becoming so lost in it, that instead of being you, you are angry.

 

Michael

 

Thank you!

 

A very good Taoist method is to follow anything you don't understand back to its beginning: to its seed. you can do that with your emotions. You might find a particular one has its root in something that happened to you when you were six. Resolving that can cut the emotion off at its source and save you the trouble of trying to control it.

 

Thanks!

 

Some really great posts in this thread

 

Emotions are an important part of being human.

They are our teachers and enrich our lives.

 

The most important thing about emotions, IMO, is to learn not to identify with them.

Anthony Demello is a wonderful teacher in this area.

Identifying and attaching to our emotions is so ingrained in us that it's reflected in our language:

I'm sad, i'm angry.... bullshit. "I" am not sad, there is sadness present, it will pass soon enough.

There is anger present, it will pass.

 

As others have said, we can use our emotions to learn to understand ourselves better.

We can learn to experience our emotions without identifying with them.

If we don't identify with our emotions, we are not bound to react in our usual conditioned patterns.

We are free to choose how to behave independent of our emotions.

This is a more skillful way to live, IMO.

 

You said it. The emotions come and they go. It's like water flowing in a stream.