Describable Sensations?

[awake]

Hey guys, recently I've been having some feelings... I'm hoping you can help me understand more about them or tell me what to do next in my practice, or offer some words of encouragement, things along those lines.

 

There are some that I feel (sense) are remnants of my past somehow, and happen when I see things (random things trigger it - sometimes things that remind me of other tings consciously but not often) and they are sort of dull - as most of my past was. They're hard to describe (indescribable), and there are many different kinds of them, differing variations. Some of those feelings occur more often than others.

 

The Describable ones fall into two sensations: the sense that I don't know that anyone outside of me even has a reality, for all I know I'm the only thing here and everything is like a computer program with a very advanced Artificial Intelligence - but its not me thinking about this, its a feeling like this, sometimes triggered by a thought of similar nature to what I just described, but sometimes the feeling just comes.

 

The second one is a sense that I don't know what's coming next. This one, unlike the first, is never triggered by a thought, but sometimes the descriptive "i don't know what's coming next" or similar thought comes afterwards.

 

Any insight you can offer into this would be greatly appreciated, thank you!

[Marblehead]

Hi Awake,

 

Hey guys, recently I've been having some feelings

 

That's great!!! It means you are alive.

 

I can't help with any of the other stuff though.

 

Be well!

[awake]

Hi Awake,

 

Hey guys, recently I've been having some feelings

 

That's great!!! It means you are alive.

 

I can't help with any of the other stuff though.

 

Be well!

That's an interesting reply, thank you for it.

 

I am also beginning to notice that all people I come in contact with are beginning to look like a single entity to me, instead of individual unique people, sort of like its a continuance of not knowing the realities of other people, or if they even exist...

[Applecart]

I feel like I can relate to you in a way. I've been having some sort of dilemma about whether to remain a part of this reality. In a way it seems foolish to me to remain here. Should I just realize we are all the same consciousness and transmute the ego and subsequent forms of living in desire(or whatever)?

Then again we are in truth already "awake" and realized and living in this reality out of free will. How we continue with this experience is up to us. That being said, part of me really wants to live a physical life, make love, go on adventures, learn to play music, make a movie, gradually discover more of my true nature.

 

What I recently noticed about myself that is perhaps a root cause of this dichotomy is my imbalanced lifestyle. Excess of smoking cigarettes, extreme happiness followed by bouts of doubting thoughts and reeling. Eating food like I am cramming sex into my mouth. Basically taking many experiences for granted. Too much going on in my head, very little zen meditation/relaxing.

 

Yesterday and today I spent most of my time laying in bed or elsewhere and just relaxing(coming back to my center), and then I would do some normal things like entertaining myself on the computer or going outside for a smoke. That's all that I was doing. Today my body is sick. I've been sneezing a lot. The moments of relaxation and going back to my center were great but I realize that I'm missing something. I'm not enjoying the things about life that I have long loved: walking in the woods, laying in the grass, running around. Oh, I have been laughing a lot though

 

I hope this helps. It helped me a bit to write it out.