does semen emissons makes you start again?

[TTT]

When I am meditating for a while I feel bliss in my meditations, increased energy, chi en

kundalini etc. But when I have a semen emissions i can feel it all leaving me like Ramakrishna said:

 

Ramakrishna Paramahansa:

 

"The whole progress in raising the kundalini shakti along the sushumna nadi (for attaining God-Realization ) through spiritual sadhana of whole two years is fully wasted

in losing semen just once."

 

If this is true, spiritual evolution would be VERY difficult if there is such a thing anyway!

[King Kabalabhati]

He probably just spoke for himself

Don't worry about it, it's good if you can save the seed though. Smile at the whole thing, otherwise it may turn bitter.

 

 

 

 

When I am meditating for a while I feel bliss in my meditations, increased energy, chi en

kundalini etc. But when I have a semen emissions i can feel it all leaving me like Ramakrishna said:

 

Ramakrishna Paramahansa:

 

"The whole progress in raising the kundalini shakti along the sushumna nadi (for attaining God-Realization ) through spiritual sadhana of whole two years is fully wasted

in losing semen just once."

 

If this is true, spiritual evolution would be VERY difficult if there is such a thing anyway!

[TheSongsofDistantEarth]

La petite mort

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

La petite mort, French for "the little death", is a metaphor for orgasm.

 

More widely, it can refer to the spiritual release that comes with orgasm, or a short period of melancholy or transcendence, as a result of the expenditure of the "life force". Literary critic Roland Barthes spoke of la petite mort as the chief objective of reading literature. He metaphorically used the concept to describe the feeling one should get when experiencing any great literature.

 

A recent study of brain activation patterns using Positron Emission Tomography (PET) give some support to the experience of a small death:

 

"To some degree, the present results seem to be in accordance with this notion, because female orgasm is associated with decreased blood flow in the orbitofrontal cortex, a part of the brain that is crucial for behavioural control."[1]

 

The term 'la petite mort' or 'the small death' does not always apply to sexual experiences. It can also be used when some undesired thing has happened to a person and has affected them so much that 'a part of them dies inside'. A literary example of this is found in Thomas Hardy's 'Tess of the D'Urbervilles' when he uses the phrase to describe how Tess feels after she comes across a particularly gruesome omen and meeting with her own rapist. 'La petite mort' has been referenced in other art forms as well. In 1993 Jake and Dinos Chapman created a piece called 'Little Death Machine (Castrated)'. The sculpture is part of an installation at the Tate Britain gallery in London, which explores some of the overtly sexual views of the Surrealist movement. Surrealists such as Salvador Dali explored the links between sex and death through their art.

[TTT]

Ah thank you for your support guys.

[elcaminante]

Hi folks,

 

May I ask where that quotation comes from, because I could not find it on his Gospel...

 

http://www.scribd.com/doc/7737745/Gospel-o...hna-Paramahamsa

[Vajrasattva]

bullshit

[Biff]

bullshit

 

This statement is truth. The Loss of Jing concept is a Taoist trap. A control mechanism and is designed to use your own intent to manifest. The most important thing to remember is intention. Are you going to hoard and solidify the illusion of separation or wake up and realise I AM. You cannot loose until you intend to. Will you allow your intention to be controlled by belief? We must ask ourselves what this hoarding mentality of 'store as loss will make me weak' creates.

 

Now it can work for you of course. But what is working is magnified intent through discipline (regardless of any truth). The truth is, give and you will receive 100 fold in return.

"For Where Your Treasure Is, There Your Heart Will Be Also"

 

Matthew 6:19-24

Edited August 23, 2009 by Biff

[Sunya]

This statement is truth. The Loss of Jing concept is a Taoist trap. A control mechanism and is designed to use your own intent to manifest. The most important thing to remember is intention. Are you going to hoard and solidify the illusion of separation or wake up and realise I AM. You cannot loose until you intend to. Will you allow your intention to be controlled by belief? We must ask ourselves what this hoarding mentality of 'store as loss will make me weak' creates.

 

Now it can work for you of course. But what is working is magnified intent through discipline (regardless of any truth). The truth is, give and you will receive 100 fold in return.

"For Where Your Treasure Is, There Your Heart Will Be Also"

 

Matthew 6:19-24

 

so if I cut your leg off, your intent will grow it back? or more simply, can you, with your intent, take a shit without eating food first?

 

I think intent is important, but you can't ignore biological mechanisms.

 

Santi says bullshit, but he also doesn't release more than twice a month. he's also young. he's also fit.

Ramakrishna probably ate like a spoonful of rice a day, and maybe an apple for dessert. he didn't have the diet to replenish as fast. maybe in his experience that was true. we can't deny that. for you it might be different. I don't think its easy as saying the loss of jing concept is a trap. It's very real.

[Biff]

so if I cut your leg off, your intent will grow it back? or more simply, can you, with your intent, take a shit without eating food first?

 

I think intent is important, but you can't ignore biological mechanisms.

 

Santi says bullshit, but he also doesn't release more than twice a month. he's also young. he's also fit.

Ramakrishna probably ate like a spoonful of rice a day, and maybe an apple for dessert. he didn't have the diet to replenish as fast. maybe in his experience that was true. we can't deny that. for you it might be different. I don't think its easy as saying the loss of jing concept is a trap. It's very real.

 

The trap is the attachment to it and the attutude of 'must not loose a drop!'. There is no logic to some things.... how can we gain energy by fasting for example? There is nothing wrong with 'conserving jing' and cooking it. But will you give it back to the earth or the universe?

 

If we use heaven and earth breathing as an example.... when you take the energy from heaven, cook it and then send it to the earth, the earth will automatically send you back more. And vice versa. Now I have taken energy and cooked it then given it away with awe and respect. This way I am open, for it is better to give then to receive. But by nature I will receive more. Hoarding I will have less.

 

There is a period for cooking as this is the nature of alchemy but if the stream is not flowing then the water will become stagnant. If I take with my left hand I must give back with my right. Try as you might you can never keep everything you take anyway. If you take water from the ocean and boil it into steam it will eventually fall back to the source. And so we can realise I AM now, or realise it on the other side.

 

The unfortunate nature of retention for most practitioners is that it becomes an attachment. With the loss of semen comes guilt and feelings of failure. What I have not seen anyone speak of yet (much) is transmuting. If you cannot cook the WTF are you doing in the kitchen. Someone who knows how to cook (transmute sexual energy) will understand the ingredients of their recipe and will share what they have cooked. To keep adding to the pot endlessly will cause it to overflow and the flame that burns will be put out.

 

Since you mention Santi I assume you know him or do KAP or something. So I wonder, how does retention fit in with Giri? He may retain but I assume he can transmute and does he not give freely to his students? all I read and hear is how he is freely giving shakti! so what the left hand takes the right hand gives. I wonder if Santi might agree that giving brings in 100x more energy then hoarding.

 

Thanks enough for now... I am busting for a crap.... night.

 

Biff

[King Kabalabhati]

I say if saving the seed makes you feel better and stronger, then do it. But everything you do should support it, what you eat, what exercise you do, what your spiritual belief, lifestyle etc.

 

It's not only about whether you realize oneness with all. It's about keeping the energy you need for your health and not "wasting" it even if you know it all goes back into one eventually.

 

I could not keep energy from being one with energy, whether I save seed or not. To think that you're being somehow selfish while cultivating the seed is a ridiculous idea. If I loose my seed for some reason, I just try to smile at it and myself and continue cultivating. There's no guilt involved, I know I'm still better off than before I started retention and I haven't even felt a significant loss of energy every time I've lost it (it's happened a few times, especially in the beginning).

 

I for example just want to be able to support my wife& kids with my best health and compassion and that's what's been improving these last 7 months of cultivation and exercise. I'm getting good feedback from my queen almost daily. I feel and I know that His Majesty Qidamawi Haile Sellassie (my god and King) is rewarding me of my sexual discipline this way. When I had problems with my sexual urges that were incompatible with my life situation, I prayed for a way to heal myself and it was granted. The meditation that is involved does play a critical role, and I'm not talking about a meditation technique but a spiritual foundation that is ever-present.

 

So especially if you feel that your sexuality is somehow out of control, or it's not pure, sexual discipline is the way to go. Whether it means celibacy, a sexual life with total retention or a couple of ejaculations a month, it's up to you. If you don't know how to cook, you can learn once you got the energy and the ingredients together and your pot is not leaking.

 

God bless.

Edited August 23, 2009 by King Kabalabhati

[hyok]

There is A LOT of confusion about retention. Too much, I think.

 

It would be nice if someone who really knew would explain it all. I am not that person.

[Biff]

There are two types of evolution. Outwards into the spawning of new life and inwards into the development of the self. The key to retention is not to be focused on the fear of loosing jing. That misguided intent creates problems and will lead to failure. Do not be afraid to have a wank. But don't go and try to fill a milk bottle either. Honestly, it happens naturally with the right training.

 

To someone who can transmute or can separate jizz from the bizz it's not so much an issue. Like I said it happens naturally.

 

There is A LOT of confusion about retention. Too much, I think.

 

It would be nice if someone who really knew would explain it all. I am not that person.

 

You obviously think you know enough to make the judgement that no one else knows. lol. An attempt to appear humble as transparent as glass.

 

It is obvious that too much wanking will 'make you blind' and there will not be enough energy for the third ventricle to open and the inner eye to see. But then extreme retention and over yang addiction will give you balls like David Verdesi. Both extremes are no good. But then to visit each extreme.... perhaps you will then find the middle path.

[hyok]

 

You obviously think you know enough to make the judgement that no one else knows. lol. An attempt to appear humble as transparent as glass.

 

 

Tell me, how old are you?

Edited August 24, 2009 by hyok

[alla]

.

Edited August 23, 2009 by alla

[Aetherous]

My experience (which isn't much in comparison to some, but whatever)...

 

If you just do it for a longer period of time, while stopping before the orgasm point a few times...smile big and true with the whole head, and breathe in and out (not forcefully), then you don't have to worry about it whatsoever.

 

Of course you should be practicing other things, too...like meditation, qigong, etc.

 

The biggest point that people should understand is: semen is not jing. I agree that it's much more damaging to get all worked up over losing your seed, than it is to lose the seed.

 

Biff's posts are interesting and he seems knowledgeable to me.

[Biff]

Why edit all that stuff from your post? Anyway to answer your questions Hyok...

 

Everything you wrote in this thread is your opinion.

 

Of course it is. Are you insinuating that I'm not entitled to one? or that yours is more important somehow?

 

I can tell it is not based on any type of real experience.

 

Oh... and how is that? Please explain because I'm sure you said...

 

There is A LOT of confusion about retention. Too much, I think.

 

It would be nice if someone who really knew would explain it all. I am not that person.

 

What you were really saying is you do not value anything anyone has said so far. Then you tried to mask your words further by claiming you are not that person. Pride wrapped in humility?

 

I am no expert

 

Right.... ok yes and...

 

I may be wrong about your experiences

 

For sure, of course... err did I tell you my experiences? Or are you making them up based on your judgements of me?

 

your points are mostly wrong based on my experiences.

 

What points are those? You said you were not an expert. Are you an expert or not? please teach us then guru.

 

The duration, the instances and levels of health or damage within the individual's bodies determine the rate of retention that is necessary.

 

The duration and instances of what? And how can you determine the level of a persons health? Can you see energy bodies? Your statement sounds almost like you can make a diagnosis. Are you a doctor? Where did you learn this information?

 

Particularly during a full Kundalini awakening.

 

Do you have a fully awaken Kundalini? Are you talking from experience here?

 

To what extent, what variables and how circumstances effect it, I dont know. I don't even know if there is some kind of model.

 

Ok. Don't you mean affects it? not effect it. So you don't know? But you said..

 

There is a time for retention and a time when it's ok. This I know.

 

Lets not drag this on into another long post about who has the biggest dick. I'm just here for fun really to be honest. Ask Santi if you really want to know... he's the guru. If you think you got what it takes do 100 days and then come back and boast (if you still feel it's necessary).

 

It's all about mind state. Hoarding is no good. Darin did 100 days... great results. Now he realises that he must give... he must teach to progress. Take with the left, give with the right. Why hoard and hoard. Don't be guilty if you spill... smile and give it to the universe.

 

Bless you anyway. Claiming nothing about myself... take it with a pinch.

 

Tell me, how old are you?

 

Lol.

 

Learning to give and not hoard changed shit for me. When I send energy to my wife she can see it and it has changed her. She wants to share me out (I'm serious) and has turned from a 'born again christian' asexual woman to a bisexual try anything goddess. This sexual energy is powerful stuff... careful.

 

Like previously stated.. I'm not claiming 'I' am anything. There is always new stuff to learn. Thanks to Smile, in a week or so I will be wearing an Aneros up my ass.

 

.

 

You.... are beautiful. Love those eyes.....

 

 

Biff.

Edited August 24, 2009 by Biff

[hyok]

my my. Look who's the hypersensitive biatch.

 

Sorry for offending your satin soul.

[King Kabalabhati]

you guys... go wank it off

[Biff]

my my. Look who's the hypersensitive biatch.

 

Sorry for offending your satin soul.

 

Lol.. you have not offended me at all :-) I'm just playing about.

[voidisyinyang]

Having just lost a load I discovered this thread. Thanks guys -- it's been OVER A MONTH for me. When Santi says twice a month I would say that's the "normal" cycle but in the U.S. the norm is to eat TONS OF MEAT and then see how much sex a man can have. It's the main cause for planetary destruction I think. Anyway I didn't know Ramakrishna stated that one loss = 2 years of work. If Ramakrishna states that there's probably an equivalent in TAOIST YOGA: ALCHEMY AND IMMORTALITY since the book is completely based on the stages of saving up the jing without any loss. As the practice advances the risk of losing the jing increases because you are storing the chi and the shen in the lower tan tien where it is right next to the production of generative fluid. So you are a walking powder keg.

 

It's also stated that Ramakrishna was woken up from deep samadhi if someone placed a money coin on him -- that the dirty evil money forced him out of his spiritual astral plane. I had been pondering this about Ramakrishna for the past couple days -- thinking how proper that feels. haha. When I first read the name of him on this thread I couldn't even remember who he was but then I realized I had actually been focusing on him the past couple days! It's strange because I just started thinking about Ramakrishna out of the blue without having thought about him for years it seems.

 

As far as "going too far" in storing up the jing or kundalini in Taoism and Brahminism, etc. -- yeah I suppose that's true but Vivekananda states very clearly in his awesome yoga books -- "spirituality is just sublimated sexuality." He's just straight up honest about it -- it's a hard truth to accept. Whereas in the West we get all hung up about REPRESSING sex -- maybe Jeff Kirpal's recent scandalous book was correct. How Ramakrishna was really homosexual. haha. I think Kirpal was really confused -- projecting the West's materialism back on to Ramakrishna but at the same time the secret of celibacy is that it is based on INTERNAL ORGASMS -- and therefore sublimated sexuality must be extremely repressed for it to be successfully "purified" (transducted into electromagnetic energy).

 

The comment about diet is very correct. In order to be "spiritual" then materialism has to be rejected simply because, as TAOIST YOGA: ALCHEMY AND IMMORTALITY details -- too much food or too warm a sleeping area or improper meditation will not properly burn off or transduct the generative force (the blissful heat) back into chi and shen. I secretly dumpster dived quite a bit of meat the past couple days. haha. Then I slept under this really heavy comforter the past couple days (which I hadn't used before but it's starting to get cold again in Minnesota and I keep the window open all night).... I TRIED to burn off the generative force but I had the meat too late in the evening... something Taoist Yoga warns about. As more of the body is turned into electromagnetic energy it's like converting iron into steel -- there is an increased heating and then an increased breaking point or deepening of the full-lotus meditation.

 

For example in Tibet Buddhists eat meat while knowing they are not supposed to and not eating meat is considered a very holy thing. In Nepal when the indigenous tribes get converted to Buddhism becoming vegetarian is part of what's called "Sankritisation" or something. When the Han Chinese take over an indigenous tribe it's calld "Sinification" but there's always been a Buddhist (Han) versus Taoist (Tang Ren) thing with the Taoists being southern -- where there was more sex because it was hotter! haha.

 

I should mention that having a "psychic mutual climax" is based on the internal climax while in full-lotus -- this means shooting chi out of the pineal gland (electromagnetic energy) while TAKING IN JING or electrochemical energy from the females. So normally food turns into jing also but sexual energy is more purified, as Gurdjieff points out. Mantak Chia talks about jing as "stem cell" energy -- that can make all the necessary proteins for the body, etc. But what is crucial in this process is that after you shoot the chi out of the pineal gland and, in turn, in suck in the jing through the full-lotus (it's a mutual psychic climax) you, once again, HAVE TO CONVERT THE JING TAKEN IN BACK INTO CHI for storage during sleep. The book TAOIST YOGA: ALCHEMY AND IMMORTALITY describes this crucial point in detail.

 

There's a reason that chi is considered to be gold -- it takes serious discipline to create.

 

So you stop eating because you are full of chi -- that lasts a week. That's described in Taoist Yoga. I got to that level of chi development. But to fully open the third eye you either need constant energy transmissions from a Master or you need to go a month just sitting in full-lotus with no food and no water. In both China and India it was cave meditation that was were the real yogis were. On the other hand at that level you are considered an "arhat" -- a reincarnated master -- so that Ramakrishna and Vivekananda realized that had "chosen" to be human again. Similar to Poonjaji -- H.W.L. Poonja -- being "ripe" for Ramana Maharshi who was considered Shiva....

[宁]

hi there drew,

 

can't stop wondering........................

 

how would sleeping with a woman (for real) change your paradigm.................................

 

maybe for the better........................

 

can't hurt to try.........................

 

[Chen]

...well in the elementary stage that I use to be, (and still I am),when in full practice,there was no semen to be spend.

I explain:When in practise I had no physical need to ejaculate nor the desire.As this period never passed the two weeks in a row, I have no idea what could happen if this period was 2-3 months.

Returning, after practise ,in normal life conditions, that abillity was leaving me .

There was no guilty thoughts after any ejaculation but only the understanding that you are going slow with your practise.In other terms if I had to reach a target point in 3 years now I had to try 5. So what? We are not monks,and we have to joy our lives.

[Birch Tree]

Hi drewhempel,

 

I am wondering if (and for how long) you have been practicing the internal alchemy in the TAOIST YOGA book. I have started following the instructions given in the first chapter (I haven't been trying it for very long--couple of weeks), but so far I have had some interesting meditation experiences. I'd like to chat more about your experiences with TAOIST YOGA if you are open to doing that.

 

All the best,

Birch Tree

 

 

Having just lost a load I discovered this thread. Thanks guys -- it's been OVER A MONTH for me. When Santi says twice a month I would say that's the "normal" cycle but in the U.S. the norm is to eat TONS OF MEAT and then see how much sex a man can have. It's the main cause for planetary destruction I think. Anyway I didn't know Ramakrishna stated that one loss = 2 years of work. If Ramakrishna states that there's probably an equivalent in TAOIST YOGA: ALCHEMY AND IMMORTALITY since the book is completely based on the stages of saving up the jing without any loss. As the practice advances the risk of losing the jing increases because you are storing the chi and the shen in the lower tan tien where it is right next to the production of generative fluid. So you are a walking powder keg.

 

It's also stated that Ramakrishna was woken up from deep samadhi if someone placed a money coin on him -- that the dirty evil money forced him out of his spiritual astral plane. I had been pondering this about Ramakrishna for the past couple days -- thinking how proper that feels. haha. When I first read the name of him on this thread I couldn't even remember who he was but then I realized I had actually been focusing on him the past couple days! It's strange because I just started thinking about Ramakrishna out of the blue without having thought about him for years it seems.

 

As far as "going too far" in storing up the jing or kundalini in Taoism and Brahminism, etc. -- yeah I suppose that's true but Vivekananda states very clearly in his awesome yoga books -- "spirituality is just sublimated sexuality." He's just straight up honest about it -- it's a hard truth to accept. Whereas in the West we get all hung up about REPRESSING sex -- maybe Jeff Kirpal's recent scandalous book was correct. How Ramakrishna was really homosexual. haha. I think Kirpal was really confused -- projecting the West's materialism back on to Ramakrishna but at the same time the secret of celibacy is that it is based on INTERNAL ORGASMS -- and therefore sublimated sexuality must be extremely repressed for it to be successfully "purified" (transducted into electromagnetic energy).

 

The comment about diet is very correct. In order to be "spiritual" then materialism has to be rejected simply because, as TAOIST YOGA: ALCHEMY AND IMMORTALITY details -- too much food or too warm a sleeping area or improper meditation will not properly burn off or transduct the generative force (the blissful heat) back into chi and shen. I secretly dumpster dived quite a bit of meat the past couple days. haha. Then I slept under this really heavy comforter the past couple days (which I hadn't used before but it's starting to get cold again in Minnesota and I keep the window open all night).... I TRIED to burn off the generative force but I had the meat too late in the evening... something Taoist Yoga warns about. As more of the body is turned into electromagnetic energy it's like converting iron into steel -- there is an increased heating and then an increased breaking point or deepening of the full-lotus meditation.

 

For example in Tibet Buddhists eat meat while knowing they are not supposed to and not eating meat is considered a very holy thing. In Nepal when the indigenous tribes get converted to Buddhism becoming vegetarian is part of what's called "Sankritisation" or something. When the Han Chinese take over an indigenous tribe it's calld "Sinification" but there's always been a Buddhist (Han) versus Taoist (Tang Ren) thing with the Taoists being southern -- where there was more sex because it was hotter! haha.

 

I should mention that having a "psychic mutual climax" is based on the internal climax while in full-lotus -- this means shooting chi out of the pineal gland (electromagnetic energy) while TAKING IN JING or electrochemical energy from the females. So normally food turns into jing also but sexual energy is more purified, as Gurdjieff points out. Mantak Chia talks about jing as "stem cell" energy -- that can make all the necessary proteins for the body, etc. But what is crucial in this process is that after you shoot the chi out of the pineal gland and, in turn, in suck in the jing through the full-lotus (it's a mutual psychic climax) you, once again, HAVE TO CONVERT THE JING TAKEN IN BACK INTO CHI for storage during sleep. The book TAOIST YOGA: ALCHEMY AND IMMORTALITY describes this crucial point in detail.

 

There's a reason that chi is considered to be gold -- it takes serious discipline to create.

 

So you stop eating because you are full of chi -- that lasts a week. That's described in Taoist Yoga. I got to that level of chi development. But to fully open the third eye you either need constant energy transmissions from a Master or you need to go a month just sitting in full-lotus with no food and no water. In both China and India it was cave meditation that was were the real yogis were. On the other hand at that level you are considered an "arhat" -- a reincarnated master -- so that Ramakrishna and Vivekananda realized that had "chosen" to be human again. Similar to Poonjaji -- H.W.L. Poonja -- being "ripe" for Ramana Maharshi who was considered Shiva....

[voidisyinyang]

This reminds me of this meditation book I discovered -- the title slips me -- by a Chinese man who was starting in qigong. He describes how he kept practicing and then finally his belly got really hot but then he had a nocturnal emission. Then he just started meditating right away again and his belly got really hot again and then he started creating electromagnetic fields. His Chinese male friends were jealous because they were older and so it was more difficult for them to create the qi.

 

Taoist Yoga states -- around chapter 10 -- that you will be able to give females orgasms from the chi shooting out of the brain. Taoist Yoga states that females will like this too much so don't do it since it will make females want sex more! haha. Taoist Yoga states that if you do do this then you can only maintain your health. No immortality.

 

That's as far as I got in Taoist Yoga -- about chapter 10 or 11. After that it seemed too complicated -- the meditation was all on the central channel with turning the shen back into jing to create a new physical immortal body. Pretty wild. Still the meditation starts and ends with "eternal nature" -- what I call female formless awareness.

[Birch Tree]

drewhempel,

 

Thanks for the response. When you practiced TAOIST YOGA, did you do so on your own, or did you work with a master? Also, would it be okay if I PM'd you a couple of other questions that I have?

 

Thanks,

Birch Tree

 

 

This reminds me of this meditation book I discovered -- the title slips me -- by a Chinese man who was starting in qigong. He describes how he kept practicing and then finally his belly got really hot but then he had a nocturnal emission. Then he just started meditating right away again and his belly got really hot again and then he started creating electromagnetic fields. His Chinese male friends were jealous because they were older and so it was more difficult for them to create the qi.

 

Taoist Yoga states -- around chapter 10 -- that you will be able to give females orgasms from the chi shooting out of the brain. Taoist Yoga states that females will like this too much so don't do it since it will make females want sex more! haha. Taoist Yoga states that if you do do this then you can only maintain your health. No immortality.

 

That's as far as I got in Taoist Yoga -- about chapter 10 or 11. After that it seemed too complicated -- the meditation was all on the central channel with turning the shen back into jing to create a new physical immortal body. Pretty wild. Still the meditation starts and ends with "eternal nature" -- what I call female formless awareness.