Jealousy

[King Kabalabhati]

My current situation is a challenging one, well at least for a being that's not quite enlightened it is.

 

My wife is away on a holiday and I know she's at her friend's place, a male friend with whom they have mutual attraction. We have "opened" our marriage and are nowadays more friends than spouses, meaning having sexual relations with other people is not entirely forbidden by mutual agreement.

 

Now it's quite possible that they end up making love during her stay and I'm trying to open my heart to accept and give my blessing to this situation. This is the first time in 10 years either of us has a "lover" although she calls him a friend (we've had 9 yrs of marriage with children).. But she admitted she feels magnetism towards him, a kind of magnetism she doesn't feel for me.

 

So I've told her if she wants to have sex with him then they maybe should, since I don't want her to be forever in a sexually "under-devoleped" state, I know it's hard to go forward on the spiritual path if one has any sexual frustrations or feeling of "lacking an experience". Good sex with a big man who really arouses her could help her I think, even if I'm still gonna be together with her once she gets back home.. We're really close and share a lot of good communication and a special kind of love with a strong mutual urge to help each other progress in life. So you could call it a perfect relationship in that sense, and it will be once I can release my conditioned emotions and replace them with pure unconditional love. It doesn't help to receive all this pity from my mother and mother-in-law..

 

Now I simply ask you to give any advice or philosophy for opening the heart for acceptance and compassion, I want to go forward too and I'm a bit tired of self-pity and jealousy that attack me every now and then. I do feel cleansed by meditation already, yesterday was harder than today.. At times I feel like my chest is all opened up and I feel very light, but occasionally the possessive feelings return for a while. I of course let them come and go.. but can someone come up with ways our thoughts to make this process roll smoother?

[DalTheJigsaw123]

I do not know where to start. However, I will start with being simple. Try to find something you feel passionate for. I would suggest a hobby. I would also suggest beginning Tai Chi or Qi Gong lessons. I'm struggling with jealousy in my 4 years relationship as well. On the other hand, we do not have an open relationship, but my girlfriend does hang out with her guy friends and I hang out with my girl friends as well. We try to let each other know: where and when they are hanging and when they are going. It's been a difficult road for me. I have struggled with jealousy a lot, but I started detaching myself a lot. I'm working on completely getting rid of these thoughts all together. But... you and I both know how difficult that could be. Anyways, start with a hobby, go out with your friends, enjoy life/live life. Remember, we these bodies we are in now, are temporary! They are simply body suits of our imagination.

[King Kabalabhati]

I do not know where to start. However, I will start with being simple. Try to find something you feel passionate for. I would suggest a hobby. I would also suggest beginning Tai Chi or Qi Gong lessons. I'm struggling with jealousy in my 4 years relationship as well. On the other hand, we do not have an open relationship, but my girlfriend does hang out with her guy friends and I hang out with my girl friends as well. We try to let each other know: where and when they are hanging and when they are going. It's been a difficult road for me. I have struggled with jealousy a lot, but I started detaching myself a lot. I'm working on completely getting rid of these thoughts all together. But... you and I both know how difficult that could be. Anyways, start with a hobby, go out with your friends, enjoy life/live life. Remember, we these bodies we are in now, are temporary! They are simply body suits of our imagination.

 

Thank you! I appreciate the thought of getting a hobby but right now I simply have no chance or time for something like that- we live in the countryside and there's plenty here to get involved with. I also spend 1 to 2 hours a day with Tao Yin Chigong which I feel is a tremendous help.. plus inner smile & MO meditation & Tao sexual practices. I'm feeling very strong and light at the moment, I think I'm really being purified by this fire I've felt these last days.

 

I personally feel this is a crucial type of thing.. I mean, here is my chance of really going forward in realisation of unity and pure love without separation or possessing/controlling people. If my loved one has a good time with a nice person she trusts while she's on her holiday, then it CAN'T be a negative thing for me now can it? It should not be, and I want to clean myself from dirty thinking. Sex is an experience, it's not something she will carry with her forever (unless she gets pregnand or an STD, but I know she's careful cause those are the last things she wants). Thinking like this makes my brain more satisfied with it, and I think my brain is the thing that hurts the most when I think about her doing it with somebody else. Of course its connected to emotions and the heart but I believe my heart has in fact nothing against her pleasure, quite the opposite. It's the thought of me losing something because of that.. But I know it's an illusion. She's an angel waiting to fully blossom, I've already noticed how pure she is in many ways. I spoke with her on the phone today and told her I bless her whatever she decides to do. She did say sex is not very important to her, she enjoys the feeling of being aroused and does not feel the need to be satisfied, so who knows, and in the end, what difference does it make?

 

I just thought posting these ponderings here could give other people in similar positions some perspective. I don't really expect or need anyone to help me with this (although it could happen),

 

"the spiritual path is a path of aloneness" -Pramahamsa Nithyananda

[sunshine]

This is a tough one. So take it as that. It isn't easy and you will have to live with and through your feelings. Maybe the will go, maybe not. Maybe it reignites a different wish in you that you have to communicate to your wife. Maybe it all will lead to seperation. This is part of life and it is not an easy lesson. You can not really do much about anyway as things develop their own way. Have been through it in a way.

 

There are methods out there that might help you. There is no guarantee they do, but they could

 

EFT: emofree.com emoclear.com

BSFF: http://www.besetfreefast.com/ http://www.usethecue.com/

PEAT: http://www.workasworship.com/

Sedona Method "or" Release technique:

 

I have tried them all with different success. But really: some things will take their time whatever technique you use.

 

And: enjoy the beauty of your feelings in the process. This is what makes you rise above yourself while becoming a more complete being.

 

with smiles

 

Harry

[z00se]

Mate... if you can have that kind of relationship AND care about each other and not have any jealous feelings and feel totally comfortable you are a SAINT! I couldn't. I just say below about if iw as in that situation, everyones experience is totally different though of course.

 

I know that would be absolutely impossible for me. I get jealous if my wife has friends who are boys and always wants to chat to them on the internet or something like that. She doesn't do it any more because she respects my feelings and i don't do things that make her jealous either. Of course the reason is because i know exactly what boys are like and guys who want to be just 'friends' with a girl and never think any thoughts about wanting to bang her are as rare as hens teeth i think! I know because of my own thoughts running through my head all the time. I'm a boy, i have a dick, i want to use it!

 

I think theres a reason why every country and nation and tribe has some laws regarding marrage and that you can't have sex with others, because it's naturally going to cause jealousy. Even in the middle east where you are allowed several wives, it is uncommon, and usually it is because the original wife can't bare children so it allows the man to have another wife for the sake of children so that the man doesn't divorce the original wife.

 

If the other bloke starts caring about your wife i'm sure he won't want u to be having sex with her too either after some time. It's a natural feeling i belive.

 

If you're really feeling jealous you should talk to your wife when she comes back about it. My thought is that following the tao is the natural way of life, and taking the easier path is usually a better and more energy saving way. It would be very hard for me to deal with that situation....to me it would be like trying to meditate and be calm when a bear is trying to eat me. Theoretically it's possible but the moment you open your eyes from meditation the bear is still there.

 

I think the best way to fix problems usually is to 'nip it in the bud' but i think if i was in this problem i would consider it past the bud stage. I don't know what the answer is but i think if it effects you enough to ask for help on a forum you should definately at least mention your feelings to your wife.

 

One more thing i wanted to add... one thing i learnt - Women need affection. If they are satisfied with the affection you give then i feel they won't go looking elsewhere for it. It sounds like you really care about her, maybe you can try give her more affection... i'm sure she will pick up on it, and i'm sure she cares about your feelings too or she wouldn't say things over the phone to try to make you feel better. GOOD LUCK!!

Edited September 21, 2009 by z00se

[King Kabalabhati]

I already fit in the cathegory of a saint in many ways, so that IS my trod That's why I'm perceiving this whole affair as another challenge on the path.

 

It's not a lack of affection we're talking about. We share a lot of hugs and cuddles, and speak openly about ALL our emotions, also the ones we're not really comfortable about. We're both on the Tao path of cultivation and support each other a lot. Also, raising 3 kids very tightly together has really opened a new meaning to the word "communication" And we're not even at our thirties yet..

 

It's a lack of magnetism. It's like from the start things never really "clicked" sexually. It's not a question of not trying enough either, we've had 9 years to get to know each other that way. And the conclusion is, even at our best, we're simply not that well compatible. She's not turned on by me, like REALLY turned on like it should be. I haven't (or she hasn't) been able to open up her sexual centre and to make her really reach the level a woman should in order to feel satisfied and at peace with her sexuality. It could be me, it could be her, but it doesnt matter. The important thing is, I don't want to keep her like a mummy in my house, to just not let her flourish. She should have a chance to blossom fully in her life and then if she still wants to live with me, she can make an informed choice. If not, well, that's another thing I'll have to get accustomed to, knowing that I did my best anyway.

 

Life's really a teacher ain't it..

 

 

 

Mate... if you can have that kind of relationship AND care about each other and not have any jealous feelings and feel totally comfortable you are a SAINT! I couldn't. I just say below about if iw as in that situation, everyones experience is totally different though of course.

 

I know that would be absolutely impossible for me. I get jealous if my wife has friends who are boys and always wants to chat to them on the internet or something like that. She doesn't do it any more because she respects my feelings and i don't do things that make her jealous either. Of course the reason is because i know exactly what boys are like and guys who want to be just 'friends' with a girl and never think any thoughts about wanting to bang her are as rare as hens teeth i think! I know because of my own thoughts running through my head all the time. I'm a boy, i have a dick, i want to use it!

 

I think theres a reason why every country and nation and tribe has some laws regarding marrage and that you can't have sex with others, because it's naturally going to cause jealousy. Even in the middle east where you are allowed several wives, it is uncommon, and usually it is because the original wife can't bare children so it allows the man to have another wife for the sake of children so that the man doesn't divorce the original wife.

 

If the other bloke starts caring about your wife i'm sure he won't want u to be having sex with her too either after some time. It's a natural feeling i belive.

 

If you're really feeling jealous you should talk to your wife when she comes back about it. My thought is that following the tao is the natural way of life, and taking the easier path is usually a better and more energy saving way. It would be very hard for me to deal with that situation....to me it would be like trying to meditate and be calm when a bear is trying to eat me. Theoretically it's possible but the moment you open your eyes from meditation the bear is still there.

 

I think the best way to fix problems usually is to 'nip it in the bud' but i think if i was in this problem i would consider it past the bud stage. I don't know what the answer is but i think if it effects you enough to ask for help on a forum you should definately at least mention your feelings to your wife.

 

One more thing i wanted to add... one thing i learnt - Women need affection. If they are satisfied with the affection you give then i feel they won't go looking elsewhere for it. It sounds like you really care about her, maybe you can try give her more affection... i'm sure she will pick up on it, and i'm sure she cares about your feelings too or she wouldn't say things over the phone to try to make you feel better. GOOD LUCK!!

 

 

Also I notice now that jealousy is a poisonous emotion, something I wish to detoxify if possible. And it got to be possible.

[markern]

What I would recomend is that you read David shades books. He is superb at teaching exactly how to get passionate sex and strong attraction. It does however require that one "mans up" sort of. Google him. Another possibility would be to start having Karezza type sex. Read about it here: http://www.reuniting.info/

 

The karezza style of lovemaking changes the chemistry that creates attraction and makes you bond in a very monogomous way. It could possibly sort things out and it is very spiritual.

 

You could also read some david deida.

[de_paradise]

There's also a "Guide for husbands and players" by Franco, you can find a download somewhere. It gives you a pretty good undestanding of how you became beta-tized, and how to change that dynamic.

 

Here is a song I really like, its about jealousy:

 

also this,

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnwLf88t_Wc&feature=fvst

 

This is not advice, but I would probably find something on the side myself. You should see how fast women get attracted back to you once they sense they are in competition.

 

No easy answer. Except I disagree with your understanding that she is somehow entitled to extra-family carnal adventures. Thats a big, no fucking way, if she wants to play family mom, she has to stick to the rules.

Edited September 21, 2009 by de_paradise

[King Kabalabhati]

Thank you. I agree that it's not a perfect way to deal with things for the mom to have an extra relation. Still things are seldom ideal and usually in a relationship the other one's got to stretch more than the other in order to keep things together. Sometimes you have to take turns in stretching according to life situations. The thing is she doesn't want to play family mom, she's gasping for breath.. In this respect it's good she started studying so she gets to spend more time out of the house. This might increase the magnetism, or it might not.

 

I'm aware I have the possibility to go for a relationship myself (I know there's more than one lady out there who would be willing for it), but I simply don't wish to involve any more people in this situation. My motives would not be pure, since I don't really wish for sex with someone else, I'd like to live harmoniously with the woman I love. I'm aware this may not be possible in the long run, but it might be. I'm gonna look into the book recommendations that you gave, though I know the answer probably doesn't lie in any book other than the book of life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There's also a "Guide for husbands and players" by Franco, you can find a download somewhere. It gives you a pretty good undestanding of how you became beta-tized, and how to change that dynamic.

 

Here is a song I really like, its about jealousy:

 

also this,

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnwLf88t_Wc&feature=fvst

 

This is not advice, but I would probably find something on the side myself. You should see how fast women get attracted back to you once they sense they are in competition.

 

No easy answer. Except I disagree with your understanding that she is somehow entitled to extra-family carnal adventures. Thats a big, no fucking way, if she wants to play family mom, she has to stick to the rules.

Edited September 21, 2009 by King Kabalabhati

[Apech]

It's a very high level of relationship which can be open in this way and I admire your attitude. However I wonder if you are really happy about this situation. Whose idea was it that the marriage should be 'open' and is it balanced in the sense that you would also have other lovers?

 

If there are children then I think they have to be given top priority but that also means some kind of harmony between the parents. Maybe you think that this is the way to achieve this but it is quite risky.

 

Only my opinion, of course.

[King Kabalabhati]

No I can't say I'm perfectly happy right now. The idea of the openness came from my wife. She would be all right if I had a lover, at least that's what she says.

 

There's 3 kids and they are a top priority. I know they'll grow in about five years to be so big they're not at home all the time anymore, and my wife's studies will be done at about the same time. I'm thinking I'll just settle for this situation for now and take what I can get from out of it, cultivating as much as possible. I'll try to rejoice for the opportunity I'm giving to my wife to have a life outside the home which she hasn't had much in 7 years. Plus I honestly feel she might benefit from good sex if that's what her friend can give her. I would like to give it to her myself without her having to go to another man, but it looks like I've used up my chances for now

 

Maybe she'll have a sexual awakening and continue the joy with me once she gets home, but don't think I'm counting on it..

 

If I can't take it then I'll change my plan and a real divorce will take place with all its inconvenience. But more probably we can work it out somehow, we're pretty good at working things out. We'll be bound together by friendship and the children anyway so to deal with (and heal) my jealousy is mandatory in order to look forward, and that's what I want to do. There's really no one to blame for this, it's all just interplay of energies.

 

Bless you all for insight,

 

King K

 

 

 

It's a very high level of relationship which can be open in this way and I admire your attitude. However I wonder if you are really happy about this situation. Whose idea was it that the marriage should be 'open' and is it balanced in the sense that you would also have other lovers?

 

If there are children then I think they have to be given top priority but that also means some kind of harmony between the parents. Maybe you think that this is the way to achieve this but it is quite risky.

 

Only my opinion, of course.

[markern]

No I can't say I'm perfectly happy right now. The idea of the openness came from my wife. She would be all right if I had a lover, at least that's what she says.

 

There's 3 kids and they are a top priority. I know they'll grow in about five years to be so big they're not at home all the time anymore, and my wife's studies will be done at about the same time. I'm thinking I'll just settle for this situation for now and take what I can get from out of it, cultivating as much as possible. I'll try to rejoice for the opportunity I'm giving to my wife to have a life outside the home which she hasn't had much in 7 years. Plus I honestly feel she might benefit from good sex if that's what her friend can give her. I would like to give it to her myself without her having to go to another man, but it looks like I've used up my chances for now

 

 

Number one for rekindling things would be getting the passion goind and I realy think David Shade could help with that. Even if his writings does not apeal to you he can teach you to hypnotize her to have wild orgasms on your command and how to give her orgasms by just talking (without hypnosis). A second important thing is that there are in fact lots of superb technical stuff out there that WILL make a huge difference to the quality of the sex. On the more sensual side you have superb sexual massages that give most people better sex and stronger orgasms than they ever had by other means. Google joseph kramer, new school of erotic touch, bodyelectric school and annie sprinkles super sexual massage. There are also taoist sexual massages out there that kick ass. The mentioned people have links to the taoist stuff as well I think. On the realy technical side finding and using BOTH the g-spot and the a-spot does a lot. Googel David Shade and the deep spot and you will find an article were he describes the location of the a-spot really well.

 

There are also the taoist thrusting techniques shallow and deep (9 short thrusts and one deep or another number of shorts and then one deep), there is the screwing - you churn and screw with your dick in stead of just going in and out. If you google taoist thrusting techniques you will also find descriptions of a 9 great ways to vary your thrusts that are more sensual then just numbers. You also have the very technical one where you do 9 short, one long,8 short 2 long, 7 short 3 long and so on until you reach 1 short and 9 long and start all over. Google coital alignement technique/the cat position. It is a position that maximizes a womans chance of orgasm. But really, the best way to get your girl hot for you again is David Shade. But it does require becoming more of a "man" in the relationship and more dominant in bed. Believe me, done well, this works on 99% of women wether they knew they liked it before or not. It is sooooooo well tried out by so many men in the pua community. Women want masculinity and dominance as well as caring and romance in bed and if a woman says she does not have magnetism with you but with another man that is usually always were the problem lies. To get this to work requires being strong outside of bed in daily life and not let her lead you or push you over, it requires "being the man", being yang. And it requires being the man and being dominant in bed. I wrote a thread once in a sex forum and asked women if they wanted more dominance in bed from the man and all the women replied they would LOVE more of it. There was a huge thirst for it. It is exactly the thing that makes women really HOT. If you can combine that with also having days of more nurturing spiritual sex, exploring tatnra and karezza and doing sexual massages like the once I talked about you have got a winning combination. Even if you want to jump straight for the spiritual stuff I think you need to start at a more earth based animal attraction since you already got the partnership going and that does not work for the passion between the two of you.

[King Kabalabhati]

Yeah appreciate that but I'd rather not take any more sexual advice, at least not on this thread. Jealousy is the subject, not how to kindle the fire, it may be too late for that anyway.

[King Kabalabhati]

Yeah appreciate that but I'd rather not take any more sexual advice, at least not on this thread. Jealousy is the subject, not how to kindle the fire, it may be too late for that anyway.

[Apech]

Yeah appreciate that but I'd rather not take any more sexual advice, at least not on this thread. Jealousy is the subject, not how to kindle the fire, it may be too late for that anyway.

 

 

OK, Jealousy and so on are generally considered to be bad things ... but that is really when you're coveting your neighbors things (including his wife!). That's not really what you are doing. You are just feeling justifiably upset that the woman who you have made a life with has decided to look elsewhere for fulfillment. This is not a situation that you have created (except in a karmic sense I suppose) - she has created it. Also this other man, presumably he knows about you and the kids - well he'll have to live with that - but men being men he'll probably be able to get over it!

 

If you feel that there is no other way but put up with the situation - then the last thing you should do is act cool with her or yourself. The fact that you asked this question about jealously means you are the sort of person who tries to do the right thing ... a good person. If anyone needs to work on their feelings and so on its her not you. I think you need to let her know how you feel (in your heart and gut) about the situation. You may well want to forgive her - well that's good - but if I were you I would give her an ultimatum - she has to choose and not have her cake and eat it.

 

This is just what I would do ... ignore this advice if it does not feel right to you.

 

 

Best wishes and good luck.

 

A.

[CarsonZi]

Hi King K.....

 

I don't really have any advice for you....a tough situation that you seem to have a good perspective on. What I will add/suggest here is a practice....if it resonates with you, try it....if not, don't. It is a great practice for opening up the heart though. Hope this smooths out quickly and without unnecessary trauma.

 

http://www.aypsite.org/220.html

 

Love,

Carson

[King Kabalabhati]

Yeah well, I've let her know about how i feel exactly and how I feel seems to change from moment to moment.. Right now I'm very excited about life, knowing that new things are on their way and I feel absolutely no jealosy or bitterness toward her. We can be friends and care for the household and kids together, there's no need to put up a fight of any sort. If this leads to us getting closer together as time rolls by, that would be beautiful. If we go separate ways, well I'll probably find someone to attach to again

 

Just a couple of hours ago I was doing my qigong exercises and I couldn't finish them because I started feeling such strong lovesickness and jealousy , like a heat in the head and it made me tremble a bit. So I called her and told her how I'm feeling. For a while I was really feeling crazy. After that it settled, I got my inspiration back and I think it was the qigong that made the emotional energy start to move. I tell you its powerful stuff and it's hard to stay conscious when it starts to stir up, but I want it out of my system, I want to be free from that.

 

This is a situation neither of us has really created, but it has created itself as a consequence of the interplay of our energies.. We've been both kind of sucking each other off during these years and it might be if I ended up in a more healthy relationship my true powers would unfold, or become tenfold. That relationship could be this present one in a improved form or it could be with someone else... Or it could be just me and my God.

 

Thanks again for all your input, I've been a bit alone with these feelings, it's nice to get different views on this to make different emotions surface.. That's when theyre more manageable. I'll keep you updated on the process

[markern]

Yeah appreciate that but I'd rather not take any more sexual advice, at least not on this thread. Jealousy is the subject, not how to kindle the fire, it may be too late for that anyway.

 

Ok. But the karezza stuff does not require anything other than sitting still and breath and if you read the theory on oxytocin and dopamine you will see that this style of lovemaking can regenerate lost low through changing the chemistry of love. Anyway, best of luck to you in a difficult situation.

[freeform]

:-0

 

oh my! you've got an exciting opportunity!

 

Look - like many people into spirituality you're full of anger. I bet you've never even noticed it... I bet you pride yourself on your ability to avoid anger and confrontation. And you do, and you have done all your life, and I bet your job, your choice in partner, your interest in spirituality is all centred around anger and the avoidance of it. (I hope reading this you're getting a little angry!) I can actually physically sense it when I feel you. It's easy for me to feel because I have the same pattern - if the anger comes out, I will destroy everything I love... so I stuff it down, cover over it, sprinkle sugar on top and no one need know - including myself.

 

So now you have yourself an opportunity.

 

You have a chance to really get into that anger! It will be difficult - there's a lifetime of patterns that have been designed to keep you away from it. But you have external circumstances helping you out now. Get that liver churning, releasing all the stuck, blocked, compressed anger. I'm not sure what your practices are like, but do a lot of liver work - not to get rid of the anger, but to connect to it. Have anger fill you up completely then allow your body to move in a way that expresses it - particularly with your voice.. it's good to do shaking movements, which loosens everything up.

 

It's not even a case of bringing anger up - there's a backlog of it there already, just under the sugar-coating - all you need to do is turn your awareness there and allow it to bubble up - then just sit with it, stand with it, breathe with it, shake and roar with it - the light of your awareness on it will begin to transform it, but it will only transform by keeping your awareness on it, and not by trying to transform it.

 

There's no 'dealing' with anger or jealousy (by the way - it's not jealousy, it's anger with stories) - you let it run its course.

 

And there's a surprising gift within anger - within the energy behind anger there is a kind of 'motivational' feeling - like a motivation based on the generosity of your spirit... another thing is that when you hide your anger, to others it feels like there is a part of you missing - they can't put their finger on it, but there is something missing... if you're able to be centred in a way that presents both your dark and your light side, you will notice a whole new level of attraction from others, including your wife.

 

And I must warn you, that once you open up anger, you may find sadness hidden deeper down beneath it - and you'll go through it in the same way.

 

Before bed deeply go into your 6 healing sounds - releasing all the heat generated. Stay grounded, go for walks, sit outside and be gentle with yourself as you allow this to play through.

 

This is a great gift.

[hyok]

This is a situation neither of us has really created, but it has created itself as a consequence of the interplay of our energies.. We've been both kind of sucking each other off during these years and it might be if I ended up in a more healthy relationship my true powers would unfold, or become tenfold. That relationship could be this present one in a improved form or it could be with someone else... Or it could be just me and my God.

 

Dude, I know EXACTLY what you're going through. It seems you and your wife, although compatible, do not share that spiritual connection which sort of acts like a love recycling plant(this was a terrible analogy). It's very true and I have been in several long-term relationships to know this. The energetic dynamic both sexually and mentally has to be there for that great rise in energy you're seeking. I totally think you're right about that. And the way you're handling all of this, especially for the sake of the children, is THE SHIT. Seriously, dog, you're being so very strong to endure this for higher causes. It's admirable and I would like to shake your hand if I could.

 

Last note - KK, it's completely natural for you to feel jealousy. It means you care about her as a man. What would be unhealthy would be to deny the feeling of jealousy. It's great that you posted this and it's great that we are all sharing it with you now.

[King Kabalabhati]

Well, to be honest I did not get angry reading this.. You could be feeling my anger physically or you could be imagining, I cannot say what's true here.

 

You see, I do sometimes get angry and release it too. There is anger in me that I've also noticed. I'm not particularily proud of the way I rage and punch the wall sometimes (ouch). So you're right about it, only I don't believe it's true in the proportions you're suggesting. I don't deny it makes me angry at times to go through all of this. It's definitely one emotion that pops up every now and then, but there's much more sadness present. I'm still gonna meditate and dig deeper into this one, it could be helpful. Thanks.

 

btw I'm not really certain that this jealousy I'm feeling is the same as anger. I feel it more like there's something I'm clinging to that is not really mine and I don't really know WHY I'm clinging to it and I'm not yet sure HOW I'm gonna release my grip. Although right now I feel I'm not gripping at all. It could be temporary at this point of my development, too early to say.

 

 

 

 

:-0

 

oh my! you've got an exciting opportunity!

 

Look - like many people into spirituality you're full of anger. I bet you've never even noticed it... I bet you pride yourself on your ability to avoid anger and confrontation. And you do, and you have done all your life, and I bet your job, your choice in partner, your interest in spirituality is all centred around anger and the avoidance of it. (I hope reading this you're getting a little angry!) I can actually physically sense it when I feel you. It's easy for me to feel because I have the same pattern - if the anger comes out, I will destroy everything I love... so I stuff it down, cover over it, sprinkle sugar on top and no one need know - including myself.

 

So now you have yourself an opportunity.

 

You have a chance to really get into that anger! It will be difficult - there's a lifetime of patterns that have been designed to keep you away from it. But you have external circumstances helping you out now. Get that liver churning, releasing all the stuck, blocked, compressed anger. I'm not sure what your practices are like, but do a lot of liver work - not to get rid of the anger, but to connect to it. Have anger fill you up completely then allow your body to move in a way that expresses it - particularly with your voice.. it's good to do shaking movements, which loosens everything up.

 

It's not even a case of bringing anger up - there's a backlog of it there already, just under the sugar-coating - all you need to do is turn your awareness there and allow it to bubble up - then just sit with it, stand with it, breathe with it, shake and roar with it - the light of your awareness on it will begin to transform it, but it will only transform by keeping your awareness on it, and not by trying to transform it.

 

There's no 'dealing' with anger or jealousy (by the way - it's not jealousy, it's anger with stories) - you let it run its course.

 

And there's a surprising gift within anger - within the energy behind anger there is a kind of 'motivational' feeling - like a motivation based on the generosity of your spirit... another thing is that when you hide your anger, to others it feels like there is a part of you missing - they can't put their finger on it, but there is something missing... if you're able to be centred in a way that presents both your dark and your light side, you will notice a whole new level of attraction from others, including your wife.

 

And I must warn you, that once you open up anger, you may find sadness hidden deeper down beneath it - and you'll go through it in the same way.

 

Before bed deeply go into your 6 healing sounds - releasing all the heat generated. Stay grounded, go for walks, sit outside and be gentle with yourself as you allow this to play through.

 

This is a great gift.

Edited September 21, 2009 by King Kabalabhati

[Pietro]

Yeah appreciate that but I'd rather not take any more sexual advice, at least not on this thread. Jealousy is the subject, not how to kindle the fire, it may be too late for that anyway.

 

What an interesting subject.

 

It is said that person will give you a good suggestion when he can't anymore show a bad example:

many years ago I left my girlfriend because she has had a summer relationship. This after I told her that we were in an open relationship, and that she was free to go with others. Interestingly she would answer "yes, yes, you say so, but the moment I would really go with another you would leave me on the spot". She was right although for years after that I regretted what I did.

 

So let me share some of the wisdom I have gathered in those years from when I so foolishly acted.

 

I read that you are considering divorce. I don't think this is fair or acceptable. A man that is a man is bound by his own word. Did I gather right that you are from India? Gandhi use to say (among many others) that happiness happens when what you think, what you do and what you say are one thing. You have agreed to let her investigate this other relationship, and you would somehow break your own word if, after telling her she could do something, you would divorce her because of that. This does not mean that you have to stay in a relationship you are unhappy with. You can change the rules at any time. Provided you take the time to discuss it with her. But you cannot divorce her for something she did following your advice.

 

Please note that she might have slightly manipulated you by suggesting that you could go with others (it is natural for generous people to answer, you too). Even if this were true (and I cannot know it, only her innside her heart), you still need to be responsible for your own words.

 

I think you are already going in the right direction respect to getting over the jealousy. When I was in that bad situation, after a lot of pain and suffering I felt that I could get over it. I just could accept what has happened, and stay with her. I was at the time 26, and I use to go to an analyst. She was an old woman, very wise. It was her who suggested me to leave her. Because, she said, "maybe you are too young for that kind of relationship, better would be for you to experience other women, and other relationships before settling down". Sometimes even wise old women are wrong ;-).

 

So I think you need to dissolve your jelousy. At least about what has happened (or is about to happen) this time.

Or fuse it. Or just stay in reality. Or something.

 

Speaking about open relationships, I have read a lot about them, and I also often tried to have open relationships. I never succeeded, but I now know many ways that don't work.

 

One of the things that I understand is really important is to have really clear rules. For example some people are allowed to sleep with others, but not to have kids with them. Other are allowed to sleep but not to make love. Or to have a 1 night stand, but not to sleep with the same person more than one time (which would produce attachment and a relationship that can dis-stabilize the first relationship. Others are allowed to have other lovers but not 1 night stands. Others can make love... provided the first partner is invited to join. Or the first partner is invited to watch (this is great -meditation wise-, there is nothing better to face your jealousy than seeing a woman you desire have sex with another man). Other require that the partner pass one night home always immediately after the the night they had with someone else; to reconnect with the family. Others need to know who the person is.

 

It is interesting that some couples have a philosophy of "don't ask, don't tell". And people who live in an open relationship for many years tend to agree that this is not an acceptable base.

 

So I would say:

You can't divorce her for what she will do this time.

You need to face and dissolve your jealousy,

if you feel this is to hard you can still change the rules from now on,

be open to what the rules can be. Find something that fits both of you.

[King Kabalabhati]

Hey, thanks for the encouragement. This kind of words is strengthening. I WILL SURVIVE

 

Dude, I know EXACTLY what you're going through. It seems you and your wife, although compatible, do not share that spiritual connection which sort of acts like a love recycling plant(this was a terrible analogy). It's very true and I have been in several long-term relationships to know this. The energetic dynamic both sexually and mentally has to be there for that great rise in energy you're seeking. I totally think you're right about that. And the way you're handling all of this, especially for the sake of the children, is THE SHIT. Seriously, dog, you're being so very strong to endure this for higher causes. It's admirable and I would like to shake your hand if I could.

 

Last note - KK, it's completely natural for you to feel jealousy. It means you care about her as a man. What would be unhealthy would be to deny the feeling of jealousy. It's great that you posted this and it's great that we are all sharing it with you now.

[CarsonZi]

Hi hyok, King K.....

 

Last note - KK, it's completely natural for you to feel jealousy. It means you care about her as a man.

 

I disagree with this statement.....(not that it makes any difference ).....If you feel jealousy it means that you also feel at least a slight sense of ownership......like, "this girl is 'mine'". She doesn't "belong" to you, which is why marriage can be such a wierd thing (I am married myself). "Your" wife is not actually "yours".

 

What would be unhealthy would be to deny the feeling of jealousy. It's great that you posted this and it's great that we are all sharing it with you now.

 

I agree with this very much though

 

Love,

Carson

[Cookie Monster]

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Edited September 26, 2020 by Ocean Form