Jealousy

[Creation]

Also, do you have any tips on bringing awareness into a place it has difficulty going that you would be willing to share?

[freeform]

Also, do you have any tips on bringing awareness into a place it has difficulty going that you would be willing to share?

 

Sure.

 

But first, thanks for the heads up on Frantzis - I've seen videos of him moving, and heard about the dissolving, but never went indepth, reading his books etc.

 

so bringing awareness to a difficult area... Think of the difference between a digital clock and an analogue one. A digital clock has hard separations - between one minute and the next - between one second and the next... an analogue one doesn't really separate - there are markings that are separate, but it moves smoothly between them, rather than jumping from one to another.

 

So in your body, you will have somewhere that awareness can get to and somewhere it can't - this is a digital separation. So if you make it analogue, go right to the edge where you can be aware and where you can't, and slowly move closer to the edge... there will be bits where you can kind of become aware off, but not completely, so just become aware of that, and over time move closer and closer to the separation and you'll notice it's not a hard separation at all, and like water running over a soft rock, you can shave bits off little by little...

 

so instead of trying to force awareness in, just gently caress the edge of the blockage with your awareness. Subtlety is important.

 

[King Kabalabhati]

The week went by, the wife was in town studying, I was at home with kids, everything went smoothly and I had no emotional issues, just good feeling and frequent bliss.

 

Then yesterday I went to meet her in town, we went shopping and for dinner etc. And at one point I had this powerful need to get really hard on her and especially her lover. So I did. I called him all the ugly names I could think of and also told her how stupid I thought they were acting how they did. It was very childish, swearing and cursing but somehow I felt it necessary. When we got home I started again and kind of wanted myself to hear what kind of feelings I was hiding inside. My liver was on fire again. She told me it was very strange to hear me talking mean like that and that this angry, bitter side of me had sometimes surfaced during our years together. This time I just let it all loose and I also told her that I need to say this, I need to clear out these things.

 

Last night I was physically resting but my consciousness didn't go out at all. I'm feeling shaken but somehow cleansed, she didn't seem to take this too hard and we're still friends. Now I know this might be a longer process than I thought. I think my manhood and self-esteem has been brutalized by this marriage from the start, I've been filling up with this "eunuch" kind of anger and the fact that she went with someone else was the thing that popped the cork, so to speak. This of course means her womanhood has received the same kind of treatment over the years, though she's already had some sexual healing to lift up her spirits.

 

It's quite possible that's also what I'm going to need for my own rebuilding process. At least I'm gonna need a lot of time and healing sounds.

Edited October 2, 2009 by King Kabalabhati

[longrhythm]

I'm absolutely a proponent of the sexual healing angle. And from a personal standpoint I totally agree with your venting negative emotion just in the way you did. I do that til it feels good. I'm a last word kind of guy. Way to go KK

 

 

The week went by, the wife was in town studying, I was at home with kids, everything went smoothly and I had no emotional issues, just good feeling and frequent bliss.

 

Then yesterday I went to meet her in town, we went shopping and for dinner etc. And at one point I had this powerful need to get really hard on her and especially her lover. So I did. I called him all the ugly names I could think of and also told her how stupid I thought they were acting how they did. It was very childish, swearing and cursing but somehow I felt it necessary. When we got home I started again and kind of wanted myself to hear what kind of feelings I was hiding inside. My liver was on fire again. She told me it was very strange to hear me talking mean like that and that this angry, bitter side of me had sometimes surfaced during our years together. This time I just let it all loose and I also told her that I need to say this, I need to clear out these things.

 

Last night I was physically resting but my consciousness didn't go out at all. I'm feeling shaken but somehow cleansed, she didn't seem to take this too hard and we're still friends. Now I know this might be a longer process than I thought. I think my manhood and self-esteem has been brutalized by this marriage from the start, I've been filling up with this "eunuch" kind of anger and the fact that she went with someone else was the thing that popped the cork, so to speak. This of course means her womanhood has received the same kind of treatment over the years, though she's already had some sexual healing to lift up her spirits.

 

It's quite possible that's also what I'm going to need for my own rebuilding process. At least I'm gonna need a lot of time and healing sounds.

[Capital]

I don't know the situation well, so I certainly won't say that venting your anger on your wife isn't justified, as long as it stays at needed words.

 

Still, I find that in life the more justified something aggressive feels at the time the more foolish I feel afterward, when the more root emotion that fueled it- such as the sadness I think you may need to face- has passed.

 

That's as much as I'll say on the matter, as I've not had a girlfriend, let alone a wife, so matters of the heart are currently still a mystery, and I have little reason for giving advice on them.

Edited October 2, 2009 by Capital

[King Kabalabhati]

The thing is, now that I understand some things about emotions, I no longer think the words need to be justified because ANY MEANS (excluding physical violence) of bringing up what's hidden is necessary for healing. Both of us need to be aware of what's going on of course and I don't accept to bear any guilt for what I say. What I feel is what I feel, if there's a person who wants to be on the deeper level with me then she must accept these feelings and let me express them in order to clear them up.

 

I'm not at the yogic level of transforming emotions without acting on them and it would be foolish to pretend to be. Angry words make me familiar with what's inside. Not any person could take my bitter wrath and still be friends, this tells a lot about the quality of relationship we share with her.

 

Again we feel we've made a step forward, we both seem to understand now what the other has gone through and why we've been acting the way we've been.

[Apech]

KK,

 

Do you want to keep your relationship with your wife on a one to one basis? or are you content to live with this situation?

 

A.

[King Kabalabhati]

As I said, we're no longer husband and wife, but very good friends. So we're free to explore the world. In fact I am at this moment at this one girl's place I am content with the situation. As I look at it now, everything went as it was supposed to. I personally needed the kind of emotional cleansing and the lessons this crisis brought me. It's time to live on and grow up..

 

 

 

KK,

 

Do you want to keep your relationship with your wife on a one to one basis? or are you content to live with this situation?

 

A.

[Apech]

As I said, we're no longer husband and wife, but very good friends. So we're free to explore the world. In fact I am at this moment at this one girl's place I am content with the situation. As I look at it now, everything went as it was supposed to. I personally needed the kind of emotional cleansing and the lessons this crisis brought me. It's time to live on and grow up..

 

 

OK - good luck.

 

A.

[freeform]

KK - just something I found when first discovering that anger is ok...

 

You know when you first fell in love? I don't know if you had the same experience, but I found it like an overwhelming joy. I was so happy, I would tell my friends about it, I would tell my girlfriend about it who felt equally overjoyed... but it was unsustainable - it was an over-stimulated state where the emotion of romantic love was just gushing and erupting... I found that over time, rather then shutting down this feeling that I could focus my attention (and I'm speaking of this in hindsight - I didn't think of this in such a way, I just did it) - I could focus my attention a little earlier down the line... a little closer to the source...

 

If you look at a fountain, the big mesmerising display happens when the water separates and falls, but if you looked closer down to the source of where the water was coming, you'd notice it's a much more controlled, measured stream.

 

So being new to the emotion of anger creates a kind of bind - what is anger and what is not anger. Well you know for sure that when you have an uncontrolled cursing session that it's anger (and it's healthy to air it!, especially in your situation)... But over time, you may want to bring your attention closer down to the source - where the display is not so spectacular, but the stream, the flow of energy is strong and even.

 

I'm saying you need to learn the subtleties, the small internal experiences that proceed blind outward anger... The closer you get to the source, the more you will find it unflavoured and untainted by drama, stories and the anger spin... you might find that at a certain point it's undifferentiated - it could be the start of anger, it could be the start of power (or unselfish 'kindness' - kindness is not the right word, although it's releveant - it's much more of a proactive, powerful feeling)...

 

so don't sell yourself short just yet - there's so much more to explore!!!

 

[King Kabalabhati]

Freeform, greetings from the (ex-) wife!!

 

I've already noticed some of the things that you speak of. When we start to talk about her lover or other possible relationships I still occasionally notice a slight feeling of discomfort rising. That's when its quite easy to change the way the emotion is taking, when its not yet blossomed as a full blown feeling. This is good stuff keep it flowing FF

[King Kabalabhati]

For whom it may concern, I'm giving some update here.

 

There's been no dramatic changes, the new life is flowing OK.. I've still had occasional sadness coming on but now it seems it's not related to her as much as it's related to myself. Meaning, I've been doing a lot reflecting on the past by myself and also together with her. It's painful sometimes to realise how stupid, spineless and short-sighted one has been. One day I kind of hit the bottom, thinking: "what good is there in me? Is there anything worth taking forward?" But it was simply due to her giving me so much criticism. I know I'm gonna turn it into a positive force but the initial impact was a bit heavy.

 

Markern, I'd like to thank you for recommending David Shade. I've received his material and it speaks to me. His style is strongly suggestive and just what I need to have more confidence in my manhood. It doesn't hurt to know more about the art of loving either, it feels empowering..

 

The funny side of the relationship between me and the ex-wife is that I am now acting as her sexual healer.. And at the same time she's allowing me to practice yoni massage skills. She is not fully sexually open and we're working together to improve that. I'm using all the methods I can find to help her become more orgasmic, except intercourse, which is not a good idea at least at this point of time. One book I recently got is very interesting, highly recommended, called "Yoni Massage" by Michaela Riedl. I'm determined to become very good with my hands. Her best friend seems to be also a bit electric about me, she just told me happily over the phone

 

This has been a season of more pushups and less energy work. But I'm slowly getting used to full lotus, sitting about half an hour at a time. One time I was sitting, tongue in the roof of mouth, when I swallowed my saliva taoist-style and followed it through the stomach and intestine until it hit the dantien and what happened? An internal orgasm. I wasn't expecting that one

 

Once again, thanks to everyone for insight. It was touching to read this topic again after some time. I was really going through the fire back then and the process is still on, though not as heated anymore, thank God.

 

Blessings,

 

King K