Taoist Science of Falling in Love

[matt007]

When I was 14 I had the feeling of being in love for the first time. It was great and overwhelming and painful and... all the things that romantic love is. Again at around 16 and once more at 18 years of age I fell in love. All of these experiences varied in intensity and duration, but they all had the common thread of the feeling of being in love and the indefinable mixing of the object of affection with everything else around me.

 

It was not until my early thirties that I again fell in love for a brief time with an ex-girlfriend. This time it happened after a long relationship and was triggered when I discovered she was dating someone new.

 

There are those that believe that romantic love is a psychotic state (in the sense that the actual chemical response of the brain often mirrors that of people with true mental illness) and essentially an extension of the sex drive projected onto a member of the opposite sex; the desire to mate, essentially, expressed subjectively by a number of emotions and feelings. I can't help but agree to a certain extent and it seems there is some strong evidence that brain chemistry and hormones are altered when we fall in love and that this feeling of being in love is generally associated with the beginning stages of human courtship; especially in western culture.

 

So my question is, can we create the right conditions to 'make' ourselves fall in love. That is can we change our behavior, diet, body chemistry to increase the chances that we will feel romantic love for someone. Some things that come to mind are, of course, avoiding sexual activity, exercising, meditation, prayer, special diet. I'll leave questions about the best way to meet people and actually find a romantic partner out of the discussion, but if you feel that should be addressed, by all means add what you feel is helpful.

 

Another side question is the observation that some people fall in love quite easily and others very seldom or not at all; is this just mental or is it deeper? Are some people more predisposed to falling in love?

 

Btw, the reason I'm posting this is because I personally would like to fall in love and get married/have a committed relationship that begins with falling in love. I would add that I do feel that compassionate love is ultimately more meaningful and sustainable, but I would like one more go-round with cupid before I settle down into a long term relationship.

 

I would also really like to hear personal experiences and, if your one of those that falls in love easily and deeply, perhaps you can share why you think you are the way you are and whether you feel it's a positive to have such a romantic constitution or a burden.

 

Possible points of departure:

 

1. Genetic predispositions to falling in love or not

 

2. Meditative practices that make us more sensitive to feelings of love or build healthy bodies more capable of going through the hormonal process of falling in love.

 

3. It's all mental; childhood issues; the subconscious.

 

4. Foods that act as a love drug.

 

5. Chi Gong as a way to create healthy hormone levels.

 

6. Dietary influences.

 

7. Karma.

 

8. Love potions, charms, voodoo!!!

 

9. Prayer as a way to find love.

[voidisyinyang]

You might want to read this book as written by the anthropologist of love:

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_Fisher_(anthropologist)

 

I'll see if her TED lecture is online....

 

 

Anyway Fisher says that dopamine causes the obsession which leads to love as a crime of passion....

 

While the female internal climax is through serotonin transduction via the vagus nerve. That's what I discovered! And then you get a mutual climax at a distance. So when the male learns internal climax and can then project the male energy from a distance into the female the male can have multiple mutual climaxes with the female.

 

After about 10 mutual climaxes the heart chakra opens up and TRUE LOVE emerges. You can do this with someone you are not even attracted to on a visual sense....

 

So just practice more microcosmic orbit and study Mantak Chia's books -- I'd get the level 1 sitting meditation from http://springforestqigong.com

 

Have fun.

Edited October 26, 2009 by drewhempel

[matt007]

Thank you for taking the time to add to this topic Drew. I will check out the link you gave; I'm familiar with the author, but I haven't read the book. I have studied Chia's system and found it to be problematic on many levels. Spring Forest is a good practice and I'm sure that doing this kind of Chi Gong could be very helpful, but how do you think it would help?

 

As for your own observations and theories; I have read a few of your posts and found them to be very subjective and feel these things maybe, at least to some extent, unique to you or perhaps some kind of projection on your part, at least partially. Sorry to be blunt. I'm not doubting your experiences, I'm just questioning how much of it is in your head. I'm sure there's a lot to it and I have, of course, not read all your postings and experiences. Perhaps you would be willing to explain why you think the Microcosmic Orbit can help you fall in love more than say just doing tai chi chuan or zen meditation?

 

Curious to hear more...

 

You might want to read this book as written by the anthropologist of love:

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_Fisher_(anthropologist)

 

I'll see if her TED lecture is online....

 

 

Anyway Fisher says that dopamine causes the obsession which leads to love as a crime of passion....

 

While the female internal climax is through serotonin transduction via the vagus nerve. That's what I discovered! And then you get a mutual climax at a distance. So when the male learns internal climax and can then project the male energy from a distance into the female the male can have multiple mutual climaxes with the female.

 

After about 10 mutual climaxes the heart chakra opens up and TRUE LOVE emerges. You can do this with someone you are not even attracted to on a visual sense....

 

So just practice more microcosmic orbit and study Mantak Chia's books -- I'd get the level 1 sitting meditation from http://springforestqigong.com

 

Have fun.

[voidisyinyang]

yeah that's great -- the modern male is totally physiologically clueless! haha. Even the techno-feminist has to be in denial about free love because how else could she survive in patriarchy? haha.

 

So the book "Taoist Yoga: Alchemy and Immortality" trans by Charles Luk reveals all the secrets -- just study that if you need to be "convinced." haha.

 

I've posted pretty much all my "O at a D" experiences online so that there would be critical feedback, etc. The main blockage after emotion is FOOD -- so there is a fine balance.

 

Chunyi Lin is a very very "wonderful" healer -- working with the Mayo Clinic. He teaches full-lotus as the Level 3 class along with fasting.

 

So I did 8 day fast in full-lotus on just half glass of water. Chunyi Lin did 49 day cave meditation full-lotus fast taking no water, no food and no sleep.

 

have fun! http://springforestqigong.com

 

Here you can listen to this recent Chunyi Lin interview....

 

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/QigongMasters...WITH-CHUNYI-LIN

 

Thank you for taking the time to add to this topic Drew. I will check out the link you gave; I'm familiar with the author, but I haven't read the book. I have studied Chia's system and found it to be problematic on many levels. Spring Forest is a good practice and I'm sure that doing this kind of Chi Gong could be very helpful, but how do you think it would help?

 

As for your own observations and theories; I have read a few of your posts and found them to be very subjective and feel these things maybe, at least to some extent, unique to you or perhaps some kind of projection on your part, at least partially. Sorry to be blunt. I'm not doubting your experiences, I'm just questioning how much of it is in your head. I'm sure there's a lot to it and I have, of course, not read all your postings and experiences. Perhaps you would be willing to explain why you think the Microcosmic Orbit can help you fall in love more than say just doing tai chi chuan or zen meditation?

 

Curious to hear more...

Edited October 26, 2009 by drewhempel

[matt007]

I've read Charles Luk's book. Most people I've spoken to, both in China and here is the States, agree that it's not a good practical guide. I appreciate what you are saying though; so you think it's basically about doing Taoist practices and that eventually leads to the ability to 'energetically' control the process of falling in love in both yourself and the other person? It sounds impressive and yes I think it's possible, maybe.

 

So Drew, are you in a loving relationship as a result of your ability? Do you feel this has added to your ability to sustain a nurturing, healthy relationship?

 

yeah that's great -- the modern male is totally physiologically clueless! haha. Even the techno-feminist has to be in denial about free love because how else could she survive in patriarchy? haha.

 

So the book "Taoist Yoga: Alchemy and Immortality" trans by Charles Luk reveals all the secrets -- just study that if you need to be "convinced." haha.

 

I've posted pretty much all my "O at a D" experiences online so that there would be critical feedback, etc. The main blockage after emotion is FOOD -- so there is a fine balance.

 

Chunyi Lin is a very very "wonderful" healer -- working with the Mayo Clinic. He teaches full-lotus as the Level 3 class along with fasting.

 

So I did 8 day fast in full-lotus on just half glass of water. Chunyi Lin did 49 day cave meditation full-lotus fast taking no water, no food and no sleep.

 

have fun! http://springforestqigong.com

[voidisyinyang]

I'm listening to Chunyi Lin right now and he talks about love and then the host asks him what makes SFQ and so Chunyi Lin says, "well it's like I said" and talks about LOVE again -- and you can FEEL the heart chakra energy.

 

So when Chunyi Lin transmits the energy it goes to the heart but then it builds up your life force energy.

 

When I was doing the fast I went to Chunyi Lin's level 3 retreat. There was someone there for a special healing since he had a serious illness -- I could SMELL his sickness deep in his body even though he was on the other side of a huge conference room.

 

Anyway later I realized his room was next to mine -- he was having sex with his girlfriend! haha. Chunyi Lin's healing energy went to his girlfriend but she couldn't smell him.

 

Since I had purified my energy I could smell the sickness -- cancer smells like rotten flesh.

 

Yeah it's definitely mutual love -- not just "you" fall in love or "Others" fall in love with you -- it's mutual.

 

Here -- I'll repost this for you:

 

Enouch -- since you asked me -- Chunyi Lin did state in the SFQ Guild (where students meet to practice healing on each other) that it is important to save up sex energy. Later he said he would discuss this in his book. He did not -- and this has a lot to do with Chunyi Lin adjusting to Western culture more.

 

Even Mantak Chia's first book - Awakening the Healing Energy of the Tao strongly encourages that there be no emission for the first 100 days of practice and "Taoist Yoga: Alchemy and Immortality" translates this jing loss for the age of the male -- of course as the practice advances the danger of

 

"Losing the alchemical pill"

 

becomes more dangerous.

 

So Chunyi Lin says that if you do have extra healing energy then it just flows out of your body into others -- that's the male chi energy.

 

Chunyi Lin says the more you heal others you also heal yourselves. So the jing energy can be build up again after emission from food or from other people. The energy blockages in other people is just their EXTRA energy not harmonized.

 

That's why it's not parasitism to take in female jing energy from others because once the macrocosmic orbit is achieved (third eye opening) you then harmonize their energy blockages and turn that extra energy into healing chi energy which is transmitted back into the other person.

 

This happens naturally due to yin-yang flow of the energy as one through the nondual Emptiness or Consciousness (formless awareness). So you do not have to "store" up jing but at the same time you BURN off your sex fluid.

 

So I've been celibate for 10 years but I've also had many more orgasms but INTERNAL climaxes and more intense love then before celibacy. You don't get blue balls if you practice properly! haha.

 

When this level of healing happens the healer is not achieving longevity or immortality but the healer is maintaining their own health while healing others as well. So that's more common in "mundane" reality because otherwise if you keep storing up your jing, turning it into more powerful chi and shen -- the spiritual powers are too strong! These powers have to be controlled or else it is very dangerous. haha.

 

That's why Chunyi Lin doesn't talk about it a lot -- conserving sex energy. It's up to the individual really and most males can't do it anyway! If you talk about it then you focus on the wrong goal. The goal is the emptiness! Talking is not practice -- practice is through the right-brain while speech is left-brain! haha.

 

The full-lotus is really the only effective means of transmuting the jing energy into chi instead of the jing turning back into generative fluid or sex fluid.

 

Modern males just eat meat and then it turns into sex fluid and then modern males might also suck off female sex energy which the modern male then turns back into sex fluid -- so it stays all female -- the modern male is female! haha.

 

Or a Enouch! haha. Have fun.

Edited October 26, 2009 by drewhempel

[matt007]

I'm listening to the Chunyi Lin interview you linked. I'm definitely going to look into it Drew. Thanks. So, celibate for ten years? I take you are single?

Edited October 26, 2009 by matt007

[voidisyinyang]

Dude -- my heart is getting SO HOT from Chunyi Lin -- when he gets silent in the interview it's because he is HEALING the host -- and then the host replies

 

"oh this is interesting" or "oh this is really interesting" -- that's because he FEELS the energy. haha.

 

Seriously Chunyi Lin's energy is now on this radio interview and ANYONE can get healing energy by listening to this interview for free!

 

It's AWESOME.

 

I'll tell you a secret -- I emailed the Lama host (who has posted here before) and encouraged him to interview Chunyi Lin. Then I forgot all about it. haha.

 

I've been doing this for the past 10 years -- reading a book a day -- doing healing -- learning more about the energy -- promoting SFQ -- and learning tons.

[matt007]

Actually my Mom has been doing Spring Forest for about two years and gave me his books and a CD Rom. I haven't looked at it yet, but I intend to.

 

I understand universal and compassionate love, but I, selfishly perhaps, want to fall in love. I know there is a connection between Chi Gong and Taoist practice and the ability to fall in love, not just healing, compassionate love, etc... I hope others will share their experiences.

[voidisyinyang]

80% of Chunyi Lin's students are females. Why? Because he's a chick magnet! And also he gets power from that as well! -- Quite literally the male electromagnetic energy is the SOURCE of female internal climax. The female internal climax is the SOURCE of the jing energy. That's the secret of alchemy -- that's what Taoist Yoga explains. The modern male doesn't understand that sex attraction comes from the brain first as male electromagnetic energy.

 

Chunyi Lin calls it a "love radiator" in the interview. But the sex stuff is secret -- Mantak Chia goes into it but again it means the male has to learn how to have the female climax! haha. So of course it goes the opposite to modern society.

 

Once the alchemist knows how to isolate and build up the source of female climaxes then the alchemist can create mutual love from INTERNAL climaxes. Mantak Chia states explicitly in the SAME http://blogtalkradio.com/qigongmasters series that the Taoist has to build up his energy by more and more internal climaxes. So that's how both males and females build up their energy -- only for males they then lose it from emission and females get

 

"over-excited" from the love emotion.

 

Again Taoist Yoga gives details -- it's hard to get past all the jargon -- I had to study the terms for years off and on and then cross-reference them to confirm there meaning -- and even still the advanced levels need personal guidance. haha.

 

You just keep practicing (and yes I do this with my mom at a distance -- as Chunyi Lin says a healer in every family a world without pain). But this is even documented to be the case in Africa -- way back. I've done the research. Read the book "Modernity in Witchcraft"

 

There's also love between males -- it's real love energy -- but you have to avoid the pervs. haha. Pervs chase me down a lot. haha. caio.

 

Actually my Mom has been doing Spring Forest for about two years and gave me his books and a CD Rom. I haven't looked at it yet, but I intend to.

 

I understand universal and compassionate love, but I, selfishly perhaps, want to fall in love. I know there is a connection between Chi Gong and Taoist practice and the ability to fall in love, not just healing, compassionate love, etc... I hope others will share their experiences.

[matt007]

Drew,

 

Thanks again for sharing. Real intimacy, romantic love, to me, entails a healthy relationship. Your talking about Orgasm at a Distance, sexual energy and opening your heart. My questions is how these operate in a real relationship; how do you know if these subjective or objective experiences truly translate into falling in love and sustaining a that love if you've been single and abstinent for the last ten years?

[Marblehead]

Hi Guys,

 

Interesting discussion. I would have thought that the subject would have brought more players into the discussion.

 

That word, "love", is a tricky word. I noticed that most of your discussion centered on sex. Well, sure, that's mostly what we think about when we think about love.

 

But sex is a natural instinct.

 

Kinda like a discussion of spirituality. One can be spiritual without holding to a religion; one can have sex without being in love.

 

But mutual sexual attraction can lead to love just as spirituality can lead to religion.

 

I guess it all depends on how open-minded we are.

 

I'm sure Matt could say a lot about love (not sexually based) because I think that there is a very strong link between love and compassion.

 

Peace & Love!

[~jK~]

matt007,

The Taoist perspective can be seen from the Chinese Holidays - almost always on either the full moon or a solar cycle.

If you can find a copy of the book: The Huangdi Neijing as also known as The Inner Canon of Huangdi or Yellow Emperor's Inner Canon, is an ancient Chinese medical text that has been treated as the fundamental doctrinal source for Chinese medicine for more than two millennia.

 

You will see how the planets and in particular the Sun and Moon are affecting not just humanity but all of nature.

Here is the Calendar I use - it is a 160 year calendar in both Chinese and English.

http://www.lunarcal.org/Screen.html

 

The timing of the moon can be used for many things pertaining to the feminine.

A woman's menustral cycle, in relation to the phases of the moon, can be used to tell her health as a healthy girl will begin her cycle on the dark of the moon - an old girl or sick girl will begin her cycle on the full moon.

So - If you want to go out and meet girls - go out on the 7 days following the full moon. They will be much more receptive to you as this is ovulation time.

As to if you and she will fit - this has to do with your needs as well as hers in a relationship. - But - now you are past the most difficult point - the beginning.

Begining in Chinese characters is drawn by a bull mating with a cow

[TzuJanLi]

Greetings..

 

It is my understanding, based on experience and research, that "Love" is a product of energetic resonance.. the study of energy, vibration and frequencies, relative to the unique energetic signatures of people, places, and things reveals much about attraction and rejection.. then, we tend to personalize it with the usual elements of socio-religious programming..

 

Be well..

Edited October 26, 2009 by TzuJanLi

[matt007]

 

Interesting discussion. I would have thought that the subject would have brought more players into the discussion.

 

I was hoping more would weigh in on this topic as well; I beginning to fear that the lack of posts here is a reflection of the maturity level of the forum. Are the members here a bunch of immature boys, too self absorbed in their own ball sack to consider the subtleties of love?

[matt007]

matt007,

The Taoist perspective can be seen from the Chinese Holidays - almost always on either the full moon or a solar cycle.

If you can find a copy of the book: The Huangdi Neijing as also known as The Inner Canon of Huangdi or Yellow Emperor's Inner Canon, is an ancient Chinese medical text that has been treated as the fundamental doctrinal source for Chinese medicine for more than two millennia.

 

You will see how the planets and in particular the Sun and Moon are affecting not just humanity but all of nature.

Here is the Calendar I use - it is a 160 year calendar in both Chinese and English.

http://www.lunarcal.org/Screen.html

 

The timing of the moon can be used for many things pertaining to the feminine.

A woman's menustral cycle, in relation to the phases of the moon, can be used to tell her health as a healthy girl will begin her cycle on the dark of the moon - an old girl or sick girl will begin her cycle on the full moon.

So - If you want to go out and meet girls - go out on the 7 days following the full moon. They will be much more receptive to you as this is ovulation time.

As to if you and she will fit - this has to do with your needs as well as hers in a relationship. - But - now you are past the most difficult point - the beginning.

Begining in Chinese characters is drawn by a bull mating with a cow

 

Okay, this is interesting. Whether it's accurate or provable by someone who is not a Taoist master is questionable, but still, worthy information. One could deduce that it's perhaps easier and more likely to build mutual attraction and eventually love with a 'healthy girl' found socializing on the seventh day after the full moon than an 'old girl' found ovulating at another less optimal time.

 

I have also heard that there are alpha females just like there are alpha males and that other females in proximity will automatically synchronize their menstrual cycle with the alpha female if the are around each other long enough. Whether there is any truth to it, I have no idea, but it's an interesting tidbit.

 

I would like to direct the conversation back to what I or someone can change in themselves to increase the chances of falling in love. To me it seems clear that the place to start is with your basic one hundred days (100-120) of abstinence to build the foundation. Maybe some meditation and prayer, to help you through those hundred days. Throw in daily cardiovascular exercise, maybe some standing practice and some resistance training to optimize hormone levels and release chi into the body. Add to that a diet rich healthy fatty acids and fruits and veggies with a high quality protein source. Of course a lot of this is good to do anyway in your daily life. The icing on the cake is perhaps some kind of manifesting exercise like painting a picture of two lovers and hanging it in your bedroom.

 

Of course this mainly addresses the physical side of the equation. We need to delve deep into the our unconscious and purify our soul, reestablish our connection to the source by engaging perhaps in Jungian therapy or Buddhist practice or just going to church. Maybe one should see a therapist and make sure your not in some psychological holding pattern; kind of clear out all the cobwebs and deal with any unresolved emotional issues. Maybe even go through the 12 Steps and really do some process work.

 

At the end of however long all this takes, if you are not completely insane, perhaps you will be ready to fall in love. I do recall that three out of the four times I have been in love have been in situation were I was with a close nit social group and in regular contact with the women that I had feelings for. So part of meeting someone is clearly belonging to a stable social network of people and having regular social interaction. Going to parties and gatherings; weddings, there's a big one.

 

Another important ingredient is probably returning to that child like place of purity and innocence. Maybe going to the beach with friends and building a sandcastle or getting a dog and bonding with it would come into play somehow.

 

I just watched 'Shakespeare in Love' last night. It's been a while since I watched that movie. God damn, that's what I'm talking about. True love.

[Marblehead]

I was hoping more would weigh in on this topic as well; I beginning to fear that the lack of posts here is a reflection of the maturity level of the forum. Are the members here a bunch of immature boys, too self absorbed in their own ball sack to consider the subtleties of love?

 

 

Jeeezzze! You hit hard when you swing. Hehehe. 'Tis true though - ego oftentimes gets in the way of love.

 

I better shut up before I get in trouble.

 

Peace & Love!

[longrhythm]

This was a really stupid thing to say. First off we have some women on here too, and their input on this subject would maybe be more valuable than the bulk of boys, men, ballsacks whatever you wanna call them. But seriously, don't insult the people you're asking for feedback if you don't get as much as you wanted, even if it is as a joke.

 

That said, I just posted this, and realizing it may have been inspired by your post, figured it's probably relevant enough to put as a reply here. To be honest the reason I didn't initially think to weigh in on your post is because you asked so many questions and said such a mouthful to begin with that I didn't really feel enough room to respond. Like I knew I wanted to, but it would've taken too much thought to do so with the amount of guidance included in the OP. So that being said here's my thoughts:

 

One of the things that very much attracted me to Taoism was the clear definitions of male and female roles. Between the cultural climate of coastal US city life, and my personal upbringing, I felt that as something really lacking in my life, and spent years in all sorts of ways seeking to develop that part of myself that is aware of distinctly masculine and feminine traits. It was a relief to find something that cut all the way down to the spiritual level that addresses these distinctions so beautifully.

 

Something I have found in my own experience, is as a man, I fear being used for my status, accomplishments, and intellect, and want to be loved by women for who I feel I really am, which I tend to identify as my body if not more specifically my heart.

 

Something I feel I've observed about many many women is that they fear being used for their bodies, and want to be loved by men (or at least respected) for their status, accomplishments, and intellect.

 

From a socio-political standpoint, this looks quite simply like a grass is always greener scenario, but more recently for me, through my practices and studies, I have come to see male as primarily spirit occupying body, and female as primarily body containing spirit.

 

In that way, I see the yin in yang and yang in yin as being the driving force behind heterosexual attraction, in that I don't want to be used for my spirit, as that's what I am, but rather for my body, which is what I have- and a woman would not want to be used for her body, which is what she is, but rather for her spirit, which is what she has.

 

So it looks that way that we want to be wanted not for what we are, since nobody wants to be possessed, but rather for what we have, as that is what we can actually give.

 

Just some thoughts I wanted to put out there and I would love to hear responses, tangents, anything else that comes to mind.

 

Brian

 

 

 

 

I was hoping more would weigh in on this topic as well; I beginning to fear that the lack of posts here is a reflection of the maturity level of the forum. Are the members here a bunch of immature boys, too self absorbed in their own ball sack to consider the subtleties of love?

[Marblehead]

This was a really stupid thing to say. First off we have some women on here too, and their input on this subject would maybe be more valuable than the bulk of boys, men, ballsacks whatever you wanna call them. But seriously, don't insult the people you're asking for feedback if you don't get as much as you wanted, even if it is as a joke.

 

That said, I just posted this, and realizing it may have been inspired by your post, figured it's probably relevant enough to put as a reply here. To be honest the reason I didn't initially think to weigh in on your post is because you asked so many questions and said such a mouthful to begin with that I didn't really feel enough room to respond. Like I knew I wanted to, but it would've taken too much thought to do so with the amount of guidance included in the OP. So that being said here's my thoughts:

 

Brian

 

Hi Brian,

 

I think that you came down excessively hard on Matt007 for making a joke. And even when what he said wasn't far from the truth.

 

Anyhow, thank you for posting to the thread. I would accept what you said as a generality. I personally don't like attaching the polarities of Chi to the sexes of animals but that is just me.

 

And I agree with you that if in a relationship each party can provide strength where the other has weaknesses the relationship has a good chance of lasting a long time.

 

Peace & Love!

[matt007]

This was a really stupid thing to say. First off we have some women on here too, and their input on this subject would maybe be more valuable than the bulk of boys, men, ballsacks whatever you wanna call them. But seriously, don't insult the people you're asking for feedback if you don't get as much as you wanted, even if it is as a joke.

No offense Brian. I was trying to use humor as a way to provoke a response. I would say it worked pretty well in your case, maybe, maybe not. Anyway thanks for your input. I think your theory is an interesting one. I agree that it would be nice to have some of the women here add their two cents... not that they would have the capacity to really add anything truly substantial (just kidding, totally kinding ).

 

I did want to add that I think a lot of this stuff is completely outside the realm of our control. I'm at peace with the fact that I may never love, at least in the romantic sense, again. Of course, I will be open to it and try to use wisdom and understanding to nourish it, but ultimately, it's all part of the passing show. These things just aren't up to us in the end and so we have to let go of the illusion of control and allow ourselves to live this life fully in the present moment. This is perhaps just the letting go that is needed to fall in love, perhaps. I guess I or we will find that out at the appropriate time.

 

Kahlil Gibran on Love:

 

When love beckons to you, follow him,

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams

as the north wind lays waste the garden.

 

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,

So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

 

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.

He threshes you to make you naked.

He sifts you to free you from your husks.

He grinds you to whiteness.

He kneads you until you are pliant;

And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

 

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

 

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

 

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."

And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

 

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

[longrhythm]

You got me there it certainly did work Hopefully works as well on the girls... In any case I think you have a good perspective on it, and I'd say surrender is a big part of it, but I always maintain that there's the yin and yang, or yielding and active to everything. So as much as I want to surrender to falling in love, I want to actively make those connections happen- if by nothing more than a disposition. Sure you can't create what's not there, but there's a better chance of finding something when your eyes are open. When I was younger I'd tell myself I loved a girl before I felt it, and sure enough, the feeling would come shortly after.

 

Sharp can be painful if you're not looking for it, it can be incredibly admirable if you are. Intent can shape interpretation, which shapes interactions. Just two more of my cents.

 

 

 

No offense Brian. I was trying to use humor as a way to provoke a response. I would say it worked pretty well in your case, maybe, maybe not. Anyway thanks for your input. I think your theory is an interesting one. I agree that it would be nice to have some of the women here add their two cents... not that they would have the capacity to really add anything truly substantial (just kidding, totally kinding ).

 

I did want to add that I think a lot of this stuff is completely outside the realm of our control. I'm at peace with the fact that I may never love, at least in the romantic sense, again. Of course, I will be open to it and try to use wisdom and understanding to nourish it, but ultimately, it's all part of the passing show. These things just aren't up to us in the end and so we have to let go of the illusion of control and allow ourselves to live this life fully in the present moment. This is perhaps just the letting go that is needed to fall in love, perhaps. I guess I or we will find that out at the appropriate time.

 

Kahlil Gibran on Love:

 

When love beckons to you, follow him,

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams

as the north wind lays waste the garden.

 

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,

So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

 

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.

He threshes you to make you naked.

He sifts you to free you from your husks.

He grinds you to whiteness.

He kneads you until you are pliant;

And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

 

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

 

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

 

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."

And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

 

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

[Aetherous]

If you want to fall in love and get married, be a hard worker and maintain order in your life (job security, being able to pay for car repairs or hospital bills, etc).

 

That's it.

[matt007]

I'd say surrender is a big part of it, but I always maintain that there's the yin and yang, or yielding and active to everything. So as much as I want to surrender to falling in love, I want to actively make those connections happen- if by nothing more than a disposition. Sure you can't create what's not there, but there's a better chance of finding something when your eyes are open. When I was younger I'd tell myself I loved a girl before I felt it, and sure enough, the feeling would come shortly after.

 

Sharp can be painful if you're not looking for it, it can be incredibly admirable if you are. Intent can shape interpretation, which shapes interactions. Just two more of my cents.

I like what you say here. It's like being ready, but with no preconceptions; knowing the possibilities and accepting all possible outcomes, but ready for the right moment. I guess there is something to say for being prepared. Being ready is a big part of martial arts too. Maybe one can train to be ready for love.

 

I've been a subscriber of David Wygant's e-news now for a few months. I think he is the only compassionate PUA guy out there. He's actually in a long term relationship. There may be others, but I haven't delved that deep into the PUA community, yet. It's too much about getting laid 24/7. I like his approach (Wygant's) , not enough to actually invest in his stuff, but it's refreshing to get his perspective. I think if you combine some of the Taoist thinking on these things with what he is saying, on a basic level, your really are going to run into possible love connections.

 

After 120 days without ejaculation I might just fall in love with Oprah for all I know. Can you imagine being in love with Oprah? Oh take me now Oprah! Oh ya, gimme some more of that brown sugar baby... no, not that much. Hold on Winfrey! GODDAMN IT WOMAN OH NOOOO!!!!

[matt007]

If you want to fall in love and get married, be a hard worker and maintain order in your life (job security, being able to pay for car repairs or hospital bills, etc).

 

That's it.

You hit on a big one Scotty. Having a fucking job is key. But we all know that part. The big question is, does money and security, the two things guys perceive women as wanting the most in a relationship, equal love? Maybe. I have a good job, but I live in a big city and having a good job is not a unique thing in the city. If I was a successful lawyer in a small town would I be getting a lot of female attention and interest? Probably. But in a big city, there are a lot of successful lawyers and a lot more competition.

 

The second question is, does having your pick of attractive women because you have money, status, influence make it easier to fall in love? Maybe, maybe not. There are lot's of unhappy rich people surrounded by people who want something from them.

 

To me, falling in love has more to do with compatibility, but maybe that's because I already have some measure of success in my personal life and financially. If I was in survival mode and lived in a community where having a lot meant having more than everyone else, I might think differently about this part of the equation.

[matt007]

I'm growing impatient with this forum; feels like I'm talking to myself, so I'm going to shut up and let it go for a while. If anyone here has anything novel to add, please let me know what I'm missing. I do appreciate all the input so far and I don't want to necessarily make this thread all about me and my goal to fall in love.

 

I will share one more thought. I've been doing the Taoist thing for about 15 years now. I've been to China twice, Europe a number of times as well as a few other spots in Asia seeking answers and trying to find some truth and answers to these questions of why we are here and who we are and what love is, what it really is. And studied very diligently in much of my time. What I found out is that there is nothing better than, stronger than love. All of these tools, meditation Chi Gong, Taoist practice are good for only one thing and that's love. All of my searching has been to find love.

 

It's not about getting love. It's about realizing you are love.

 

At some point, I was able to let a lot of these 'tools' go. My regular meditation practice and all the rest quite naturally drifted away and I found myself, for the first time since childhood. What I think we all are looking for with all of these devices and practices is love and certainly romantic love, if it's mature and not about getting something or possessing something or someone, can be a wonderful, powerful expression of that.

 

 

Okay, I'll come back tomorrow and look forward to hearing more about Taoist love. Sweet Dreams lovers.

 

When I'm alone in my room sometimes I stare at the wall

and in the back of my mind I hear my conscience call

Telling me I need a girl who's as sweet as a dove

for the first time in my life, I see I need love

There I was giggling about the games

that I had played with many hearts, and I'm not saying no names

Then the thought occured, tear drops made my eyes burn

as I said to myself look what you've done to her

I can feel it inside, I can't explain how it feels

all I know is that I'll never dish another raw deal

Playing make believe pretending that I'm true

holding in my laugh as I say that I love you

Saying amor kissing you on the ear

whispering I love you and I'll always be here

Although I often reminsce I can't believe that I found

a desire for true love floating around

Inside my soul because my soul is cold

one half of me deserves to be this way till I'm old

But the other half needs affection and joy

and the warmth that is created by a girl and a boy

I need love

I need love

Romance sheer delight how sweet

I gotta find me a girl to make my life complete

You can scratch my back, we'll get cozy and huddle

I'll lay down my jacket so you can walk over a puddle

I'll give you a rose, pull out your chair before we eat

kiss you on the cheek and say ooh girl you're so sweet

It's deja vu whenever I'm with you

I could go on forever telling you what I do

But where you at you're neither here or there

I swear I can't find you anywhere

Damn sure you ain't in my closet, or under my rug

this love search is really making me bug

And if you know who you are why don't you make yourself seen

take the chance with my love and you'll find out what I mean

Fantasy's can run but they can't hide

and when I find you I'm gon' pour all my love inside

I need love

I need love

I wanna kiss you hold you never scold you just love you

suck on you neck, caress you and rub you

Grind moan and never be alone

if you're not standing next to me you're on the phone

Can't you hear it in my voice, I need love bad

I've got money but love's something I've never had

I need your ruby red lips sweet face and all

I love you more than a man who's 10 feet tall

I'd watch the sunrise in your eyes

we're so in love when we hug we become paralyzed

Our bodies explode in ecstasy unreal

you're as soft as a pillow and I'm as hard as steel

It's like a dream land, I can't lie I never been there

maybe this is an experience that me and you can share

Clean and unsoiled yet sweaty and wet

I swear to you this is something that I'll never forget

I need love

I need love

See what I mean I've changed I'm no longer

a play boy on the run I need something that's stronger

Friendship, trust honor respect admiration

this whole experience has been such a revelation

It's taught me love and how to be a real man

to always be considerate and do all I can

Protect you you're my lady and you mean so much

my body tingles all over from the slightest touch

Of your hand and understand I'll be frozen in time

till we meet face to face and you tell me you're mine

If I find you girl I swear I'll be a good man

I'm not gonna leave it in destiny's hands

I can't sit and wait for my princess to arrive

I gotta struggle and fight to keep my dream alive

I'll search the whole world for that special girl

when I finally find you watch our love unfurl

I need love

I need love

Girl, listen to me

When I be sittin in my room all alone, staring at the wall

fantasies, they go through my mind

And I've come to realize that I need true love

and if you wanna give it to me girl make yourself seen

I'll be waiting

I love you