fusion confusion

[liminal_luke]

What do you guys think? When I practice fusion 1 (just collecting negative emotional organ energy in my paqua) I feel all sorts of nasty feelings and shake. Feels like the shaking is more a defense against feeling whatever is coming up for me than the actual feeling itself. For at least an hour or so of practice its very unpleasant and I often just get up and forget it. But if I stick through it eventually get to a very good place where I feel centered and very happy. Amazingly, my voice is then about an octave lower and a whole lot calmer than usual. This new voice lasts about 15 minutes or so. Feel like this is my "real" voice and Ive just somehow been walking around with a voice that isnt authentic but the product of a low but chronic level of anxiety that keeps it from coming into its normal post-fusion range. When I go to practice the next day the whole process starts over again.

So heres my dilemma. Is it worth going through the hell of meditation to get to the sweet spot at the end? Will I slowly change if I keep going even though it seems the next day Im no better off than I was before? Will my voice ever get to where it is just permanently hanging out in a lower and calmer range? Anybody else gone through anything similar?

[sunshine]

I have no experience with the Fusion pratice but very often with practices of different kind you feel the next day the same as before... it can taker some time before a practice done over and over again leads to a continuous result... I think that is the most problem many people trying meditation experience... they do not go long enough with their practice in order for the results to become permanent... and you can be sure: if you stop with your pratice old stuff will very likely come back...

 

I am getting training for my voice and my teacher has realized that with working on the voice people sometimes experience "energetic reactions" in their body and even very physical stuff: like after some time of voice training a spinal vertebra getting into place while at the same time the range of voice changes...

 

works from both sides

 

Harry

[GrandTrinity]

maybe graduate yourself to the kan and li, also work on practicing fusions at ALL times

[Jeremiah]

Hi,

 

I think this is a common pattern for most practices. The meditations work great and all but then you get back into the trenches of modern life and you are right back to the old patterns. But you are making some direct communication to yourself that you want to work thru that shadow side. Even if you slip back after the mediation you still have made some deep contact there.

 

I would not be alarmed by this. There is no easy way thru this stuff & it will not happen overnite.

 

If you are collecting negitive emoitions is some percieved location, are you giving them an option to transform? They do not want to just "release" because you took the time to make some pretty mondala of light & sound. (you are using sound too?) It's like they think they will not exist any other way that the way it is now. To them to release is to die, the end of the world. Ask them just to try some other pattern on. Just what that might feel like to be this positive form for a wee little bit. When you get that going ask them (the "negative" patterns) to maintain that positive vibration when you are not meditating. Ultimately some level of yourself is deciding how your reality is shaped.

 

Also the Fusion practice is not for the shadow side of emotions only. Try reinforcing postive emotional patterns or positive vurtues that you want resonant in your daily life with the practice as well. Like pick something positive and build it and let it radiate thru the light of your soul. Let yourself know what you do want to resonate this positive voice as your vibration to the universe, inward, outward, dimensionally. If you spend all the time with the "negitive" emotions then you are telling yourself that is what you want to resonate. Spend at least equal time (or more) reinforcing positve virtues or emotional patterns.

 

It's like training your dog. "Damit doggie, don't shit on the rug!" But you just projected an image to him of him shitting on the rug. So that is what he does. Maybe now you try projecting to him an image of him shitting outside. Wow hey smart dog eh? He's just doing what you project to him.

 

The communication that you already have with yourself is very good. But yea, move on to Kan & Li if you are working thru stuff like this you are ready.

 

in our light,

Jeremiah

Edited December 19, 2005 by Jeremiah

[liminal_luke]

Wow! Thanks for the feedback everyone. The suggestion of going onto Kan & Li really resonates with me. I've been to several of the Winn Kan and Li retreats but never got into a regular Kan & Li practice. The funny thing though is that Im finding that if I keep at fusion long enough Kan&Li just happens without my trying. I wont be doing anything particularly Kan&Li-ish but theres that steaming feeling just like I remember years ago from the retreat. Also like the suggestion of focusing on the positive. Thanks Jeremiah for bringing the whole if my patterns change its like death (well, from their point of view) concept up. Sounds right on.