the nature of the beast

[Harold]

[Aetherous]

I think everyone has this happen.

[fiveelementtao]

Hi Harold,

In college I worked as a chemical dependency counselor at a hospital treatment center. So, I understand your predicament... Especially the Jekyll and Hyde routine after ingesting alcohol... This also accounts for the personality change when you drink. It is important to understand that if you are an addict, you have a different chemical interaction with alcohol and other addictive substances than "normal" people. Your body does not process alcohol effectively. A non addict does not go through the dramatic personality change that addictive types do. It has nothing to do with your worth as a person. There is no need to beat yourself up.

I am a little concerned at your self-diagnosis as "cured" addict... As I understand it, addiction can never be cured, it can only be arrested. And addicts should not be drinking alcohol either.... Addicts and alcoholics have a genetic and chemical predisposition to addiction. So, as an addict, in order to keep the beast chained, you need to abstain from mind altering recreation including alcohol.

Your description of events sounds like textbook alcoholism...

Another aspect to addiction recovery is the need to be addressing your addictive thought patterns. It isn't enough to say it's in the past, because the predisposition to addiction will not go away with time, it will get worse.. This is usually best dealt with through 12 step type groups and counseling... If you have a past with addiction and you experience extreme personality shifts from drinking alcohol, I would advise researching further options for addiction treatment...

[Harold]

[doc benway]

It's funny how we can talk ourselves into and out of just about anything.

You and I know how harmful and wasteful intoxication is and we know how beneficial regular training is.

Why do we make good decisions some days and bad decisions other days?

I guess it's what we want.

I do think it's important to forgive yourself but it's equally important to be honest with yourself.

That's the only was out.

[goldisheavy]

Edited January 3, 2010 by goldisheavy

[hagar]

Edited January 3, 2010 by hagar

[Sloppy Zhang]

How can I forgive me,or can I ?

 

Am I worth all the teachings I receive when theres a beast inside of me that just wants to throw it all away.

 

You CAN forgive yourself. DO forgive yourself. You ARE worthy of the teachings.

 

EVERYONE has a beast inside, EVERYONE has to deal with the "dark side" of themselves at one time or another. Some people have more "public" "dark sides" than other people, and some people just never take the time to face their worse half.

 

The fact that you 1) have these problems and 2) are thinking about these problems are GOOD SIGNS. It means you are on the right track. The fact that you've come across something hard to do means that it is very important, not something that can be taken lightly, and will likely have a much greater impact on your life than you realize at the moment.

 

Also, as has already been said, you can talk yourself into or out of anything. You can take what I just said and twist it to be something negative, you can twist it to mean all sorts of horrible things that aren't going to get you anywhere, and will only make you feel worse.

 

Or you can take what I said and use it to your benefit, to meet the challenge and surpass it.

 

You can do it, you are a strong person, you just have to do it