May I contact her?

[glooper23]

So about three months ago, I had an emotional breakdown. It is actually what spurred me onto Taoism and meditation. During this breakdown, I threatened my ex girlfriend because she decided she no longer wanted to be in contact with me. At the time, she was really the only friend I was communicating with, which influenced my drastic reaction. After doing so, I apologized and said I would not contact her again. Today, I am a much different person and would like to say hi to her.

 

What's your call? May I send her a message, or should I stick to the promise? My reasoning is that if I don't contact her, she may think I am still the same as I was and never reach out to me.

[Ninpo-me-this-ninjutsu-me-that]

So about three months ago, I had an emotional breakdown. It is actually what spurred me onto Taoism and meditation. During this breakdown, I threatened my ex girlfriend because she decided she no longer wanted to be in contact with me. At the time, she was really the only friend I was communicating with, which influenced my drastic reaction. After doing so, I apologized and said I would not contact her again. Today, I am a much different person and would like to say hi to her.

 

What's your call? May I send her a message, or should I stick to the promise? My reasoning is that if I don't contact her, she may think I am still the same as I was and never reach out to me.

 

The point is you still want her, if you didn't you wouldn't want to contact her to show her you have changed.

 

Depends if you wanna get back with her really. 3 months isn't really enough if you suffered a break down. It could send you back down the same path again if it doesn't go the way you want it to, which it probably won't.

 

Sounds a bit harsh I know. But I don't mean it to. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Marblehead]

Glooper,

 

The following is from my logical brain and not from my heart.

 

If you had your breakdown while you were still with her and you had no contact with other people and she left you after you had your breakdown I would suggest that you find some new friends.

 

To make a mistake is human, to keep making the same mistake over and over again is a sign of what? ... stupidy?

 

But then, there may be more to the picture than I can see.

 

Peace & Love!

[fiveelementtao]

she decided she no longer wanted to be in contact with me

 

That is your answer. She wanted to separate. You already threatened her for making that choice. Leave it alone and move on. Pray for her. If you are meant to see her again, you will, but it has to come from her.

[glooper23]

Thanks for the thoughts.

[Biff]

So about three months ago, I had an emotional breakdown. It is actually what spurred me onto Taoism and meditation. During this breakdown, I threatened my ex girlfriend because she decided she no longer wanted to be in contact with me. At the time, she was really the only friend I was communicating with, which influenced my drastic reaction. After doing so, I apologized and said I would not contact her again. Today, I am a much different person and would like to say hi to her.

 

What's your call? May I send her a message, or should I stick to the promise? My reasoning is that if I don't contact her, she may think I am still the same as I was and never reach out to me.

 

If you really want to get back with her you need to prove you have changed or are making an effort. Threatening her was a big mistake and who knows how that may have affected her. She may even fear you now. Telling her that you have taken an interest in Taoism and mediation is not going to help at all. Get some counseling and after after a while you might consider meeting with her and a (professional) 3rd party. Counseling together etc.

 

There is much to consider here. What brought you to a breakdown? (I'm not asking you to share) and what you relationship was like. These thinks do not just happen overnight. If we are talking years of hurt then you may have your work cut out. You clearly have problems (your own) that need addressing. This, takes time so you may feel a little better but you need long term help. A breakdown is not a small thing. Focus on you first. If she was your only friend this is going to be very hard for you emotionally. You may be 'addicted' to her and I feel you might have been a little dependent and draining. I really feel for you and hope the best but get help. If you do decide to contact her advise her that you are sorry and am getting help.

 

You can go through a 'long-term' separation during witch the goal is to sort yourself out before you begin to work on sorting out your relationship. Don't let getting back together be your goal though.... you should begin to accept that this might not be what she wants. It is true that if you really love something you will let it go.

Edited January 10, 2010 by Biff

[TheSongsofDistantEarth]

No. Move on.

[Sunya]

No. Move on.

 

I agree. Don't cling to the past, be like water and flow

 

There's alotta people out there, I'm sure you can make friends easily.... I can feel your vibes and you seem like a totally awesome person, maybe some fear/insecurities keeping you from expressing that?

[glooper23]

To be honest, I didn't put much effort into making more friends. I have many acquaintances and a few friends I can tell anything to. But my attitude had been ruining the connection. I don't have much in common with my closest friends, which is why I consider myself to be more lonely than friendly. When I go back to school in a few weeks, I will have a better attitude.

 

Thanks for the responses.

[Sunya]

To be honest, I didn't put much effort into making more friends. I have many acquaintances and a few friends I can tell anything to. But my attitude had been ruining the connection. I don't have much in common with my closest friends, which is why I consider myself to be more lonely than friendly. When I go back to school in a few weeks, I will have a better attitude.

 

Thanks for the responses.

 

what sort of qualities would you like your friends to have that they lack?

[glooper23]

what sort of qualities would you like your friends to have that they lack?

 

1. Same sense of humor

 

2. Accepting when I act like myself

 

3. Interested in talking about the same topics (Taoism and meditation, for example).

[zhoupeng]

Don't worry. Humans will and have always been finding reasons to get upset at each other all the time; this is not going to change despite anyone's wishful thinking. It was a period of conflict for both yourself and the girl because there were underlying issues that could not or were not resolved earlier and this culminated in her feeling that she needed to leave. Maybe she does need to leave?

 

Don't worry about her now. Just focus on yourself and find out why you did/said the things you did; if you find something that needs correcting, go ahead and do so. If not, all the more reason not to worry!! ^^

 

Go out and just get on with your life in a manner that makes you smile in a genuine way at nothing in particular.

[Aetherous]

I know it's entertaining to get everyone's opinions on your personal life, but I say, why ask others...if you want to talk to her again, then do so.

 

If she doesn't want to talk, then you will have learned a lesson. If she does want to talk, then good!

 

Take chances, man. And learn from your mistakes!

[glooper23]

That's true, Scotty. The reason I asked is because I wish I had last time before snapping at her.

[Sunya]

1. Same sense of humor

 

2. Accepting when I act like myself

 

3. Interested in talking about the same topics (Taoism and meditation, for example).

 

 

Where do you think you can meet people that have these qualities in your area? perhaps... yoga classes, meditation classes, buddhist centers, qi gong classes, sitting groups etc. ?

 

You can find buddhist centers in your area using this -> http://www.buddhanet.info/wbd/

 

Maybe search craigslist for meditation or qi gong, or ask around at new age stores. That might actually be a great way to meet people, by searching around for a meditation center or group. You can simply go to book stores or new age centers and ask people if they know about where you can learn to meditate; you might be surprised that a lot of people have interest in the subject so this would be a great way to start a conversation, even if the person doesn't know anything about it.

[glooper23]

Thanks for the tips. I only recently got into these interests, so it will be an adventure finding similar people. I'm on a free dating site, and there are only 6 women in the USA who have Taoism listed in their interests.

[Sunya]

yea... Taoism is not too popular actually, but there are other spiritual paths which you'll probably be open to as well. Most spiritual Westerners tend to be universalist which is an all encompassing view of spiritual traditions being all more or less the same.