Crossroads

[Sloppy Zhang]

So I find myself at a bit of a crossroads in my life. In many areas actually, but they all seem to hinge on this-

 

One action leads to the eventual success of all of my goals. I see the path laid before me, and all I have to do is walk it. However the path repulses me- it does not vibe well with me, I feel like a fish out of water, dry, stiff, and heavy when I begin to undertake steps down that path, and in some cases even when meditating on that path.

 

Another action feels right- I feel natural, at peace, full, fluid, bouncy, pretty much the opposite in every way that the first path makes me feel. However, there is no way of knowing where it will lead. I see the first couple steps ahead of me, and no idea what the consequences of doing it will be.

 

I don't know what to do. Any suggestions? Experiences with similar situations and how you got through them, or are currently working through them? Standing still isn't doing me good, but I don't know what to do.

[MBZ]

So I find myself at a bit of a crossroads in my life. In many areas actually, but they all seem to hinge on this-

 

One action leads to the eventual success of all of my goals. I see the path laid before me, and all I have to do is walk it. However the path repulses me- it does not vibe well with me, I feel like a fish out of water, dry, stiff, and heavy when I begin to undertake steps down that path, and in some cases even when meditating on that path.

 

Another action feels right- I feel natural, at peace, full, fluid, bouncy, pretty much the opposite in every way that the first path makes me feel. However, there is no way of knowing where it will lead. I see the first couple steps ahead of me, and no idea what the consequences of doing it will be.

 

I don't know what to do. Any suggestions? Experiences with similar situations and how you got through them, or are currently working through them? Standing still isn't doing me good, but I don't know what to do.

Go with what feels right, fluid, and natural and revel in the excitement of a little unknown! Good luck no matter which road you choose brother!

 

BLESSINGS!!!

[Marblehead]

Hi Sloppy,

 

I agree with MBZ but ... (Yeah, thare are almost always butts around.) ...

 

consider as well the long term consequences of your choices. Sometimes it is better to set aside one goal in order the achieve a more important one. After the important business is dealt with we can then make new choices and it may well be one that we set aside for a while.

 

But yeah, Best Wishes.

 

Peace & Love!

[Wayfarer64]

So I find myself at a bit of a crossroads in my life. In many areas actually, but they all seem to hinge on this-

 

One action leads to the eventual success of all of my goals. I see the path laid before me, and all I have to do is walk it. However the path repulses me- it does not vibe well with me, I feel like a fish out of water, dry, stiff, and heavy when I begin to undertake steps down that path, and in some cases even when meditating on that path.

 

Another action feels right- I feel natural, at peace, full, fluid, bouncy, pretty much the opposite in every way that the first path makes me feel. However, there is no way of knowing where it will lead. I see the first couple steps ahead of me, and no idea what the consequences of doing it will be.

 

I don't know what to do. Any suggestions? Experiences with similar situations and how you got through them, or are currently working through them? Standing still isn't doing me good, but I don't know what to do.

 

It sounds like a classic choice between the "Right hand path " & the "Left hand path" The first is the socially acceptable -"usual" way that societies offer us... the Left is your path if yr not all that interested in yr society's options as much as yr own inner voice's yearnings...

 

The 1st is safe the second -not at all- but it does offer adventure and surprise!

 

GOALS are a good thing -usually... but also as usual the attachment to even that view of ones' future can confound ones' spiritual yearning...

 

is there a middle way in this problem?

 

love to all-Pat

[Birch]

There could be things worth doing on either path. What I mean is one may offer up lessons in a different way than the other does but they both (or find a third or a fourth) still will offer up lessons because you are traveling them. As far as I know, the paths are not traveling you;-)

 

The rigid feeling is likely because you imagine you just "know" what one path will bring and it doesn't seem good to you right now. That one would be a great practice path IMO but no-one says you have to put yourself through anything really unpleasant to learn;-)

 

The lighter feeling - hum, sounds like a good indication of positive choice but I've had enough of those "light" feelings at the beginning of things for them to be of very little indication further on.

 

Middle paths seem to me to have a bit more "realism" to them, like "I'll know shit will probably happen and I won't meet any unicorns on the way and I'll have to work at some stuff and I'll also have good and bad moments."

 

Sorry I'm not really helping!

[Sloppy Zhang]

is there a middle way in this problem?

 

love to all-Pat

 

Both ways say they are middle of the road

 

The rigid feeling is likely because you imagine you just "know" what one path will bring and it doesn't seem good to you right now. That one would be a great practice path IMO but no-one says you have to put yourself through anything really unpleasant to learn;-)

 

Oh? Any reason in particular why it would be the one to take?

 

The lighter feeling - hum, sounds like a good indication of positive choice but I've had enough of those "light" feelings at the beginning of things for them to be of very little indication further on.

 

Good point

[Birch]

"Oh? Any reason in particular why it would be the one to take?"

 

Because I reckon some of the more interesting "level-up" type spiritual progression seems to come from what is initially perceived as hardship. The reason I'm saying that is to justify my own silly path;-) Then we can get into the whole "ego", "gut feeling" and "intuition" discussion. I would look at the decision from a place where all of them are balanced.

[thelerner]

Give us detail, if you can. Thats where the devil lies.

 

Michael

[freeform]

So I find myself at a bit of a crossroads in my life.

 

Make the two choices have the same charge/pull in your mind, then see which way you go.

[Sloppy Zhang]

Give us detail, if you can. Thats where the devil lies.

 

Michael

 

Well I suppose I will (prepare for lots of devils ).....

 

For about a year and a half now, I've been practicing from B.K. Frantzis' Opening the Energy Gates of Your Body book. I haven't been to any of his seminars or workshops, or studied with an actual teacher, just reading the book over and over again and relaxing and trying to get a feel. In the past month or two, I've gotten a very tangible sensation of qi, and I've started to become more sensitive to the qi of others, as well as environments such as buildings, parks, crowds and stuff.

 

It isn't constant, and it's not perfect, but it's starting to build, which is good.

 

However, one of the whole reasons for my getting into meditation/spiritual exercises was (don't laugh), to get psychic powers (I said don't laugh ) It may sound juvenile, but it's really what's motivating me (and I've had enough sobering experiences to know how not to use those things).

 

I've had some good successes with this. I've been talking a walk through a part, and just felt energy surge through my body. I've been in class about an hour after doing some dantien breathing, and felt a tingling energy moving up my spine (I was trying not to squirm around too much, and just sit still and dissolve it ) I've also had some very powerful revelations about my own mind and how I behave and stuff.

 

The problem is, well, the energy gates exercise is really just the foundation. Higher level exercises are only really taught through workshops and stuff in Frantzis' system. I'm a university student right now, all my available money is going to university tuition. As much as I would like to, I can't drop $400 to pay for a seminar that is in Germany, which would also entail travel expenses. And on top of that, that seminar would be just one seminar for just one next step. The next step would require more trave+seminar, then another, then another, then another. Frantzis in his books has dropped hints like, "these practices may even lead to such things as..." or "some even say they have experienced things such as..." but then turns around and is like, "there is a lot of mystery and secrecy about these advanced practices, and they are only taught to high level students after years of earning the trust of an in person teacher". Which is all good and well but... that's not where I am at in my life right now.

 

As a side note, I've also done lucid dreaming work for a long time, and Frantz's system really seems to fit in with that as well. Relaxation (to help get asleep), a relaxed awareness of the dream (so you don't startle yourself awake), and gentle movements led by the mind (to get you around in the dream successfully) have really helped immensely. All in all, it really fits in with my life.

 

I have recently come across Franz Bardon's Initiation Into Hermetics book, which is pretty much full disclosure, laying it all out on the table. He says it flat out, "do this this way and you will get this result. Period." That's nice, it's what I've always been searching for, I was so happy when I found it.... but the practices REALLY don't vibe well with me. It's very weird. I've tried to integrate, to find the "middle path" so to speak. I've done all amounts of research and meditation, trying to link the things I have felt through my qigong practice to what I am trying to feel in Bardon's practice, but I just can't. As soon as I start practicing Bardon's stuff (or sometimes even just think about it), it's like something comes over me and any progress and feeling I have attained through qigong is disappeared.

 

In another thread taomeow mentioned that some practices cause the mind/energy pathways to rewire, and some practices rewire you in vastly different ways. I think this is one of those cases.

 

As for dreams, I have had dreams in which I have been practicing steps of the IIH, which was interesting. But all in all, it doesn't have the same feel, or transition into lucidity that qigong has provided.

 

In martial arts, I also don't feel as integrated after Bardon's practices. I almost have to switch to qigong mode. Even though part of Bardon's system is development of the physical body, it feels much different from qigong, and again, I've tried to use qigong as part of the physical body training in Bardon's sytem, but the energy seems to be quite distinct.

 

Despite these drawbacks though, and despite the tumult and stress that my mind has been under lately with all this (and other aspects of life in general). I have had several very specific experiences which were distinctly "psychic" in nature. I am doing something right. I am starting to get what I have been after, I just need to follow through, but for some reason I just can't commit.

 

Maybe it is because it is familiar, or maybe because I don't want to lose what progress I have made, but I cannot let go of what I have so far with qigong. It is tangible, my body feels healthy, it dovetails nicely with my martial arts practices, the emphasis on natural movement, relaxation, relaxed focus, strong connection with intuition- all of it feels right for mw (plus I watched a lot of Star Wars when I was a kid, so maybe that might have something to do with it ). HOWEVER, there is no guarantee that I will meet avenues for higher level of study. The future is completely unknown. All I have is the foundation exercise, and I have no idea when (or if) I will ever find a way of learning what I have set out to learn.

 

Bardon's system, however, is right there in front of me. Everything I have ever put myself through has been to get what Bardon's system promises in very concrete terms- not hints, no allusions to stories of various feats, no "some say" or "this possibly could happen" or "this might happen". I just have to do it. But again, whenever I sit down and do it, I feel my body and mind tense, I have to expend a lot of energy just to get a little bit done. Looking ahead at some of the steps, I have even intuitively figured out how to do some of the stuff he says to do- but for some reason whenever I try to do it in the context of Bardon's system, it feels forced and rigid, not lifelike. For example, I am a very imaginative person, I can naturally imagine scenes in my head and play out scenarios, been doing it all my life. But when I sit down and "try" to do it, like in Bardon's step III, I can't do it with ease... but the higher levels are a guarantee.

 

 

 

There is also a parallel to this situation in my material life (school + job), but that's a whole other can of worms sufficed to say, this is the big conflict I'm wrestling with. Follow something that feels right, but I have no idea where it's going, just trust that I'll get where I want to go (or realize where I want to go isn't where I should be going....... even though I really REALLY want to get there, yes, I am quite attached to it). Or do something that feels all wrong, but push through it to get to a goal that has defined my life for going on five years, and what has gotten me to the point I am at now (and I don't just mean having this problem, it got me into qigong first )

 

Consultation with various people have brought up a lot of responses similar to Kate's- namely, paths that are "difficult" are paths that are opportunities for growth. The fact that I am drawn to them means that I see something in them that is something for me to potentially learn. A practice that I am drawn to yet find easy to find achievement in is due in various parts to the nature of the energy it works with, my natural disposition, or my familiarity with similar practices from previous lives. A practice that I'm "familiar" with can on one hand bring rapid advancement in that system, but on the other hand not lead to as much growth as working through another system.

 

I am a kind of laid back person in general, so on one hand I could use some of the more "intense focus" exercises Bardon teaches. But on the other hand, focusing in the way that Bardon teaches gives me headaches after quite a while, whenever I "try" to focus I wind up just giving myself a headache. The "relaxed focus" is something that I have found useful to get to after meditation, but the "try to focus" has helped in some areas- but again, it is a distinctly different type of focus, I feel vary different in each of those states of "focus".

Edited January 15, 2010 by Sloppy Zhang

[Sloppy Zhang]

So I just got back from the library and the grocery store. As I was walking outside, I thought that I'd open myself up to whatever was out there. I got in the library and do a book search, but can't find anything, so I wander around. I do another search, open up the computer, and the previous run search was finding a book by B.K. Frantzis

 

Then as I was leaving the grocery store, I saw "LDD" that someone had carved into the sidewalk concrete, and it reminded me of Pietro always using it to abbreviate "lower dantien"

 

Is the universe speaking to me...?

[Marblehead]

Is the universe speaking to me...?

 

Well, of course it is Sloppy. It speaks to us all. All we need do is slow down and listen.

 

Peace & Love!