involuntary celibacy and isolation

[Guest paul walter]

.

Wake up and stop being a little bitch. Cause you came to the wrong place to look for a pat on the ass and for someone to say "hang in there kid"

 

.Evolve or die.

 

 

Wow is this official Taobums policy or is it just....America, America...

[Jack Runner]

Wow is this official Taobums policy or is it just....America, America...

 

Actually I dont rep TTBs being new. But I'll admit I said that out of frustration. I use to be that type of person in certain ways. So it hits some buttons with me when I see someone just shoot down advice, and say "that wont work for me" without putting in the work to make something work.

 

I'll admit that was beyond harsh, but I think America's policy is "shut up or/and die".

 

My evolve or die comment really references to; If you're not moving forward, then you're just standing still. If you're standing still life is flowing by you, and when you begin to move forward, there might not be a footing for you, because things have yet again changed on you while you were stagnate.

 

To not move forward means your time has passed by you, which to me is equal to death.

[Guest paul walter]

How can you expect anyone to be empathic to your situation, when you yourself cant see empathy in yourself, let alone others.

 

/quote]

 

 

Isn't that what empathy is-being empathic. Or does it have conditional requirements for you? Paul

[Jack Runner]

How can you expect anyone to be empathic to your situation, when you yourself cant see empathy in yourself, let alone others.

 

/quote]

 

 

Isn't that what empathy is-being empathic. Or does it have conditional requirements for you? Paul

 

To answer your question; no it doesn't have conditional requirements. Maybe you need to re-read my comment?

 

Empathy-–noun

1. the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

2. the imaginative ascribing to an object, as a natural object or work of art, feelings or attitudes present in oneself: By means of empathy, a great painting becomes a mirror of the self.

 

Empathic- –adjective

of, pertaining to, or characterized by empathy: a sensitive, empathetic school counselor.

 

Hope this clear's things up for you.

Edited January 22, 2010 by Jack Runner

[Guest paul walter]

Actually I dont rep TTBs being new. But I'll admit I said that out of frustration. I use to be that type of person in certain ways. So it hits some buttons with me when I see someone just shoot down advice, and say "that wont work for me" without putting in the work to make something work.

 

I'll admit that was beyond harsh, but I think America's policy is "shut up or/and die".

 

My evolve or die comment really references to; If you're not moving forward, then you're just standing still. If you're standing still life is flowing by you, and when you begin to move forward, there might not be a footing for you, because things have yet again changed on you while you were stagnate.

 

To not move forward means your time has passed by you, which to me is equal to death.

 

If you said it out of frustration then you are still like/confronted by that which frustrates you. I am also 'like' Non (perhaps even more than Non !) but I know that you can't fix something with the same tools that got you into the mess so I am not getting on my high horse in judging him for what he can't yet see himself. Perhaps TaiChi/Taoist meditation etc principles can provide more a subtle approach to the 'move or die' idea--in some ways they are anti-thetical to the social idea of 'movement'. It seems everyone is moving away from their life problems instead of 'moving' into the stillness which takes you to the 'interior' of yourself to the point of non-physical motion and total self-knowledge and health? The twentieth century is an example of false ideas of 'movement' (speed) and the chaos that ensues without the requisite stillness/perspective. Paul.

[Jack Runner]

If you said it out of frustration then you are still like/confronted by that which frustrates you.

 

I can see where you get that POV, but no. I'm a general hot head by nature, and I speak passionately about what I feel. If something bugs me, I say it. My frustration in that moment is his ability to shoot down some peoples attempts to help him. Not his nature and situation in and of itself, but I see where you're trying to go with that.

 

but I know that you can't fix something with the same tools that got you into the mess so I am not getting on my high horse in judging him for what he can't yet see himself.

 

I agree with you here, what helped fix one person's problem only tends to work for them, and everyone's issue's have different keys, and triggers that allow them to work through it. I'm not judging him for what he cant yet see, I am observing what he refuse's to see in himself, as well as others and commenting on it with my opinion (asshole; ie everyone has one)

 

It seems everyone is moving away from their life problems instead of 'moving' into the stillness which takes you to the 'interior' of yourself to the point of non-physical motion and total self-knowledge and health?

 

As much as I know meditation, and movement of the internal can help you work through the external. They go hand and hand. One cant live life purely on the inside, same rules apply to outside. We all have a weight of situations in our life that "pulls back our cord" as it were. Much like pulling back the string on a bow, one has to eventually let go of the inner work, to see the fruit's of their labor on the outer (the release of the arrow) They go hand and hand, and one is not greater than the other.

 

It's about balance. Pull to far back on the bow, and you smack yourself in the face (too much inner work) If you don't pull back on the bow at all your arrow will not fly. (lack of outer work)

[Gerard]

I know most of you won't take this seriously.

 

I'm a male, and I'm also very different from all of you. I also have other problems that go beyond the scope of this topic/thread or at the very least do not contribute to my getting better. Ie, that I have other problems which do cause problems but the root is definitely involuntary celibacy and extreme isolation. It causes most of my problems and contributes to most of my problems.

 

Don't talk to me if you're already healthy, and think this is an easy thing to overcome when you yourself are already healthy from the start and mentally healthy or perhaps never experienced ill health due to involuntary celibacy and isolation.

 

Unless of course you have something positive to say. And positive means helpful.

 

This is only for those who can understand that I'm already at the extreme depths of unhealthiness caused by the following.

 

I've been an involuntary celibate for a very long time. My whole life in fact, and I'm 23 years old. i've also been extremely lonely for a very long time.

 

I feel it has led to major depression and mental ill as well as physical ill.

 

I dont want to go to a psychiatrist that doesn't treat me for the root of my problem, first off. And second off the majority of the psychiatric drugs mess you up if taken in the long run.

 

You have to understand it's very hard for me to do normal things due to this depression and lack of self esteem, that simply does not go away no matter how hard I tried.

 

It blocks all sort of avenues and opportunity to get better, especially in regards to getting sex, and away from isolation.

 

Is there anything a person like me can do?

 

Going to the gym and exercising doesn't help, although I still do it but I oftentimes lack motivation. But this is besides the point. It doesn't treat my illness.

 

My illness can only be treated by getting that which I need.

 

But that illness keeps me from getting what I need, and it's not simply dependent on myself (ie others have to accept who I am).

 

 

Your problems have got nothing to do with following the renunciation path. Now taking a careful look at your message you have one of the following issues:

 

1. Mental issues. Solution: seek psychological advice.

 

2. Trolling issues. Solution: go elsewhere.

 

 

If the above doesn't apply to you, then I would strongly suggest you to become ordained as a monk.

 

I said this several times at Tao Bums: do not live like a monk in society if you are not a monk, only brings more suffering.

 

 

 

edited: error.

Edited January 22, 2010 by durkhrod chogori

[Jack Runner]

Your problems have got nothing to do with following the renunciation path. Now taking a careful look at your message you have one of the following issues:

 

1. Mental issues. Solution: seek psychological advice.

 

2. Trolling issues. Solution: go elsewhere.

 

 

If the above doesn't apply to you, then I would strongly suggest you to become ordained as a monk.

 

I said this several times at Tao Bums: do not live like a monk in society if you are not a monk, only brings more suffering.

edited: error.

 

HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! :lol: :lol: I <3 you.

I spit coffee on my self laughing....

[Mattimo]

Goodness, some of you could use a lesson in tactfulness. Seriously, what the hell. That said, there has certainly been some good advice and I hope I can add to it.

 

I think foremost it is important to realize that while you may feel alone Non, nearly everyone at some point has had or does have personal issues and barriers that they must overcome. I am not meaning to downplay your situation, because I recognize that loneliness despair, apathy, etc is a horrible state to be in. However, believe it or not, your struggle will make you a better person; the knowledge you will gain in your journey will make you more whole and wiser.

 

What motivates me is to be a better person, to be that wise man later in life; to not contribute to chaos in the already chaotic world. What is your goal in life Non? What is your greater purpose? What makes sense to you?

Don't be disillusioned with the dictates of how one should live life and what time-line life should follow. Stand up for yourself and live life at your own pace. Don't be concerned with what anyone else/society thinks. You have your whole life to meet the girl of your dreams - and you will. But truly ask yourself what you must do to conquer your demons.

 

The very fact that you are posting in this forum means that you are one step closer to resolution. You are searching for answers and there is nothing wrong with that. Anyone who tells you to shut up or that you have already given up or that meditation is the only way, etc is fucked in the head (hows that for tact eh). Ultimately your outward search might lead you back to yourself - keep up the quest.

 

Personally, I have found that distracting myself with work or hobbies or social activities quiets my mind from over analyzing my own issues. And in doing so, I actually learn a bit about myself when I reflect afterward.

 

Take care Non,

 

-Matt

 

Edit: I want to say that I deeply angered and disheartened by some of the posts in this thread. When trying to help someone in distress, there is a thing to be said for tactfulness and diplomacy. There are obstacles which the thread-starter must overcome and it must be done in his own time. No amount of mental will-power is going to instantly or nearly instantly let him cross a barrier which may feel insurmountable when gazed through the filter of his current mental state. His whole life has led him to feel this way, so quite frankly, I don't understand the somewhat callous remarks. If someone is feeling lonely, who in their infinite wisdom thinks it prudent to alienate that person further?

 

I would add that I have seen people begin to seek help and remain stuck in a victim mentality for decades, so I may slightly understand certain posts and recognize that caution and AWARENESS is needed - but so is tact, respect and heart.

Edited January 22, 2010 by Mattimo

[Encephalon]

I have to own up to my own short-fused commentaries as well. A lot of us have experienced miserable points of wretched disempowerment in our lives. I've made the case more than once in here that it is the nature of this anonymous online forum to allow problems to fester and be amplified. I was an absolute mess before I quit drinking in 1982, far worse off than Non. I wasn't in college, I exemplified no functional responsibility at all, but I was compelled to seek out help from live human beings. Non and those of his generation have the Net at their disposal and can milk it in ways that I don't believe are helpful, and are perhaps even problematic.

 

Nevertheless, I fell prey to compassion fatigue after the second day of this thread. It's one thing to be a neurotic with low ego strength and blame oneself unnecessarily for everything. Non seems to have the worst of both worlds; he's functionally neurotic, but like those with character disorders, he seems to find it easier to blame the rest of the world, particularly women, for his plight. Many of us have climbed out of much deeper holes, but I think the Net offers a poor substitution for social connection. Non, if you're reading this, go to the mental health center on campus and book an appointment.

[Jack Runner]

Edit: I want to say that I deeply angered and disheartened by some of the posts in this thread. When trying to help someone in distress, there is a thing to be said for tactfulness and diplomacy. There are obstacles which the thread-starter must overcome and it must be done in his own time. No amount of mental will-power is going to instantly or nearly instantly let him cross a barrier which may feel insurmountable when gazed through the filter of his current mental state. His whole life has led him to feel this way, so quite frankly, I don't understand the somewhat callous remarks. If someone is feeling lonely, who in their infinite wisdom thinks it prudent to alienate that person further?

 

I would add that I have seen people begin to seek help and remain stuck in a victim mentality for decades, so I may slightly understand certain posts and recognize that caution and AWARENESS is needed - but so is tact, respect and heart.

 

Ever heard of the saying; "Do on to others as you would like them to do unto you?" The reason for my personal "tactless" post is because I dont like it when people sugar coat their words or reply's to me. I'm a "give it to me straight and from the brunt of your heart/mind" type of person. Although I do understand not everyone has the same temperament as me, and others. He came here seeking answers, and when answers were given he said they wouldn't work for him. I dunno about you, but when people do try to reach out to you, and your response is to spit in their face and continue to wallow in your self pity, how do you expect people to react? Even more so when people

 

A: have their own demons to contend with.

B: Have contended with their demons head on.

C: Were not born in a generation where there was SOOO many outlets of help, available to them?

 

I was lucky because I had an older brother, but when we got to a certain age we both had our own life's and demons to contend with, on our own.

 

I expect a lot out of myself, so I have the same stance with people. Something in myself I still need to learn. Patients with others as well as myself.

[Gerard]

Goodness, some of you could use a lesson in tactfulness. Seriously, what the hell. That said, there has certainly been some good advice and I hope I can add to it.

 

-Matt

 

Edit: I want to say that I deeply angered and disheartened by some of the posts in this thread. When trying to help someone in distress, there is a thing to be said for tactfulness and diplomacy. There are obstacles which the thread-starter must overcome and it must be done in his own time.

 

I would add that I have seen people begin to seek help and remain stuck in a victim mentality for decades, so I may slightly understand certain posts and recognize that caution and AWARENESS is needed - but so is tact, respect and heart.

 

 

And how do you think I might have felt in the past, recently or even today, hey? Go to Asia and you will see the support you get from Thai or Chinese monks, lol! The dark night of the soul (not sure if the OP is really experiencing this state since he hasn't given too many details) is a state that sooner or later we all have to face at one stage in our spiritual path; and let me tell you: IT AIN'T EASY.

 

Imagine what San Juan de la Cruz or Santa Teresa de Avila had to face back in the Middle Ages and they were totally on their own. There is beautiful written work left by both mystics which shows the hardships they had to withstand in times were spiritual experiences and higher states of consciousness were deemed inappropriate or product of Satan's work. Even the Christ had to face his own demons when meditating alone in the desert. The Bible descibes this as well.

 

If you can't withstand the rigours of spiritual training give it up, be like the rest of sentient beings who suffer without even knowing what suffering is and be absorbed by the gravity of Samsara for eternity. This is no child's play. I am not being cruel or condescending, just realistic.

 

 

edited: error

Edited January 23, 2010 by durkhrod chogori

[That Guy]

I don't think he's a troll because he has almost 300 posts, it is a long way to go just to troll a forum, unless he suddenly thought "omg these guys here are a bit whack, I'll troll them before I leave"

Either way advice has been given, then rest is up to him, there is no need for cry baby pictures or holding his hand.

[Aetherous]

there is no need for ... holding his hand.

 

Totally agreed.

 

Non has gotten the advice he needs, and it's up to him. I wish him the best in developing himself.

[One love]

Unless of course you have something positive to say. And positive means helpful.

 

Noup.

 

Anyway where are located ? If you're in Europe I'll hang with you but I'm sure some USA bums wouldn't mind having a drink with you, so we can see what you are really about.

[Mandrake]

 

You are stuck in your views. If your view on relations is hostile, negative and pessimistic - that is what you will get and experience. Ultimately you choose how to view life and its constituents. However life favours those who choose not to indulge in the dark, but to live in the positive state.

 

I have been through a period when I questioned any meaningfulness in relationships - was it all superficiality? No. Due to some hard-earned experience where I directly could see how people became imprisoned because of their world views only, I could later recognize that this was happening me, I could endure, question myself, and slowly find myself out.

 

You can have extremely rewarding and meaningful relationships with both sexes even though you are 90 (contrary to the opinion of another poster here). You can make friends when you are 30, 60 or 90. However, relations are not business contracts - If I give you this, you must give that back. There is a whole spectrum when it comes to depth, character, support, mutual growth, unselfishness, love etc. - Not all relations are the same.

 

Normally, people grow up gaining a healthy understanding of relationships. For some, this may not occur, or some unfortunate experience (which usually is given too much weight in that individuals mind: In poker you can get dealt so many cards, so many combinations - why attach to a given one?) can erode it.

 

When you are alone, you tend to project so much untruth and cynicism on what you don't have, to over-analyze. Build up your social skills, be honest about your problems and deal with them. Just because you are lonely doesn't mean that people will rush to you.

 

http://www.succeedsocially.com/

 

Regards

 

Mandrake

 

so I'm practicing celibacy.

 

It might be ok. But it would be even better if all women didn't reject (even on simple interaction or for friendship or something) me based on superficial qualities, and my differences of personality.

 

A person needs interaction. For a man to be totally alone is not good.

 

And I also have no guy friends. Can't really get any at this point..

 

I'm too messed up to even begin with, and its all due to my lonliness. Plus it can be gay. Women are preffered, but anyways, who really wants friends these days? I mean seriously, what relationship isn't caused by a simple want or desire of sex? Or to get from the other person. Just take and take and take. Never give.

 

Hopefully, I can probably transform all this lonliness to become like the buddha. Totally asexual, so that it doesn't bother me. But there's no way to be Asocial. Or is there?

[Pietro]

Non, can you give me a review of this article?

I ask you this because the way in which it starts is so similar to the way you seem to be reasoning.

But the author describes a process he went through, and I would like to know your position on such a process.

 

Here is how it starts:

I grew up watching Disney cartoons, I believed in romance and "true love conquers all" etc. I wanted to find a woman who could be my equal, my partner. I believed in finding that one true love and being committed to each other forever. You know, like in the marriage vows, "for better or for worse, through sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer" etc. And I believed that women basically wanted the same thing.

 

Thanks,

Pietro

[Enishi]

Here's some of my thoughts on various pieces of that article:

 

I'd like to point out that I am not a misogynist...I love women. But I AM a sexist, in the sense that I believe women are vastly different than men and, according to the standards that men hold for other men, women are inferior as well.

 

 

Yep. I have meet exceptions, but they're few in number. I was quite sad when I realized this myself. But then again, even if women lack in some areas, they have other good points which can make up for it IMO. Nowadays I feel less let down since I don't expect women to be as logical or consistent in their interpersonal activities.

 

Women will slip me their phone number when their boyfriend is in the bathroom. I can talk to women on the street or in the grocery store and within 30 minutes, I can usually have sex with them right there in my car or get them back to my place. If I have to settle for a phone number, and I meet her on another day, assuming she doesn't flake, I WILL fuck her that next day.

 

Let me point out right now that my Modus Operandi doesn't change in the slightest if she single or if she has a boyfriend or husband. I just do my normal routine and I fuck her. Sometimes she brings up the boyfriend so she won't feel guilty when I fuck her because now it's "my fault." Sometimes she hides it from me until after I've fucked her, then she admits it. I can't tell you how many times I've been laying next to some chick, all sweaty cause I just finished busting a nut all over her face or in her mouth or on her back, and suddenly her phone rings and she's on the phone with her man, giving him some bullshit story. This is with NO GUILT WHATSOEVER!!!

 

The guy who wrote this article is a worthless piece of shit who deserves to have his testicles hooked up to car batteries. This is a perfect example of how PUAs can have some good advice, but SHOULD NOT be fully emulated in terms of their personal behavior if one cares about spirituality and karma.

 

Here's an interesting fact. Did you know that the median 22 year old woman has TWICE as much sex as the median 22 year old man? You might ask, how is that possible? If a woman's having sex, doesn't that mean a man is having sex at the same time? And thus, shouldn't men be having just as much sex as women? NO...because most men hardly get laid, or if they do, it's because they "got lucky." But a small group of men get laid ALL THE TIME, and fuck LOTS AND LOTS of women! It's evolution at work. Women follow their emotions, and that leads them to sleep with men like me (who know how to control female emotions.) Women want the top man...so the top man fucks lots of women. That's right - the sexual revolution, feminism, etc has resulted in a return to harems. Women, at the mercy of their own emotions, are volunteering for the modern-day equivalent of harems. Lucky for me!! Heh.

 

 

This assertion about women being hypergamous, which can be found in many PUA and MRA articles, really bothers me. I know from experience that there is some truth to it, but I just can't bring myself to accept the notion that the world of love and sex is always a zero sum top down hierarchy battlefield, which need always have winneers and losers. I'm really hoping that there's a deeper aspect to it, and that having a strong inner faith in oneself (which ISNT based on comparing oneself to other men, as is usually the case) and good yang chi can eliminate the problem of being attractive to women. *goes back to doing chi kung*

Edited January 23, 2010 by Enishi

[Pietro]

Actually I did not want to have your point of view, but Non's.

 

Anyway, since you posted let me answer.

The guy who wrote this article is a worthless piece of shit who deserves to have his testicles hooked up to car batteries.

geez, how violent!

 

Do you think it never happened to me to have sex with a woman, and discover, immediately after, right on her bed, that she was married because her boyfriend husband phoned? And she spoke with him... exactly like the guy in the article describes?

 

and she's on the phone with her man, giving him some bullshit story. This is with NO GUILT WHATSOEVER!!! The sweetest most innocent girls you ever laid eyes on, will cheat at the drop of a HAT.

 

So, he is describing some facts about femmale behaviour, here. And I can confirm you that those facts happen, because they happened to me, as well. And he is bringing on the point that women follow their emotions, and men their word.

 

And this seem to be making you very unconfortable. Even angry.

 

Why? He is not the person lying. And the women he is describing seem to be happy to lie, because she is doing what her heart/feelings/emotions tell her.

 

But you are angry. Why so?

[Enishi]

The impression I got is that he's saying he will have sex with women despite knowing they're cheating on their husband, and appears to be justifying this by saying "well it's ok, women are emotional."

 

If he learned about it after the fact then it's not fully his fault, but it still bothers me.

[Pietro]

The impression I got is that he's saying he will have sex with women despite knowing they're cheating on their husband, and appears to be justifying this by saying "well it's ok, women are emotional."

 

If he learned about it after the fact then it's not fully his fault, but it still bothers me.

 

I personally tend not to have sex with women when they are cheating with their husbands. If I know about it before. But there have been exceptions. And in a couple of cases I still stand that I did the right thing accepting. But what I do not understand is, the women knows she is cheating, and it is ok for her. He (the author) will have sex regardless if she is married or not. He does not have a problem with the fact that she is married. So they both want to do it. What I do not understand is, why are you so bothered by it?

You know in some countries women who are being unfaithful are being stoned to death. In the same countries the man is usually let go. You seem to have an opposite, but similar, reaction: he should have his balls fried (for as much as 12V can fry, but doesn't matter), while she innocent.

 

Why?

Why can't two people who want to have sex, just have sex?

Who are you to enter in their bedroom?

 

You know, jealousy is considered one of the things that should be dissolved in Daoism. A sort of common sin in relationships. But you are not being jealous. It's like you want the whole world to behave in a particular way. Why? I don't get it.

[Enishi]

I believe that people should make a conscious effort not to engage in actions which cause more suffering (whether direct or indirect) than good. I'm not a "monogamy forever!" type person by any means, but I cannot stomach seeing people knowingly betray each other's trust. I once had sex with a woman who was married, but her husband ALREADY KNEW about it beforehand and said that he was ok with it. I would not have done so otherwise (and looking back on it now, I don't think I would do it again. Even if he said he was ok with it, he might not have felt that way on a subconscious level).

 

I don't believe that it would be right for me to just have sex "whenever I feel like it" because not only do I not see it as being fundamentally any different than punching every single person who rubs me the wrong way, but it could result in:

 

-STDs

-broken hearts, for adults and children alike

-another man being forced to raise a child that is not his own

Edited January 23, 2010 by Enishi

[That Guy]

I personally tend not to have sex with women when they are cheating with their husbands. If I know about it before. But there have been exceptions. And in a couple of cases I still stand that I did the right thing accepting. But what I do not understand is, the women knows she is cheating, and it is ok for her. He (the author) will have sex regardless if she is married or not. He does not have a problem with the fact that she is married. So they both want to do it. What I do not understand is, why are you so bothered by it?

You know in some countries women who are being unfaithful are being stoned to death. In the same countries the man is usually let go. You seem to have an opposite, but similar, reaction: he should have his balls fried (for as much as 12V can fry, but doesn't matter), while she innocent.

 

Why?

Why can't two people who want to have sex, just have sex?

Who are you to enter in their bedroom?

 

You know, jealousy is considered one of the things that should be dissolved in Daoism. A sort of common sin in relationships. But you are not being jealous. It's like you want the whole world to behave in a particular way. Why? I don't get it.

I just think its wrong because she is betraying the trust of the man she said she would be faithful to.

 

And what he says might be upsetting because hes generalising women, and we all have women in our lives and don't believe they re all like this guy claims, and its disrespectful because he talks about the chicks he bangs like they re a piece of meat to be had and not a person.

 

Either way, I don't think its a gender thing, guys cheat women cheat whatever. Its just an ugly thing to betray someone who cares enough about you to take a vow of some sort not to have sex with another person. Its really quite simple :/

 

Jealousy is not wanting your woman to spend time with someone else and stuff like that, HAVING SOME OTHER GUY BANG HER is a different matter I think....

[witch]

Oh dear Lord, I read that "article." You do realize, Pietro, that that is simply a guy trying to sell you something? He's using PUA techniques on men in that article, to get you to believe his bullshit.

 

The reason that 22-year-old women have more sex than 22-year-old men is that every man alive wants to have sex with 22-year-old women. The odds are quite different when people reach, say, 45.

 

Also his pronouncements about women are not platitudes about women. They are platitudes about exceptionally attractive women who hang out in bars--his natural hunting ground. He said himself he doesn't date less than an 8+.

 

Having been a youthful, well, 7 I would say, it takes a lot of work and money to be an 8+, according to our culture's standard of beauty. Dieting, waxing, mani/pedi, wardrobe, shoes, exercise, hair cut and styling, shopping. He is restricting himself to girls who spend hours a day and lots of money doing that sort of thing. It takes a certain type of woman to do that and then go spend lots of time hanging out in sleazy bars filled with rapacious PUAs. That certain type of woman is a woman who desperately needs validation from a man that she is desirable. His technique is to fill the woman with uncertainty and then reward her with certainty in the form of meaningless sex. So yes, I don't doubt that that particular subset of women is easy to get into bed if you flatter their vanity.

 

Now if you too are only interested in 8+ women under 25 who hang out in bars, maybe his techniques would be useful. But it's slandering my sex to then extrapolate their behavior (which he is exaggerating to make himself seem more PUAy) to all women. Women's rate of infidelity is lower than men's.

 

http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/infidelitystats.html

 

A better comparison would be to say 8+ women under 25 are the sexual equivalent of male rock stars, movie stars and CEO's. How do those men rate on the monogamy scale?

[witch]

By the way, getting back to the original OP--I think, at least in in my own case, that sometimes long periods of social isolation and celibacy happen for a reason. For me it worked out to be a gift. Now it's over and I'm back into regular life.

 

On the other hand, I did have a regular life before my lull. So it's hard to say.