masturbation and attractiveness

[Non]

If we start looking at reality as it may exist seperate from articulated and re-inforced notions of human culture we might have to ask things such as: is marriage organized co-dependency? Are we supposed to be thinking about the sex act only a few times a year, in line with obvious biological markers contained within us, or ha Christianity given us the go ahead to shape our own lives even at the expense of our own survival/sanity (freewill)? What does it mean to have ANY freedom to know or regulate biological behaviour considering the chemical/cultural/egoic inputs that shape people from morning to night? Does the chaos of human social life give birth to its own fulfillment as people try and escape the resulting trauma through indulgence in the behaviours that are merely the result of the original confusion? I'll stop here. Paul.

 

 

WTF, co-dependency?

 

It's not co-dependency. It's just the way things work best. Now if there's a death, ie someone is widowed, then that's a problem...

 

But yea.. even tribal peoples believe in monogamy. Even other species, extraterrestrials, etc.

 

It's not something that is unfounded. It is universal.

 

We are interdependent. Does living in society and being social make us co-dependent? Does having a family make us co-dependent? Does interacting with another being make us co-dependent?

 

No. Not necessarily.

Edited January 25, 2010 by Non

[Guest paul walter]

WTF, co-dependency?

 

It's not co-dependency. It's just the way things work best. Now if there's a death, ie someone is widowed, then that's a problem...

 

But yea.. even tribal peoples believe in monogamy. Even other species, extraterrestrials, etc.

 

It's not something that is unfounded. It is universal.

 

Well I'm not an ET (at least as far as I know, but that's not saying much is it if all that I say is merely me doing the bidding of the mind-controlling spacelizards! )-I was just thinking aloud in my post as if I was an AWARE human, which in my mind neccessarily puts one at odds with most cultures that have existed, so....where to go from there?

Most social arrangements are simply condensations of 'primary' or 'unconscious' urges. For example fear can be seen as manifested as politics/the state (for safety reasons ), love as marriage, career as fear of insecurity, marriage as economic surety (which is 'fear' related), fear of being 'alone' in life since we don't accept ourselves enough can be seen to lead to coupling of which marriage can be the 'ultimate' expression (even to the point of it being counter-productive to the two individuals). I leave it up to others to discover their own matrix of psychological impulse driven lifestyle choics. Non, don't mistake the world you are a part of and that you so vehemently resent as something that you can trust, whether through falling back on science, culture, history, or any knowledge concept. Some of these things may have their place but they do not explain everything. You are a product of this society, which is why you can't trust yourself. Think about it. Paul

Hey Non also, can you explain this?-- since, as I've said in another post, I was born 'ugly' how come the other day, all day, EVERY female and most males I saw went out of their way to make real contact with me (and there were some HOT chicks too ). I'm getting pretty tired of being treated as a sex object . Ask yourself why the Dalai Lama can pull so many chicks! If you want to know my Secret send an envelope with a cheque for.... But seriously, if you ever want to know the 'secret' to attractiveness, just ask . Paul

[Guest paul walter]

WTF, co-dependency?

.

We are interdependent. Does living in society and being social make us co-dependent? Does having a family make us co-dependent? Does interacting with another being make us inter-dependent?

 

.

 

 

Well, yes, in terms of the human mind usually it does. Why do you have so much faith in the social structures that so obviously don't serve you in any fulfilling way. Could it be the cult-nature of the society that keeps you trying to justify that which you so long for but which you already know is 'false' in so many fundamental ways? Of course you want to join in the fun that you think everyone else is having, but... It's ok to throw the baby out with the bath water, you just have to be able to take responsibility for whats left as you reconstruct your life with the new mind you will discover when the old one has been spring cleaned. Of course a lot of having the wish to change is in knowing thatthere is something for you at the other end if you do make that leap. This is just capitalism-something for something. Still, I understand it's hard to move on to better things and feel 'safe' in that movement when you lack gratitude for the life you live (as SO many people do).

"I wouldn't want to join any club that would have me as a member"- Groucho Marx.

Edited January 25, 2010 by paul walter

[~jK~]

Let's say that a woman can tell if you masturbate. Does it make you more attractive to women?

Now, the other question... Does it work better if you transmute the energy upwards, or is it better to just leave it as sexual energy, and accumulate it?

The way it seems is that women will try to deconvert that energy into sexual energy by trying to turn you on. But this doesn't mean that they are attracted to you, in fact they want to use you. And so there could end up a power struggle of you trying to transmute that jing, and the woman trying to deconvert it to sexual energy again. For power mainly... Then again maybe once she incites you, you also get her going.

 

Not that all women do this but I think some women do.

 

Anyways... what makes you more attractive though, when it comes to witholding ejaculation and being celibate for a while? Transmuting that energy, or leaving it as jing. I'm pretty sure that if one just leaves it at jing and nothing happens, no attraction, then seminal leakage can occur.

But also if you transmute it to chi, then there is no sexual energy, and no reason to lust....

Yea well... maybe it's not even that complicated. I just need them Orgasm at a Distance skillz.

Perhaps, it's just best to be able to transmute it whenever sexuality is not needed, and when it is, just appropiately convert it back into jing. But if that's not doing well then I guess you have no choice but to convert it into chi because the jing will just seek to come out.

 

But what do you think is what gets her attracted, the jing or the chi/shen?

The Tao of mating is not about subtitles: chi/shen/jing etc that are more like gangland handshakes - "Those that follow the Way need go beyond words." - it is about the timing of the universe.

I found long ago that girls can tell - it comes out in the sweat, the impulsive actions, the (hungry) way I look at them etc...

 

But it works both ways - Chinese girls not masturbating is one of the reasons I remain in China.

From beginning to end, Chinese girls are much better in bed, conversation and with family than American - I've only tried a few other nationalities & In general I no longer even think of western girls, who go after lawyers $$$ rather than family unity, - Indonesian and Philippine are good in heat but both try to play too many head games.

 

Today, Monday the 25 in China, is the 11th day of the lunar Calendar - 15th is the full moon which is the beginning of the feminine days of heat that will climax, for healthy girls on the 22. For those older or not so healthy their heat takes longer to begin.

 

There is one other that enters into the equation called The Dormitory syndrome where groups of women living in close proximity have heat days simultaneously. It is a scientifically documented fact: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=do-women-who-live-together-menstruate-together

 

In a few days, Healthy females the world over begin to take strong notice of the sexual health condition of men- as in who is horny and who is not- and begin their selection process. If you want to be one, of the men selected, don't go wacky doo. The choice in in your hand: or Snub

Edited January 25, 2010 by ~jK~

[center888]

Women do like third eye men.

Is this from your experience or the interpretation of Drew's?

IMHO energetically women are mainly attracted by magnetism and properly running heart energies.

[Dreamingawake]

I shall end my posting on this thread with the following

 

"If you want something real, why then play game(s) ?"

 

Good luck to all, my friends.

 

Life is a game; play to win (however you define that). Try not to get too bent out of shape about it or you'll never make it out alive

[Birch]

Yup Capital and Paul W both have a point. Very nicely articulated. However, kicking people to the curb is something I'm getting kind of tired of doing Note also I do get kicked to the curb myself in potentially equal measure ;-)

 

The "marriage" thing is one of my (many) blind spots. I've got so many pre-suppositions about it that it's not even funny Actually, this thread kind of makes it funny

 

I still believe "relationships" as they seem to be called in North America are pretty awful. If we're going to play, can we have more fun than this ?

 

Thank you for your consideration!

 

Oh, as a "last word" (-itis;-)) I now in the process of deciding whether I should just leave Anglo men alone entirely and date Hispanics, Italians, Middle Easterns etc.

[Non]

Yup Capital and Paul W both have a point. Very nicely articulated. However, kicking people to the curb is something I'm getting kind of tired of doing Note also I do get kicked to the curb myself in potentially equal measure ;-)

 

The "marriage" thing is one of my (many) blind spots. I've got so many pre-suppositions about it that it's not even funny Actually, this thread kind of makes it funny

 

I still believe "relationships" as they seem to be called in North America are pretty awful. If we're going to play, can we have more fun than this ?

 

Thank you for your consideration!

 

Oh, as a "last word" (-itis;-)) I now in the process of deciding whether I should just leave Anglo men alone entirely and date Hispanics, Italians, Middle Easterns etc.

 

MEH.

 

all you people seem to generalize things like, all marriage is bad, and all relationships are bad. it depends of course. not al marriages are bad, and all relationships.

 

it also seems like you can't let go of your desire to fuck as many people as possible and remain promiscuous.

 

edit: whoops that wasn't meant entirely for you Kate.

Edited January 25, 2010 by Non

[Birch]

If it wasn't "entirely" for me, which part of it was ?

I haven't decided how to offend myself with what you wrote yet so you'll have to insult me properly!

 

Non, bro, you (may) learn to be vewy vewy careful on TTB's ;-) IMO this is a good thing. One of the few forums I've been to which helps one's skills when it comes to written expression around seriously emotional topics. I used to dig plastic.com but that went somewhere off-planet a while back.

 

Seriously, there's are so many "you-threads" on here it's like you own the forum. I haven't seen that in quite some time, since Ron Jeremy in fact. I'm sure he was you before he grew older and got into Taoist sexual practices

 

Are you at least having fun? I hope so. And I mean in that in a very light-hearted, earnest and kind, kind of way.

 

Edited for a couple of typos;-)

Edited January 25, 2010 by Kate

[ShaktiMama]

Let's say that a woman can tell if you masturbate. Or have not ejaculated in a long time. Does it make you more attractive to women?

 

NO. women know that 99% of all men masturbate and the other 1% are lying.

 

Now, the other question... Does it work better if you transmute the energy upwards, or is it better to just leave it as sexual energy, and accumulate it?

 

Neither has anything to do with making you more attractive to women.

 

Now I see that Drew might be posting soon...

 

The way it seems is that women will try to deconvert that energy into sexual energy by trying to turn you on. But this doesn't mean that they are attracted to you, in fact they want to use you. And so there could end up a power struggle of you trying to transmute that jing, and the woman trying to deconvert it to sexual energy again. For power mainly... Then again maybe once she incites you, you also get her going.

 

Not that all women do this but I think some women do.

 

I think you need to get out more and actually meet some women and find out for yourself.

 

Anyways... what makes you more attractive though, when it comes to witholding ejaculation and being celibate for a while? Transmuting that energy, or leaving it as jing. I'm pretty sure that if one just leaves it at jing and nothing happens, no attraction, then seminal leakage can occur.

 

But also if you transmute it to chi, then there is no sexual energy, and no reason to lust....

 

None of this makes you more attractive to women. Being kind, courteous, thoughtful, and not looking to get a woman in bed at first glance makes you more attractive to women.

 

Yea well... maybe it's not even that complicated. I just need them Orgasm at a Distance skillz.

 

 

Perhaps, it's just best to be able to transmute it whenever sexuality is not needed, and when it is, just appropiately convert it back into jing. But if that's not doing well then I guess you have no choice but to convert it into chi because the jing will just seek to come out.

 

But what do you think is what gets her attracted, the jing or the chi/shen?

 

A woman is not a sperm/chi/jing/shen or orgasm receptacle passively waiting to be roped in beyond her control in some porn fantasy. Yes, there are women who might want to do that with you but then again the spasm and spurt philosophy of relationships (whether based on body fluids or energy) will never be deeply satisfying or rewarding for most.

 

I suggest you find an emotional mature and thoughtfully aware male to mentor you in how to relate to women. You also need to learn more about energetic anatomy. Looking for help on an internet forum...well, you wont get anything worthwhile.

 

We attract people into our lives based on our own deep subconscious programs. If you think you are a loser you will attract losers. If you know you are a god you will attract goddesses.

 

Being a nice and good hearted person is one of the most potent aphrodisiacs out there. Have the qualities of the heart that you wish to find in others and they will find you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkqfa-kaRFM

[Guest paul walter]

MEH.

 

all you people seem to generalize things like, all marriage is bad, and all relationships are bad. it depends of course. not al marriages are bad, and all relationships.

 

it also seems like you can't let go of your desire to fuck as many people as possible and remain promiscuous.

 

edit: whoops that wasn't meant entirely for you Kate.

 

Spoken like a true sex obsessive (and you're not generalising either, are you ). I for one have never said all marriages or relationships are bad, or anything like it. This internet thingy and you Non is a real bad means of communication (there isn't any!). Which part was for Kate, then? Paul

Edited January 25, 2010 by paul walter

[Non]

Spoken like a true sex obsessive (and you're not generalising either, are you ). I for one have never said all marriages or relationships are bad, or anything like it. This internet thingy and you Non is a real bad means of communication (there isn't any!). Which part was for Kate, then? Paul

 

 

"spasm and spurt philosophy of relationships"

 

Hm... interesting concept.

 

but yea .. I thought kate, and not just kate, but you also and others who support the whole wanton promiscuous casual sexual lifestyle is kind of an immature and a "spasm and spurt philosophy of relationships" kinda thing.

 

And it was kate that said that marriages are wrong. Or at least 'westernized relationships'. whatever that means.

 

I'm sorry guys I'm just a little foggy headed right now and am feeling a bit disorganized, so I dont really care to look over and edit my posts. I als like to press the "post" button as soon as possible, and then make changes later because I want my ideas to get out there as soon as possible, then edit them later... which doesn't really make for a finalized product.

Edited January 25, 2010 by Non

[Non]

and also, don't our recently developed vagus nerve functions also make it so that we are able to have more oxytocin and vasopressin in our bloodstream, which makes us more apt to pair bonds?

 

not so much extreme like the prairie voles but they do exhibit monogamous behaviour, and they stay with only one partner for their entire lives, but it might be kind of extreme such that even when one partner dies, the one left alive doesn't even go out to look for another mate, and in fact gets angry and violent towards another of the opposite sex that comes their way.

 

this is due to oxytocin in the brain, and vasopressin.

 

Oxytocin has also been shown to be involved in social situations. A person who has low oxytocin levels has social anxiety, fears, lack of trust in others, etc. And a person who has high oxytocin levels is very social can bond and connect with others easily, is trusting, doesn't ahve social anxiety, etc.

 

All because of sex too.

 

The problem becomes though that a person who has low oxytocin levels can find it hard to get higher oxytocin levels since it requires one to have a good range of oxytocin levels to get more oxytocin, but they dont have that to begin with so they can't even make connections with other people, and in fact others avoid them. They can just sense it.

 

People think it's just easy, one has to smile, and be friendly, etc. But the problem is that with low oxytocin levels it all becomes fake and unsatisfying. Oxytocin levels actually controls the capacity to make such magical bonds, making it impossible for one with low oxytocin, because bonding is a result of the oxytocin level, if one doesn't know how to feel love, and make themselves feel love, they have no recollection of it, they cant summon love. And connection therefore becomes also a magical thing they just can't do.. it's a magical click that happens magically, and only for those chosen ones, and not him/herself. Ie, the connection is just something they can't control, it happens spontaneously. And that's something unattainable, because people actually subconsciously sense your oxytocin levels and respond to it on an unconscious level and Blocks connection. Thus, it just happens on its own.

 

So if a person has high oxytocin levels.. that person can make spontaneous bonds and connections/sparks with people even at a significant distance apart.

 

Thus, if a person starts off with low oxytocin levels, unless a person IS aware of this type of thing,it's just a downward spiral. or just stays the same. At the least, it's just, like, difficult. So you have to find a way to make that oxytocin on your own, but oxytocin depends on bonds you make with other people, which again, depend on oxytocin, which again depends on an ample beginning supply of oxytocin.

 

Ain't it funny this is all due to sex? If not just sex, then social relationships in general, which also connects and depend on sex since sex and culture and society are tightly intertwined that they become inter-dependent on each other?

 

Man some people just don't get it.

 

:ninja: :ninja:

Edited January 25, 2010 by Non

[3bob]

does this string get axed next?

[Pietro]

I suggest you find an emotional mature and thoughtfully aware male to mentor you in how to relate to women.

 

That's always such a great idea!

[Pietro]

Now if everyone a)knew what they wanted from a relationship and were fully honest about what they wanted - what would happen ?

he would remain single.

This is what would happen.

Sorry.

[Tao99]

Edited July 10, 2010 by Tao99

[Pietro]

Kate, on 24 January 2010 - 05:43 PM, said:

Now if everyone a)knew what they wanted from a relationship and were fully honest about what they wanted - what would happen ?

 

 

 

That's the exact recipe for success on dating sites. You like Chinese college girls looking for their husband, go to chinesewives.com. You like a kinky lady lookin to get laid and get lost? Go to friendfinder.com. Lookin for an old rich guy to marry? Go to sugardaddy.com lookin for a perfect love match that has exact same values, hopes, and dreams as you? go to match.com.

 

It is precisely because of that that millions more are hooking up more then ever before. It's a great way to find what you are looking for if you are Non, instead of bumbling around down at the local player's bar, hating every moment of it. Specify! Get a Plan! Implement it! Great idea Kate.

One thing is the theory, one is the practice.

 

The existance of datins sites does not mean they are succesful, statistically.

Statistically you will find in dating sites many more males, and very few females.

[Tao99]

One thing is the theory, one is the practice.

 

The existance of datins sites does not mean they are succesful, statistically.

Statistically you will find in dating sites many more males, and very few females.

 

Sorry, statistically you're chances are better of finding your desired type. Have you heard of facebook? Plentyoffish? yahoo personals? What do you think all the young folk are doing these days? You are out of the loop old timer!

 

http://www.onlinedatingmagazine.com/news2004/matchcommarriages.html

 

onlinedatingmagazine.com - February 18, 2004) According to Match.com, a January 2004 survey of more than 800 married people in two distinct groups -- those who met on Match.com and those who met through any means other than an online dating service -- almost all Match.com marriages were reported to be happy, loving, romantic and likely to continue, measuring stronger in these qualities than the sample group that did not meet using an online dating service.

According to Dr. Andrea Baker, Associate Professor of Sociology at Ohio University, "Online couples can potentially have a higher success rate or longevity than offline couples, or those who did not meet first online."

 

In her research, Baker learned that couples who first met online:

 

* Have many interests in common, as they have either met in a virtual community or discussion group designed to share those topics, or they selected each other from a dating site because of similar or complementary leisure and work pursuits.

 

* Have chosen each other from a much wider pool of people than they would likely find in everyday life, increasing chances of compatible personalities and lifestyles.

* Wrote to each other online for a time, revealing themselves and getting to know more aspects of each other before they became involved in activities other than their own focused communication. They may have developed their own communication style that they can carry into their offline lives together.

 

* Related first by email or chat or later by phone without overemphasizing physical chemistry, which can attract people but can also overshadow conflicts or problematic issues that will surface later.

 

Match.com's Survey Findings:

 

* Match.com couples tended to date for a shorter period before getting married than the offline couples, with 72% of Match.com couples getting married after dating for a year or less, vs. only 36% of the other couples.

* Ninety percent of Match.com married people indicated they felt "very optimistic" about their marriage, vs. 75% of the other married people. Sixty-four percent of the Match.com group knew they were in love within 5 dates, vs. 57% of the group that did not meet using an online dating service.

 

* In both groups "quality of character" was the most likely to be cited as the attribute that made the person surveyed fall in love with their spouse. "Sense of humor" was the second choice for both groups.

 

* Eleven percent of the Match.com married people surveyed said they knew they were in love with their spouse before they ever met in person, vs. 5% of the married people who did not meet on an online dating service.

 

* More than half the Match.com married people surveyed know friends, colleagues or family members who also met their spouse online.

 

"Based on resignation survey data we calculate that more than 200,000 Match.com members met the person they were seeking on the site in 2003," said Trish McDermott, Vice President of Romance and resident dating expert at Match.com. "We expect many of these relationships to lead to marriage and, based on our research, we're confident that Match.com marriages have real staying power."

 

Both surveys were anonymous and included marriages that formed in or after 1995 only. The Match.com couples in the survey were more likely to have been married in the last four years, while the couples who did not meet using an online dating service were more equally distributed over the period from 1995 to present.

Edited January 25, 2010 by Tao99

[Pietro]

[Tao99]

Edited July 10, 2010 by Tao99

[Pietro]

Sorry old timer. You don't have a clue what's happening on facebook, myspace. All are hooking up with their desired types just as article says. Maybe its best you don't know.

 

I know exactly what's happening on fb. I use it daily. (I don't use myspam).

 

But the point with FB is that it is NOT a dating site, and it does not work with people writing a list of charatteristics they want to have in a possible partner.

The reason why facebook works is because it is so similar to real life. A person will show you something, but not all. You need to guess. There is a dance. You meet his or her friends. In short there is the whole flirting. That'svery different from the kind of naked advertisment that Kate was suggesting aand that you was supporting.

 

Do you remember the scene in tootsie when Dustin Hoffman, (dressed as a woman), picks up the confession of his collegue. When she tells him (thinking he is a woman),

-"wouldn't it be nice if a man could just come and tell me, 'I can tell you great compliments, but in truth I just want to make love with you'".

So once he is back in his male clothes he does exactly that, with her.

Do you remember what happens? She throws him the drink on his face.

 

Women will say they want that level of direct honesty. They might even believe it themselves. But you, as a man, should know that it is not true.

What women say they want, and what women respond too are very different things.

 

if not every nerd would be a don Giovanni.

 

And there are good reasons why women act in this way, very good reasons.

[Non]

meh. I found those dating sites really lacking in women, and of course lacking in my type.

 

And the questions asked in matching websites are always redundant, or open ended questions that can't be answered either A or B. Or I just can't even relate. Most questions are also geared towards people who have experience.

 

And the fact that you have to pay is not that good.

 

And guess what, every girl, since they now have the most unlimited choices, reply extremely selectively. I only get like, 1 reply out of like 100.

[Non]

there's also no denying the fact that women these days are extremely, and superficially selective. To the point that it's really messed up. And people support this unfairness. But unfairness is justified for woman.

Edited January 25, 2010 by Non

[三江源]

 

Do you remember the scene in tootsie when Dustin Hoffman, (dressed as a woman), picks up the confession of his collegue. When she tells him (thinking he is a woman),

-"wouldn't it be nice if a man could just come and tell me, 'I can tell you great compliments, but in truth I just want to make love with you'".

So once he is back in his male clothes he does exactly that, with her.

Do you remember what happens? She throws him the drink on his face.

 

Women will say they want that level of direct honesty. They might even believe it themselves. But you, as a man, should know that it is not true. That level of direct honesty is wonderful when you really fancy someone: it's a turn on. That level of "direct honesty" from someone you dont fancy isnt 'direct honesty' anymore: it's intrusive boundary crossing. Men who think women are 'soo complicated to seduce' arent getting with women with whom they have chemistry. Between two people who have the chemistry, its EASY.

What women say they want, and what women respond too are very different things.

 

if not every nerd would be a don Giovanni.

 

And there are good reasons why women act in this way, very good reasons.