What to do with overwhelming emotions?

[Phoenix]

Kaliyuga's post above is excellent advice. Here is an additional meditation instruction. Sit in your preferred meditation posture. Allow the negative thoughts and emotions to come up as they will, and instead of following them, just look at them. Look INTO them. Relax. Try to see their essence. To a non-clinging mind, the essence of "good" thoughts is no different from the essence of "bad" thoughts. Hence, there is no reason to accept "good" thoughts and reject "bad" thoughts during meditation. If you can catch the essence of an angry thought, it will appear as a beautiful, spacious energy. Even if you cannot change your perception in this way, this meditation will eventually quiet your negative emotions.

 

The first 15-30 minutes may be difficult, because you'll essentially be alone with your negative emotions, without any distractions. Stick with it, it's worth it.

 

Just to be clear, though: while you are not meditating, it is most important to maintain a positive attitude as free from anger as possible. Someone else mentioned the Seven Points of Mind Training. This is an excellent system for working with your mind during times when you are not sitting a formal meditation session.

[Athanor]

Women, my friend, are the source of some of the highest highs and lowest lows that a man can go through.

 

Although sometimes I have the same emotional problems much of this I have learned to control and . I believe it is a man's right to not be afraid of his own sexuality and to have beautiful women in his life. Which is why experimentation and experience with women and learning from those who are better than you in this certain field helps. Women are certainly the most complicated thing god put on earth for men; we can learn rocket science but never figure out women. lol. a study of feminine psychology will help. women's minds operate on completely different lines, thinking like a man to figure out a woman will not help you.

 

But I digress.

 

The reason why you feel this way is because you suffer from a "lacking" mentality. You feel deep down inside, even though you may not know it, a bitterness or a resentment at yourself for "not being good enough" or at her for being such a bitch (although she's gorgeous so you're more likely to forget that part) but still want her. You feel let down and deceived by what you very much expected, and now you're still clutching to that woman and what your conception of what could be together. All of which brings pain.

 

 

A good fixer-upper for this kind of situation is to go into mindfulness meditation. Get into the seat of your choice, and feel your body with utmost concentration from top to bottom. relax and just FEEL. Dont judge the feelings or your thoughts -if you do it will be like trying to get out of a trap by further strangling yourself. What will happen if you do this correctly is that you should notice after 15-20 minutes of this meditation the body sensations which manifest themselves as your intense emotional FEELINGS like jealousy, resentment, self-pity, anger, will all dissolve slowly. and your body and mind will find its stillness and peace.

 

The second step is learning to utilize your subconscious mind properly. 99% of all people are destroying their ability to recieve grace and love and attractive women into their life. Why? Because the subconscious mind is a much larger part of the human being than the conscious mind. And it is influenced by the things you say to yourself inside your head. Anything negative you say in your head, even if there is a negative situation happening in the external reality will attract more of the same. You say "I suck" or "i'm just not handsome or confident enough" and the subconscious gives you the same in life. Be careful of what you say to yourself and make sure to only say and feel positive vibes.. Choose to be happy regardless of circumstance and your strength will be that of a mountain.

 

 

The most powerful thing you can possibly ever do here is to LET GO. Are you brave enough to give up your own clutching, your resistance to what is, and let the universe decide? Are you brave enough to expect nothing but let things come to YOU for a change? Are you brave enough to accept the fact that life could go on without a partner? Are you brave enough to go outside your own mind and all the mindgames you play with yourself? Can you live in the moment not clinging to past or forcing the future? Only the bravest of the brave have the strength to do this - and this is what separates the lions from the mice. This is the hallmark of a spiritual warrior.

Well, I'm far from being a spiritual warrior - or a warrior of any kind, actually. But I'll try your method, hopefully it'll help. Thank you.

[Dreamingawake]

kali yuga hit the nail on the head IMHO. The real issue here is not anger or jealously, but rather your own self esteem. Deep down you feel unworthy, inferior and possibly unlovable at some level (you'd be surprised how common this is) so of course anything that affirms that (to you) in your life will feel like an attack on your already malnourished ego. You hate her success because it reminds you of your perceived lack.

 

Whether you meditate or not, try to focus on the things in your life that affirm your value and try to make a habit of finding all the little things about you that make you so wonderful . Focus on the qualities you like about yourself and work on the things you don't like. In this way you can steadily build up your self esteem until situations like this girl seem irrelevant.

 

Also, don't be afraid of pride. Pride in your accomplishments and in your inherent value is good and not to be confused with arrogance. Arrogance can be understood as unearned pride.

[Athanor]

kali yuga hit the nail on the head IMHO. The real issue here is not anger or jealously, but rather your own self esteem. Deep down you feel unworthy, inferior and possibly unlovable at some level (you'd be surprised how common this is) so of course anything that affirms that (to you) in your life will feel like an attack on your already malnourished ego. You hate her success because it reminds you of your perceived lack.

 

Whether you meditate or not, try to focus on the things in your life that affirm your value and try to make a habit of finding all the little things about you that make you so wonderful . Focus on the qualities you like about yourself and work on the things you don't like. In this way you can steadily build up your self esteem until situations like this girl seem irrelevant.

 

Also, don't be afraid of pride. Pride in your accomplishments and in your inherent value is good and not to be confused with arrogance. Arrogance can be understood as unearned pride.

Thanks for your words. I know how common this is, that's why I posted it so easily...

You're right, it's more about my feelings about myself and less about the actual circumstances.

Thanks for presuming that I'm wonderful

 

I think I've got issues with pride. I'm not sure about it, it's hard to determine whether I earn it or not... So I rather have issues with determining what I earned and what not...

[Dreamingawake]

Yeah pride is a tricky subject for many, many people. I suppose this has to do with religious and philosophical doctrines like "pride comes be fore the fall." Most people don't seem to differentiate absolutely between pride and arrogance and really seem to get bent out of shape about it. I'm actually a little surprised nobodies started yelling at me about the horrors of ego yet :lol:

[Lucky7Strikes]

yes, and some people who poop are beautiful to behold and very desirable, or wise and inspiring. others who poop are not.

 

How do they relate once they have finished discussing toilet paper?

Haha! Pooping is beautiful!

 

[Stigweard]

Athanor,

 

As a supement to all the good advice given here, to be a complete human being we must embody both the masculine and feminine within ourselves. Your yearning for an external feminine influence is a reflection of your internal imbalance. On a practical level our main external source of the divine feminine is actually the moon and there are simple techniques on using the moon's energy to balance out our internal harmony. With this internal balance established I am certain the causes of emotional upheavals will gradually subside. PM me if you would be interested in learning these techniques.